Chapter 5
CHAPTER 5
I n the days since his visit to the firehouse, he’d been at Allenwood four times in one week. As a volunteer, there was more to his role than fighting fires. He had to report for training hours and be at the station on certain days, but also make time in his schedule when calls came in. Back in New York, he’d spent a good chunk of his time running from the Ames Landscaping office to emergency locations. It did get tiring sometimes, but he had a routine and it worked.
There had been days, before Callahan was born, when he considered going full-time. He knew convincing his father that firefighting was a calling would get him laughed out of the house. Besides, he loved the work he did with landscaping and they’d spent tons of money getting him educated for it.
Then his son came into the world and everything changed.
Even now, every time he ran in and out of a burning building his first thought was of Cal. In the city, his father took over babysitting duties so he was preoccupied while Rafferty was gone. In Wildes, he didn’t have too many choices. The community center was aware of his obligations and kept Cal busy, but there were days when that wasn’t enough. He’d already taken so much advantage of Bronte’s generosity and felt guilty about it. When he first met the blonde at the pet shelter where they adopted Boots, he never imagined that she would become a friend. And Cal enjoyed spending time with all the animals at the shelter, so it worked.
Worrying about his son was instinct, even when he wasn’t on call. It didn’t matter how long he’d been doing this or how many fires he’d witnessed, every time he stood in front of a raging inferno, his stomach would bottom out. There was something quite incredible about watching the flames lick at everything they could reach, watching them grow with just the assistance of objects that didn’t know they would meet their end that day. He’d studied fires and was fascinated by them, and yet on some level they still terrified him.
Which is exactly what he felt the day before. The fire department barely had time to put it out before it engulfed the building, almost taking the lives of two firefighters. They spent hours at the scene until water dripped down the blackened walls and everyone was exhausted. Instead of going back to the firehouse to shower and change, Rafferty got dropped off at the shelter where he held his son so tight, he was squeaking to be released. He considered asking for some time off, to focus mostly on his training hours, but he knew that there was no way out of it. Even if he was very rattled.
So while his son was at school the next day, he had a call with his therapist. Over the last few weeks, he’d spent most of his sessions talking about Cal and less about himself. He would drop a nugget or two about adjusting to this new life, but for the most part he avoided diving deep into his own psyche. That day, however, Louise wasn’t going to let him get away with it.
“Now, let’s talk about what’s weighing on you.”
He sighed, rubbing his forehead as he paced the small backyard. “A little bit of everything. Working remotely is exhausting, especially when I’m spending so much of my time running towards fires. Then there’s making sure that Cal’s okay every morning before school.”
“I thought you said Callahan was doing better.”
“He is, but you know…it’s my job to worry about him, right?”
Louise laughed. “It’s not your job , but I get it. However, if your son is doing better, maybe you should trust him to tell you when he needs help. You’re no good to him stretched so thin.”
“I know. How do I turn off that part of my brain?”
“Make friends, meet new people…do something different from your usual routine.”
I should have expected that response . He grunted. “Not really in the headspace for that, am I?”
“Being alone is sometimes unhelpful for the way your mind is working right now. Every now and then, we need companionship. Whether it’s a friend or a lover or a partner, someone to talk to and distract yourself with.”
He knew that Louise was right. He’d been healthier and sturdier in New York when he was talking to his father regularly or even having drinks after with the other firefighters. He’d made friends with the group in Allenwood, but all of them lived there while he had to drive back home. Until he found a babysitter he could trust or a routine for Cal, he couldn’t go socializing in a town thirty minutes away.
“I’ve never been an overly friendly guy.”
A drawn out sigh echoed from the other end of the call before Louise said, “I’m not asking you to do this for you. You’re making friends and connections for Callahan. You’re a great father, but you’re also someone who runs into burning buildings. Your son needs people.”
He stopped walking at her words, alarmed at the simple truth.
In high school and college, he’d made tons of friends. Those weren’t people that he kept in touch with anymore. Once their lives changed and their paths diverged, there was no need to talk to them again. He didn’t go to reunions or weddings even when invitations showed up.
The only friend he would have liked to see again was completely out of reach.
“How?” he asked, untying his long hair from the topknot he’d put it in that morning. “How do I make friends?”
“Go to a bar, look up singles events in town or maybe even meet other parents. It’s always helpful to meet the parents of kids the same age as yours. That way you can organize playdates and make friends at the same time.”
He nodded. It did mean spending more time forcing politeness during drop-off and pick-up, but it was a start. “No promises, but I’ll do my best.”
