Chapter 15
Warren Atwell’s Legal Briefs: Inquire about hiring court stenographers at courthouse marriage ceremonies.
Avery elbowed me. “Go Irv and Eula,” she whispered.
I chuckled and silently high-fived Irv for acting on my thoughts about our break.
Not that I would hide away with Eula. I had been thinking nonstop of Avery’s comments about orgasms and face-sitting since the words fell out of her mouth.
I would find it challenging to remain focused on the next activity.
Gerald did not say a word as the Coffmans settled into their chairs.
“Okay, couples.” Zelda leaned forward. “Welcome to the Download Circle, a nurturing environment where we can safely express and explore the feelings that have emerged from our recent exercise. It’s important to acknowledge that sharing our deeper emotions with a partner can be challenging and may cause some discomfort.
However, by gently illuminating our innermost experiences, we open the door to understanding and connection.
This process can help us realize how much more we share and how close we truly are. ”
“Would anyone like to share their thoughts that bubbled up during Acro-Yoga?” Gerald asked.
Everyone seemed reluctant to share except Avery, who raised her hand.
“Avery?”
She sighed, then turned toward me. “I’m sorry, Warren.”
I frowned. “What for?”
“For calling you a robot.”
Surprise swept through me. “I did not say you called me a robot. I said I did not like being called a robot.”
“But I did during our wedding vows.”
“Oh, snap,” Taney whispered to Keegan.
Eula pursed her lips and shook her head at Avery.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “You did not call me a robot during our wedding vows. You said ‘nearly-robotic reactions.’ That was not calling me a robot,” I said.
“Agree to disagree. But I’m still sorry.” She squeezed my hand.
“I accept your apology for no wrongs committed.” I squeezed back.
“Wonderful. Wonderful!” Gerald stood and walked around the outside of the circle toward us. “Who can tell me what Avery and Warren did right?”
“She was wrong and admitted she was wrong,” Megan answered. “When you’re wrong, you’re wrong.” She glared at Jack.
“Not sure she did anything right,” Jack countered. “She apologized for something she didn’t do. That’s not communication or right. That’s keeping the peace.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Megan demanded.
Gerald quickly made it to their side of the Download Circle. “Perhaps let’s focus on something else, shall we? Were there any surprises during the exercise?”
“I am surprised that Keegan didn’t get my best side while we were in Bridge the Dog,” Taney complained. “We’ve been doing this for years. I don’t know what’s so difficult.”
Keegan’s jaw dropped, and he turned on his husband. “So difficult? How about you’re the difficult part of the equation? I wanted to set up the tripod so we both would be in the video, but no. You had to make it all about you!”
“This is good,” Gerald said. “Taney. What did you hear Keegan say?”
“That I’m a diva, and he hates me!” Taney cried, pulling away as Keegan tried to hold his hand.
“I didn’t say that!” Keegan huffed. “You don’t listen when I’m talking to you. That’s the problem, babe.”
Gerald cocked his head to the side as he watched the couple fight. “Taney, have you ever shot the video of Keegan while you’re doing the influencing?”
“No. Why would I? He’s the videographer. He has a Master’s Degree in Film. I’m just a college dropout with good skin.” He sniffed and patted his cheeks.
“Babe. That is not what I said.”
“You told me to keep my hands off your camera because I didn’t know how to use it. And when I asked you to show me, you said to leave the video to the professionals,” Taney griped.
“Keegan?” Gerald prompted. “Did you say that?”
“That was over ten years ago. Before we got together.” He scrubbed his hand down his face. “I am still being punished for something I said a decade ago. It’s not fair! I don’t bring up the shit he said to me when my sworn mortal enemy won an Oscar for a bullshit foreign film eight years ago.”
“Ha!” Taney yelled. “You don’t bring it up, but you still remember it vividly. I was drunk! And all I said was - that it was nice that your former classmate won an Oscar! Why does that piss you off so much?”
“Because if I wasn’t dicking around with the van life, I could be shooting my feature film!” Keegan roared.
Taney reared back and clutched his chest.
My eyes widened. I glanced between Zelda and Gerald. A silent communication went between them.
“You want to shoot a film?” Taney asked his husband. “What’s it about?”
“Like you care,” Keegan pouted.
Taney placed his hand on Keegan’s shoulder.
“I do care. And this is the first I’ve heard of it.
I have enough endorsements to keep me busy for six months.
We could go wherever you wanted to film a movie if that’s what you wanted.
All you have to do is show me how to work my camera and edit the video.
I never wanted to keep you from your dreams! ”
“Really?” Keegan swiped at his eyes.
“Really. Truly. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” Taney brushed a kiss across his husband’s lips. “Can we talk about this at the cabin later? Maybe make some plans?”
Keegan nodded and kissed Taney back.
Zelda smiled. “See? That is the sort of conversation starter that this exercise brings up. Who wants to go next?”
“I’ll go next,” Jack volunteered.
Megan moaned. “Well, fuck. This should be good.”
“Yes, it should. Because I have been holding my peace for too long,” Jack said. “I have tried to be the good husband, but I’m done. I’m done taking all of the shit you spew at me every day. You would not treat a dog this way!”
