Chapter 36
Warren Atwell’s Legal Briefs: A justice of the peace or notary can solemnize a marriage. There is no law requiring that person to be pleasant.
The next thirty minutes were a flurry of activity as my parents and our friends scrambled to rearrange chairs on the Town Hall lawn surrounding the gazebo.
The Pleasure Principal, our version of a town marshal and justice of the peace, Winifred “Fred” Daniels, did not grumble too much when we pulled her out of her office to officiate the wedding.
She took one look at Avery and me and shook her head. I knew I was a lovesick fool, but there was no cure for it. And even if there was, I did not want it.
“Do you want to change?” Avery asked as we approached the crowd on the lawn.
I glanced down at my ripped shirt and shook my head. “No. I want to remember what I did for our love.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Avery grumbled, but it had no heat behind it. I knew she loved me, even if she had not said it yet.
My heart swelled as she took my hand in hers, and we walked down the makeshift aisle to the steps of the gazebo.
My parents stood inside structure. Thorn Pryor stood on the bride’s side as Avery’s bridesman.
My giant brother Tyson stood up for me and would not wipe the shit-eating grin off his face as we approached the officiant.
“You realize you can no longer enter my home without knocking,” I told him.
Instead of my brother saying something, Avery frowned at me. “Why is that?”
We had not discussed where to live after this quickie wedding ceremony. But it did not matter. She could pick. I would follow her anywhere.
She nudged me with a laugh. “Kidding, Mr. Bitchin’ Bridegroom. You have more room in your house. But the question is, can you put up with my clutter?”
My eye twitched slightly, but I nodded. I had forgotten about her inability to put away her clothes. Would this be one of those compromises I heard many married couples discuss? That warmed my heart, and I smiled at my bride. Yep. I was a goner.
“If y’all will be seated, we’ll get this show on the road,” Fred Daniels said over a shuffling of Pointers taking their seats. The sunset painted the sky brilliant shades of pink, purple, and roses, but the most beautiful sight was my wife at my side, wearing my ring.
She ran her finger over the ring I wore since our original ceremony. “Is it weird that we’re wearing some random dead people’s rings?”
“Actually,” Mom cleared her throat. “Those rings belonged to Warren’s grandparents.”
“You didn’t think we’d let you get married with some pawn shop rings, did you?” Dad asked.
Avery’s mouth dropped open. “What?”
“Ah. I thought they looked familiar,” was all I could say because, at that moment, everything clicked into place. It already felt right to have Avery standing next to me, but this rightness was amplified by the love from my family and a blessing from those who were no longer with us.
“Do you have your own vows, or do you want me to make some shit up for you?” Fred asked.
Avery grinned at the Pleasure Principal. “I have my own.”
I stared at her.
“No, these are good, I swear,” Avery whispered.
“Fine. I have vows, too.”
Fred waved her hand between us in what I assumed was the “get on with it” motion. I had never been present at one of Fred’s wedding ceremonies. I was seriously concerned about our ability to attract wedding tourists if this was the customer service she displayed.
“Warren,” Avery began. “I will keep this short and sweet because we have unfinished business at your house.”
“We do?”
She glanced at my crotch, and I felt my dick pulse in anticipation for the honeymoon night.
“Right. Short and sweet,” I agreed.
“You two are ridiculous,” Tyson grumbled.
“Just wait until it is your turn,” I shot back.
“Nice one.” Avery winked before taking my hands in hers.
“There was a Newsweek article in the late 80s that said a woman over 40 was more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to get married. My soon-to-be re-husband, whose mind is a steel trap of trivia, probably already knew those statistics were wrong.” She raised an eyebrow at me, and I smiled.
I indeed knew those statistics were incorrect.
“That article was written by a man,” Avery continued. “A man who didn’t understand that smart women were willing to wait for their true loves to come along, rather than settling for ‘close enough.’”
Fred snort-laughed at that. Another love skeptic. But as I glanced behind me at my parents, I knew Fred Daniels was on their list. And if I were a betting man, my money would be on them matching her with a particular local bar owner.
I returned my attention to my bride.
“My whole life, I wondered who the perfect man for me would be. Maybe he would be tall. Maybe he’d be smart.
Definitely sexy,” Avery grinned. “I imagined all sorts of combinations, but never in my wildest dreams would I imagine they were all possible in one person. Warren, you are that dream man. You’re smart, and sexy, and funny, and kind.
You see the best in people, even when your profession could have made you cynical.
I love that about you. And I love that I waited for you because sharing the rest of my life with you is better than any dream I could ever have. I love you, Warren.”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat and squeezed her hands.
“Avery, I used up most of my good words inside Town Hall.” A few people tittered behind me.
“My life was nice and orderly before I met you. Everything had a place. And I knew where I was going. Then, you came along and turned everything upside-down. I needed that different perspective to show me what I was missing. Love. My life is fuller and richer and definitely more chaotic with you in it.”
Avery smacked me on the arm, and I laughed.
“I deserved that,” I admitted.
“Yeah, you did.”
“I love you - chaos and all - and I cannot wait to see how the rest of our lives shake out. But maybe we can hold off on doing any ropes courses for a while,” I finished to laughter from our fellow marriage boot campers.
Fred rolled her shoulders back. “Weirdest vows ever, but if they work for you, they work for the state of Florida. By the power vested in me, you’re married. Congratulations. Now kiss the bride. Deuces.” She threw up a peace sign before exiting out the back of the gazebo.
I blinked a few times at Avery. She smiled at me, and I realized she was officially my wife until death did us part.
“You heard the lady. Kiss the bride!” Tyson nudged me in the ribs and nearly sent me to the wooden floor of the gazebo.
“Ease up, you big oaf,” Avery warned. “That’s my husband!”
With that, I slipped my arms around her waist and bent her into a dip reminiscent of our first wedding. Before she could say another word, I kissed her as if my life depended on it because it did.