Louise hummed and they chatted about his work schedule, how to maintain it and find the proper balance. She walked him through a few more simple exercises for when he was feeling like he was failing his son. It was easy to talk about it in these sessions, but to actually put them into practice was a whole other thing. Rafferty knew that if he didn’t help himself, he wouldn’t be able to help Cal, and that was the main thing driving him to sort his shit out.
Before the end of the session, Louise did one of her favorite rapid-fire question rounds. She asked ten questions and he had to answer instantly. Apparently it helped her understand his mental state a little better for next time. He enjoyed it because the questions were often silly or simple—favorite song right now (“Stargazing” by Myles Smith), a color you wish you could wear (orange), if you could have anything for dinner, what would it be (a giant bucket of popcorn) . Afterwards, he lay in the grass with Boots tucked into his side until they had to pick up Cal from school.
“Do you think my new therapist will like me? Or will they think I’m weird too? Maybe I should take Boots with me, he can help me be brave. Indigo says that they also go to therapy and get to eat candy afterwards. Can I also eat candy after therapy? Indigo is so cool. Their aunt makes them cookies whenever they ask for it. Can you make me cookies?”
This stream of conversation had started at pick-up. Rafferty had responded to the first few questions, then let his son ramble on because he didn’t actually expect a response. Something had happened at school—something good , judging by the bright eyes and fidgeting—and his son was unable to stop talking. He would never curb Cal’s questions, because he taught him to always be curious.
He was regretting that lesson a little.
Honestly, he was nervous about Cal’s new therapist too. She came highly recommended by Louise and reviews online promised that she would handle every client with utmost care. The plan was for the two of them to attend the first few sessions together until Cal was comfortable going alone. He knew the drill as well; he wouldn’t get any information from the therapist unless there was cause for concern.
Walking up to the ice cream shop, he held the door open for his son. The sheer number of people startled both of them and Cal backed up a step, slipping his hand into Rafferty’s. That was the deal—if they were in a crowded place, they had to hold hands. He’d lost Cal once in a mall and it had been the most stressful twenty minutes of his life. Ever since, he’d implemented this rule so that they wouldn’t be separated no matter what.
“Can Indigo come home one day?” Cal asked as they joined the line of people waiting to place their orders.
“Sure, but I need to meet their parents first.”
“They only have a dad too!”
He looked at his son and found him looking around the crowded shop. Zara had given up her parental rights six months after he was born, but she’d come back when he was two and spent a few hours with them. Cal hadn’t connected with her that day, and despite knowing that he had a mother, very rarely acknowledged her. He respected Zara’s decision, but their son would never fully understand.
“I’ll get in touch with their dad and we’ll set something up, okay?”
“Okay!” He moved forward as far as he could while still holding hands. “Do I have to try something new today?”
“Not if you don’t want to,” he responded with a smile.
The adventurous spirit that resided in his son didn’t care for new and confusing foods. Cal was a simple kid that way. Give him chocolate, pepperoni pizza, a cheeseburger, and he was happy. Watching his son grow up, evolve and become this amazing person was his favorite thing in the whole fucking world. He had done his best to encourage Cal to try new things, but there was only so far he could push the kid.
“What are you getting?” Cal asked, swaying side to side.
“So you can steal my ice cream?”
Cal giggled and leaned against his side, head resting at his hip, their hands still linked. With his free hand, he ruffled his son’s hair and turned to the never-ending line. The Ames men were restless people and very often, long lines could change their minds. Not that day, though. Cal had been talking about ice cream since breakfast, so nothing in the world was going to deter him. Even if he was fidgeting and testing the length of their joined arms.
Rafferty, on the other hand, took that time to look around. He had always loved people watching, crafting little stories about them in his head and wondering just who they were. There were families with little kids, groups of teenagers and individuals that had come for a cold treat. His eyes snagged on one of those solo customers wearing a faded mustard cap. Thick dark hair covered most of their face before falling over a large denim jacket.
But his gaze returned to the cap.
The sides were covered in frayed stitching and dull drawings of weird-looking flowers. He tilted his head at the familiarity of the sketches. He once knew a girl who would doodle them all over the place, including the inside of his forearm—he’d gotten a few of those permanently added to his skin years later. When long fingers with dark orange nails tucked hair out of the way and he saw their profile, his heart jumped.
No. Fucking. Way.
Her mouth lifted in a smile and he saw the soft indent in her cheek confirming who he was staring at. She’d always wanted a dimple and did everything possible to make it happen, but all she got was a tiny depression. When she turned away, he saw letters stitched into the back of the cap—his grandmother put his initials REA for Rafferty Everett Ames on all his belongings so he wouldn’t lose them—and felt a surge of joy.
My Daisy girl, in the flesh .
