Chapter 18 - Grace
When I wake in an empty bed, there isn’t even the slightest hint of fear in me. I can feel Dan’s presence nearby, and I know that after last night, we can never truly be apart again.
If he were on the other side of the planet, I’d still be able to feel the beat of his heart and taste him on my lips.
I hear his footsteps in the hall, then the sounds of him in the kitchen. A little smile creeps across my face as I realize I don’t give a damn if he sets the kitchen on fire anymore.
I don’t even care if he screws up making coffee, and that’s saying something!
I take my time getting up, cherishing every ache in my body as a memory of the night before. I’m amazed to see I’m not injured at all, not a single scratch or bruise.
How do you like that, Sakesh? You wanted me to come into my power—how does it taste?
The thought taints my good mood slightly as I realize I don’t know if I can explain everything to Dan yet.
The coven hasn’t given me the go-ahead to reveal all our secrets, but it seems wrong to keep it to myself now that Dan and I have come together and used our joined power to fight the ancient evil.
As I get ready for the day, I think seriously about what I should do. I send out tendrils of power, hoping to reach Kyra, but there is no response.
I can’t feel her at all. That seems strange…surely after last night, she can hear me, and I’ll be able to respond now that I have more power.
I’m still confused as I finish with my shower and get dressed, but I’m so excited to see Dan that I don’t think much about it. It will be easy enough to avoid the details for now, and I’m much more interested in spending time with him than deconstructing our encounter with the snake.
As I tie my hair back with a blue ribbon, I see myself in the mirror and giggle in a way I haven’t for far too long. I know I’m overly giddy and not grounded at all, but I feel so free and happy, I don’t even care.
I practically float down the stairs, hurrying over to Dan, where he sits at the kitchen table. As I approach, I expect him to lean back and smile at me, so it’s surprising when he keeps his eyes down. I kiss him on the cheek, disappointed that he didn’t want to give me a good morning kiss.
When he replies to me with a single word in a hard tone, I step back from him quickly, suddenly feeling the energy in the room.
It feels… heavy. Like I can’t move, can barely breathe. It’s like being in a tiny cage where the bars have blades. If I struggle, I’ll get cut to shreds.
For a few seconds, I just stare at him, hoping desperately that something will change. My heart constricts in my chest as if it’s tearing itself to pieces while I watch him keep his head down. I silently beg him to look up at me with his beautiful blue eyes.
And if he did, would they be deep, fathomless pools of discovery, or ice-cold daggers locking me out?
The thought scares me so badly, I turn away and make a cup of coffee, trying to hold in the scream growing beneath my ribs. My body is still humming with a satisfied glow from the night before, as if parts of me just want to jump straight into his lap.
Okay. At least one part of me wants that. Obviously, it hasn’t gotten the message my panicked heart is sending it.
My hand shakes as I pick up the coffee cup, so I put it down again and grab the edge of the counter, using the pain to ground myself. I force a deep breath into my lungs and hold it, waiting for the stress signals in my body to settle before I try to move.
When I turn around, I see Dan’s made some attempt to serve breakfast, and I have to wonder why he bothered.
Why do anything nice for me, ever again? He took the most powerful, wonderful event of my life and shattered it into a thousand pieces, but sure, have some yogurt and fruit, Grace, that’ll make up for everything!
As I sit down and sip my coffee, I keep taking slow breaths, but my emotions continue to boil.
When Dan suggests we go, I just get up from the table and walk out, not bothering to say anything or put away breakfast. I hear him clatter around in the kitchen a bit before he follows me, but I keep taking long, quick strides so he’ll have to run to keep up with me.
I still just can’t believe this. What the fuck happened?
A tear slides down my cheek, and I wipe it away roughly.
I know what happened. He’s a dumb, slow brute who isn’t capable of understanding an experience like that. It was too much for him, and he can’t meet me on my level, so he’s going to push me away like a coward.
