Chapter 27
THE PEEN CANNON
“It’s the cock cannon,” Hijinks crowed. “It stands up to vigorous thrusting.”
Ottis’ brain broke a little. Yeah, he knew there was a big fight going on.
But the mansion had a cock.
“Wh-why?” he croaked.
“Because once upon a time, Probe Master decided that any invaders could suck his dick!”
Ottis’ mouth opened and closed.
“The bad guys will get what’s coming,” Hijinks added.
“This is terrible,” Ottis breathed. What did the cannon even shoot?
The cannon had been lying flat against the ground. It rose up now like an actual erection, and the mechanical humming grew louder.
THOOM!
The cannon jerked. Sticky white fluid crashed into the new wave of attackers, knocking them back out through the hedge.
“Bullseye!” Hijinks cheered.
“Holy fuck,” Ottis whispered. “It fires cum?!”
“It has so much cum stored up,” Hijinks said. There came a few patting sounds. “It’s been neglected for months. Such blue balls.”
“What the fuck was that?” Sevrian cried.
As one, the invaders turned to look at the giant pink cock sticking out of the mansion.
Doc flashed a sharp smile. “You can suck my cock, jackass.”
Sevrian jabbed his finger at the flesh-colored cannon. “B Team, take that down.”
“I wouldn’t, if I were you,” Doc said ominously. He continued to hack at the men who surrounded him, instead of following the group that broke away to storm the mansion.
For a second, Ottis wondered if Doc wasn’t all that concerned about him and the pups.
Then the cock cannon blasted, and a deluge of white gunk flattened the attacking group.
The thugs struggled, but they couldn’t get to their feet. It was as though they had been glued down by the cum.
“It’s too sticky!” one of the men yelled. He flopped around like a fish.
Ottis clapped his hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh.
Hotcart came racing around onto the front lawn. Ottis would’ve yelled for the cart to return to the mansion, but no one paid any attention to it.
The cart rolled over the trapped men as though they were tiny bumps on the ground, squeaking its wheels like it was having the time of its life. Ottis groaned.
Doc was close to neutralizing all the invading thugs. Sevrian was growing increasingly agitated; his men were not enough to stop Doc.
“Give him up,” Sevrian snapped. “He’s not worth that much.”
“Then why are you still here?” Doc retorted.
Spots of blood dotted his clothes. They weren’t big injuries, but they still made Ottis worry. Doc twisted around, smacking the thugs’ spears out of their hands.
“I’ve put so much effort into Ottis. It’ll be a waste to let him go now,” Sevrian said.
“He wants you out of his life,” Doc growled. “Surely you’re self-aware enough to realize that.”
“It doesn’t matter what he wants.”
Doc made a sound of pure revulsion. “Who else have you hurt? Whose lives have you ruined?”
Sevrian scoffed. “I don’t ruin lives. I make people bend to my will.”
He was starting to shift. It made Ottis’ stomach twist, because he just knew Sevrian would wait until Doc’s guard was down, to kick him where it hurt.
In a fair fight, Doc could probably take Sevrian down easily.
But Sevrian fought dirty.
Was Doc prepared for that? Or would Sevrian slide a knife between Doc’s ribs while Doc was still in his human shape?
“Doc, he won’t fight fair,” Ottis blurted, right before white feathers sprouted across Sevrian’s face. “He’s a griffin!”
Sevrian’s clothes tore as he shifted. The top half of his body turned into a giant eagle, and the bottom half turned into the hind end of a lion.
Doc didn’t seem terribly surprised by the sight. “Well, you’re an embarrassment to your species.”
Sevrian hissed. “I’m not like them. I’m not a spineless, worthless piece of garbage!”
Doc’s mouth twisted. “Coming from you? Forgive me if I don’t believe that.”
“Shut up!” With a shriek, Sevrian launched himself at Doc. “The rest of you, hunt down that omega and bring him to me!”
Doc’s eyes flashed red. “You will not touch him again.”
He jabbed his sword at Sevrian, only for the griffin to dodge with a midair barrel roll. Sevrian dropped to the ground and leaped at Doc, flapping one wing to spin away when Doc slashed at him.
Their fight sped up. Ottis’ heart lodged in his throat. Doc could shift into his dragon shape, but he risked someone sneaking away to leak his identity as a dragon.
He and Sevrian matched each other with slashes and dodges, kicks and scratches. Ottis expected Doc to breathe fire.
Except something flashed, bright and silver. It was a wicked knife in Sevrian’s back paw, there and gone.
Sevrian leaped for Doc and twisted to one side, shifting one wing back into an arm. He flipped his knife from his hind leg to his hand. The next second, he lunged at Doc with the knife.
Ottis’ heart stopped. Doc was still in his human shape—handy with a sword, but weak against sharp objects.
Sevrian was about to stab him.
There was no way Doc could avoid it; he wasn’t fast enough.
