Chapter Fourteen #2
Barrett had only hung out with the two of them a few times so far, but it was glaringly obvious how perfect they were together. Ruby would absolutely have asked the same thing. She was so happy for them.
Yet, most of her attention was claimed by the way Iris was watching her. The brittle hold of her shoulders softened as she watched Barrett dote on Oscar and did silly things to Barrett’s insides.
“Even after dinner,” she told Deepti, not looking away from Iris.
That was weird, she knew it was. You looked at the person you were speaking to. You didn’t hold people’s gazes so long. But there she was, locked on glorious brown eyes that were filled with questions and uncertainties and something desperately hopeful.
Ruby cleared her throat to hide a laugh, and Barrett shook her head, sharing another moment of understanding with Iris, before looking at Ruby.
“Nice office,” Ruby said with all the innocence of a drunk pirate.
“Thank you.” Barrett glared at her through narrowed eyes.
“You’re welcome.”
She almost laughed. She shouldn’t have expected anything else from Ruby.
Since the moment she’d met Iris, and watched Barrett with her, Ruby had been fascinated by Barrett’s dynamic with her.
And she’d always been more than a little interested in the woman Barrett enjoyed flirting with.
Now, she was convinced Barrett and Iris were headed down the aisle.
Barrett stood in front of Deepti, who had become such a feature of life over the last few weeks that it was odd that they were only just meeting Oscar. “Oscar, this is Deepti. Deepti, this is Oscar, the only man I’ve ever loved.”
Deepti laughed. “I did hear that you’re a lesbian. And that you figured it out pretty early.”
“There was a boyfriend in high school, but yeah, the suspicion was already there and nothing solidified it quite like him trying to involve himself in my life and kiss me.”
Deepti laughed. “You didn’t want him in your life?”
“Definitely not.” Barrett’s tone was casual without effort, but she caught the look on Iris’ face that suggested she understood that not wanting the poor guy in her life went deeper than just her sexuality.
Of course Iris was insightful, she seemed to have always been that way.
Even Ruby, who knew Barrett’s history, hadn’t put together that, at that point in time, Barrett hadn’t wanted anyone involved too closely in her life.
When he’d tried to show up at her home, in Barrett’s mind, he’d been invading, putting the carefully crafted facade they had going under threat.
Of course, lots of the kids around her were poor, it wasn’t unusual, but their mom still tried to create the image of a perfectly functioning family.
The illusion of a mother who was around, of kids who ate enough and didn’t have the utilities cut off more often than they should.
They were a loving, tidy family that wasn’t at risk of eviction.
Getting too involved in her life risked that image being shattered, and that wasn’t an option.
And Iris got it.
The thought made Barrett feel unbalanced.
To this day, even with how little Barrett saw her family, they all still played along.
Their wider friends and family thought everything had been fine, like she’d had a good childhood and her mom had done a great job raising them all.
If she hadn’t, Barrett wouldn’t have gotten into MIT, she wouldn’t be a successful architect in New York.
Barrett didn’t blame them, not any more.
She’d been angry in the past, but she’d worked through it.
People saw the image they presented. And her mom presented the image she wished was true, the one she wanted to be true.
Barrett had wanted it to be true, too, that was why she’d sold it so well.
That and the shame. Shame was a powerful tool, and, even as a child, she’d known she didn’t want to sit with it every day.
If she could sell the perfect image, she’d be safe from shame. Hypothetically.
It hadn’t worked—such was life—but Barrett had felt her anger, her annoyance, and her shame, and she was doing better.
But there was still that part of her that felt sick when someone saw through the veneer to what was actually underneath.
The fear that they might shame her was strong, that she was still working to hold up an image she wasn’t even part of anymore while they tried to kick the stilts out from under it.
But it was Iris. It was going to be okay.
She only knew because Barrett had told her voluntarily and she was fine talking about the past. But Iris being the one to see through to the core of who she was was… new. Different. Mildly terrifying.
“Anyway,” she said, her tone and expression relaxed despite the turmoil Iris awoke in her, “Oscar is the only man I need, and he’s more than welcome in my home.”
“He even gets gourmet dog food,” Iris added wryly, and Barrett’s heart exploded without her consent.
Iris was helping her out, focusing on Oscar, like they were a team. Barrett didn’t need a team, she’d had one before. But… it was nice. That was undeniable.
Deepti and Ruby laughed.
“I heard. I can’t wait to see it,” Deepti told Iris conspiratorially, and Barrett couldn’t believe any of them.
Why did this whole thing feel easy and relaxed? Deepti felt like she belonged, that made sense. They were Ruby’s other half, and the fit was perfect. But the way both she and Ruby included Iris, the way it made sense with the four of them… That wasn’t expected.
Though, perhaps it should have been. This was just integrating friend groups, and she and Iris were finally making that transition from colleagues to friends. It wasn’t anything to do with Barrett’s flirting.
Who was she becoming? Three weeks ago, she’d been a perfectly functioning member of society and now she was… soft and wanting and bizarre.
“You’ll have to keep me posted,” Iris said to Deepti. “I’ve heard about the food but haven’t actually seen it.”
Barrett chuckled. “You can come over and feed him any time you want, princess.”
“Still, though,” Ruby said quickly, “we should totally get Iris’ number and start a group chat where we can talk about Oscar.”
“Yes!” Deepti cheered, pulling out their phone. “The Oscar Appreciation Society. On it.”
Barrett shot Ruby a look, shaking her head. She knew exactly what Ruby was doing, but she wasn’t going to stop her. She was honestly too interested in whether Iris would. She didn’t seem much like someone who enjoyed group chats.
But Iris was nothing if not surprising. Her eyes were wide and cautious, but she nodded. “Oh, uh, okay. Sure.”
And Barrett melted just a little.
This fucking woman.