Chapter 33 #2
He smirks and looks me up and down, heat in his eyes. “Am I going to get my shoelaces back?” He leans his arms on top of the bathroom door frame, and my eyes on his biceps.
It really is unfair how fucking hot this man is, and somehow, he is all mine.
I turn around and dig into my bag until I pull out the wad of shoelaces, then throw them at him.
Both of us laugh at the ridiculous way the pranks have unfolded.
Kane drops the shoelaces on his dresser and opens the top drawer, revealing the mountain of socks he stole from me.
I go over to search through them when an envelope catches my eye, my name written across the front.
“What’s this?” I hold it up, watching his face go blank.
“Uh…” He scratches the back of his neck and avoids eye contact.
I look deeper and find a few more envelopes with my name on them. I pull them out and count twelve in total.
I lift them toward him and wait for an answer.
“I wrote them…for you,” he says slowly. “Well, I wrote them to you. When we were apart. I wasn’t sure how to talk about how I was feeling, so I thought maybe I could write it down. Just small things. Things I wanted to tell you over the past twelve weeks. Things I wish I had said and didn’t.”
Vulnerability is etched across his face, reminding me of the times he talks about his parents, as if he’s waiting for disappointment to follow. I can see the anxiety in every twirl of his rings. The silver engraved A he showed me earlier catches my eye again.
“Oh, Kane.” My eyes fill with tears. I clutch the letters to my chest in a death grip, unwilling to let him take them back from me. “Can I read them?”
“You want to read them?”
“Of course I do. This is…” I search for the right words. “This is beautiful, Kane. I want nothing more than to read your words.”
“Okay, yeah…” Unease lingers in his features. I cross the room and take his face in my hand, his cheek leaning into my palm while I hold his letters to my heart. “Can I be in the shower while you read them?” he asks.
I nod, and he gives me a small kiss before he goes. He pauses in the bathroom doorway, one last glance at me, then back down to the envelopes clutched against my chest.
I hear the shower turn on and sit at the end of his bed, the sound of running water soothing the storm that erupts in my stomach at the sight of his script spelling out my name on the envelope.
I crack the first one open and marvel at a full page of his handwriting. He always had such beautiful handwriting for a boy, the small script a little messy but lined up perfectly. He has a habit of writing mostly in all caps, and I always found it so endearing.
Dear Avery,
You walked out of my house twelve hours ago, and I haven’t been able to see the sun since. The world seems to be cast in an ever-present gray. My vision—my entire world—lost all color that seemed to have followed you when you walked out.
And I don’t think I blame it. I don’t blame my world for losing color when I lost the one person who ever made me see the bright side.
When you walked into my world four years ago, suddenly every color had more vibrancy than ever before.
Blues sparkled like the sun hitting a wave just right, the hue of your eyes haunting my every dream.
They shine so full of life that my heart stops whenever those baby blues are on me.
Greens were crisp, emeralds shining like wet grass in the morning dew.
And yellow—well, yellow became my favorite color, because when you smile at me, I swear that is my sun.
The star I constantly study in the sky. You became the center of my universe, and I will never forgive myself for not chasing after you.
For letting the demons inside my head try to keep me from you.
For letting them win, even for a few hours.
I hate that I am at the mercy of my fucked-up brain and the lies it tells me. The lies that I’m no good for you. The lies that you would be better off without me. Because how could that be true when you have become my reason for breathing each morning?
One day, I will win. I will slay these demons and come for you.
Our story isn’t over. Far from it. It almost feels as though it has only just begun.
We have only written the prologue together, the before, and I promise when I get you back, chapter 1 starts and it doesn’t end without a happily ever after.
Kane xx
I put the letter down, my eyes so full of tears I can barely see the words in front of me. I read it three more times and hold it to my chest. The words are so beautiful I almost can’t breathe through the pain pouring off the page.
I drop the rest of the letters and take off toward the sound of the shower.
I shed my clothes along the way, leaving a trail to the bathroom.
When I open the door and step inside, a gloriously wet and naked Kane turns to me, surprise on his face.
His black hair falls over his forehead, his chiseled jaw and light scruff lining his face making me weak in the knees.
Every inch of him looks carved from stone, his muscles on full display, and his pert ass so bitable I have to force myself to focus.
“You read them all already?” He grabs my hips and pulls me under the wonderfully hot spray.
“Just one.” I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him flush with my body, feeling a very impressive appendage against my stomach, hard as a rock.
“Ignore him. You’re naked. He gets excited,” he jokes as I laugh and shake my head, stroking the back of his neck.
“What you wrote, Kane…”
“Sappy, right?”
I give him a look, and he mimes zipping his lips.
“It was the most beautiful thing I have ever read.”
“It’s just how I feel.”
Kane continues as he strokes his hands up and down my naked back.
“I’m so sorry we lost all that time together. All that hurt and resentment for nothing. I think we needed it. I hated it too, but it forced me to confront what was happening. It forced me to get help and finally face things I have been avoiding for years.”
The water beats down over us, fogging up the bathroom while we’re too lost in each other to care where we are.
I open my mouth to argue, but he dips his head and captures my words with his mouth.
The kiss turns searing immediately. We kiss until the water starts to grow cold, then hurry to wash off.
Kane steps out first and hands me a towel before grabbing one for himself.
After we get ready for bed side by side, the domestic feel of it all brings a smile to my face.
I have missed these small moments between us more than anything. Everything has always felt so effortless with him, even the mundane never felt quite mundane when we were doing it together.
I grab the letters off the bed after I get dressed and place them on the dresser, not ready to read more yet. I want to savor the first letter he wrote and the feeling of us being back together again.
He comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, his mouth brushing the shell of my ear.
“You’re wearing too many clothes, baby,” he whispers, slowly pulling the shirt up and over my head, then throws it behind him.
He turns me around and backs me toward the bed until the backs of my knees hit it and I sit down. He follows me, strips off the underwear I just put on, and nudges my chest until I lean back. His hand grazes my breast before squeezing, and my core throbs at the move.
“We have lots of lost time to make up for, and I intend to not waste a second of it,” he groans then suddenly his mouth is on me. The slow whirl of his tongue on my clit instantly makes stars burst behind my eyes.
He eats me like a man starved, watching me the whole time, gauging my reactions to what feels best until I can feel all the muscles in my stomach tighten and my legs start to close around his head as my climax nears.
“That’s right, pretty girl. Crush me with your thighs. If that’s how I have to go, I’ll die a happy man.”
I come—hot and fast—my vision going dark for a minute. He continues slow circles on my clit as I come down, and I collapse onto my back. He comes over me a moment later, placing a kiss to my lips.
“Did you think we were finished just yet? Oh, baby. I’m nowhere near done with you.”
Then he makes good on his promise.