Chapter 51 Harper #2
Then he turned to me, his eyes lingering on mine a moment too long. “I’ll talk to you soon, Harper.”
“Okay, drive safe.” I whispered, my voice barely audible.
And then he was gone.
The door closed behind him, and I felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. I tried to keep it together, plastering on a smile as the nurse checked in on Connor, but inside, I was a mess.
I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t keep pretending like I didn’t care, like I didn’t want him to be part of my life–not just as Connor’s person, but as mine too.
The truth was, I was so in love with him that it was insane. It wasn’t just about the way he looked at me or Connor, or how he’d dropped everything to be here for us–it was the way he showed up. Again and again, Ryan proved that he cared, that we mattered to him.
Even when we weren’t together, he was always there. Whether it was for Connor’s games, his school events, or just to check in, Ryan had been a constant presence in both of our lives. How could I not love him for that? How could I not love him for everything he was?
I’d spent so much time convincing myself that we were better off apart, that I was better off alone. But now? Watching him walk away felt like losing a part of myself.
I needed to be brave. I needed to be strong. I owed it to myself–and to him–to say the words I’d been holding back for far too long. Even if he didn’t feel the same anymore, even if I ended up with my heart shattered into a million pieces, I had to try.
Because the way I felt about Ryan wasn’t just some fleeting emotion. It was deep, unshakable. And if I let him leave without telling him, I’d regret it for the rest of my life.
As the nurse fussed over Connor, I stood, mumbling something about needing air. My legs carried me into the hallway, moving faster and faster until I was running.
The elevator doors closed just as I reached them, and I stabbed the button repeatedly, my heart hammering in my chest. When the doors finally opened, I stepped inside, gripping the railings as it descended. My thoughts raced.
By the time I pushed through the hospital doors, the rain was coming down harder. My hair stuck to my face, my clothes damp within seconds, but I didn’t care. I scanned the parking lot, turning in circles as I searched for him.
“Ryan!” I called, my voice barely carrying over the sound of the rain.
My heart sank as I realized I didn’t see him. He was gone. My chance was gone.
I stood there, the rain soaking me to the bone, my chest tight with regret.
“Harper?” The sound of his voice made me spin around. He was standing a few feet away, his bag slung over his shoulder, his eyes fixed on me with a mix of confusion and concern.
“Are you looking for something?” he asked, his tone light, though his brow furrowed as he took in my drenched state.
Relief and something else–something deeper–washed over me. I couldn’t help the smile that broke across my face, even as tears pricked my eyes.
I didn’t say a word. I just closed the distance between us, grabbing the front of his shirt with trembling hands and pulled him toward me.
The kiss was desperate, raw, and everything I’d been holding back for far too long. His hands came up to cradle my face, his thumbs brushing my rain-soaked cheeks as he kissed me back, matching my intensity.
The rain poured around us, but in that moment, it was just us.
I broke the kiss, my breathing ragged, the rain streaming down my face like tears. Ryan’s hands were still on my waist, his touch grounding me even as my heart threatened to burst out of my chest.
He was staring at me, his blue eyes searching mine, his expression unreadable. “Harper, I–”
“No,” I interrupted, holding up a trembling hand. “Please, let me talk. Let me say this. I’ve been wanting to say this for so long.”
Ryan’s mouth pressed into a thin line, but he nodded, his hands slipping away from my waist. I already missed their warmth.
“I’m sorry,” I began, my voice shaking. “God, Ryan, I’m so sorry.
For everything. For not giving you a chance to explain, for how awful I’ve been to you.
I pushed you away when all you ever tried to do was love me and Connor.
And you did–you loved us better than anyone ever could, and I was too blind and scared to see it. ”
I felt my tears mix with the rain, my chest heaving as I tried to find the right words. “I thought I was protecting myself, protecting Connor. But I wasn’t. I was being a coward. I was so afraid of getting hurt again that I didn’t even give us a chance. And I hate myself for that.”
“Harper–”
“No, please,” I said, my voice breaking.
“Just let me finish. I need you to know… I need you to understand. I’m so entirely in love with you, Ryan.
I’ve never stopped. And I can’t imagine my life without you in it.
You’re amazing, and you’re kind, and you’ve been everything I could’ve ever hoped for–not just for me, but for Connor too.
And I don’t deserve you. I know that. I had to tell you, though.
Even if you don’t forgive me, even if you don’t want to try again, I had to try.
I couldn’t let you leave again without knowing how I feel. ”
I stopped, the silence between us louder than the pounding rain. I was shaking, every part of me bracing for his rejection.
Ryan took a small step closer, his eyes softening.
“Harper, you’re the strongest person I know.
And you had every right to be upset with me back then.
I hurt you. I made mistakes, and I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting them.
But don’t you dare think for a second that you’re a coward.
You’ve been through so much, and you’ve always put Connor first. That doesn’t make you weak–it makes you incredible. ”
My breath caught as his words sank in. We stared at each other, the rain dripping down his hair and down his face, and I couldn’t tell if the ache in my chest was from the weight of his words or the love that threatened to consume me.
