Chapter 6 - Grace
The drive to our new home is one of the most stressful things I’ve ever had to endure, and that includes our major interactions with the snake, the horrible situation with Alisha’s ex coming after her, and the bullying I experienced as a kid.
Every terrible event in my life at least had a definitive end to it. I’m married to Dan. This is forever!
He tries his best to start a conversation with me, but I can’t connect with him, and it falls flat. I just know that anything I really want to talk about, he won’t understand, and I wouldn’t have a clue where to start if I wanted to learn about him.
Shooting people and going on secret missions isn’t my idea of a fun conversation. What else would a muscle-bound brute like this have to talk about?
I let the miles roll by, and the only time I loosen up enough to talk to him is when I tell him I used to visit the abandoned town, but I shut that down immediately, recognizing it as a dangerous topic.
It was during the long wanderings that I met the coven. I can’t talk about that. It’s all still a secret.
The thought of my sisters and their rejection of me just upsets me even more, so I hunch down in my seat, letting misery fill my heart. The sun slowly sets, the shadows swallowing us as they rise behind us, as if darkness is traveling faster than light.
When we get to the town, my heart lifts, and my dark mood begins to shift. I’d forgotten how beautiful the old town is, and the others have obviously been busy cleaning and repairing the place, making it even more beautiful than it was before.
When I see our house, I’m immediately charmed. It looks a lot like my cottage, but it has a whole extra floor above.
And probably an attic and a basement, too!
The only trouble is it looks bare, almost naked. I don’t think anything of it when I ask the plants to cover the walls, and when I turn around to look at Dan and Luke, I see their fully creeped-out faces.
Uh-oh.
I consider explaining to them, but I really feel they won’t understand, even if I stand here all night talking about the energy flow between all living things and the way it connects to me. I end up just turning my back on them and going inside to check out my new home.
As I turn away from Dan, I notice how wide his eyes are and the hard twist in his mouth.
That looks like more than just jitters… did I scare him with my powers?
I find it difficult to believe that a big, tough soldier boy could get scared of a few vines and flowers, and as I enter the house, an even darker idea blooms in my mind.
Could he be a witch-hater?
I pause in the hallway, my enjoyment of my new home suddenly shattered.
I’ve spent my whole life hiding my true nature and feeling ashamed of who I am. I only felt safe in the coven, even after Alisha came… will I have to hide myself from my husband, too?
The idea is too terrible to contemplate, so I shake it off and hurry upstairs. I can hear the guys talking, and I feel like they’re taking their time bringing all our stuff inside.
Go ahead, just take all night, then. It’s not like I need a shower or anything.
I reach the second floor, and the landing stretches out between the main bedroom and the bathroom, with one smaller, unfurnished room to the side. Only the main bedroom is furnished, and I refuse to think too hard about there being only one bed.
I go straight up to the attic, loving the big open space with exposed beams across the roof. A little window at one end lets in the starlight, and the pretty vines sweep their leaves across it, whispering to me.
It’s really beautiful. If I had to leave my cottage, I couldn’t ask for a better home.
Hearing the door slam downstairs, I sigh, letting my shoulders slump. My responsibilities weigh heavily on me, and I wish I could explain to everyone that it’s not just my duty to our pack and the alliance; it’s the fact that my sisters rejected me—again—and ordered me into this marriage.
I know they didn’t reject me, not really. They love me still. But they did order me to marry him and cast me out of the coven forever. My great destinies don’t seem like a gift at all under these circumstances.
I turn away from the little window, hurrying downstairs to see how the guys are getting on. Luke and Dan have all our bags inside and are saying goodbye to each other at the front door.
“So, we’ll see you tomorrow?” Luke says. “We’ll need a decent-sized meeting with most, if not all, of the pack to get a structure set up that suits everyone. It’s pretty chaotic, I have to warn you.”
“That’s to be expected,” Dan replies. “Don’t worry, that’s my first priority, and I’ve already got some ideas. You head off and get some rest. You’ve done an excellent job today.”
“Thanks, boss,” Luke says with a laugh. “As much as I admire your take-charge attitude, be careful how you throw it around. I might have to kick your ass.”
“You’re welcome to try,” Dan jokes. “But I truly hate to see you fail.”
The two of them laugh together and give each other a firm slap on the shoulder. It strikes me suddenly that Dan’s black ops buddies are to him what the coven is to me, except that he lived with them for years, and his family has now been broken up.
He must feel just as lost as I do, if not more.
Dan closes the door, then notices me standing in the hall. He gestures vaguely at the bags.
“Did you want to unpack now?”
“Not at all,” I scoff lightly. “I can’t think of a worse idea. I’d really love a shower, though. Is my blue bag here?”
“Is this it?” Dan asks, pulling my suitcase out from the pile of bags.
“Yes, that’s it. Thanks.”
“Do you need help taking it upstairs?”
“No, I’m fine,” I answer, grabbing the handle and dragging the suitcase up the stairs. It really is too heavy for me, but I’m not going to ask for his help.
“I’ll hunt around in the kitchen,” he says.
My frustration rises, but instead of giving in to my thoughts of him eating like a pig and not washing his hands, I remind myself that he probably didn’t have to worry about things like that on covert missions, and for all I know, he’s never even lived with a partner before.
