Chapter Two #2
Ruby straightens from the wall, smiling at us. It’s a nice smile. Big. Lights up half of her face.
Oscar gives us all a quick nod.
Brooke hovers for a second like she wants to hug Ruby but isn't sure Ruby would want that, so she ends up doing this weird half–wave, half–fidget with her fingers.
No one seems to know where to look or what to do. A bunch of misfits standing in a loose circle, staring at each other.
Oscar rescues the moment with a simple, "Alright?”
"Alright," Ewan nods in response, and they do that manly handshake thing most of us blokes do.
I don’t join in.
Ruby shifts slightly, holding her takeaway cup tightly, and looks right at me. "Hi."
"Hey.” My heart starts to hammer. Something about her gaze makes me feel oddly exposed.
Brooke clears her throat in the most painfully obvious way possible. "Um, so, Josh, this is Ruby. Ruby, um, this is... Josh. Obviously."
I wonder if Ruby knows this is a setup or if she’s been blindsided into it?
Ruby gives a polite wave. "Nice to meet you."
"Yeah,” is all I manage.
There's a short silence.
Fuck.
I’ve got to get out of here.
"You too," I think to add, way too late, and I feel my cheeks flame.
Fucking prat.
She really is very, very beautiful. I'm not the type to be struck dumb by the sight of a girl, or even particularly keen to be around them. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate looking at them—what man doesn't? But this feels different.
My eyes drift back to hers. They're hazel, but so light they seem to change every time she moves, shifting from gold to green before settling somewhere in between. I can't remember ever seeing eyes like them before.
She's wearing a beige jumper, black leggings and those slipper boots every girl seems to own, yet she looks like she belongs somewhere else entirely.
My ability to function apparently evaporates the longer I look at her. This is why I don't talk to girls. My brain never shuts up, but my mouth never seems to catch up.
Oscar looks between us, and I realise she's staring at me too. "I'm Oscar." He waves a hand between him and Ruby. "We're twins."
Brooke turns to me, eyes wide. I don't know why she's looking at me like that. I don't have a twin. Not anymore. My twin is dead. Died by his own hand. I found him in our barn.
It's not something I talk about. And I definitely won't be doing it now. The fact that she is a twin means nothing to me, even though the look Brooke is giving me clearly translates to: look, you have things in common!
We don't.
No one can ever relate to what it’s like to have your twin, your best friend, the one person who understands you so completely, commit suicide in the only room of your house that you loved.
No one at the support group I was shoved into by my school could relate either.
And this girl definitely won’t be able to.
I can't grab coffee with mine or chat to him. I can’t laugh with him. Hang out with him. Or even see him. If I want to do that, I have to sit by his graveside.
The urge to flee hits me so hard I have to grit my teeth to keep me in place.
People keep telling me grief gets easier with time, but I don't buy it. I've learned that the gaps between missing him have only gotten longer. When it hits, it's the same pain as the day I found him.
"Okay," Ewan claps his hands together, the loud sound makes me twitch. "Shall we go get this coffee?" He glances at Ruby. "I see you already got yourself one."
She seems a bit embarrassed. "Yeah, sorry. O got me it, but I'm happy to have another."
Brooke nods quickly, flustered again. "We can... uh... sit inside? Or outside? Or wherever you want?"
Ruby smiles wide. “Inside's fine.”
Ewan gestures dramatically toward the café door. "Lead the way, folks."
Oscar hitches a thumb over his shoulder. "I'm gonna go. Got to meet my girlfriend for lunch."
"No worries, mate," Ewan says. "It was nice to meet you."
"Yeah. Cheers. You too." Oscar turns to his sister; his brown eyes fixed intensely on her. "Rubes. You'll text me later?"
Ruby rolls her eyes. "Yeah."
He leans down and kisses her forehead lightly. "Don't forget."
"I won't."
"You swear?"
Ruby groans, "Oh my God, Oscar. Get lost."
He grins, like her irritation is exactly what he was hoping for. They share a look, something subtle but clearly familiar, before Oscar squeezes her arm and heads off across the courtyard. I watch him go, noting he moves with a confidence I could only hope to have.
The ache in my chest pushes harder, blooming in that horrible, predictable way grief always does, and I press a hand there like that might actually help. When I turn back, Ruby is watching me, a small crease between her brows as if she's noticed and she isn't sure she's meant to.
Christ.
Something dormant wakes inside me. A buzz I haven’t felt in years. Somewhere, my head registers that we're standing here staring at each other, neither of us saying anything, and for a second, I genuinely cannot look away.
But it seems neither can she.
I'm the one who finally blinks, painfully aware I'm staring like the biggest freak, and the moment snaps as Ewan clears his throat, saying something I pay no attention to. To my surprise, Ruby startles slightly, like she'd forgotten the rest of them were standing here too.