Chapter 12
CHAPTER 12
T he evening was going differently from how he thought it would. For one, she didn’t greet him with another soul-altering kiss. Secondly, the fear in her eyes when he leaned in was startling.
The one thing that had gone as expected was that Clementine looked amazing.
It was the only part that his brain registered when she opened the door. The black dress, made out of some kind of soft material, clung to every inch of her body. Which meant that he saw her perfect hourglass figure, full breasts with a delicious dip of her cleavage and her wide hips he’d gripped days ago. Even her soft stomach was on display, a bump in the front that he wanted to press his lips against. He never wanted her to wear her pretty chef coats anymore, because they would get in the way of all that gloriousness.
Even if she hadn’t said sex scared her, he would have figured that out simply by the way her voice quivered when she spoke. Oakley hadn’t been thinking, that much was clear. All he knew was that he wanted to get close to her, touch her, kiss her, taste her and remind both of them why they were there. For all her brashness, it was almost comforting to see a softer side of Clementine. He hated that it happened when she was feeling her most vulnerable.
He’d let her touch him, hold his arm as she tried to explain what was going on. He’d never been someone who flat out assumed things about people, because you never knew what they’d been through before. However, with the way she carried herself and came up with this plan, he had assumed a lot about her. To see that none of it was true was surprising. Something had happened that changed the way she viewed sex. He got it.
So their ‘no strings attached sex’ plan now had a few strings attached and honestly, he was glad for it. He knew that there was no way he would survive a purely sexual relationship with Clementine, but building something more with her and navigating it together? He was all for that.
Armed with plates loaded with pizza and glasses of water, they sat on the couch while the television played some cooking show. He wasn’t paying attention, because he was focused on Clementine. Her couch was large, so instead of sitting right beside him, she sat with her back against an armrest and stretched her legs out so that her feet were closer to him.
“Eat your dinner,” she grumbled when she caught him watching her. He smirked and bit into it his slice. Oakley intended to keep watching her, but the minute the food hit his tongue, his eyes slipped shut. She hadn’t made anything new and yet, it felt like he was eating pizza for the first time. He didn’t even bother hiding the groan that fell from his lips.
“What did you put in this?” he asked, mouth full of deliciousness, barely able to open his eyes.
“Everything is homemade, well, except the cheese and pepperoni.”
“It’s so fucking good.” He took another bite and felt like he was melting into the couch, every ingredient finding a spot on his tastebuds. “Is there anything you can’t do?”
“Sex, apparently.” His eyes flew open at the casual way she dropped that and found an eyebrow arched as she watched him. “If I can’t joke about it, what’s the point?”
“You worry me sometimes.”
She scoffed and ate her pizza, eyes drifting away from him to focus on the television. Whatever they were watching was on mute, but the subtitles were on. He wondered how often she did this, sit on the couch and multi-task while her shows played. He wanted to know everything about her, really. Her sleeping, eating and cooking habits. Her routines, her likes and dislikes. He wanted to burrow so deep into her soul that everything she did would become a part of him.
“Ask the question, Oakley.”
“What question?”
“Whatever has you staring at me like that.”
He smiled and took another bite of his pizza. She grunted and then her toes were pressing against his thigh. He laughed and dropped his hand to grab her foot, which made them freeze. Her skin felt so soft under his touch, but he didn’t let go. In fact, Clementine not pulling away instantly was more telling than anything else.
“You’re beautiful. You know that, right?”
“Yes, obviously,” she deadpanned and he smiled, thumb brushing along the arch of her foot. “But that’s not what you wanted to ask me.”
“We’re making conversation, Clem.” She wiggled her foot and he released it, smiling as she crossed her legs at the ankles and arched an eyebrow at him. “As crass as it might sound, what’s your deal with sex?”
She chewed her food slowly, like she was pondering her answer. He could assure her that this was a judgment-free zone, but she didn’t need those platitudes. They’d agreed to enter into a sex for the sake of sex deal. There was no room for judgment at all.