Maybe he just wasn’t taught any manners or learned how to conduct himself in a civil manner. I have to give him some space.
As I finally drag my suitcase to the top of the stairs, I hear his footsteps in the hall below me. Even after my resolution to cut him some slack, my mind is already full of the mess he’ll probably make that I’ll have to clean up.
I drag my suitcase into the bedroom and give my head a hard shake as if I’m trying to remove the bad thoughts by force. Again, I ignore the bed, refusing to acknowledge that there is only one, and go to the bathroom to finally have a shower.
As pretty as my dress is, it’s not a comfortable gown to wear on a long, hot day, and it’s a relief to get it off.
It takes some time to pull all the pins from my hair and unwind the braids, and as my hair falls loose down my back, the tension eases out of my scalp, sending tingles of relief down my spine.
I take my time in the shower, letting the hot water soothe me. When I get out, I feel much calmer and ready to face Dan and have a proper talk.
Still not going to think about the one-bed situation.
I put on some comfortable pajamas and go downstairs, following the sounds to the kitchen. When I get there, I’m surprised to see Dan putting two cups on the table with a package of cookies. My stomach growls, reminding me that I haven’t eaten properly all day.
“What’s all this?” I ask.
“I made some hot cocoa,” he says. “And the others left us some groceries. I hope you like chocolate chip cookies?”
“Who doesn’t?” I chuckle.
As I sit down, he puts the steaming cup in front of me and offers me the package of cookies. I take a couple, holding back the urge to ask why he didn’t put them on a plate.
Maybe the plates aren’t unpacked yet. It might have nothing to do with him being an uncultured savage.
Dan takes a sip of his cocoa and bites into a cookie. I pick up my cup and take a small sip. The bitter, thick liquid hits my tongue, and I have to struggle not to spit it out all over the table. With great difficulty, I swallow the goopy muck, incredibly grateful that I only took a tiny sip.
“What is this?” I gasp, trying not to sound too hostile.
Are you trying to poison me?
“It’s cocoa,” he says proudly. “I like to put lots in. Really chocolatey that way.”
“How much sugar did you use?”
“Sugar?” he asks, looking bewildered. “I didn’t know you’re supposed to put sugar in it. I never have.”
I close my eyes for a second, trying to compose myself.
“Milk?”
Dan shakes his head, still looking completely confused.
“I just use hot water.”
I push my cup away from me a little, watching as Dan takes a big sip from his cup.
Oh. My. God.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I reply. “I’ll make my own cocoa from now on.”
“I want to help,” he says eagerly. “Just teach me what to do. I don’t want this to be the kind of marriage where you do everything.”
“That’s sweet of you,” I answer. “But I’m not sure it’s something you’ll easily pick up. I think it’ll be easier to just do it myself.”
“Okay,” he mutters, looking down at his cup. I can tell he genuinely doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with his lumpy brew.
I take a couple more cookies, and Dan does, too. His eyes dart around the room a little, and I realize he wants to say something but doesn’t know how. I hold back, not wanting to break the silence myself.
“So, did you check out the bedroom?” he finally asks.
I freeze up, my heart pounding frantically in my chest. It feels weird to have all my muscles locked, but my heart drumming like a rabbit’s at the same time.
“Yes,” I choke out. “There’s only one bed.”
“Oh,” he says. “I suppose that makes sense.”
He doesn’t elaborate, and my heart speeds up even more, making my hands shake.
“What do you mean by that?” I ask, my voice very soft and strained.
“Well, we’re husband and wife. We’re expected to sleep in the same bed. Making an impression on our pack is very important right now, and we should get used to being close to each other as soon as possible.”
I stare at him for a full minute, the nerves inside me slowly tightening up until I feel more rage than fear.
“How dare you,” I say, more harshly than I meant to. “Do you really think I’ll let you just take advantage of me?”
“I had no intention of doing that,” he answers, a hard edge to his voice.
“It just makes sense that we share the bed. The pack will be expecting it, and it will help us get comfortable together so we can build intimacy between us as well. I’m just as tired as you are, and I’d like a good night’s sleep, too. ”
“As if I could get a restful night’s sleep next to a man I barely know!” I snap, losing it, even though I’m trying hard not to.
“Don’t you trust me?’ he asks.
No.
“Yes,” I answer, somewhat grudgingly. “That’s not the issue.”
He watches me for a moment, as if he knows I don’t really trust him.
“Look,” he says, sighing. “I know this isn’t easy, but we are going to have to come to terms with it at some point.”
I stare at him, feeling the freeze in my muscles beginning to dissipate.
Oh, God. Don’t let me start trembling. I’ve had too much stress the last twenty-four hours, and I don’t want to fall apart!
“There’s a nice couch in the living room,” he says, suddenly standing up. “I’ll sleep there. We can talk about this later. Goodnight.”
He turns around, immediately leaving the room. I’m so shocked by his abrupt departure, I don’t even have time to say goodnight. All I can do is watch him go, an ache throbbing in my chest that leaves me feeling lost and confused.
It’s so hard to watch him walk away from me. It’s almost as if part of me wants to stay by his side.