Chapter 10 - Sara
Spending the day out with Shawn has been pure agony. I had to watch myself the whole time, careful to always look like the loving, devoted wife.
As we walk back to Talon’s house—our house—I drop his hand and put a bit of space between us. I’m aware that someone might still be watching, but surely I’m not expected to be glued to him the entire time?
Being close to him, touching him, is stirring feelings in me I’d rather not think about. I’ve never really been attracted to anyone before, and I sure as hell don’t want my first experience to be with a power-hungry guy from a rival pack.
Shawn’s behavior today certainly didn’t help my resolve. He was so nice to everyone, asking all the right questions, as if he really, genuinely wants to help.
It could all be an act. It probably is. Father looks like a nice guy in public, too.
When we reach the house, Shawn steps back to let me go up the stairs first. He’s always such a gentleman, but it just leaves me feeling suspicious.
How long until the act runs out and he starts being a jerk to me?
I follow him into the kitchen, and when he turns and smiles at me, a genuine smile spreads across my own face. My heart leaps, just a little, and I know that this must be what it feels like to have a crush.
And from what I’ve read, they usually don’t work out too well.
“Did you want to sit down for a while and have a drink?” he asks. “I could make brandy sours.”
“Okay,” I answer, sitting down at the table. My emotions are a raging storm of confusion, but I do want to talk to him, and a drink sounds like an excellent idea.
“So…Shawn,” I begin, talking to his back as he pours the drinks. “You asked a lot of questions today.”
“Hmm? Yeah, of course I did. I want to know how the pack was run before, and how it got like this.”
I can feel a hot, sharp spike of anger rising in me, and it’s my deep, instinctual urge to protect Talon.
“It wasn’t Talon’s fault,” I say, a hard edge to my voice.
Shawn brings the drinks over, and his pale green eyes are wide and soft.
It must be hard to fake compassion like that.
“This is exactly what I need to find out,” he says, sitting down. “From all I hear, Talon was a great guy, but half the people in this town are close to starving. Meanwhile, some of the others have clothes and items that definitely weren’t made here on site.”
“Father says he has lots of things in his old shed,” I reply. “He and his father stocked up over the years, and that’s why he has new things sometimes.”
Shawn tilts his head a little, and I get the feeling he doesn’t believe a word of it.
Wait…why did I ever believe it?
“So, your father has access to nicer things than everyone else?”
“No,” I begin, my mind slowly going back over Father’s house and land. “I mean, the house looks like it’s falling down, and we don’t have nice furniture…but come to think of it, we did always have decent food, shoes, tools…”
“And your father shares these gifts with his special friends?” Shawn asks, his face dark.
“Yes,” I answer, feeling an uncomfortable bubble of uncertainty rising in my guts.
What is Shawn getting at here?
“Is it true that your father was close to Talon?”
“Yes,” I reply. “Father was his closest advisor after Grandfather disappeared. I’d stopped coming here a while ago, because Father made it incredibly difficult for me, but he spent more and more time by Talon’s side.”
“Interesting,” Shawn says, sipping his drink. “Do you know what they talked about?”
“I have no idea,” I reply. “I wasn’t involved in any pack business.”
Shawn taps a finger on the table lightly as he thinks, and I take a big sip of the ice-cold drink.
“I really need to talk to those elder folk,” Shawn says. “I want more information on how the town got like this, and why.”
“I understand,” I say carefully. “It’s your right as alpha to talk to whoever you want, but you aren’t going to get much information. Talon protected the town, just like his father before him. There’s nothing else to tell.”
Shawn nods and looks into his glass, tracing a line across the beads of condensation with his fingertip.
“I could tell you weren’t comfortable today,” he says gently.
Panic shoots up my spine. If Shawn knew that I wasn’t being genuine, then there’s a good chance other people—like Father—could see it, too.
“I’m fine,” I say, too quickly. “Everything’s fine.”
