Chapter Fourteen
SIENNA
When Saint handed me over to the Hell’s Heathens, I imagined a lot of things.
Mostly worst-case scenario situations that I wish were a figment of my imagination.
There’s something so sadistically tragic about knowing that real life is so much worse than my imagination could ever be.
When you’ve experienced the worst of humanity, of men, you know exactly what can happen.
Being raped and abused the way I was, it changed me at a molecular level.
It, in equal parts, numbed me from conjuring up my own imagination of what men are capable of and also frightened me that it isn’t my imagination and fear of the possibility.
It’s the innate firsthand knowledge of what can and does happen.
I understand why my mom apologized for bringing a baby girl into the world, because like most of us, she understood all too well the danger that exists, not from her own imagination, but from experience.
She told me it happened to her once, too, years before I was born.
Too many of us have experienced this, and I wish like hell something could be done to make it stop.
Ever since that night, I couldn’t bear the sight of men, couldn’t be alone with them, with the exception of Maddox, Lincoln, and Gage. Gage stayed at work with me until I believed that Tommy wasn’t just like the rest of them out there.
But then in walked a tattooed biker that changed everything.
He gives me hope that life can be different, better.
That one day I might not be “fine,” that I genuinely could be great—amazing, even.
Axel looks at me like I’m Sienna, the girl before the damage was done to her.
There’s no pity, and I’ve never once felt the shame or fear that constantly stays with me throughout every moment of every day when I’m with him.
Axel just lets me be, well, me. Someone I haven’t been in years.
“So why a fall landscape?” I ask as we sit next to each other on the bed, working to piece the puzzle together.
We’ve been at it for a few hours, with no signs of slowing down, my high long worn off.
I had never smoked before and had always wanted to try it.
Gage almost let me once, but Maddox threatened to castrate him, so that went out the window quickly.
“My favorite season,” he answers simply.
“Mine too. It’s the perfect temperature, and it’s so beautiful outside. I love watching the earth change and prepare for the harsh winter, the trees molting and shedding so they can survive another year. It’s beautiful.”
“It is. I go out on my bike a lot. Amberwood is stunning in the fall.”
“Most of Washington is. Not that I’ve seen much of it.
Autumn Bay is a bit more coastal; the rocky shoreline is gorgeous when the fog rolls in, the driftwood littering the beaches, the waves crashing violently.
My brothers used to surf, and I’d sit on a tree trunk and watch from the edge,” I tell him. “What were you like as a teenager?”
Axel pops another piece into place, the rust-colored leaves coming together at the top of the tree.
“Mayhem, mostly. Born in Arizona, I was in foster care growing up, got a job, saved my money, bought my first bike, and left as soon as I could. Ended up here, of all places.”
“Do you regret it? Club life?”
“Nah. Not for a second. I never belonged, never had a family, never felt peace where I could just be myself. Then I met our old president, and he took me in, gave me a place where I could push boundaries, explore the world around me while having a safety net to fall back on when I needed it. I found myself here. They didn’t just give me a job and a place to put my head at night that wasn’t a park bench.
They gave me a family, a second chance at life. ”
I don’t realize tears have started until one splashes onto the puzzle below us.
Axel notices right away, because of course he does.
He reaches out hesitantly, waiting for me to tell him no, giving me time to stop his touch, but I don’t want to.
For the first time since I can remember, I welcome it.
His hand cups my face and I lean into it, his palm warm against my skin.
His thumb gently swipes under my eyes, wiping away the few rogue tears.
It’s such a sweet, comforting gesture, and it melts and soothes every muscle in my body.
“Your tears kill me.” There goes my heart doing that flip in my chest again.
“I’m just happy you found that. Everyone deserves a place to heal, to grow. A place where they really belong.”
“Tell me what you were like.” His hand drops away, and I miss it immediately.
“I grew up with a very strict dad; he was the president of the club, and then there was Maddox. He’s four years older than me and has been this looming protector for as long as I can remember.”