I swallowed hard, my voice barely above a whisper.
“This isn’t about the job. I swear it’s not.
If this is what you want, if this is your dream, we’ll make it work.
I’ll make it work. Because what we have–what we could have–is too strong to let go.
I’ll do whatever it takes, Ryan. I love you that much. ”
Ryan’s expression shifted, something breaking in his gaze as he reached out, his hands cupping my face. “Harper…”
And then he kissed me.
It wasn’t soft or tentative. It was deep, consuming, like he’d been holding back every ounce of emotion until this very moment. His fingers tangled in my hair as his lips pressed against mine, and I clung to him, my hands gripping his soaked shirt like he was the only thing keeping me grounded.
The rain poured down around us, soaking through our clothes and dripping from our faces, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was him–his touch, his kiss, the way he made me feel like I was whole again.
When we finally broke apart, gasping for air, his forehead rested against mine. “I love you too,” he whispered, his breath warm against my lips. “I’ve always loved you, Harper. And I’ll do whatever it takes to prove it.”
Tears spilled down my cheeks, but this time, they were tears of joy. “You already have.” I smiled, letting the words I’d been waiting to hear wash over me.
Together, we stood in the rain, holding on to each other like we never wanted to let go. I didn’t want this moment to end, but I knew it had to.
Ryan pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes, his thumb gently tracing my jaw as he said, “You know, Harper… I spent so much time thinking that I had to be perfect to deserve you, but all I’ve ever needed was to be honest. Honest with myself, honest with you.
And I’m telling you, right now, in the middle of this storm, that I’d walk through a hundred more just to keep you by my side. ”
A shaky breath left me, my fingers tightening in the fabric of his shirt like I was afraid to let him go. Maybe I was.
“You don’t have to walk through anymore storms alone,” I whispered, pressing my palm over his heart. “Not ever again. I love you, Ryan. For exactly who you are. No past, no mistakes–just you. And I promise, I’m not going anywhere this time.”
His breath hitched, and for a moment, he just stared at me, like he was trying to commit every word to memory. Then, with a quiet groan, he pulled me in again, his lips brushing against mine in a kiss so soft, so reverent, it made my chest ache.
I smiled against his mouth, before pulling back slightly, my fingers tracing a raindrop down his jaw. “You need to get going if you want to make it to practice on time,” I said softly, brushing my hand down his arm. “It’s disgusting out there, so drive slow and careful, okay?”
Ryan smirked, that playful glint in his eye making my heart do an unsteady flip. “I’d rather stay here,” he said, his voice dipping into a lower register. “There are so many things I’ve missed about you, Harper. So many things I’ve missed doing to you.”
My cheeks burned as he leaned in, playfully nipping at my bottom lip. I laughed despite myself, swatting at his chest. “Ryan!”
“What?” He grinned, completely unrepentant. “Just stating facts.”
I rolled my eyes, even as my stomach flipped again. “I would love for you to stay, but I’m not going to keep you away from your team. Those kids need you.”
He sighed, his forehead resting briefly against mine. “You always know how to guilt me into doing the right thing,” he teased, but there was no mistaking the affection in his tone.
“When do you need to let the coach know about the permanent position?” I asked, brushing a raindrop from his cheek.
“By the end of next week,” he said, his hand sliding down to rest on my hip. “I’m not making any decisions until you and I have a proper conversation about it, though. We’ve got a couple of days off coming up, and I’ll come back to see you and Connor then. We’ll talk everything through.”
I nodded, my chest tightening as he pulled me into a hug. God, I didn’t want to let go. His arms wrapped around me, strong and warm, and I felt like I could stay like this forever.
His breath was warm against my ear as he whispered, “Tell me to stay, Harper. Tell me, and I’ll stay. I’ll quit, I won’t go back. Just tell me to stay.”
I closed my eyes, his words tugging at every part of me. God, I wanted to say it. I wanted to tell him not to leave, that I’d just gotten him back and couldn’t bear to let him go. But I couldn’t. This wasn’t just about me–it was about him and the dream he’d worked so hard for.
I pulled back just enough to look into his eyes, brushing my lips against his in a soft kiss. “We’ll be here waiting for you when you’re back. You deserve this, Ryan. I love you.”
He groaned, running a hand down his face before breaking in a reluctant smile. “You’re impossible, you know that?” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “But you’re also the most incredible woman I’ve ever known. I love you, Harper. I’ll be back before you know it.”
And with that, he kissed me one last time–slow, lingering, like he was trying to memorize every detail–before turning and walking to his truck.
I stood there, rain dripping down my face, watching him drive away until his taillights disappeared into the storm. My chest felt heavy with the weight of letting him go, but there was also a lightness, a joy I hadn’t felt in a long time.
I couldn’t stop the smile spreading across my face as I turned and headed back to the hospital, pulling out my phone to call Nina.
There was no way I was keeping this to myself–not this kiss, not the confession, not the fact that for the first time in a long time, I felt like things were finally falling into place.