He’d spent the last twenty years wondering how her life turned out and now they were separated by eight people waiting to order ice cream. He smiled as he stared at her—the silky brown skin, the straight nose and full pink lips capturing his attention. Until the filthiest words filled the shop. Everyone went silent and she froze before scrambling to stop the audio. Her hair fell over her face again, blocking her from view and he forced his heart to slow the fuck down. Daisy had always hated being the center of attention, so it was no surprise that she burrowed deep into her jacket before vanishing out of sight. At the gentle tug on his arm, he looked down and found Cal frowning up at him.
“What was that?” he asked, leaning around the people in line to see what the commotion was. Everyone had gone back to what they were doing, but a handful were still muttering and whispering about what they’d heard.
“Remember Nonna used to listen to audiobooks?” At Cal’s nod, he continued. “That was from an audiobook and had some words that you don’t need to know about yet.”
“He never needs to know about those words. That was inappropriate,” the lady in front offered with a judgy scowl.
“Why?” Cal asked, matching her frown.
“Ma’am, please. This is none of your business.”
She started to argue, but Rafferty gave her his best ‘don’t mess with me’ glower and she turned away. Sighing heavily, he squatted to look his son in the eyes. “One day when you’re older, you might hear those words used more freely, but right now, they’re not for you.”
“Is that why they’re inappropriate?”
Nodding, he smoothed his son’s hair back and offered him a small smile. “If I leave you to hold our place in line, do you promise not to wander off?”
Cal thought about it for a minute and shrugged. “Yeah. But why?”
“I saw someone I recognize and want to say hi.”
“Okay. Can I order whatever I want?”
He laughed and shook his head. “You may order two scoops of anything for yourself. Get me the peanut butter one in a cup.”
Leaving Cal in line, he moved around the other customers until he found the mustard cap tucked away in a semi-dark corner. Smiling, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and moved towards her slowly. There was a part of him that was sure he was imagining it, that when he said her name, it would be someone else.
He still remembered the last time he saw her, everything so crystal clear in his mind. She was standing at the passenger door of her father’s car, tears in her brown and caramel eyes as she said goodbye to him. Daisy didn’t know it, but she took his heart when she left New York and he never got it back. Not the whole thing anyway.
He took another step forward, smiling at how well she was hiding herself. Her thick hair did most of the work and so did that oversized jacket. He could see her legs covered in dark jeans and black Converse on her feet. She was also muttering to herself. The words were unclear, but it definitely sounded like she was cursing.
“Hero,” he said softly, using the nickname he’d adopted after she’d mispronounced her surname as a shy and quiet six-year-old.
She went still and her shoulders tensed. After a long moment, she lifted her head and turned halfway to face him. Nothing could have prepared him for the sight of Daisy Heroux as an adult. His heart was riding a twisty roller coaster and his brain was definitely melting from the impact of this woman’s gaze. He knew there were words he needed to string together and say them out loud, but there was no way it was going to come out in the right order.
Daisy had always been pretty, but now she was devastating .
With wide eyes, she looked him over and turned fully so they were facing each other. One hand pushed the cap up slightly and his chest expanded with a deep breath. Her brown eyes swirled with caramel, reminding him of the day he fell so deeply in love with her.
She stared at him, like she was making sure he was real. “Rafferty?” she whispered.
“Hey stranger.”
Her eyes widened and the corner of her mouth kicked up in a smile. “It’s really you.”
“It’s really you too.”
They started to reach for each other, fingertips brushing as he moved closer. Before they could make further contact, Cal appeared, practically crashing into Rafferty’s legs.
“Jen said you need to pay before I can eat my ice cream.”
He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and handed it to his son, who ran off to pay for their ice cream.
“You’re a dad.” She looked and sounded surprised.
He nodded, brushing his hair back. “Nine years and counting.”
She smiled, the action pulling at something in his chest. “I always said you’d be a great dad.”
“And I always said you’d be the most beautiful person in every room.” The words came out without his permission, but at her faint blush, he was glad he’d said it. Cal returned with two cups balancing on each other and a cone, along with the wallet held between his teeth.
He rescued his son before everything collapsed and Cal said, “You both ordered the same thing, so Jen said you can pick whichever cup you want.”
“PB & J?” they said at the same time and laughed. Daisy nodded and took a cup, adding, “Always been the most underrated flavor.”
“That’s a gross flavor for ice cream,” Cal mumbled.
Before he could make him apologize, his son was charging off to an empty table and he sighed. “Would you like to join us?”
She shook her head, eyes on her ice cream. “I shouldn’t impose.”
“You’re not. It’s a regular father-son outing.”
“Are you sure?”
“Always,” he said, hoping that was enough assurance and waved to the table so she would walk ahead. Daisy flashed him a smile and stepped past him, the familiar scent of lavender and sunshine wrapping around him in the process.