Chapter 36
CHAPTER 36
brEE
She’s cold. She can’t move.
Her ears ring as she gazes at nothing, unblinking.
Everything is so heavy. It’s impossible to move her fingers. They stay frozen in her lap as she takes in shaky breaths, her lungs struggling to work.
Someone’s in the room with her.
An Alpha? The scent is delicious, familiar, and…
Cole .
Cole is in the room, the familiar scent of rust— blood —mixing with his essence.
No, she thinks to herself. He’s a killer, he’s the one behind all of this ? —
She thinks she hears his voice break, but the buzzing in her head is too loud for her to hear what he says.
She’s floating far away from everything and everyone.
She’s never going to come back, she decides.
It’s better that way .
Gone from Cole, Darlene, her mother, Carl…everyone.
She’ll disappear from the world.
She can be with her dad again. Her dad, who would know how to handle everything. Who wouldn’t be as weak as her, who wouldn’t have fallen in love with?—
She’ll get a different hotel and make sure that there’s no cleaning crew to check on her.
She’ll make sure she bleeds out this time. Maybe she’ll steal her mother’s blood thinners.
It’s done. She’s done.
She’s—
C’mon, kiddo, snap out of it.
Her father’s voice, the one she’s missed so much, fills her head, and tears fill her eyes.
“Come back to me,” another voice begs.
There’s nowhere to go back to.
A faint meow fills the room.
Is there a cat in the room?
“I love you,” that same voice whispers in her ear. “And I’m sorry.”
Sorry for what?
But she gasps as a sharp pain stings her neck. Strong hands hold her head in place, and light explodes behind her eyes.
She’s pulled out of the dark place in her mind and back to reality.
The reality where Cole just gave her a mating bite.
He pulls away, his piercing blue eyes inches from her.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “But it was the only way to bring you back.”
He looks just as stunned as she feels as everything crashes down on her.
“What did you do?” she ask softly, her eyes wide. “What did you do ? ”
He’s in her blood now. The core of who he is flows through her heart and mind.
She waits for his cold, twisted heart to poison her.
But it doesn’t.
His presence in her is calming, with no hint of malice or fear. All she feels is…
“Oh,” she breathes as she meets his eyes.
Safety. Protection. Warmth.
“I didn’t want it to be like this,” he swears, his hands trembling as he cradles her face. “I wanted it to be your choice. Always.”
She shakes her head in disbelief.
Cole’s in her soul now. He’s a part of her, just as she’s a part of him.
But that doesn’t change what he’s done.
“You’re a liar ,” she hisses, pulling away from him. The accusation pierces her chest, and she realizes it’s because she’s sensing his emotions. “From the beginning, you…what the actual hell, Cole?” she shrieks, moving away from him. “There’s a dead body downstairs! Why did you—oh God ?—”
The kitten, startled by Bree’s outburst, starts to meow, demanding attention.
“You never wanted it to be my choice,” she continues, tears running down her face. “You didn’t leave me a choice. From the moment I met you, you have manipulated and deceived me.”
The infuriating man shakes his head as he scoops the kitten into his arms. “That’s not true.” But his lips are pulled into a thin line, and she knows she’s hit a nerve.
Her chest continues to ache, her emotions a swirl of his agony and her despair. Their scents merge, the combination powerful and perfect.
She doesn’t want to admit that despite all her negative emotions, there’s a sense of rightness in her soul .
“Isn’t it?” she snaps, wiping at her tears.
It’s hard to stay mad at him with the way he looks at her with adoration on his face.
“I’m sorry,” he says simply.
It makes her furious, but her inner Omega is elated that she’s no longer alone.
But she’s exhausted .
The shock, stress, and mating bite have made her want to curl up in a ball and rest.
“Sorry isn’t enough,” she mumbles. “Not for what you’ve done.”
“You were catatonic,” he insists. “I…you weren’t…”
It’s the first time she’s heard him be at a loss for words. She senses his insecurities through the bond, and her first instinct is to soothe him.
But she can’t, not after everything that’s happened.
He may be her mate, but he’s hurt her and it’s not something that can be fixed with a simple apology.
“I’m terrified of you,” she adds, unable to look at his face anymore. “I was terrified since that day in the prison. And you’ve done nothing but scare me since .”
He remains silent. She contemplates running from him, but she doesn’t want to pass by the murder scene downstairs.
Also, she doesn’t want to leave him.
It makes her sick to her stomach.
She tells herself it’s due to the mating bond.
“I have nothing more to say to you,” she chokes out. “Just tell me when it’s cleaned up.”
Curling up into a ball, she climbs under the covers and surrenders to the exhaustion.
It’s all too much for her to bear.
When she opens her eyes, Cole is at the desk, murmuring.
At first, she thinks he’s speaking to her, but then she sees the kitten is in his arms.
He’s bottle feeding it.
She sits up with wide eyes as he handles the creature with a tenderness she didn’t know he possessed.
A primal part of her is delighted.
