Chapter Twenty-One
SIENNA
Walking through the clubhouse without Axel is a bit odd and unnerving. But there’s a calmness about this place despite the rough exterior and the interior that is filled with bikers with blood on their hands. It feels like a home, like someplace you actually want to spend your time.
When I find Kinsey in the main room of the clubhouse, she’s wearing spandex workout shorts and a sports bra, her long hair pulled into a ponytail and the length braided.
Even in athletic clothes, she still manages to be so chic and cute.
She’s mid-conversation with Saige, but they see me coming, both of them looking my way and greeting me with a smile.
Like they’re actually happy to see me. It’s a weird feeling, to desperately want girlfriends but to be so wary of them.
But this group doesn’t seem to want anything from anyone, not that I have anything to give.
They all seem so happy and fulfilled in their own lives that being a friend must just be easy for them.
No ulterior motives, no fake smiles or small talk, just genuine, organic, friendly companionship.
“Look who left the bedroom!” Saige says with a laugh, her bangs swishing from side to side. I give an awkward little curtsy.
“Happy to join you. What’s the plan that needed athletic clothes? If your idea of fun is going for a run, you’ve got another thing coming with me.”
“Absolutely not. No running. But we’re going to work out. Kind of. So, we’ve both got the whole overprotective brother thing going on that drives me insane. But I went through some really bad shit a few years ago that I had to process.”
“We have that in common, too, then,” I tell her.
“Well, you know what works for me? Boxing.”
“Boxing? Like fighting boxing?”
“Mhm. I am the youngest of five, with four older brothers, who are complete animals. Honestly, this helps. Sawyer and Dallas are the oldest—and twins, mind you—and when I tell you that they like to handle all their issues with their fists, I mean it. Even in their thirties, they’re still fighting each other like idiots.
My dad put them all into boxing when they were preteens.
Sawyer was actually on track to be a professional boxer, but he gave it up.
But anyway, it helps me to channel some of the built-up bullshit.
Thought we could try some self-defense type stuff, burn some energy together. ”
That surprisingly sounds like a really good idea. “Yeah, I’m down for that.” Kinsey jumps a little and claps her hands, squealing. She loops her arm into mine and pulls me forward.
“Oh, I’m so coming to see this,” Saige says, trailing behind us.
Kinsey leads us through the clubhouse to a part of the building I’ve never been to before.
Off of one room is a huge gym, filled with every piece of workout equipment you can imagine.
In the corner, there’s a bunch of mats laid out on the ground, with several punching bags hanging from the rafters.
Kinsey releases me, jogging over to the far side and picking up two bags, tossing one at me. “A little gift I got you in hopes you’d say yes.”
I pull out a pair of dark purple boxing gloves and smile at her. “You thought of everything. Thank you. I don’t know how much use they’ll get after today, but I appreciate it.”
“Well, don’t speak too soon. This is addictive.”
“You’ve been doing this since you were little?”
“My dad required it, actually. It was part of his paying for college. I had to take a refresher self-defense course once a year. But it wasn’t until I was kidnapped that I realized how much physical activity and beating the living shit out of something helped.
Saige can probably attest to that, too.”
“Ohh, yes. When my family was killed, I had so much rage, and I needed a place for it to go. Kinsey boxes, I fight men double my size and then slit their throats.” She shrugs.
“Okay, so maybe I can find something in the middle of those,” I laugh. “So we’ve all got some trauma then, huh?”
“Sounds like it. You don’t have to share if you don’t want to, but we’re all here for you,” Kinsey tells me, her voice soft and genuine.
I take a deep breath, dropping my head back for a moment to look up at the ceiling, the large, heavy wood beams holding everything together.
They’re strong, so resolute, the things I want to be more of.