A red-hot fury rises in me, so strong that my vision wavers.
I can never understand denying an experience like that. It was so pure and true, like a direct communication from the universe. The fact that he could even think about turning his back on it proves me right in every single idea I had about him.
By the time I reach the square, Dan has almost, but not quite, caught up to me. A lot of the pack have gathered to greet us, and I meet with the women, happy to have the distraction. I’m even more relieved when I see Alisha at the back of the group.
“Grace!” she says, hurrying over to hug me. The second her arms go around my shoulders, my emotions threaten to break through, and reality ripples with the force of my pain.
I know Alisha feels it, but she just hugs me tightly so no one will notice I’m upset.
Only a witch would have felt that, and as far as I know, we’re the only witches here.
“I came to help you set up some gardens,” Alisha says with a bright smile. “Some soil and rocks for the beds were delivered up the top end of town if you’d like to come up and show us how you want it set up.”
“That sounds great,” I answer, hiding my feelings with a calm smile.
We leave the men talking under the covered seating area and walk up to the open field. As we walk, I talk to the other women, and even though I can’t share all my innermost feelings with them, it’s still comforting to be in their company.
We spend a couple of hours setting up garden beds, with Alisha and me showing off our powers a bit as we move big rocks and soil and make exotic flowers grow straight out of the ground.
As the sun gets high, we all move off to sit in the shade for a while.
Some of the girls bring out fresh lemonade and biscuits.
Once we have some privacy, Alisha’s pleasant smile drops away. “Alright,” she says. “Tell me what the hell is going on.”
I shake my head and sigh, wishing my eyes weren’t immediately filling up with tears. Alisha grabs my arm and gives me a little shake.
“I could feel your melancholy the second you showed up, but just now in the garden, you’ve been displaying incredibly strong powers. Something went down, and you need to tell me what it was.”
I screw my eyes shut and take a deep breath, not even knowing where to start. I’m torn up on a whole new level about the fact that I can’t even tell her about the coven.
“I slept with Dan last night.”
“Okay,” Alisha grins. “That’s—”
“And I got attacked by the snake.”
“You fucking what?” Alisha shrieks.
“But it doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it fucking does!”
“Because he didn’t even acknowledge me this morning, and I don’t know what his fucking problem is,” I moan, putting my face in my hands and finally letting the tears come.
Alisha looks around to make sure no one has noticed her outburst, then gently rubs my shoulder. “Okay, honey. You’re going to have to run all that by me again.”
“Dan,” I gasp through my tears. “I had sex with Dan.”
“Before or after the snake attacked you?”
“After.”
“That sounds like a strange time to consummate your marriage,” Alisha says. “You didn’t get injured?”
“No—” I say, then the memory of Dan’s mangled body comes back to me. “Yes, actually. We both did. But Dan should be dead.”
“Okay, slow it all down,” Alisha says. “But first—does Rex know the snake was active?”
“I didn’t tell him,” I almost snap. “I’ve been busy this morning having an existential crisis.”
“Well, Dan is with Brad and Luke right now. They’ll pass it on, won’t they?”
“I imagine so.”
“Okay, because we need to tell him. I’m guessing there’s no direct threat, or we wouldn’t be sitting here right now.”
“No,” I say, wiping my tears away. “In fact, we kind of kicked its ass,” I finish with a little laugh.
“Roll back,” Alisha says, making a twirly motion with her finger. “Start at the beginning.”
“Okay,” I sniff, wondering where the beginning would be. “I guess… well, we had a fight. Then we kissed. Then we had another fight.”
“Oh, boy,” Alisha mutters.
“Then I went for a walk. I was pretty riled up. The snake attacked me out of nowhere. My powers weren’t enough, and I thought I was done for. Then Dan just appeared. He jumped between me and the snake.”
“Equal parts dumb and brave,” Alisha says. “I can’t see how this possibly ended well.”