“Everything’s cleaned up,” he tells her softly, not taking his eyes off the delicate orange and white face. No longer in all black, he wears a fitted light grey sweatshirt and dark jeans. His hair is styled, and the blood has been cleaned from his face.
She watches, enraptured, as Cole coos words of encouragement to the kitten as it greedily gulps from the bottle. He pets its head gently, using his other hand to softly rub at the furry throat, ensuring it swallows properly.
Gone is the terrifying Cole from before.
All that is in front of her is a kind man with a tender heart.
Through their bond, she can sense his satisfaction at taking care of the kitten.
It gives her emotional whiplash.
“How do you know how to do all this?” she whispers, bewildered.
“My mother is a cat lady and a gardener,” he smiles softly, his eyes meeting hers. “I grew up fostering kittens.”
She balks.
This monster of a man grew up surrounded by kittens?
“That’s how you knew about the succulent,” she says slowly. “And what the white roses symbolized.”
He nods. “We’ve been gardening together since I was a child. And when we weren’t doing that, we were tending to cats. ”
The kitten continues to drink with Cole’s gentle guidance while Bree struggles to wrap her mind around what he said.
“She’s about four weeks old. She could eat wet food, but she prefers the bottle.”
“She?”
He nods. “It’s incredibly rare for an orange cat to be female.”
She blinks, shocked that he’s dropping random kitten facts after blasting her neighbor with a shotgun.
Stunned that he can be so gentle after everything he’s done.
“Do you want to try feeding her?” he asks, his voice low.
She doesn’t know what she wants anymore.
But they’re bonded, now.
So, she tentatively nods, and he joins her at the edge of the bed.
“When did you get all this stuff?” she asks him as she peers at the kitten. Its tiny face is covered in milk, and it looks up at her, letting out a soft meow.
“While you were sleeping. I went to the animal hospital in Elmwood and asked them for supplies.”
He hands her the kitten, and Bree cradles it in her lap.
“Like this,” Cole murmurs, reaching over and guiding her hands. In seconds, she’s bottle feeding it, delighted at the suckling noises the kitten makes.
It’s a far cry from what happened hours ago.
They sit there in silence, Cole watching her as the kitten takes its fill until it unlatches from the bottle and closes its eyes in bliss. He takes the kitten and bundles it back into the blankets tenderly.
It makes her heart ache.
“You owe me the truth,” she says lowly when he turns back to her. “All of it.”
He nods. “Ask me anything you want. ”
He takes her hand, and she doesn’t stop him. Their bond sings, and a sense of completion fills her at his touch.
She swallows. “Are you responsible for the murders in Elmwood and the others near there?”
She wants more than anything for the answer to be no.
If her mate is a serial killer…
His eyes soften. “Yes.”
Her gut churns and her blood turns to ice. She puts a hand to her mouth and closes her eyes, trying not to let a sob escape.
Her mate is a serial killer.
The man she’s tied to, her Alpha, is a killer.
She wants to scream.
“How many people have you killed?” she chokes out.
He shakes his head. “I’m not sure you want the answer,” he murmurs.
“ Tell me . You owe me that much.”
“Since I started…eleven.”
There’s no remorse in his eyes. None.
“Oh, my God,” she whispers, shaking her head. “No. You’re lying. Cole, please, tell me you’re lying.”
A flash of pity crosses his face. “I’m not, sweetheart.”
She begins to cry. He has the decency to look somewhat ashamed as she buries her face in her hands and weeps. She doesn’t stop him when he pulls her into his arms, cradling her to him as her sobs soften.
He purrs for her, even though he’s the cause of her tears.
“I have my reasons,” he says, but she shakes her head.
“Fuck your reasons. I don’t want to hear them.”
“Do you know the people I’ve killed, Bree?”
“I don’t care.” But she doesn’t leave his embrace. She allows him to comfort her, carding his fingers through her hair and wiping tears from her face.
“You think I’m a monster, but they’re worse than me. They’re the type of people who should be behind bars forever, but they’ve wormed their way out of the legal system.”
“You work in the legal system! How could you do this?” Even though she’s angry, her curiosity has started to build.
“That’s exactly why I did it. I loved my fucking job most of the time. I was able to represent victims and put away people for heinous acts. It made me feel complete, like I was doing something that mattered in the world. But I saw too many men go free, whether from bribes or other shady activities.” Cole’s voice is hard. “I was sick of it.”
She pulls out of his embrace and wipes her tears. “So, you just used your lawyer powers and decided who you wanted to kill? That’s insane.”
He looks at her pointedly. “Eugene didn’t just kill his wife. He had hurt other members of his family before that, Breana.”
Recognition dawns on her. “So, you came here to kill him?”
He nods. “And I happened to run into you, and it was the best day of my fucking life.” The intensity in his eyes threatens to ruin her. She could get lost in the impossibly light blue irises that see right through her.
“I don’t care .”
“Yes, you do,” he says softly. “The pull was there from the moment we met. You stopped denying it days ago.”
