Chapter 10
POV: Cain?
Fuck.
What the fuck was that, Cain?
I was sitting in my office chair and my head was spinning and at the same time, my wolf was howling inside me, begging me to chase after her and claim her.
But all I could think about was the kiss.
The way her lips felt. The way they froze me. The way they enraged me. The way they made me into a mess of contradictions.
I didn’t feel like an Alpha right now—not in her presence, not crippled by the feeling of need—of want—of taking what’s mine.
But the duality of it was that I couldn’t take what belonged to me—what I needed—what I wanted, because I didn’t even know if I wanted her to belong to me yet, as my Luna.
I slammed down my fist on my desk, cracking the wood and snarling as I looked down at the imperfection I had just created.
I tried to make sense of it—-of my longing for her—of why the moon goddess chose this godforsaken bond in the first place—of why my restraint snapped and let me kiss her.
But I found no answers.
There was no explanation of anything.
Because our bond wasn’t explainable. It was just as unexplainable as the mere existence of werewolves in general.
The bond wasn’t rational. It wasn’t natural. It was beyond both. I was an infinite notion that took and gave, and never with any sense.
And here I was—-suffering from it. And dragging her down with me.
The poor girl probably had no idea what was going on. She was probably confused, scared, even delusional. She had no idea why electricity surged when we touched, or our insides flamed when we kissed, or why she was attracted to me—beyond physical qualities when she didn’t really know me.
At least I knew what was happening.
I still hadn’t decided my choice.
And here I was, taking advantage of her—kissing her, despite my reservations, claiming her, strengthening our bond, even when I wasn’t sure if I would ever solidify it.
Fuck, Cain. You’re a damn asshole, I cursed to myself.
I sprung out of my chair and began pacing around my office, back and forth, incessantly, thinking of my next step.
I didn’t regret it. In fact, I wish I never stopped kissing her.
But I didn’t know where to go from here.
Should I pretend like nothing happened, tomorrow? Should I text her tonight and apologize? Should I make up an excuse and tell her I was drunk? Should I do it again—and this time, not stop there?
I considered a few things.
Maybe I didn’t need to bring her back to my packhouse. Maybe we could have a relationship from here—I could keep men to guard her, I could keep her in my penthouse, I could buy her a brand new car and anything her heart desired, and tell her I have to travel for work. We could live a secret life here away from my pack and everything might be….alright.
But my wolf howled inside me, arguing that it was a horrible option—hiding my true self from my goddess given mate and from my world. He argued that it wouldn’t ever work.
And I knew he was right.
I couldn’t live a double life with her—my mate. It wouldn’t be right.
I slumped into a seat on my black leather couch and looked out at the Denver skyline. Picturesque as usual.
I pictured her driving home, probably thinking about the kiss the same as I have. Then I pictured her confused and going to sleep with concerns, and that hurt me. It pained me to think of causing discomfort to my mate.
I pressed up into a seat on the couch, placing my elbows on my knees, and my head into my hands.
I regretted nothing, if anything I only wanted to do it over…again and again.
But I knew I couldn’t tell her the truth—not now—not yet. I couldn’t risk it.
I knew what I needed to do.
I needed to pretend like it never happened—-like it didn’t mean anything.
I needed to be calm, collected and cold.
I needed to set boundaries for both of our sakes tomorrow.
POV: Kiera:
I couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss.
About the tingles—the sparks—the fire that burned into me.
I didn’t want him to stop. Ever.
And when he did, I could feel his kiss linger on my lips like a phantom touch.
Then the most perfect kiss I had ever received was ruined…just like that.
Cain’s eyes went cold instantly, and when he ordered me to leave, I almost broke down right there.
Why did I want to cry when he told me to leave? And what was going on with his eyes—they glowed or did they? And did he regret kissing me? And could I get fired for this?
I had so many questions yet zero answers.
And I knew I couldn’t just walk in tomorrow and question my boss, though I wanted to, I knew I had to pretend like it never happened, because I was almost 98% certain he would do the same.
So, I went to bed, dreaming of the kiss and the way his eyes glowed a golden color and the way the entire world around us paused.
And when I woke up to a blaring alarm and brushed out my knotted blonde hair, I knew today would be either awkward or difficult, or maybe even both.
It was exactly 7:58 am when I knocked on his office, with his usual coffee order, and waited for his reply.
Silence.
I knocked again, this time two raps instead of one, “Mr. Naughton—”
A loud rumble came from behind the door. “Not now.”
Not now?
I knocked again, “But I have your coffee.”
Silence.
Fine, whatever then.
I stomped away from the door and set the coffee down on my desk.
I don’t even want to talk to him today anyways.
But that was a lie. I totally did.
Still, I pressed that feeling deep inside me and got back to work, screening his e-mails, phone calls, and handling his calendar for the rest of the day. Luckily, we didn’t have any actual in person meetings the rest of the day. Cain had one zoom meeting, which he insisted he’d handle without me, by sending me a one line e-mail.
I wanted to type out a sarcastic reply like, “Sure thing, boss. I will make myself invisible today because of your choices.”
But I didn’t.
I chose the more politically correct response, “Alright. Thank you for informing me. Please let me know if I can be of any assistance for the remainder of your day.”
I leaned back in my office chair, closed my eyes and slumped my shoulders in annoyance.
Then my phone buzzed.
I glanced down at the screen.
Jason.
Jason’s a guy I’ve gone on my first rebound date with after I broke up with my ex. He’s attractive, employed, and is sweet.
Maybe Jason can get my mind off of Cain.
I glanced down at the text.
Jason: Hey, you. I hope your week is well. Call me when you get a second.
I guess I could take my lunch break now since my boss is still dead set on avoiding me.
I sent off a quick text to Cain.
I’m leaving for my lunch break. Let me know if you need anything.
Then I grabbed my sunglasses and purse and dialed his number as I stood in front of my desk.
“Hey Jason, how are you?” I greeted.
He answered the phone with a cheerful tone. “Great. Just thinking of you. How are you?”
“Fine, I just started a new job this week.”
“I’d love to hear all about it over dinner tomorrow night, if you’re free?”
I thought about it for a second.
Jason didn’t scream sparks like Cain did but…I guess sparks can be….invented? Who knows. All I know is I need to be wined and dined and have a night away from thinking of Cain.
“Yes, I’d love to get dinner tomorrow night.”
But as soon as I said the words, Cain’s door opened and he took up the entire entryway with his large body.
He couldn’t have heard what I said, could he?