“And the other two?”
“Lincoln and Gage? They’ve been around since I was born. We all grew up together. Gage and I were close until . . .”
“Until?”
I shake my head, willing the thoughts to go away. “Nothing, it doesn’t matter.”
Axel lets it go, and I appreciate it, but the mood is gone, my thoughts freezing over, the puzzle below us losing its appeal.
“How about some late-night snacks?” he offers, bumping my shoulder with his.
“Yeah, that actually sounds good to me.”
“Alright, then let’s get out of here.”
“You don’t want to just go get them?”
“I could. But then you’d be stuck with whatever I pick, and what’s the fun in that? Late-night snaking has one purpose and one purpose only.”
“And that is?” I ask while looking up at him from my spot on the bed. He adjusts his cut, running his tattooed fingers through his hair.
“Pleasure.” I snort-laugh and then quickly cover my mouth. Axel smiles down at me, looking so proud of himself. Then he holds out his hand in offering. “C’mon, sweetheart, let’s go.”
With a deep breath, I take his hand, climbing carefully off the bed, our puzzle long forgotten. I slip into my sandals, following him out the door. It seems like the party has wound down, the music barely audible, people lounging around on furniture, couples making out.
Axel leads us back to the kitchen, the place slightly more familiar now. A beautiful woman with long blonde hair sees us coming, her eyes tracing over Axel in a familiar way that makes it clear she knows exactly what’s under his clothes.
“Hey, Axel. Who’s this?” she says while looking me over.
It’s hard not to feel self-conscious. She’s beautiful, her skin flawless and glowing, her hair perfectly done.
I instinctually place my hand on my neck, rubbing the marred, deeply ridged skin with my palm.
Axel puts his hand on my back, pulling me closer to him.
It’s not possessive, or in a claiming way, but it’s reassuring, calming. And I think he knows it.
“This is Sienna. She’s our guest. Sienna, this is Cora.
She lives in the bunkhouse with the other patch bunnies.
” Cora’s eyes narrow, like she didn’t appreciate being reminded of her status.
Not that it’s anything to be ashamed of.
As long as she’s here of her own free will and in control of her own life, she’s doing better than I am. Who am I to ever judge another woman?
“Hi,” I say to her. Cora just narrows her eyes further. Then she looks back at Wrath, her face transforming into something much more charming.
“Want to meet up later? After you’re done helping her?”
“No. We’re getting food, and then we’re going back to my room.”
“Your room?”
“Yeah, Cora. My room. Where Sienna is staying.”
Cora’s head bounces back like he slapped her, and I look up at Axel, trying to figure out what I’m missing here. I know exactly what patch bunnies do, and it’s very clear that Axel has been with her before. Jealousy rises up. It starts low in my belly, then wraps around my heart. I don’t like it.
“But you don’t—”
Axel cuts off her next words. “Goodnight, Cora.”
Cora looks stunned for a brief moment and then walks away, her shoulders pulled back, sauntering out of the kitchen.
“Are you okay?” Axel asks, turning to face me.
“I’m fine,” I answer.
He releases a pent-up breath and nods.
“One day you’re going to be great.”
“We’ll see.”
Axel opens up a large pantry and flicks on an overhead light, holding out his hand for me to step in. It’s heavily stocked with everything you could ever want. Ten different types of chips, beef jerky, crackers, candy, sodas, cookies. They really keep everyone fed and happy here.
I reach for a box of Dunkaroos and hold it out in front of Axel, giving it a little shake.
He raises his eyebrows quickly, a slow, sly smirk on his face. “Aah, those would be mine, actually.”
“You’re kidding. I was expecting the blond guy with the spiky hair and septum piercing.”
“Malice? Nope. I don’t often have a sweet tooth, but when I do, I’m a little nostalgic.”
“Apparently.”
Axel takes the box from me. “This what you want?”
