Chapter 9
CHAPTER 9
APRIL
Daisy
It’s been 24 hours, so you better reply or I’ll think the worst.
You know that giving me your number was going to result in this, right? At least I didn’t put it in the washer ‘accidentally’ and forget to call
Judging by your silence, you might actually prefer that
I’m worried, Raff. Where’s Callahan? Do I need to check in on him or stay with him till you get back?
Please let me know you’re okay.
S he thought that seeing him again would cut back on the worry and anxiety. If anything, those few minutes she had with him before he was running out the door made it worse. She was terrified of all the possible outcomes and didn’t know how she’d handle it if something happened.
So at her therapy session a few days later, she paced a hole in the carpet.
“How is this helping you?” Anastasia, her therapist, asked while sitting calmly in her chair.
“I’m counting my steps and it’s distracting me.”
“Well, you’re making me nauseous.”
Sighing, she dropped onto one of the single seaters and crossed one leg over the other. Her fingers tapped out a random rhythm against the armrests as her head filled with worst case scenarios. She resisted the urge to google ‘firefighter deaths’ or something worse, but she needed to know he was okay. It was starting to wear on her.
“I thought you were taking your meds and the necessary steps to prevent an episode like this?”
Daisy shook her head, linking her fingers in her lap. “Is it weird to say that being worried about him is comforting? My heart is racing so fast, but that just reminds me that I’m alive and he might not be.” The words came out on a choked whisper and she leaned forward, pressing her face into her hands. “Fuck, what if he’s not?”
“He works with other firefighters and EMTs will be close by, they will do everything in their power to make sure he’s okay. But you need to be okay when he comes home.”
Nodding, she sat up straight and closed her eyes. Anastasia walked her through one of her calming methods and when her heart finally started to slow down, Daisy slumped back in the chair. She knew it was silly to get worked up over something she couldn’t control, but that was exactly why she was worrying. When things were out of her reach, when she had no idea how to handle something, she felt discombobulated. That turned into heavy breathing and sometimes a panic attack.
“All right, let’s talk through this. There’s a very high chance that he’s fine and this fire he was called to isn’t that serious.”
“He’s been gone two days.”
“I’m going out on a limb here and assuming that’s also normal for firefighters.”
Daisy shrugged. “This is new for me .”
“I get it and I support your decision to panic, but what does that accomplish?”
The question made her breath catch, because truly what was the point of a panic spiral? At that moment she realized there was no right answer. It was the brain’s way of protecting her, obviously.
“Something,” she mumbled.
Anastasia laughed and settled back into her chair. “Do you remember your last anxiety loop?”
“No. Should I?”
“Nope. I’m asking because I do and it was a lot similar to this one, but you couldn’t tell me why it was happening.”
She tilted her head back and squinted at the ceiling. Anastasia told her to keep records of her panic attacks, but she barely had the energy to feed herself after one, writing anything down would take more effort.
“I just got him back. The idea of losing him all over again terrifies me.”
“I get it. But it’s not helping either of you when you allow your brain to lead you in the opposite direction.”
Sighing heavily, she rubbed her face. “I know you’re right and I know what I need to do, but how do I turn it off?”
“Think of all the positives—he’s coming home, you’ll get to see him again and you can pick up where you left off.”
“My sexy audiobook playing out loud in an ice cream shop full of kids?”
Anastasia laughed. “If that’s what it takes, sure.”
She smiled, feeling a little lighter. She could focus on the good parts, on the fact that she would get to see him again. The more she said it to herself, the more it might come true. By the end of the session, she believed that she had some kind of control over her anxiety. Anastasia even reminded her to take her meds as she was walked to the door.
The next day, she was in Middletown with Ginny, Clementine and their respective staff prepping for Frankie and Milo’s wedding. While they’d done most of the work at the shop, once the furniture was set up, they messed around with the flowers a little bit to adjust to the design Ginny had drawn up. They’d worked until quite late the night before, making sure everything was ready for the next morning. When she got back to the motel room she was sharing with Clementine, she fell down a google hole.