Besides, if and when she turned the question on him, Oakley knew that he would struggle to put words to his truth too. He wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed about his history, but talking about it was always challenging. It would take some effort to get the words out and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to burden her with his trauma.
“When everyone else was hooking up and sleeping around, I wasn’t. High school was hard for me and at the same time, I didn’t get the hype. In college, I had two girlfriends and that was it. For me, it’s always felt like…effort.” She admitted the last bit softly and he nodded, picking at the pepperoni on his pizza. “I’m not a big fan of people, so hook-up culture didn’t work. Sex is not just sex for me. I need that connection, I need to know the person and trust them on some level.”
“So what you’re saying is that you trust me,” he teased and when he got a glare in return, his smile widened. “Apologies, please continue.”
Rolling her eyes—he honestly loved that action, because it was so Clementine —she set her food aside and toyed with the material of her dress. “I don’t like masturbating either. It’s not from lack of trying. I get so bored. I know how it works and I know what it’s supposed to do, but I don’t enjoy it. And I know what you’re going to say, how do I enjoy pleasure? I don’t need sexual pleasure, I find it in other things. And the last time I was horny enough to think about sex…well, it brought me to you.”
Oakley wanted to smile, but he knew better than to make this about him. He had to admit, however, that hearing her talk so openly and honestly about masturbation and lack of interest fascinated him. Now all he wanted to do was show her that sexual pleasure was one of the greatest things in the world. As someone who relied on masturbation for pleasure, he knew that it did get the edge off. But also as someone whose body didn’t do what it was meant to , to put it simply, he understood what she meant about not finding masturbation exciting. Sexual pleasure, with someone else or at your own hands, wasn’t for everyone and he liked that she was being honest with him about it.
“Say something,” she whispered, eyes still on her lap.
“I don’t like people either. Okay, I like them a little more than you do, but meeting people in the hopes of dating or sex…well, that is intimidating. Though, I do enjoy masturbation. And I get that it’s different for everyone, but there’s something about letting your mind wander while you rub, tug, stroke one out, right?”
“Is there? What do you think about when you’re jerking off?”
He shook his head, pressing his lips together. I walked into that one and good luck getting out of it . “Things.”
Her foot attacked him again and before he could grab it this time, she yanked it back. “Tell me.”
“It’s not that important, really.”
“You think about me, don’t you?” There was no stopping the blush as the heat crawled up his neck and covered his face. Oh boy, we’re in deep shit now . “Somehow that’s kinda hot.”
He cleared his throat and ate more of his pizza because it was awkward enough being in this position with Clementine. He didn’t need to be thinking about her naked while she was sitting with him. Instead, he set his food aside and turned on the couch to face her.
“I’d like to help you figure out and enjoy masturbation,” he said, forcing the words out slowly, his eyes never leaving hers. “I’m not saying it’s a requirement for every human, but I really think you’d like it.”
“Can’t you do all the touching and fingering and let me enjoy it instead?”
His mouth went dry at the words, but he nodded. Somehow. “I will. But don’t you want to give it a shot?”
She pursed her lips and then shrugged. “Just once. For you.”
For you . That would play on loop for days to come and he was absolutely fine with that. She wasn’t even trying to be sexy, but those two words held more meaning than she’d ever fully understand.
“Oh, you know what we should do?” Her face was split into a smile he’d never seen before, one that reached her eyes and lit her up completely. His breath caught as she hopped up and rushed away. She came back with her laptop and dropped onto the couch beside him. This time, she sat close enough that he could smell her vanilla, cinnamon and sugar scent. He wondered if that was her perfume or soap, or maybe working with dessert all day made her smell that way.
“What are we doing?”
She loaded up a browser and typed furiously before turning the screen to face him. “Researching sex.”
“Why?”
“Because I like research. It comforts me.” He filed that information away for another day as she continued, “We’re worried about sex and you’re going to show me what it’s like to masturbate…what about the rest of it?”