“Yes. I haven’t had one since I was like, fourteen,” I laugh. Axel rips the box open, pulling out two small blue packs. “Anything else?”
“I’m fine with just this.” I take the package from him, pulling open the top, revealing sprinkled frosting and graham cookies inside. Axel does the same and nods toward the door.
“Take a walk with me?”
“Sure.” I pick up a cookie and swipe it through the frosting, popping it into my mouth. I can’t help the smile it brings. We leave the kitchen and round the corner into the large room where club members seem to congregate, heading straight for the massive open doors that lead to the porch.
“Taste like you remembered?”
“It does! Maddox and I used to plow through boxes of these. I loved the chocolate frosting ones, but these ones are so good too. Reminds me of simpler days, even if my childhood was never like everyone else’s.”
“What do you mean?” Axel asks, tossing a frosting-covered graham cookie into his mouth.
We walk past a row of motorcycles; the summer air having cooled enough that we aren’t immediately sweating.
Floodlights from outside the clubhouse illuminate everything around us, but as we walk farther and farther away, it gets darker, the sky above becoming clearer.
“My dad was a club president. Not many people were willing to let their daughters come have sleepovers at my house, and I didn’t get invited to much.
By the time I was a teenager, all my friends suddenly looked at Maddox, Gage, and Lincoln in a different way.
They wanted to hang out, but it was to get the attention of the guys, not to actually be my friend.
I stopped trying after a while and just stuck to tagging along with whatever the guys were doing.
I was their shadow for a really long time. ”
“So, you never did that girlie shit? Have sleepovers where you all braid each other’s hair, paint your toes, and watch old chick flicks?”
I laugh at what he assumes all teenage girls were doing back when we were growing up.
“Nope. Never had the chance. Kinda sad, honestly. This girl I went to high school with, Ayla, god, she was so cool. She used to have these sleepover parties where they’d binge-watch ’80s movies, stay up all night, make prank calls, and probably talk about all the guys they’d fooled around with.
I never got invited, but damn did I wish I could go.
I tried to force the guys to recreate a night like that with me, but they were a little busy chasing girls,” I confess.
“I haven’t experienced a whole helluva lot, if I’m honest. My dad and Maddox were just a little too protective, and that definitely didn’t help. Never went to a dance either.”
“That must have been hard on you.”
“It is what it is. But even with the most protective men in my life, they can’t save you from everything.” That causes Axel to pause, and I stop, too, looking up at him.
“I’m going to kill him, Sienna.”
“I know you think that, Axel.”
He takes a deep breath, his features looking so sharp as they’re cast in shadows and low light, his piercings glinting, tattoos making him look like the formidable biker he is. We start walking again, bathed in comfortable silence.
Axel leads me far enough away from the clubhouse that we’re cloaked in the quiet stillness of the night.
A large field stretches around us, wild lupines growing freely, and I wish I could make out their colors.
I let myself sink down onto the cool ground, lying flat on my back to watch the night sky move around us.
The stars are shining bright, the moon a perfect crescent.
Peace hums just below the surface, a light vibration right under my skin.
I want to cling to it, but it’s always just out of reach, fear keeping me just far enough away from one of the very few things I want.
Axel lays down next to me, only a few inches separating us.
His comforting scent fills my lungs, his pinky finger gently rubbing against mine.
This man is so caring, so genuinely sweet.
He’s probably seen terrible things, most likely done them, too, but it hasn’t jaded him, hasn’t hardened him.
He’s just this gentle, calming presence that gives me hope I shouldn’t have. Especially not from a biker.
Together we lay there, with no rush to move. Right here, right now, there’s no need to hide or run. I can just let myself slowly relax while we gaze up at the night sky, watching the clouds move by.
“Make a wish, sweetheart. That one’s yours. Make it count,” Axel whispers as a star darts across the sky, his pinky hooking into mine.
I close my eyes, a tear escaping, wishing for the same thing I’ve wished on every candle, every eyelash, every dandelion, and every double rainbow.
Freedom.