Chapter 38
Transcript from the Marriage Agreement discussion between Warren Atwell and Avery Hunter
Four weeks later
Avery Hunter: I promise not to make more than one mess in the house per day. If more than one mess is perpetrated, this wife agrees to make her husband forget about it in whichever manner she sees fit.
Warren Atwell: That sounds reasonable. I promise to practice The Kivin Method whenever requested by Avery Hunter.
Avery Hunter: That is agreeable.
Warren Atwell: I promise to try new things, even if it means looking my fear of heights in the eye.
Avery Hunter: I promise to fight any and all assholes who dare use the phrase “The Robot” when referring to Warren Atwell.
Warren Atwell: This is not necessary. (to the court stenographer) Please strike that from the record.
Avery Hunter: (also to the court stenographer) Un-strike that strike from the record.
Warren Atwell: I do not need you fighting my battles for me.
Avery Hunter: We agreed that this relationship is what we decided it would be. And if I choose to steadfastly throat-punch any naysayer who disrespects you, then I shall do that.
Warren Atwell: I shall concede this point, only if I get to tell Langston Hunter about our double nuptials.
Avery Hunter: Don’t threaten me with a good time.
Warren Atwell: Additionally, I promise to find the most beautiful dining room chair for my most beautiful wife and build a leaf for the table to add more family members, in whatever form that may be.
Avery Hunter: You mean that? About adding more family members?
Warren Atwell: I do.
Avery Hunter: Good. Because there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.