“So we’re researching sex…”
“Yup. Cosmo’s got great positions and lots of tips.”
He fought back a smile and said, “Why do you know this?”
“I like being informed.”
“About sex.”
Clementine elbowed him and he coughed at the sudden shock to his side before settling back into the couch, his shoulder touching hers.
“How about porn?” he asked.
“What about it?”
“Do you watch it?”
“For entertainment purposes.”
“What?” A laugh followed, but he swallowed it back at the confused look on her face. “What do you mean?”
“It doesn’t turn me on. Sometimes I watch it to understand how bodies work. Like where does the dick go, why does it look that way, do all dicks curve to the left? And then vaginas, like…how many nerve endings are triggered when a dick is inside. How about the clit?”
Gritting his teeth, he closed his eyes and shook his head. “You’re killing me, Clem.”
“I know. I was messing with you.”
When he opened his eyes, he found her grinning up at him and he cataloged that as the fourth kind of smile she had. God, she’s fucking spectacular . This close, he could see the light smattering of freckles across her nose and the golden flecks in her brown eyes. She took his breath away in every situation, but like this with her delicious scent wrapped around him, Clementine ruined him.
“What are you doing to me?” he asked, the words coming out on a heavy exhale.
Her eyes sparkled at the question. “Apparently I’m good at seduction.”
“Your mere existence is a seduction.” His fingers itched to touch her, so he said, “May I touch you?”
She hesitated, eyes flitting between his before nodding. Steadying his breath, Oakley brushed his index finger along the length of her nose. She scrunched it up and he smiled, dropping his hand to cup her jaw.
“I thought you would touch me somewhere else,” she whispered.
“When you’re ready, I will.”
She set her laptop aside and shifted, turning her body to him fully. So he did the same thing until they were facing each other. She tilted her head and he let himself memorize the details of her face. His eyes dropped to her lips and with his thumb, Oakley traced her mouth. They parted against his finger and he pressed gently against the center of the bottom lip, her heavy breathing the only sound between them. He took a chance and slid his thumb forward, bumping against her teeth before she opened her mouth some more. Her tongue teased the pad of his finger and then lightly gripped the digit between her teeth. He swallowed hard, the sound audible in the silence, and she released his thumb with a whole new smile.
“I think you might destroy me,” she said softly, brown eyes searching his.
“I was going to say the same about you.”
Oakley knew she would definitely wreck him. But he was more than ready for it.
“Why is your relationship with sex difficult?”
He stilled at the question and blew out a breath even though he was prepared for her to ask. He wanted to turn away, to brush it off and not talk about it, but Oakley knew that it wouldn’t be fair to her. Instead, he stared into her eyes and spoke slowly.
“I went through a pretty dark time in my early twenties and sex was like getting a hit of something to keep me going. A lot happened in those days that I don’t remember fully, but enough that it took me a while to be with someone else.” Rubbing the back of his neck, he finally broke eye contact and stared at his lap. “Talking about it is hard, but I promise that I’ll tell you more about it one day.”
She didn’t say anything for a while, so he looked up to find her watching him. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
“Sex is so much more than two bodies coming together; it’s deeper than that too. So I understand your fears and hesitation.”
“Maybe on some level I knew you would understand and accept me the way I am. That’s why I asked you.”
He smiled, feeling her words hit him in the chest. But he also felt torn. Oakley knew that what he was agreeing to might only be sex for her, but it would be so much more to him. Yes, he would be benefiting from this too, but a part of him wondered if he was being used. It wasn’t anything like his past, because the difference was that he was agreeing to this. He was ready for her to experiment with him. However, it also made him wonder if Clementine would get what she wanted and leave him in the dust. He appreciated her trust in him, because that was important. Now there was just so much more he needed to unpack with Kristof in his next session.
She was watching him curiously, head still tilted. Clearing his throat, he said, “Can we do something?”
“What?”