“My dad was the president of the club all the guys are helping my brother get back. When I turned eighteen, I was finally allowed to attend one of the clubhouse parties. I was so excited, but it ended up being my worst nightmare. This guy, Cain, sought me out. I didn’t know it at the time, but he knew who I was, and he was there to make my dad suffer for something I’ll probably never understand.
But he drugged me, took me to a storage closet, and brutally raped and beat me.
Then I ran my mouth, told him my dad would kill him when he found out, and that I’d move on and someone would love me and my body after what he did to it.
He didn’t like that. So, he splashed a bottle of chemicals on me.
Sometimes I wonder if I had just laid there and shut up if I could have survived it all without the physical scars, but in that moment, I wanted to hold onto the one little piece of me that was left, and that defiance ultimately cost me. ”
“I’m proud of you,” Saige says, moving directly in front of me.
“That takes guts, and I’m fucking proud of you.
He took from you, hurt you, abused you, violated you, and you still spoke up.
Those scars are proof of your strength and tenacity.
You’re not just a survivor, Sienna, you’re a goddamn fighter. Just like us. Wear them proudly.”
I scrunch my face up, unwilling to let the tears flow. I nod, my bottom lip trembling. But they don’t baby me, and I appreciate it more than they’ll ever know.
“You ready to fight? I’m not gonna take it easy on you,” Kinsey says.
And she doesn’t. We spend the next hour learning how to punch correctly, Saige and Kinsey teaching me basic moves for self-defense, then we take to the punching bag, where something completely snaps inside me.
I probably had zero finesse or skill, but Kinsey was spot on.
Beating the shit out of something was an instant purge of emotions, an outlet I’ve never had before, and it felt damn good.
“Okay, I love this,” I pant as I lay down on the mat, trying to catch my breath. Kinsey and Saige chuckle next to me.
“Hitting a human feels better because you get their reaction. I love fighting Reid.”
“Yeah, because it probably ends with him splitting you open on the mat,” Saige jokes, and I actually choke on my spit, fighting for my life to breathe again.
“You okay?” Kinsey asks, laughing at me.
“Yeah, just, you have to admit it’s a little jarring to think about. The size difference between you two is concerning.”
“Oh, the first time I saw it I thought for sure he was going to impale me, and I was going to die or need stitches, at the very least. But the man promised it would fit, and it fits.” Kinsey falls into a fit of laughter.
“Plus, it’s fun being used like a doll,” she laughs again.
“He just kinda puts me where he wants me, and I’m more than happy to comply. ”
“Camden would get a black eye if he tried that shit,” Saige adds.
“Yeah right, you little liar! I bet you give up control,” Kinsey jests. Saige rolls her eyes, refusing to admit it.
“Sooo, are you and Axel, you know. Please don’t answer if that’s intrusive.”
“No, no, you’re fine. We’ve fooled around a little, nothing too much.
Touch is . . . difficult for me. So, I actually haven’t done anything with anyone since then.
But he’s helping me work through it. It’s different with him somehow.
He’s attentive and patient. There’s no pressure. I can’t really explain it.”
“He really is a good one, so calm and level-headed.”
“You all have seen him with other people?” I ask nervously.
Kinsey winces. “You sure you want to talk about that?” Yes. No. I don’t know. Kind of. I nod, letting curiosity win out. “Yeah, we’ve all seen it. He likes to put on a show. But like I said before, if you weren’t into it, I know it wouldn’t be a deal breaker.”
“Just want to add, because I don’t know where your head is at, but I’ll give it to you straight, because that’s just who I am.
Axel likes to fuck. He’s fucked all the patch bunnies here, and always out in the open.
He doesn’t take anyone back to his room.
You’re the first. He also hasn’t fucked anyone in months. Definitely not since you arrived here.”
“Really?”
“Really. In fact, the guys keep giving him shit because they don’t understand it. Malice is convinced his dick has fallen off, even offered to have poor, sweet Monroe sew it back on,” Saige jokes.
I nod through a little laugh. “Good to know.” But my mind is already doing crazy things.