[ 22 ] - doom
Doom [noun] - death, destruction or some other terrible fate.
author's note: apologies for the late update - it has been a crazy week!
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"What do you mean you saw me, Kane?" I slowly questioned.
He blew out an incredulous breath. "I mean, it was you I saw coming out onto the road instead of the deer." He sat up straight in his seat and cautiously drove the car back onto the main road.
I couldn't even reply before he opened the door and stepped out. The deer had run off when I had swerved the car, but he looked in that direction anyway.
"I'm going to find it," he said.
I quickly got out of the car and rushed to stand in front of him. "Hey." I gripped his face in my hands and forced him to look at me. "No you're not. Something just happened to you. You need to get back into the car."
"Rina," he objected, stepping forward as I tried to stay still. His hands curled around my wrists. "I need to see it for what it is."
"Kane, please," I begged, feeling my heart twist. Nothing about this situation felt right. "It must be a side effect of the spell. We should get back home and call Santiago."
He wasn't entirely focused on me, which was clear from the way he stared over my head. I felt the panic that crawled over his skin. My stomach constricted with anxiety. I didn't want him to go into the woods.
"Please, I'm scared."
He focused on me now and frowned. His arms wound around me and he pulled me into a solid embrace. "I'm sorry," he sighed and left a firm kiss on the top of my head.
I let him hold me and pressed my face into his chest. He raised my head with a hand to my chin. His eyes were searching, roving over my features.
"Were you—" he inhaled quietly. "Did I scare you?"
I stared up at him, noticing how he was preparing himself for an answer that would hurt his feelings. I felt the guilt flood through me. I wished I had never had those nightmares. "Kane." I slid my hands onto his chest. "I'm not scared of you. I know you'd never hurt me."
His eyes softened and he lowered his head to rest his forehead against mine. "I meant what I said to you when I first met you, Rina. You're mine to protect," he murmured against my lips, applying a light pressure before he kissed me.
I gripped his shirt tighter and closed my eyes.
This kiss felt different, as if he were trying to pour his emotions out.
He wanted me to feel what he was feeling, even without his mark on my neck.
There was a desperate passion to it, and I knew he was trying to drive it home that he would never hurt me. I believed him.
"Let me drive the rest of the way back," I said, slightly breathless after I leaned back.
His thumb stroked my cheek and he nodded. "Okay."
We quietly got into the car again. I adjusted the seat before I started the engine and began driving. We drove in silence for a while, and once we passed Inverness, I finally spoke what had been on my mind for the entire drive.
"I know you want us to mark each other." I glanced at him. "I'm working on being ready soon."
His hand settled on my knee. "Don't feel like you need to rush anything for me, Rina. When you're ready, we're ready. I'm not going anywhere and I'm happy with how things are going between us."
I brought the car to a stop at the red light.
I turned to look at him and held his hand.
"I know, Kane. I'm just worried that the spell will get worse if we don't. I.
..I think you almost shifted, and if you're seeing things, it means the spell is physically affecting you. What if your life is in danger?"
"One day at a time, right?" he replied, squeezing my hand. I knew he was scared, but he was hiding it from me. "Maybe we find a witch who can undo what was done."
I sighed. "The spell aims to separate us. What effect will it have once we've mated? No magic can break that kind of bond."
"Rina—"
I shook my head, realising that I had to work harder.
"You heard what Santiago said. Everything that has happened is pushing us to strengthen our bond.
Remember what happened when we—when I tried to go against it?
" I remembered back to when I had wanted to reject him.
I had never felt that much pain in my life.
His gaze slowly moved back and forth between my eyes. His voice lowered. "I don't want you to do anything out of obligation, Rina."
"You're my mate. It's not out of obligation," I countered, frowning. The lights turned green.
"I don't care what happens to me. You're my priority and if you're not ready, then you're not ready."
I squeezed the steering wheel. "I care. I care about you so much, and I hate that I'm not ready yet. I want to be ready. I can't be the reason something happens to you."
He was silent for a moment, and when I looked over at him, I could tell he was slightly taken aback. He cautiously spoke. "I can't let you have any regrets about me, so I'm going to wait for as long as you need me to."
I sank into my seat. I didn't want to have any regrets either. I deliberated over whether or not I should tell him why I wasn't ready. I decided that I should after I realised he deserved to know what was holding me back.
"I'm not scared of you, Kane, but having that nightmare of your wolf every night for three years—it did something to me. I-I can't control my reaction when I see your wolf. When you mark me...you'll feel it too and I don't want that to happen."
A deep frown marred his features. "I'm sorry."
I stared at the road ahead and made a turn into a side road. I couldn't concentrate on driving if we were going to finally speak about it. I parked the car. "You have nothing to apologise for, Kane."
"I do," he argued. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. You deserve a mate that doesn't bring you pain or scare you. All I've brought you is pain."
"Hey." I shook my head. "I deserve you. You're my mate for a reason. I don't care what is happening. All I want is you."
He exhaled and forced his gaze away to look out the window.
He was hiding his emotions from me and I couldn't figure out why.
The tension was building in his body—I could see it from the way he was pin-straight against his seat.
I stared at him for a few seconds before I decided to continue driving.
He was deep in thought and for once, I didn't know what to say. He looked like he needed space.
It was late afternoon by the time we arrived back home.
The sun had set on the drive back. I parked outside the house and waited for him to open my door.
He didn't meet my gaze, but I noticed the storm that was raging in his eyes.
He took our bags in for us and I quickly closed the front door behind us.