“Oh, boo hoo. What’s wrong? Did I hurt your one feeling? Did you pull an oversized muscle while not taking out the trash? Seriously. I ask you to do one thing, and you can’t even do that,” Megan spat out.
“One thing? You complain about everything I do. Why would I take out the trash so you can criticize my performance when I do it?” He crossed his arms over his chest and continued in falsetto.
“Oh, look. Bears got into the trash cans again. Way to go, asshole. I told you to put a rock on the lids so our trash could be locked up like Fort Knox, and the trash guys can’t empty them.
How long are you going to leave the trash cans at the curb, Jack?
I got a call from Mrs. Simons across the street.
It’s nearly six o’clock, Jack. I guess I’ll just do it since you can’t seem to get off your lazy ass. ”
“I do not say that to you!” Megan shifted in her seat.
“I told you one time that Mrs. Simons called and threatened to report us to the HOA. That’s a hundred-dollar fine for not picking up the cans, and the day before, you told me we needed to watch our pennies.
I didn’t want to pay a hundred dollars for something you could have done because you were at home! ”
“Right. I was home while you worked. You’re always working!” Jack yelled.
“Because we’re in a staffing shortage! The company says they’re going to hire more people, but they don’t.
With healthcare the way it is, the payouts are getting smaller.
And the pharmacy is working us longer hours.
We used to get an hour lunch break. Now it’s 20 minutes if we’re lucky.
” Megan shook her head. “Do you know how freaked out I am about giving the wrong medication to a child or a senior citizen? Hell, even Mrs. Simons would freak me out!”
“Then quit your job if it’s so hard!”
“Quit my job? Are you kidding me right now?” Megan scoffed.
“You work for a government threatening to cut jobs essential to this country’s safety.
Some unelected asshole has decided to nickel-and-dime the American people to death instead of taxing the rich.
If they lay you off, who’s to say you’ll get any severance?
Or even unemployment? We could lose our house!
” Megan looked away from Jack and hastily wiped the tears from her face.
A stricken look crossed Jack’s face. He leaned toward her.
“Baby. I wouldn’t let us lose our house.
But if we did, we’d figure it out. You don’t have to work so hard and worry about me.
I promised to take care of you. Always.” He pulled a phone out of his pocket.
“And not that I wanted to tell everyone in the Download Circle about this, but a consulting company reached out to schedule an interview with them. I’m sorry, Gerald.
I know the no phones rule, but this was important.
I wanted to answer them as soon as they emailed. ”
His wife swiped her remaining tears away and perked up. “You have a job interview?”
“Hope so.” Jack shrugged.
“If they’re smart, they’ll hire you. You’re the best aviation security expert there is.” Megan wrapped her arm around his bicep.
“Aw. Baby. Thank you.” Jack kissed Megan’s forehead, and she melted into his touch.
My stomach did funny things at the sight of their argument and makeup.
“Anyone else?” Gerald looked around and made eye contact with me.
“I have watched hundreds of couples on the verge of divorce argue, but I have seen very few fights like this,” I said.
“Keen insight, Warren,” Gerald said. “Anyone want to guess why?”
“Because when you love someone, you’re willing to fight for them,” Eula answered. “When a woman nags her husband, it’s because she wants him there. But when she goes quiet. When she stops nagging, that should be a warning sign to men everywhere.”
“Oh, yeah,” Irv agreed.
“Excellent, Eula,” Gerald said. “When couples fight passionately, there’s still an emotional investment.
As you pointed out, indifference, not anger, is the real death of a relationship.
But Jack and Megan, while I am encouraged to see you working through your differences, I caution that frequent fights may indicate unmet needs or poor communication.
Hopefully, we love our spouses and want them to feel heard, validated, and understood. ”
“Those are a few of the things we’ll be working on over the next few days,” Zelda piped up. “Now it’s time to work off some of that stress for a little excitement on the ropes course. Everyone, let’s meet outside in 30 minutes. Wear sturdy shoes.”
Everyone stood from their chairs and began talking to one another. I turned to say something to Avery, but she already made a beeline toward Jack. I surveyed the room. Megan was headed toward the restroom.
Avery and Jack got into a lively discussion. He said something, and she slapped his arm and threw her head back in laughter. My blood heated as they walked out of the multipurpose room toward the front of the building together.
What the hell was she doing? And why was she doing it with Jack?
I started after them, but Gerald stopped me in my tracks.
“Thank you for the questions today, Warren. I don’t often get lawyers in my Download Circles, especially ones who handle divorces,” Gerald said.
“It is a difficult area of family law,” I admitted. I attempted to pay attention to our host but kept glancing at the door, hoping to see where Avery and Jack went.
“I have seen hundreds of couples fight as well,” Gerald continued, ignoring my inattention. “There’s something different about you and Avery.”
He had my full attention now. “In what way?”
Gerald smiled at me. “Not sure yet. But we’ll figure it out by the end of the week, right? That’s what this camp’s all about. Discovering who we truly are! Okay. See you outside!”
I watched him move toward Irv and Eula with the speed of a man half his age, and an unsettled feeling swept over me. I suddenly felt the urge to get Avery the heck out of here.