She holds back tears. “And where were you today?” she snaps. “Out killing someone else?”
“Stopping an attack on a woman.”
“Liar,” she croaks, not wanting to believe him. He doesn’t get to be a hero after what he’s done.
“I planned to come back to you immediately, but I ran into a girl being attacked behind an alleyway. My phone was broken in the process of fighting them off of her. ”
“ Them ?”
“There were two.”
“And did you kill them?” she asks, dreading the answer.
“No,” he says. “I wanted to, though. But I waited with her until the sheriff arrived.”
She sniffles. “And what stopped you this time?”
“Not ever wanting to have this conversation with you again.”
She swallows and closes her eyes. “You can’t mean that. You’re just going to stop killing because of me? You can’t put that burden on me. It’s too much.”
But she doesn’t move away from him. She stays near him on the bed, her heart beating rapidly.
He would stop killing for you.
What does that say about her, that she’s flattered?
That she’s honored that he would change the trajectory of his life just for her ?
“The men I killed were horrible people, and I’ll happily show you evidence of that,” he adds. “It was my purpose, for a long time.” He reaches to pet the kitten as he speaks. “My life made sense. I had my law work, and I had my…other activities. I never assumed I would find my mate.”
She watches him stroke the sleeping feline’s head gently.
“And then, by some miracle, I ran into you. I followed your scent, and I saw you, and I just knew . You were goodness, bringing joy into other people’s lives by telling their story. I read your articles, by the way.”
She looks up from her shaking hands. “You did?” she asks tentatively.
“Of course, I did. It’s your work. How could I not? I was proud of you.”
His eyes dart to her lips, and she parts them softly.
“You opened up to me. You shared the deepest parts of yourself with me, and I knew the trajectory of my life had changed.” He searches her eyes as he swallows nervously, this throat bobbing. “I’m so in love with you that it makes me sick. It makes me wish I had a time machine just to go back and erase every kill I made, just so you wouldn’t look at me with fear. So I was worthy of being your mate.”
“But you killed Eugene,” she whispers.
He cocks his head and smirks. “He called our cat ugly. Punishable by death.”
She chokes out a laugh. “You’re crazy,” she breathes. “Absolutely insane.”
“Possibly.” His gaze darts to her mating gland, which still throbs from pain. “I wanted to mate you since the moment I saw you,” he admits. “But I only did it like this to bring you back from wherever you went in your mind. You were disappearing,” he murmurs. “It terrified me.”
“I know. I went to a dark place.”
Has she forgiven him already, she wonders? Can she look past his murders just because they’re mates?
“You can’t kill again, Cole,” she whispers. “I mean it.”
He frowns. “If anyone ever tries to harm you?—”
“Then you’ll try other methods first, like calling the police.”
He gives her an unamused look. “There are better methods than that,” he grumbles, but she raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “But if you say so.”
She nods. “Okay,” she sighs. “There’s one more thing we need to talk about,” she says, and he raises an eyebrow. “Tracking my phone and having my panties.”
He shrugs. “That’s two things,” he counters, and she glares at him.
“You were in my room the other night, when I was?—”
“When you were touching yourself and thinking of me?” he supplies, and grins wickedly. “It was a lapse of judgment on my part, I suppose. ”
“You suppose?!” she balks at him. “You hid under my bed, you pervert!”
“I did. It’s more enjoyable to be in it than under it, believe me.”
She knows they’ll eventually go back to that conversation, but there’s more to discuss with him right now.
“You’ve been tracking my phone, too.”
He remains unphased. “You have a habit of wandering off alone. I won’t apologize for that.”
She scowls. “That’s how you found me at the cemetery and Ellie’s cabin.”
He nods. “As I said before, your self preservation skills need work.”
“Says the man going around murdering everyone,” she mutters.
“Exactly.”
She brings a hand to her forehead, doing her best to stay calm.
“So, what happens now?” she mutters. “Do you continue to stalk me on the way home? Do you lock me in your basement forever? What’s your grand plan?”
He remains silent for a moment. “My plan was to be with you, whatever way you would have me,” he admits. “And if you refused…” the kitten yawns, showing off sharp fangs. “…if you refused, I would never be far from you.”
She absently touches the mating bite, which still burns. She flinches, and he notices.
“I’ll never regret claiming you,” he admits. “Ever. But I imagined doing it differently, when you were screaming my name in pleasure. Not to pull you out of your own head.”
With Cole’s presence in her mind, she feels safer.
As much as she doesn’t want to admit it, there’s a sense of grounding that the mating bond brings.
“I think I’m starting to understand why you did it,” she says softly. “It’s everything else I’m not sure I can forgive you for.”
She watches him interact with the kitten, placing the orange furball on his lap. He dangles his fingers in the air and lets the animal nibble on them. The cat flops onto its back, kicking with tiny pink paws, and she can’t help but smile.
The mating bond warms between them as she sighs.
She doesn’t know if she can forgive him, but she would like to try.