The knife drew blood.
Ottis gave a tiny cry, so tense that he thought he might shatter.
Doc’s gaze snapped toward the mansion. “Ottis?”
It was a split-second distraction, but it was enough for Sevrian to stab him properly this time. Doc grunted in pain.
Oh gods, Ottis thought, his stomach clenching. He got hurt because of me. Because of a stupid sound.
“Ottis is fine,” Hijinks said, firing the cock cannon.
THOOM!
White fluid smashed into the closest thugs and flattened them against the lawn.
Doc punched Sevrian and leaped away, putting distance between them.
“I have to do something,” Ottis whimpered.
“Staying here is the best thing you can do,” Hijinks said.
But Ottis wanted so badly to be out there, helping Doc win against Sevrian. He pressed himself against the window, his heart in his throat as Doc took another stab at his ex.
Sevrian was starting to gain an advantage. Doc’s movements were slowing; he was distracted. By the stab wound?
Would Doc shift into a dragon now, or was he still wary of someone seeing him through the hole in the hedge?
The hole.
An idea jolted into Ottis’ mind. His heart stuttered.
Quietly, so he wouldn’t distract anyone, Ottis ran to the nursery and dropped off Marcie. Then he ran to the linen closet and grabbed the largest bedsheet he could find.
He shrugged off his clothes and ran limping to the side door, slipping out of the mansion. The moment the door closed, he shifted into a wolf.
He ran much faster in this form because he had three good legs instead of one. Ottis darted along the far border of Doc’s property, keeping his head down.
Some of the thugs saw him and gave chase. Ottis outran them, his heart pounding as he skidded to a stop behind Doc, next to the hole in the hedge.
“Sweetheart,” Doc hissed.
Crap. Doc had seen him.
“Ah,” Sevrian said with a nasty smile. “How nice of you to save me all that trouble, Ottis.”
But Ottis wasn’t listening to him. He shifted back into a human and snapped open the bedsheet, flinging it across the damning hole.
The thieves gained on Ottis. Sevrian lunged at him with his beak and claws.
Ottis panicked.
Doc shifted into a massive golden dragon, his clothes ripping.
Before Sevrian could crash into Ottis, Doc slammed into the griffin, knocking him out of the way. He grabbed Sevrian by the neck and pinned him with a scaly paw, his eyes flashing red.
“You disfigured Ottis and stalked him. You keep threatening to ruin his life everywhere he goes,” Doc snarled in Sevrian’s face. “I’ll give you one chance to prove that you should be spared. Apologize to him.”
Sevrian leered at Ottis. “Why should I? He’s real good at sucking cock. I could knock him up, but he’ll only get more whiny—”
Doc opened his mouth, and unleashed a stream of the hottest blue flames.
Beneath him, Sevrian shrieked as he burned to a crisp.
Ottis stared, his heart pounding.
For years, Sevrian had been a thorn in his side, a thing he had nightmares about. He had run from one alpha to another, going into hiding when he heard that Sevrian was on his tail again. His leg always ached when he remembered that alpha.
Now, Sevrian was no longer a threat. He would not bring danger to Ottis wherever he went.
It felt like a great weight had rolled off his chest.
Ottis swayed on his feet. “Thanks.”
“Don’t thank me yet.” Doc glanced at the hired thugs, who were now eyeing him with interest. “Get somewhere safe. I’ll clean up this mess.”
Ottis nodded and shifted back into a wolf, staying back while Doc roasted the men who advanced on him.
He made his way carefully back to the mansion. Twice, the remaining thugs came after him instead. Ottis had to kick them in the face; Doc breathed fire on those who tried to grab him.
Finally, he was back in the mansion, dressed and with Marcie in his arms.
Ottis went downstairs to search out Hijinks. The butler was in a small garage lined with plastic drums and a few workstations, wiping down the cock cannon.
“See? I told ya everything would turn out alright,” Hijinks said.
All of this felt unreal. Ottis could still smell the fresh blood and charred flesh; he could smell the strange chemicals that made up the cock cannon’s cum.
“Does Doc need to go to the hospital?” he blurted. “He was stabbed.”
Hijinks looked out at Doc hunting down the last few stragglers. “He’ll tell you if he does.”
“Okay.” Ottis perched on a stool and tried to focus on Marcie, but it was difficult. His attention kept drifting back to Doc. Doc had done all this to protect him; he had incurred severe damage to his property, and to his own body. Why would he want to keep Ottis around?
When Doc strode into the garage as a man, with a wad of cloth pressed against his side, Ottis leaped to his feet.
“Doc,” Ottis squeaked, his stomach churning. “Are you... You’re not alright. You were stabbed.”
Doc gave a crooked smile. He was completely naked, including his face—because all his clothes had ripped when he shifted. “I’ll be fine. He didn’t hit anything vital.”