Chapter 28
Haddie pushed through Posh’s shop door and out onto the sun-soaked sidewalk, breathing a sigh of relief that she would, in fact, be able to continue breathing even once in the dress she now held in a garment bag draped over her forearm along with the slightly poofier bag containing Emma’s wedding dress.
Despite there not being a cloud in the sky, the brisk October air sent a shiver from her neck down to her toes, and she was grateful Emma and Matteo had rented heat lamps for the ceremony in the square that evening.
“It was traipsing through Summertown trying to solve the mystery of the Gardener’s art installations where we fell in love again. Only made sense for us to get married in the center of it all.”
Because if you were born and raised in a place like Summertown, you could shut the place down for a night, especially if the venue was the town, which meant everyone was invited.
“Coach Martin!” someone called, and Haddie had to crane her neck to see over the pile of formal wear in her arms.
“Oh!” she replied. “Sarah. What are you doing out so early on a Sunday morning?”
Sarah stood on her toes to meet Haddie’s eyes above the dresses.
“Yours is the only signature missing,” Sarah told her, and Haddie’s brows furrowed. Also, her shoulders ached. Did Emma’s dress double as a weighted blanket?
“What?” Haddie asked. Then added, “Hang on a second…” She stumbled to the general vicinity where she remembered there being a park bench just outside the shop.
When she plowed into it with her hip, she swore under her breath but then carefully laid the dresses over the back of the bench.
“Okay,” she told Sarah, rubbing her soon-to-be bruised hip. “What about my signature?”
Sarah held out a clipboard she’d been hugging against her chest. “It’s a petition.
Well, two, really. One to keep the soccer program…
and one to keep Coach Rourke. The first one is for Principal Crawford, and the second…
Well, we just want Coach Rourke to know how much we appreciate everything he’s done for the program so far this year.
We got every player to sign, every teacher from kindergarten to senior year, and all of our parents.
Mr. Crawford—junior, not senior—got his budget committee to come up with the idea to charge a registration fee for activities and sports, football included.
The idea is for those fees to go toward supporting all programs, like a communal account, and we will continue fundraising efforts to try and make up for any deficit.
” She pointed to the pages-long petition.
“Even the football players signed. They’re even willing to stage a sit-in for their next game and every game thereafter, where they’ll basically let their opponents crush them if Coach Crawford doesn’t place equal importance on every other sport or activity Summertown offers.
We’re going to present both petitions to the school board at Thursday night’s meeting, but we really wanted to get your signature before calling it complete. ”
Haddie’s throat tightened and her eyes burned.
“Wait…you all know about the budget cuts? And the program cuts?” Sarah nodded, and Haddie’s heart sank. “Also, Coach Rourke is leaving tomorrow,” she reminded Sarah, her voice thick.
Sarah shrugged. “Maybe he’ll change his mind if he sees your name on the lists.
He’s the one who got the whole football program to sign about the communal fund, you know.
I think he might have also had something to do with the sit-in idea.
” She leaned in close, a conspiratorial gleam in her eye.
“Did you know that Billy McMannus has a C- in English now? I don’t want to spill any tea, but I heard Coach Rourke has been babysitting Billy’s brother after school so Billy can catch up on his homework.
Does that sound like a guy who wants to leave? ”
Haddie’s knees buckled, and she had to grab the top of the bench to steady herself. “How…?” she asked. “How do you know all this? And how did these petitions materialize without me hearing anything about them?”
Sarah grinned. “You’ll have to ask the head of the faculty’s budget rescue committee. He’s the one who proposed the idea for the registration fees in the first place. The one for Coach Rourke was Teddy’s idea.” She blushed. “Turns out his hotness isn’t so wasted after all.”
A knot of guilt sank deep in her gut. Haddie remembered an email from Tommy she’d flagged for later about joining a group of faculty members who wanted to rethink the budget, something about overturning Coach Crawford’s cuts.
But her inbox had grown exponentially since school started, and then there had been the whole losing Levi thing that had preoccupied her thoughts for what felt like more minutes than actually existed in a day.
Haddie motioned for Sarah’s clipboard and the attached pen.
“I’ll sign the budget petition, but I don’t think it would be right if I signed the other one.
” She swallowed the knot in her throat. It wasn’t as if putting her name on a piece of paper was going to make Levi stay.
And why was she even considering what it might mean if her signature did matter?
He broke her trust…and her heart, which was maddening because Haddie knew better than to fall for any of it.
Sarah sighed and handed Haddie the clipboard. “I know I’m breaking the rule by even butting in to your private business, Coach Martin, but you have been such a downer the past few weeks. You should just admit how you feel about him so we can stop watching you torture yourself.”
Haddie had finished signing her name to the budget petition when her head shot up, her wide eyes meeting Sarah’s.
“What do you mean ‘breaking the rule,’ Sarah? What rule?”
Sarah clamped her hand over her gaping mouth.
“Nothing!” She shook her head. “I mean…no one! Shit. I’m not supposed to crack under pressure.
That’s Teddy’s job!” She grimaced and grabbed the clipboard back from Haddie before Haddie could officially decide not to sign the Beg Coach Rourke to Stay petition.
“Sarah…” Haddie began, taking a slow step toward her student. “You can tell me. It’s okay. What rule?”
“I am too young for this type of stress,” Sarah groaned.
“Look…Coach Rourke caught me and Teddy outside your classroom grabbing our coffees after the whole roommates thing. And he sort of ripped us a new one and told us to respect your privacy if we wanted to stay on our teams.” She grimaced.
