Chapter Twenty-Three
Gwen
I t was a scene right out of The Twilight Zone . Though sadder.
Exponentially sadder.
It had been eighteen years since I’d moved out of that house and everything was exactly the same. The day he’d presented me with divorce papers, only a month after Nathanial died, I’d stormed out of that house, taking nothing more than the clothes on my back and our daughter. There was no discussion or explanation. Just Truett sitting on that same brown couch, staring off into space as my entire world crumbled.
I’d taken Kaitlyn and gone to stay at my parents’ for a while. Everyone assured me that he still loved me and he was just struggling with everything that had happened overseas. That only pissed me off more, because I was struggling too and all I wanted was to curl into his lap and grieve together.
After a while, I took a job managing a restaurant a few towns over in Watersedge. He wouldn’t talk to me, but I worked with his attorney to set up a custody schedule. He got Kaitlyn every other Wednesday and alternating weekends. Despite everything he was going through, he was still such an incredible dad. She loved going over there. She didn’t understand why he never left the house, but she was just happy to be with him.
Out of the blue, a week before her sixth birthday, Truett checked himself into an out-of-state VA rehabilitation facility. I’d never been so happy in my life. For the first time in months, I had hope that maybe we could be a family again. During that time, Kaitlyn missed him so much she insisted on emailing him videos practically every morning before school. When he’d reply with a video of his own, it came to my email, but he never even acknowledged me with a “hi” or “hello.”
Give it time, everyone had said.
But as it turned out, that was the one thing we didn’t have.
I lost myself after Kaitlyn died. In a span of six months, I’d lost my brother, my husband, and my daughter. The pain was so deep my bones ached. I fell into a darkness only one other human would understand—and he wouldn’t speak to me. Alone, the grief ravaged me to the point I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I became so vile and hateful—angry at the whole fucking world for taking my baby away from me.
It wasn’t until I found Truett passed out drunk on the front lawn on the Fourth of July that I started to heal. He was gone, and there was nothing I could do to save him. But I still had an entire life in front of me. I had no idea what I was going to do. Or how I could ever move on without her, but I knew with an absolute certainty that I didn’t want to end up like him.
I fought every single day, clawing my way out of the darkness, to create a life worth living—a life that had been stolen from my daughter. I’d made a lot of mistakes along the way, but at least I’d tried.
At least I’d left the fucking house.
With my hands shaking, I walked back to the living room.
He watched my every step from the doorway as I walked over to him, my heart breaking in my chest.
I stopped in front of him, tears leaking from my eyes. “Tell me you don’t seriously live like this, Truett!” I shouted even though he was standing right in front of me. “Please God. Tell me you don’t live like this.”
“It’s not that bad,” he defended, but it held no conviction. “The house, I mean. It’s comfortable, ya know? No need to fix something that’s not broken.”
I blinked at him so hard my lashes could have fueled the winds of a hurricane. “It’s not the house that’s broken here. It’s you. What the hell are you doing? It’s been eighteen years. You couldn’t even come to her funeral, but you’ve locked yourself in this house for the last two decades like some kind of time capsule? Make this make sense.”
“Funerals are for dead people.”
It was an odd response, which on any other day I would have questioned if I’d heard him correctly. On that day, with the scars of the past ripping open faster than I could mentally stitch them shut, I shot back, “Oh, I know. Because unlike you, I was there. I buried her alone. I kissed her goodbye alone. I watched them lower her into the ground alone. You don’t need to explain funerals to me. I’m very well versed.”
He let out a low groan and breezed past me. He sat down on the couch, planted his elbows on his knees, and dropped his head into his hands.
And then…he said nothing.
I stared at him in disbelief, an enraging case of déjà vu making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
I wouldn’t do it again.
I wouldn’t beg him to talk to me.
I couldn’t force him into that suit the day of her funeral any more than I could force him to be the man I needed—then or now.
He’d said he’d changed. I’d believed that he’d changed.
It hadn’t taken a full twenty-four hours for him to prove me wrong.
Turning on a toe, I started for the door, ready to leave the past where it so obviously belonged.
“Do you remember when we first got married and we were so broke we couldn’t afford to eat anything other than peanut butter and jelly for, like, two weeks straight?” he asked.
I froze, my hand on the door, a knot in my stomach.
“You were still pregnant, and I felt like shit because I knew you were having cravings, but we didn’t have the money for anything else. Remember that game we made up?”
Pressure mounted in my chest as I slowly turned back to face him. “Eggplant Parmesan and Veggie Tacos?”
He reclined back on the couch, a soft smile playing on his lips. “Well, for me, it was Burgers and Ribs, but yeah, that’s the one. You know how we’d take a bite of the sandwich and then get all loud and animated, describing something totally different until we convinced ourselves it was actually a five-star meal? We were still eating PB I knew that firsthand. I’d spent a long time beating myself up about moving to Watersedge and subsequently paving the path for Kaitlyn to be sitting with him that day at the mall.
If only I’d moved somewhere else.
Taken a different job.
Fought harder for my marriage even when Truett had given up.
But that was the thing about life. You can only operate in the present with the experiences you learned in the past. Hindsight was no more realistic than unicorns or dragons when it came to decision making. It was simply a tool people used to convince themselves that they had control over the trajectory of their lives.
The truth was none of us knew where life was going to take us. When I’d lain in that hospital, a terrified teenager, holding the most precious baby girl God would ever put on this Earth, while the man of my dreams stood beside me, promising me the world, I never could have fathomed that six years later it would all be gone. But the future happened whether you were ready for it or not.
All at once, I released his hand and stood up.
His head tipped back, panic blazing in his eyes. “Gwen, no. Please don’t leave.”
I rested my hand on the curve of his jaw. “I’m not leaving you, but I’m also not staying here. And neither are you.”
His eyes flashed wide. “What?”
“Truett, I can’t even pretend to understand how you’ve done this for so long. We’re going to have a lot of long talks about finding you the proper help. But you asked me to give you a chance so here it is… In this house, Kaitlyn might be alive, but you are dead. This”—I waved my hands out, motioning around the room—“is the coffin you buried yourself in.”
He blanched, but I didn’t let it slow my roll.
“You have been sitting on that couch for so long the past has turned into the future, causing you to skip the present altogether.” I extended my hand, asking for his, and when he placed it in mine, I gave him a gentle tug, urging him to his feet.
He rose to his full height, his strong body towering over me.
Looping my arms around his neck, I peered into his deep brown eyes. “I love you.”
He dropped his forehead to mine, his arms folding around my hips. “Oh, thank God.” His lips brushed mine, seeking a connection I couldn’t yet offer him.
I leaned away, dodging his kiss. “I love you, but I can’t stay here with you.”
His body turned to granite. “Gwen—”
“But you can come with me. This isn’t the only place Kaitlyn still exists. You just have to let me show you.”
He stared at me; the weight of contemplation heavy in his eyes. “I don’t know, Gwen.”
“You gotta trust me, True. Do you want me to be a part of your life?”
He nodded rapidly.
My heart soared. “Then I’m going to need you to be a part of mine too.”