I laugh softly. “That part didn’t go well at all. He melted like everyone else who gets anywhere near the thing.”
“Holy fucking shit.”
“Yeah. It was bad; he was beyond mortally wounded—there wasn’t much of him left. I grabbed his hand to pull him back, and…”
“And?”
“Something,” I breathe out the word, shaking my head as I remember the power that touched me in that moment. “Something happened. Power, unbelievable power. It poured through me, and it healed him. Then I directed it at the snake, and it made him run away.”
“Oh my goddess, Grace!” Alisha says. “You can beat it? You can beat the snake?”
“I don’t know about that,” I say. “I got him on the run, but I don’t think I hurt him. But right after he ran, that’s when Dan and I—”
“Fucked?” Alisha grins.
I grin back, appreciating her attempt at lightening the mood. “Yeah, we definitely did that. It was something insanely powerful on a cosmic level, but at the same time, it was just his body, and mine, and a sense of completeness, like we were made to fit together and could never be parted.”
Alisha doesn’t speak, and when I look up into her big violet eyes, she has a soft, knowing smile.
“Don’t give me that look,” I chide. “It’s not the same as what happened to you.”
“Not the same, but not that different,” she says. “And after all this, I still haven’t heard the big news, have I?”
I shake my head. “I woke up this morning so full of love for him. Even right now, I can feel him.”
I touch my chest gently, and I can feel his heart beating against my own, as if we’re still pressed up against each other. I even get the feeling that wherever he is right now, he’s touching his heart, too.
“And?” Alisha asks.
“And he would not even speak to me!” My voice comes out low and harsh. “He couldn’t look at me. I felt so betrayed—it was worse than having my heart broken, worse than waking up alone and finding out he’d left me!”
“Grace,” Alisha says. “I think you need to consider his perspective.”
I look at her in complete shock, and she just shrugs.
“What you’ve just described is completely terrifying to the average person. I’m only able to digest it because I have some experience with magic. Can you imagine what it was like for him to get burned to a crisp, then suddenly made whole again?”
“But that’s the thing,” I say, frustrated. “He was healed. So why should it be scary?”
“Because that was a fuck ton of magic, Grace,” she answers. “And the guys have been scared of this snake for a long time now. They’ve seen so many people die. He went up against it, and the worst happened… but somehow, he didn’t just survive, he gave it a good kick up the ass, too.”
“I’m still not understanding how any of this is bad,” I mutter.
“Not bad, Grace,” Alisha says. “Scary. Terrifying, even. Dan’s a big tough guy, always in charge, always knows what to do. He got thrown into the fight of his life, and something bigger and more powerful than him saved the day, and now he doesn’t know what to believe.”
“I don’t understand,” I say sullenly.
Alisha chuckles. “Yes, you do. That’s why you’re sulking.”
“I am not sulking,” I pout.
“I get it,” Alisha says, hugging me. “I really do. It was such a moving experience for you, on every level, and it feels like a complete betrayal that he won’t accept it now.
But I think you should give him time. He’s going to talk to the guys, so this is going to come back around soon enough.
Everyone will hear about this incident.”
“Perfect,” I groan, putting my face in my hands. “Everyone gets to hear about how my orgasm scared off the big, bad snake.”
“Well, to be fair, you said the orgasm happened after.”
I look up into Alisha’s solemn face, and we laugh. I put my arms around her and let her rock me back and forth, and as I think about trying to talk to Dan again, a wave of bitterness rushes through me.
I can’t look into those beautiful eyes and see them closed to me… not after what we shared. How can I ever speak to him again if he doesn’t open his arms to me?
“Gracie,” Alisha says, rubbing my back. “Shh.”
“I hear you,” I whisper, burying my face in her shoulder. “I understand everything you just said. But for now, I just need to cry, okay?”
“Of course,” Alisha says, tightening her arms around me and stroking my hair. “I’ve got you, honey. Just cry. I promise, everything will be alright.”