Chapter 27
twenty-seven
. . .
Rowan
The porch groans as I settle back in my chair, old boards complaining under my weight. Jake and Beau are going back and forth about work or some other nonsense, but I’m not really listening.
The last few weeks don’t seem real. There’s hardly a minute of the day when I’m not thinking about the softness of Violet’s lips against mine or the sweetness of her kisses. She tells me she loves me, without hesitation, and I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how good it feels to hear those words.
I can’t get enough of the way her fingers trace my skin when she thinks I’m not paying attention. The little gasps she makes when I kiss her neck, the ones that always leave me wanting more. But peace doesn’t last forever.
I roll a beer bottle between my palms, trying to focus on anything other than the way dread sinks heavy in my gut every time I think about what’s coming next.
“Three weeks in Colombia,” Jake whistles low, shaking his head. “Thought you were done with that life.”
“It’s corporate security,” I mumble. “Not combat.”
“It’s overseas,” Beau grunts, his eyes fixed on some distant point. “Still dangerous.”
I take a long pull from my beer, letting the cold liquid slide down my throat. “It’s good money.”
“Violet’s cool with this?” Jake asks.
The question is a sucker punch. “Mmhmm.”
“But?” Beau prompts.
“But nothing.” I drag a hand through my hair. “She understands.”
The truth is, I don’t know if she really does. She smiled and nodded and told me to go, but there was a shadow in her eyes that’s been eating at me every day since.
“Bullshit,” Beau says flatly. “Women say they’re fine when they’re anything but.”
Jake shoots him a look. “Speaking from extensive relationship experience, are you?”
Beau flips him off without missing a beat before turning back to me. “You sure about this?”
“Her dad doesn’t think I’m good enough,” I admit.
“So what?” Jake shrugs. “Since when do you give a shit what anyone thinks?”
“Since it’s her family,” I snap. “And it’s a good opportunity. I don’t really have a choice.”
At this point, I don’t know if I’m trying to convince them or myself.
The silence stretches between us, filled only by the chorus of crickets and the occasional creak of the porch. Jake takes another pull from his beer, then sets it down with a thud.
“You know most guys would kill for this setup,” Beau finally says, gesturing toward the house behind us. “What you’ve got here is good.”
I scrub a hand over the back of my neck. “I’m not saying it’s not good. It is.”
“Then why are you acting like it’s not enough? You’ve got a girl who looks at you like you hung the damn moon, a place that actually feels like home, and,” he pauses, eyeing me, “more money in the bank than you know what to do with.”
“It’s not just about the money,” I say quickly. “It’s about stability. Building something solid.”
Beau lets out a quiet huff. “You know I’d put you to work at the garage tomorrow if you wanted it. Predictable hours. Decent pay. You don’t have to leave to build a future.”
I stare out at the yard, jaw tightening. “I’m coming back, man. And this is what I know.”
Beau leans forward, elbows on his knees. “You know I’ve got your back no matter what, but you already have something stable right here. This land, Violet. Shit, Wolfe, most of us would trade places with you in a heartbeat.”
“Holy shit,” Jake gasps, cutting through the tension. “Did you just hear how many words came out of Beau’s mouth?”
“That’s gotta be a record,” I say, turning to stare at Beau. “Was that like…more than fifteen words in one go? You feeling okay, man?”
Jake reaches over to press the back of his hand to Beau’s forehead. “No fever but… I don’t know. Should we call someone?”
Beau swats his hand away with a scowl. “Fuck you both.”
“And we’re back to our regularly scheduled programming,” Jake sighs. “The Beau Sinclair vocabulary special—fuck, you, and if we’re really lucky, both.”
I can’t help but laugh, grateful for the break in tension. These idiots have been my brothers through everything—deployments, coming home, the years when I thought I’d never see Lily Ridge again. They’ve seen me at my worst.
“You two done?” Beau mutters, but I can see the corner of his mouth twitching.
“Yeah, yeah,” I say, still smirking. “But…will you guys keep an eye out while I’m gone? Make sure Violet’s okay?”
Jake offers a nod.
Beau just says, “Never stopped, brother.”
I’m heading out tomorrow. Violet decided to stay over tonight, so she’s currently lying beside me, her head tucked under my chin.
Her lips brush against my neck, and it’s not the first time tonight.
She’s been teasing me with soft touches, gently sliding her hand across my chest and leaning in just a little closer with every breath.
Her hand continues a path down my stomach, then lower. When she shifts her leg over mine, pressing closer, there’s no mistaking what she wants.
I’ve been holding back. Since that first kiss on the porch, I’ve had her mouth on me, my face between her thighs, nights where we’ve pushed right up to that final line without crossing it. But I haven’t been inside her yet.
It’s not for lack of wanting. Fuck, I’ve never wanted anything more in my life. There’s a hunger in me for her that borders on madness. Some nights I lie awake after she’s fallen asleep, my body hard and aching, and I have to remind myself to breathe.
I just wanted to give her time. Wanted her to be completely sure. After what happened with that asshole Travis, I needed her to know I’d wait forever if that’s what she needed.
Now, though—the way she’s moving against me, the soft little sounds she’s making, the heat of her pressed against my thigh—she’s making her intentions crystal clear.
“Violet…” I start, my voice rough, already knowing how this is going to sound.
Her fingers hook into my waistband. She looks up at me then, searching, hopeful. Waiting for permission.
Goddammit.
I lift my hand, brushing a loose strand of hair from her face, my thumb grazing the soft curve of her cheek. “I can’t,” I say quietly, apologetically. “I want to…but I won’t do that. Not when I have to leave you right after.”
I pull her closer, my hand sliding down her back, savoring the warmth of her skin under the soft fabric of her shirt.
I don’t want the last thing we share before I leave to be something neither of us can truly savor.
I want to come back and have that moment with her when I’m not thinking about how far away she’ll be.
She stills beneath my touch but doesn’t pull away.
“The first time you let me have you like that, I don’t want to be leaving the next morning.”
She’s quiet for a moment, just staring up at me with those green eyes that see everything. The moonlight coming through the window catches on her hair, turning it silver at the edges, and I have to force myself to remember why I’m saying no.
I watch her process the words before a flicker of disappointment crosses her face. Fuck.
I tighten my grip on her. “Violet, it’s not that I don’t want you, because god, I do. I just don’t want to do this and then have to walk out the door.”
The words shake their way out of me, heavy with everything I’ve been holding back. Weeks of restraint. Months of want. Years of knowing she’s been under my skin longer than I ever admitted.
“I want to do this right,” I add. “And when I finally get to have you, I’m gonna make sure you forget what it feels like to breathe without me inside you.”
The hitch in her breath is exactly what I’m hoping for, and there’s no way she can doubt just how much I want her when my dick is rock hard and pressed against her.
“Okay?”
Her wide eyes stay on mine as she offers a small nod.
“My sweet Violet,” I murmur, hooking a finger under her chin to bring her lips to mine.
“There are plenty of ways to keep busy until then…” I mutter against her lips. I slip beneath the sheets, and a gasp escapes her as I flatten my tongue against her bare, soaking wet pussy. It’s enough to make the whole world fall away.