“No,” he says. “It’s not. What are you so frightened of?”
Even though he asks the question innocently enough, and he’s all the way across the table, fear blooms in my stomach, rising up to tighten my chest and block my throat.
“Nothing,” I practically squeak.
“Sara,” he says, and his voice is so deep and soothing, I want to let it work on me. I want to give in and be comforted, even if it’s a lie.
“I want you to know, I mean you no harm, and I won’t let anyone hurt you. You aren’t just the luna now. You’re my wife, and that means I will protect you, no matter what.”
I nod slowly, taking another gulp of my drink to dislodge the lump in my throat.
Oh, God, I want to believe him!
The horrible tension in my chest twists as if my heart is constricting. I want to believe that he’s a good man, and he’ll take care of me, but I know, deep down, I can’t trust him.
His people killed Talon and Jess. He came here to take the alpha position, so he clearly wants power. Then he took money for me and married me to bind himself to this pack! Now he asks all these questions about what Talon did and his father, so that he can rule us.
“Okay,” I answer, looking away.
I hear a small sigh come out of Shawn’s mouth, and he takes a sip of his drink to hide it.
“How long since your grandfather died?” he asks suddenly.
I look up at him in shock, not understanding where this question is coming from.
“What? Why?”
“Jackson. He said his father was killed outside the town, and that Talon was probably responsible. How long ago was that?”
“Oh,” I say, thoroughly confused. “About a year, I think. Not that long ago. Why?”
“Just trying to create a timeline,” he says smoothly. “It’s very important to me to understand the history of the pack. Does your father go away much, on hunting trips or anything like that?”
“He used to,” I say thoughtfully. “But not so much anymore. Hunting is pretty sparse because it’s confined to safe zones around the peak.”
“Interesting,” Shawn says. “And what about your family on the other side? Melanie isn’t your mom, is she?”
“No,” I chuckle bitterly. “I barely remember my mom. Jackson says she ran off. Other people told me she died. It really doesn’t matter which story is true. I’m just alone.”
Careful. Don’t outright expose Father and his abuse.
“Not anymore,” he replies, and even though his voice is low, there is a fierce note to it.
I look up at Shawn, feeling a heavy weight within me of words I can’t say.
I’m in a fucking minefield here, and I want to believe Shawn when he says I’m not alone. But I’m more isolated and in danger than I’ve ever been.
“Do you think I’ll get a chance to talk to the elders without any interference?” he asks. “I really want to talk to Leah.”
“That will be difficult,” I say. “The old ways are ingrained in her, and this is all like sacrilege. She withdrew from the moment they decided to attack Eccles, and she went into deep mourning when she found out Talon was dead. She must hate you.”
“I understand,” Shawn says. “But we didn’t mean to kill him.”
“But you still did!” I shoot back, my voice getting high. “Everyone’s so fucking sorry, and you keep telling me you didn’t mean to. But he’s dead, and you’re here, and everything’s fucked!”
“I’m sorry,” Shawn says. “I really am. But to us, they were just random wolves who attacked out of the darkness. That’s why I really want to get to the bottom of this, so I can understand exactly what happened.”
Tears burn my eyes, and I shake my head as they begin to spill down my cheeks.
“I don’t know what happened,” I whisper, grief making my chest tight.
“I don’t know why Talon would suddenly attack Eccles after generations of our pack never even thinking of going to that part of the mountains! It doesn’t make sense!”
“You’re right, it doesn’t,” Shawn says. “And I don’t think I’m going to get the truth out of your father.”
“You won’t get it out of the elders, either,” I mutter, wiping my cheeks. “They don’t know what Father and Talon talked about.”
“No, maybe not, but they did know Talon. Leah demanded he become alpha, yes?”
“Yes,” I answer miserably. “She would have fought Jackson’s father over it. The pack was almost split in two.”
“Now that is very interesting,” he says, drumming his fingers on the table. “How did they mend the rift?”