“Teddy and I felt pretty bad about what we’d done, and I swear we didn’t apologize just to stay on the team. ”
Haddie’s breath caught in her throat. “He knew?” Levi knew. And he hadn’t judged her for mishandling the ridiculous situation, nor had he even let on that he’d figured out what was going on, most likely because he knew she’d be humiliated.
“Give me back that clipboard,” Haddie demanded.
Sarah beamed and handed it over.
She knew it was too little, too late. Levi wasn’t going to stay because of some list of signatures, not when he had his career to go back to.
But maybe with this tiny gesture, if he ever even saw the list, he’d at least know that Haddie thought he belonged here in Summertown, just like everyone else did.
“I was right the whole time, wasn’t I?” Sarah asked, a knowing smile on her face.
Haddie relinquished the clipboard a final time, scooped the dresses into her arm, and said goodbye to her student.
She marched through the square and back toward the inn.
“Yes, Ramirez,” she whispered under her breath. “You were right the whole time.” She still was.
***
If there was one thing Haddie had never imagined on her best friend bingo card, it was holding the skirt of Emma’s dress above both of their heads while the bride relieved herself in the tiny bathroom inside Mrs. Pinkney’s sweet shop.
“Oh. My. God. That felt so good!” Emma exclaimed as Haddie struggled under the weight of the skirt.
“I should probably cool it on the sparkling grape juice.” Emma stood and flushed, then reached past Haddie to open the stall door so Haddie could back out and carefully lower the dress back to the floor.
Haddie stared at the wedding band now stacked with Emma’s engagement ring and sniffled.
“You and Matteo are married, Ems.”
Emma finished washing and drying her hands before meeting Haddie’s gaze.
“Hads? Oh my god, are you crying?”
Haddie swiped a finger under her eye, and it came away wet.
She let loose a tear-soaked laugh. “I feel like I don’t do anything else these days!
” She laughed…or maybe cried…some more and then attempted to clean herself up before heading back out to what was officially the best block party she’d ever been to.
“Hads…?” Emma asked, more tentative this time. “Are you okay?”
Haddie nodded with a sad smile. “Thanks for having me and Levi walk down the aisle solo tonight instead of…you know…” She sighed. “Can I tell you something?”
“Anything,” Emma replied.
“Do you know why I refer to my grandmother as my grandmonster?”
Emma shook her head, and Haddie sniffled.
“Because if I thought of her as this horrible monster incapable of love instead of a woman who just didn’t know how to grieve her own daughter while taking care of her spitting image, then I wouldn’t feel so…impossible to love.”
Emma cupped Haddie’s cheeks in her palms. “Oh, honey.” Tears pooled in her friend’s eyes.
“You are, without a doubt, the most lovable human I know. I am willing to bet the deed to this entire town that your grandma loved you so much and died hoping that even if she failed to show it, that you somehow knew.”
Haddie hiccupped. “It hurts so much to be left,” she admitted. “God…it’s the fucking worst.”
Emma nodded. “You get that even though I moved away, I didn’t leave you, right? No matter where we are physically, I’m never leaving you.”
Haddie blew out a long breath and nodded. “I’m starting to get that, I think. But Levi is leaving leaving. Like in all senses of the word.”
Emma nodded, and even though her friend was stunning in her dress with that unmistakable wedding glow, Haddie couldn’t help but smile when she gazed up to the bride’s crystal-beaded tiara that boasted two tiny, pointy cat ears.
“You are so unabashedly yourself, Ems. I love that about you.”
“Why, thank you,” she replied with a small curtsy. “You know, I was thinking… You could ask Levi to stay.” She shrugged like she’d just suggested that Haddie grab a carton of milk on the way home.
Haddie shrugged. “I signed the petition.”
Emma narrowed her eyes.
“What?” Haddie asked. “Am I supposed to ask him to give up his career after he told me he loved me, and I walked out the door and ghosted him for weeks?”
Emma raised her brows. “What if that was all he wanted, Hads? To be asked? For you to chase him a little? He sure as hell tried to chase you with all those unanswered texts.”
Haddie flinched. “I don’t chase, Ems. That’s how I stay safe.”
Emma laughed and grabbed her friend’s hands, giving them a reassuring squeeze.
“Oh, honey. You chased me. And I don’t mean to Summertown, though I’m super happy that’s how it all played out.
But even back in Chicago when I would have been content with the little hermit life I’d built for myself, you wouldn’t let me.
And your grandmother? You went to her assisted living facility for every FIFA Women’s International game that was broadcast in the United States because she loved the game.
She’s the reason you fell in love with soccer in the first place.
You chased her love or her connection or something, Hads.
And it’s okay to admit that, even if your relationship was strained. ”
Haddie squeezed Emma’s hands back. “I thought it would hurt less if I didn’t admit that I loved her.” If she didn’t admit that she loved Levi. But it still hurt. So much.
Emma sniffled, then blinked wildly. “You’re going to make my mascara run, but you know what? I really like this new, vulnerable Haddie.”
Haddie laughed. “I’ll remind you of that a week from now after calling you each night of your honeymoon as I sob through all my new feelings.”
“I’d answer every time,” Emma replied without missing a beat, and Haddie believed that she would.
“Should we go back out there?” Haddie asked. “I think I’m supposed to give a speech or something.”
Emma’s face lit up with the all-consuming type of joy reserved only for someone who just realized she was about to go greet her new husband again. Then she nodded, and Haddie squared her shoulders and led her friend back outside.
She’d felt her feelings, and her heart still ached. But she would also be okay. Eventually. Because the more she let Emma in, the less she’d be alone. And maybe the same would be true for other people who entered her life, if she could just be brave enough to let them in too.