She typed ‘fire’, ‘Allenwood’ and ‘Rafferty’ into the search which brought up a long list of news articles. She hesitated, unsure if she should be getting more information the wrong way. She clicked the first link and discovered that the fire had happened at a campground. The reports claimed the reason it was taking so long to put out was because of the surrounding forest and waiting for a bigger crew to contain the possible wildfire. It was obviously the wrong thing to do, because after filling her brain with all the information she could, sleeping was a bit of a task. But at some point, she did drift off enough to get a few hours of shut-eye.
Buzzing woke her up from disturbed sleep and she found her phone on the floor. Blinking as the bright screen blinded her, she found texts from Rafferty. He’s alive! She rubbed her eyes and read them slowly, committing each word to memory.
Rafferty
I’m okay. I’m sorry I didn’t reply before, it’s been crazy here. But I’m okay. Cal’s with a friend. I spoke to him and he’s distracted enough that he’s not too worried. I don’t want you to worry about me this much, Hero. I said I’d come back to you and I will. I just don’t know when that will be, but I will.
And if you’re anything like the girl I knew in NYC, you’re scouring the internet for news. Please don’t read any of the articles, they’re making it sound scarier than it actually is. We worked in shifts to contain the fire and everyone has been cleared and sent to the hospital.
I know this is unpleasant and you’re probably thinking the worst, but I promise, everything is going to be okay. We can look back on this one day and laugh about these essay-sized texts I’m sending you. I promise I’m being careful. I already had a conversation with the Lady upstairs and she knows how important you are to me.
I can’t wait to see you.
After reading his texts for the millionth time, she replied.
Daisy
I’ll also send a special message to the Lady upstairs.
Only then was she able to fall into deep sleep, phone tucked against her chest as she dreamed of him coming home to her. When she woke up next, a hot cup of coffee was on the table beside her bed along with a breakfast sandwich. She could hear Clementine puttering around the room. Still tucked under the covers, she read through Rafferty’s texts once more and felt peace wash over her. She would have pushed through the day irrespective, but knowing he was okay and Callahan was safe was enough.
Clementine joined her as she ate her breakfast, then they took turns washing up so they could get ready for the day.
In all her years of owning the flower shop, she’d never attended a wedding she decorated as a guest. In fact, the last wedding she could remember being at was Monroe’s years ago. So when the official invite for Frankie and Milo’s wedding arrived, she’d instantly known what she was going to wear. Even though she’d had a complicated childhood and was raised by a single father, with no grandparents on that side, she had fallen in love with her South Indian heritage. Especially sarees. With guidance from Ginny and a few Indian influencers, she’d built her collection over the years. It wasn’t the easiest or quickest thing to get in and out of, but it was often worth the effort.
The yellow-gold chiffon spread out on the bed was one of her newer purchases and it had been a no-brainer when she saw the gorgeous flowers embroidered through the entire material. She tightened her underskirt and slipped into her heels. Reluctantly stepping in front of the mirror, she looked herself over, her eyes stopping at all the parts of her body she’d taken years to get used to. The sleeveless blouse with a high neck and a low back hugged her breasts, exposing the skin between the bottom of her blouse and the top of her underskirt.
I’m beautiful. I’m enough.
Repeating the mantra her childhood therapist taught her, she breathed in and out slowly. Her body had changed drastically over the years, but there were still parts she hadn’t lost—her biceps with their ‘bat wings’, her wide hips and her soft thighs with silver lines. She’d worked hard at loving herself and she did now, but there were days when she still looked at herself and wondered if she was enough.
Shaking off yet another spiral, she carefully draped the saree—tucking it into the underskirt, dragging it around her body, tossing one half over her shoulder as she pushed portions into her skirt. While staring at her reflection, she formed four pleats in the front and smoothed it down. Once her pallu was also taken care of, she finished off her look with jewelry and a touch-up of her makeup.