Hesitatingly, he shifted on the couch. He would regret this, but he needed her to be as close as possible. Patting his thighs, he glanced at Clementine. She bit down on her bottom lip, grabbed the sides of her dress and hitched the soft material up, exposing her smooth thighs. She swung one leg over him and hovered, her knees digging into the couch on either side of his hips. Oakley started to reach for her and only at her nod did he set his hands on her waist.
“Settle,” he whispered, gently tugging her to sit. He wanted her weight on him, the pressure of her body pressed against his. He craved it.
“What are we doing?”
“Learning something new about each other.”
“Okay?” She had dropped her walls completely, her eyes were open and earnest, so unlike the woman he’d been pining for over the last few weeks.
He couldn’t stop touching her either. One hand stayed on her waist, the other lifted to cup and trace her jaw. She leaned into his touch, eyes fluttering shut for a minute. He smiled at how peaceful she looked, how soft her skin was under his touch. He twirled some of her hair around his fingers and gently tucked it behind her ear.
“ Oakley ,” she breathed out his name and sent a shiver up his spine. “What are you doing?”
“I want to know what you like. Where you want to be touched, kissed. Parts of your body that respond to stimulation of any kind.”
She nodded, shifting in his lap until their hips were aligned. He saw the minute she felt his dick because her nostrils flared and her eyes widened a smidge. But she didn’t move away, if anything, Clementine shifted forward and pressed against him some more. All the blood in his body rushed there instantly and it took everything in him not to take charge.
“You first,” he gritted out, surprised that the words even came out.
She stared at him a moment and then lifted his hand to her neck, guiding one finger behind her ear. “My neck, but also this spot.”
“May I?”
She nodded and Oakley leaned forward, gathering her hair in his hand to pull it out of the way. She tilted her head, giving him access to her neck and he pressed a soft kiss to the taut flesh. The scent of her slid deep into his soul and now whenever he smelled vanilla, she was all he’d think about. He didn’t stop though. Licking and gently sucking against her skin, he explored her neck. When she quivered, he nudged his nose against the spot behind her ear. She made a sound that was part moan, part growl, but it did wonders for him.
“What do you like?” Her hips slid away from his briefly. The relief was short-lived, because as he nipped at her neck, she rocked back against him, making him grunt softly.
“My hair,” he managed to mumble and her fingers threaded through the strands, tips massaging his scalp as he kissed and sucked on her soft skin.
“What else, sweetheart?” he asked, licking a line up her neck.
She purred, the sound vibrating through their bodies as her hips rocked forward again. “My breasts,” she mumbled, pressing her chest against his.
He used the hand that wasn’t holding her hair to cup a breast, feeling her pebbled nipple already pushing through the layers of cotton she was wearing. The weight of her breast in his hand was comforting as he dragged his thumb back and forth, his mouth still working on her neck. Her fingers didn’t let up in his hair and neither did the slow, but steady, shifting of her hips. He scraped his teeth against her skin and she let out a shaky groan, her knees pressing tighter against his sides. When he gently nipped at her skin while pinching her nipple, Clementine gasped and her hips pressed roughly against his.
“Your turn, sweetheart ,” she teased.
“You’re doing all of it already.”
Her fingers gripped his hair and pulled his head back. “Tell me, Oakley.”
His eyes searched hers. “Everything else I want you to touch is under all these clothes.”
Clementine hummed, releasing his hair to run both hands over his shoulders, down his chest until she hit the waistband of his jeans. “So, when’s our next appointment?”
He growled, his hands briefly tracing her body before he grabbed her ass, pulling her flush against him. “Tomorrow.”
“I have work.”
“Call in sick.”
She arched an eyebrow, a hand dangerously close to the bulge in his pants. “Bossy.”
“Tomorrow, Clem.”
“Does that mean you’re not going home?”
He searched her eyes. “I can, if you want me gone.”
“No,” she whispered, lips hovering over his. “Stay. Because tomorrow…”
“Tomorrow, we start over.”