“The threat beyond our borders has always been stronger than any internal conflict,” I say, finally getting my tears under control and finishing my drink in one long gulp. “No matter how bad things are here, we unite in fear against what lies beyond Clover.”
“And I assume Jackson and his father were more than happy to help the new, young alpha in his role,” Shawn says softly. “All in the name of guiding him and helping him with the burden of rulership.”
“Yes,” I answer. “How do you know that?”
“Just a feeling,” he mutters, frowning. For the first time, I realize his expression isn’t just stern. It’s calculating.
What the hell is he planning? Could he be worse than Father?
“Let’s put all that aside for now,” he says, getting up to come and sit beside me.
He gently takes my hand and looks into my eyes.
“Listen to me, please, Sara,” he says. “I am committed to you as your husband. I have a lot of work to do here, and we were thrown into this marriage unprepared. I understand you didn’t want this, and probably didn’t get much say in it.
I want you to know, I am genuinely interested in getting to know you. I want this to be a real partnership.”
I stare into his face, mesmerized. Up close, his green eyes are flickers of deep forest green, dappled with paler shades as if sunlight is streaking through a dark canopy in a gentle breeze. His mouth is dark red, and his lips look soft and lush.
“Sara?” he whispers, squeezing my hand a little. He leans forward, and I can almost feel the heat rising in his body—and the way it is answered in mine.
“I can’t!” I snap, shooting to my feet. The moment his grip is broken, so is the spell, and I flee from the room, racing down the hall to the bedroom and slamming the door behind me.
I lean against it, gulping helplessly as more sobs rise in my chest. Wrapping my arms around myself, I shake my head back and forth, so full of pain and confusion, I don’t know how I can ever let it all out.
My life has gone from the worst to even worse, now into a pure nightmare. I have to get out of here!
I look at the window, imagining the horizon beyond it. The human world I’ve read about so often seems so shiny and beautiful, full of amazing wonders and luxurious comforts. Even poor people have food to eat and nice places to sleep—and the idea of going to movie theaters or live shows thrills me.
The dangers between Clover and Caliente are less frightening every day. I’m beginning to feel like I don’t even care if I get killed in one of those traps. Anything is better than being here.
I walk across the room and touch the glass, feeling it cool and smooth against my fingertips. Tears streak down my cheeks, but I pay no attention to them.
If you’re going to do it, do it now.
The urge rises, and I feed it, trying to raise the courage to open the window and climb through, then race west as fast as I can.
They’ll catch me…Father’s goons will come after me. I know exactly what Bruce wants to do to me. I’d rather get killed in one of the traps Father talked about.
I stand there in a state of pure conflict for a few seconds more, until a loud bang and a flurry of voices sounds from the other end of the house. I freeze in place, listening intently.
It’s Father and Melanie!
There is no mistaking their loud, obnoxious voices. I stay still, listening for a bit more, but not making out any of their words. I hear Shawn talking to them, and he sounds relaxed and happy in their company.
How can I believe anything he says when he obviously gets along so well with Father?
I step away from the window, drying my tears and taking a look in the mirror. Even though my heart is sinking like a stone, I know what I have to do.
I don’t have the courage to leave. So, I have no choice but to keep doing this.
Once I’m sure I look presentable, I go to the bedroom door and take a deep breath, composing my face into a smile I hope is believable.
Doesn’t even matter if Father knows I’m faking it. So long as I keep Shawn happy, that’s all that matters.
I hurry down the hall as if I can’t wait to join them, smiling as I come through the door.
“Father! Melanie! How nice of you to drop in on us.”
“My pleasure,” Father says with his totally fake, smooth smile. “We brought around some groceries for you, all donated by the good families of the pack.”
“How nice,” I say, going up to the table. “This looks wonderful. Let me make dinner for all of you.”
“How kind,” Father says, nodding to me. “You’re a good daughter.”
“I try,” I mutter, grabbing the box and turning my back on him before my temper can get the better of me.