The wedding, as expected, was absolutely fantastic. Seeing all of Ginny’s work and her flowers in the daylight was quite the experience. She admired every little detail like she hadn’t spent the last week putting it together. She caught a few guests taking pictures and touching the flowers as well, and was really proud of what she’d been able to do in such a short time.
After the ceremony, she hugged and congratulated the couple and stood with Clementine as quick speeches were made. Once everyone started attacking the dessert table, she went to find herself something to drink. She’d already seen her staff taking photographs earlier to upload to social media and add to the portfolio, but she took a few as well to share with Rafferty. Thinking about him made her read through the texts again, noticing that he’d reacted to her message with a heart. As she took a sip of her wine her phone buzzed and a notification appeared at the top of her screen.
Clementine
I’m heading back to Wildes.
Frowning, she looked around for her friends, but couldn’t see them. Turning back to the Snap, Crackle & Pop group, she saw that Ginny was typing as well.
Daisy
What, why? I was looking forward to our road trip home!
Ginny
What happened?
Clementine
I have a guy to see.
Grinning, she replied with a string of emojis and joined in when Ginny teased their friend about her guy . There was a tiny part of her that was envious of how easily all her friends seemed to find their partners, because she’d tried that for a long time after her divorce, and came up empty. The apps were too much, speed dating was weird and meeting people randomly only happened in movies. While her heart raced at the mere thought of Rafferty, she wasn’t thinking about him in that way yet. He might have been her first love, but it had also been years since they’d seen each other. She wasn’t going to attempt to unpack her feelings, but for now, he was going to sit in the ‘friends’ box. Hopefully .
With Clementine on her way back to Wildes and the wedding party getting louder around her, she put her phone away as a deep voice said, “Mind if I join you?”
She glanced at the handsome stranger smiling at her. Their eyes had locked briefly during the pie cutting, but she hadn’t given him much thought. He was far more handsome up close.
She looked around the backyard with a smile. “Must have been hard to find a good place to sit, huh?”
“Yup. None of the other areas came with gorgeous companions.” He held a hand out, still flashing her that smile. “Liam, Milo’s cousin.”
“Daisy,” she said, slipping her hand into his.
“Are you a wedding crasher?”
“Spend all that time draping myself in this to crash a wedding?”
Liam chuckled, adjusting his suit jacket. “What do you do?”
“Flowers.” She gestured at the arrangements on the tables. “Everything you see here is from my shop.”
“For real? They look amazing. My mother wanted to ask the Winters’ who had done it. Guess I got lucky.”
Humming, she took another sip of her drink, eyes never leaving his face. “What do you do?”
“Nothing as brilliant as flowers. I’m a lawyer.”
“Lawyers are important.”
“I guess. But we don’t bring beautiful things to life.”
She chuckled. “Well, you do save people from making terrible mistakes.”
Liam watched her for a moment, a small smile on his lips. She had to admit that she liked the way he was looking at her, even if nothing would come of it. Maybe part of the reason she hadn’t been able to find anyone interesting this whole time was because she was a relationship kind of woman. And most people she met were looking for casual or something temporary. Even Liam, as handsome and charming as he was, seemed like the kind of guy who wanted one night to scratch the itch. She’d been there, done that. Now, she craved companionship and would never settle for just sex.
“Would you like to dance?” he asked as her phone rang. She hesitated, glancing between his outstretched hand and her purse. “I’ll wait.”
“I’ll be just a minute,” she told him, smiling apologetically as she fished her phone out and saw Rafferty Ames flashing across her screen.
“Raff?”
“Daze, I’m home.”
She released a shaky breath and closed her eyes. “Fuck, thank god. Are you okay?”
“Yeah…shit, are you busy?”
Only then did she register the music and shook her head. “At a wedding. Send me your address. I’m on my way.”
“Don’t dip out because of me, Hero. Finish up and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Address, Rafferty.”
He sighed heavily and her phone buzzed a second later. “Please be careful.”
She mumbled a thank you and hung up, turning to a waiting Liam. “I’m so sorry. I need to go.” Before he could respond, she grabbed her purse and rushed to the front of the house to get herself a cab.