Chapter 25
Jackson
Last week passed by way too fast.
We’re almost a couple.
My parents have been happy to see how much quality time we’re spending together.
Ellie and I have been going shopping in the evenings, chatting about paint, and buying new furniture for the nursery.
My mom had some great storage ideas, which Ellie appreciated and is no longer so overwhelmed with it all.
Her parents definitely noticed how close we were standing when we cleared out the garage with a ruthlessness I hadn’t expected from Ellie.
She’s always been a sentimental hoarder.
I’m someone who sets things down to deal with them later, then never goes back.
Neither of those traits contribute to a clutter-free home.
We found old college pictures, old clothes, and memories that had us grinning at each other. Ellie’s wedding dress made her tearful. She kept that aside when I was certain she’d add it to the garage sale pile.
Her sister shot me a narrow-eyed glare when she found my golf clubs.
It was just one of the many hobbies I picked up after my hockey career ended, but it never lasted long.
Nothing made me feel the way hockey did, and I was stupid to think I could replace it with golf, baseball…
a pretty assistant who made me feel like a star.
I nodded back at Lila, a silent acknowledgment that I hurt Ellie before, but I’ll never hurt her again.
“You and Ellie seem to be getting on well,” Wade says so casually I raise my brow at him.
It’s a mild Tuesday afternoon, and we’re in his backyard sitting on the patio chairs near the back door. Inside, Kate, Wade’s wife, is playing with the kids in the living room, the occasional burst of laughter floating out through the partially open door, making Wade smile.
After work, I couldn’t deal with going back to an empty, quiet apartment, and Ellie is having dinner with her parents, so we decided to hit pause on working on the nursery.
Between the nursery, our introductory childbirth classes, and emptying the garage so Ellie can actually use it, I’ve gotten used to having her close.
“We want to get the nursery done soon,” I say, dodging the question in his eyes.
The nursery looks amazing.
Pale mint green walls, dark green blackout drapes, a thick cream Moroccan Berber rug that was pricey, but Ellie fell in love with the second she saw it, so I didn’t hesitate to pull out my credit card. Maybe we don’t need to spend this much on a nursery, but I want it to be perfect for Ellie.
I had a headache and sore muscles from building the crib, dresser, and baby-changing unit, but it’s all been worth it to surprise Ellie with each new piece of furniture as I get it set up where she wants it.
He makes a sound in the back of his throat. “When are you going to tell her that you’re desperately in love with her?”
With a sigh, I tilt my head back and close my eyes.
“Don’t, Wade. We’re finally in a good place.
We talk almost daily, and we text, and my therapist is suggesting we go down to a session once a fortnight since things are going so well.
One word about love and I will ruin it all. It will blow up in my face.”
“You don’t know that.”
I drop my chin to my chest and meet his gaze. “Yes. I do. She’s excited about becoming a mom, and we’re bonding over the baby. That’s the reason for the closeness. She’s not interested in taking me back, and that’s okay.”
“Bull shit. That is the complete opposite of okay. You need to tell her how you feel, man. She might want the same thing.”
“She doesn’t.” Bending down, I grab my water bottle from the patio table, twist the lid off, and take a sip.
I’ve barely drunk any alcohol since I crawled into a bottle in the motel room after Ellie left me, and I don’t miss it.
My life has been so full of prenatal appointments, shopping trips with Ellie, and visits to the house to build furniture and get it ready for the baby that I’ve barely had a second to sit down.
When I’m not with Ellie and preparing to be a father, I’m at work, the gym, asleep, or coaching the local field hockey kids.
My life is full and almost as happy as it could be.
Almost.
“You could be wrong,” Wade says.
I release a sigh and swallow my frustration.
“Don’t. Just… don’t. Things are good enough.
We’re talking, going to appointments together, and I’m not ruining all that by telling her I love her.
She’ll get uncomfortable. Things will go back to being awkward, and I don’t want that.
How are the kids?” I’m not so much trying to change the subject as I am demanding that we do.
Wade relents with a shake of his head. “Suit yourself. The kiddos are fine. Kate and I are less fine.”
I eye him curiously. “Thought everything was good between you too.”
He makes a face. “I thought so too, but she mentioned a while ago about going back to work.”
I frown. “If you need money, let me know.”
He flashes me a smile. “Money is fine. Obviously, we’re not rolling around in it.”
I didn’t think he would be. “Teacher’s pay sucks.”
“It sucks serious ass,” Wade emphasizes. “But there’s nothing I want to do more. It’s not about the money. We have enough to get by and save a little.”
“So what’s up with Kate wanting to get a job?”
“She wants to get out of the house. I mean, I get it. She had kids right out of college.” He winces. “I wasn’t complaining. I know you and Ellie…”
“It’s not your fault you had two kids right away. Not our fault or anyone else’s that things took a little longer for Ellie and me.”
He rubs a hand over his face. “She was saying that she’s just a mom. That’s it. She went to college like the rest of us and thought she’d work for a bit before the kids came along.”
Their first, Nina, eight years old, was a happy accident.
Owen came along right after, and they decided to stop at two.
Kids are expensive, and they never wanted a big family, since Kate is an only child and Wade has an older brother who moved with his family to Australia after meeting his Australian wife on vacation in New York.
“Ah.”
“We love the kids to death. None of us regrets having them or when they came along, but I think her identity centers on being a mom. She volunteers a bunch, but she says it’s stuff anyone can do.
” He looks down. “I’ve been busy with work lately, taking kids to competitions and then working late because of parent-teacher meetings. ”
“And Kate is the one left manning the fort?” I suggest.
He shrugs. “I told her we’d talk about her going back to work, but it’s going to involve serious planning. The kids have gotten used to her being at home, and I guess I have as well. We’ll figure things out.”
“Sure you will. If you ever need to talk, I’m here.”
“Shame you’re so shit at taking your own advice, huh?” he says with a grin.
“Shut up,” I mutter without heat. “You and Kate are going to be the godparents, right?”
Ellie and I talked about it, and it was an easy decision. Her sister will be a godparent as well. Between Kate, Wade, and Lila, if anything happens to us, our kid will be in good hands.
“Wouldn’t dream of saying no,” he says with a grin. He gets to his feet. “Come tell Kate about being a godmother, and you have to stay for dinner. She has a chicken in the oven.”
My stomach rumbles as I push myself to my feet, grateful to have friends who feel like family. “Thanks, Wade.”
He claps me on the shoulder. “No thanks necessary, bro.”