It was cold in the house, so he turned the heating up as I turned the lights on.
I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself as I watched him light up the fireplace.
I waited until he stood up straight to stand behind him and wrap my arms around his midriff.
I was silent as I rested my cheek flat against his back.
His hand slid over mine and we stayed like that for a while until I spoke.
"I know I can't see your wolf until your arm heals, but what if we try a partial shift?" my voice was quiet and my tone hesitant. It wouldn't be the proper thing, but I would see his eyes and that was all I needed to try and get over my fear.
He slowly turned around and finally looked at me.
He steeled himself and his expression was impassive.
I knew him better than that, though, and could see the cracks in his demeanour.
He didn't want to see my reaction. He silently nodded and reached down for my hand.
He lifted it and pressed it against his heart for a moment.
Then, he slid my hand against his cheek and leaned his face into it.
I closed the distance between us and slanted my lips over his softly.
His eyes closed and his eyebrows furrowed as he pushed back.
I walked backwards to put space between us and gave him an encouraging nod.
He inhaled deeply. "It's me, okay?" he uttered quietly before he closed his eyes. First, his claws elongated and when he opened his eyes, they were a blazing gold.
I took a shallow breath and braced myself. I was rooted in my place and in the silence, my racing heart echoed around the room. It's Kane. It's Kane. I repeated it in my mind like a mantra. You're safe, Rina.
When he spoke, I saw his canines. A double-edged sword. The canines that, in my dreams, sank into my jugular, and the ones that were going to mark me in real life. "It's okay." His voice was deeper and grittier. He stood completely still just like me.
I could hear the blood rushing in my ears and I exhaled shakily. When his shoulders sank, I was able to focus more on the crushed look in his eyes. It's Kane.
My foot felt heavy when I took a step forward. My legs were shaking. "Say my name. Don't stop saying my name," I pleaded.
He conceded, saying my name with every step. My breath had quickened by the time I was standing in front of him. I forced myself to stare into his eyes. They held no malice or the fury that I had been so used to seeing.
"It's me," he breathed out.
My knees felt weak. "Hold me by my waist..."
His feet touched mine as he shuffled forward and snaked his arm around my waist. I couldn't close my eyes, not yet, so I focused on his scent.
It comforted me and I fought the flashbacks with the new memories I had made with him.
I thought of our embrace in the parking lot of that restaurant we had gone to when I first got here.
I thought of how safe I had felt in his arms.
My hands shook as I lifted them to cup his face.
I had kissed him before while both our canines were down, but this was different.
When he had brought his canines out that time, it was because he had wanted to mark me, and when his eyes had darkened with desire, they were a dark honey colour, not this fiery gold.
Now, he had triggered the beginning of a shift, and he was holding the rest of it back.
I leaned in and exhaled shakily. He was letting me make all the first moves.
I brushed my lips against his, hesitantly at first, until the familiar feeling came rushing back to me.
My body finally rationalised that it was him before I linked my arms around his shoulders and kissed him more assuredly.
He tightened his arms around me and relaxed against me.
He sighed into my mouth and didn't hold back as he returned the kiss.
He lightly scratched his canines against my lips as they retracted and tilted his head as he reversed the shift.
Neither one of us pulled away until I completely relaxed in his arms. His forehead knocked against mine and he spoke breathily in between his follow-up kisses.
"Rina. You. Mean. Everything. To. Me. I'm in—" He broke off his sentence with a sigh. "I'm nothing without you."
My hand slid into his hair and gripped the short strands. I was still affected by our kiss. He copied my movement and tangled his fingers into my hair. He tightened his hold and tugged my head to the side to bare my neck to him. He buried his face in the crook of it and hugged me to him.
"We're going to get through this," he murmured against my skin. "You're safe with me."
I nodded, hugging him tighter. "I know. My nightmare never came to pass."
At the mention of my nightmare, he stilled in my arms. He leaned back to look me in the eye. "That's it, Rina..."
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"
He abruptly let go of me and I watched the frustration build in him. He began pacing. "I can't believe I didn't put this together sooner."
I stopped him in his tracks and settled my hands on his shoulders. "Kane! Talk to me!"
His hands caged my face and his fingers pressed against my jaw.
"That deer. I almost killed it, but I saw you.
I don't know how, but I was shifting and I was blacking out trying to stop it.
In your nightmares, you said I killed you every night, and it happened in real life—the day we first met and I chased you in the woods. "
"You didn't kill me, Kane. It didn't happen—" I was becoming frantic myself. What was he trying to say?
"Rina, what happened today in the car wasn't the first time. I saw you that morning in the woods, but I blacked out. I had stopped in the next town over and went to sleep. The next thing I remember is you looking at me through the gate with your leg bleeding."
He had blacked out, but that meant he had almost killed me that day.
My breathing shallowed. "W-why didn't you say that?"
He shook his head desperately. "I didn't know what happened, so I blocked it out. But I knew that I didn't want to kill you, Rina. You weren't a stranger to me."
My lips parted but nothing came out. I forced air into my lungs.
"I've figured out why we had these nightmares.
" He pulled me into his arms and hugged me as if he needed to remind me that I was still safe with him.
I braced myself for what he said next. I felt a heavy sense of doom.
"The spell wants to separate us, but we still met.
The nightmares must be how the spell fights against our bond.
You dreamt of me killing you over and over because that's what the spell must intend if we meet.
That's why I blacked out. Whoever cast the spell against me wants this to end with me killing you. "