Chapter 29
POV: Cain?
It’s been two days since I learned of the news—that I couldn’t mark my own mate.
I understood it. Goddess, I understood why I couldn’t mark her, for the sake of her health and for the sake of the baby but my wolf did not understand it. It was a foreign concept to him, especially since the announcement to the pack and the acceptance of the bond. The only thing that made sense to him was marking her—claiming his mate once and for all.
I laid next to her this morning and it was practically unbearable. Unfucking bearable.
But I couldn’t ice her out. It would only place a barrier between us that we didn’t need, and show the pack that we were misaligned.
So, I laid next to her with my hand wrapped tightly around her waist, and her ass squished against my dick, and I tried not to think about what it would feel like to sink my teeth into her neck and claim her finally. I told my wolf no repeatedly—every minute for the last hour.
Eventually, I couldn’t take it any longer, so I rolled out of the bed and onto my feet.
Kiera stirred beside me, fluttering her eyes open and yawning. “Going somewhere, Alpha?”
It was supposed to be a joke.
But it did something to my wolf.
It made him wild.
My eyes flashed gold. And I had to stop myself from practically lunging at her and marking her.
“I have to go,” I replied, turning on my feet and walking out of the room as quickly as I could.
I knew that would hurt Kiera. I knew she would be confused. But I had to. I had to fucking leave before I risked everything—losing her and the baby, by marking her.
So, I went to the only safe place I knew.
The forest.
The early morning mist rolled across the forest floor, clinging to the trees, the ivy, the moss, and creating fog around me.
I lifted my nose to the air, inhaling the fresh scent of the forest and reveling in the quiet around me.
My wolf was at peace here, away from her scent and her overwhelming presence, which caused constant agitation. I needed to ground myself and rein my wolf in.
I shifted easily, my bones cracking, my skin turning into fur and my eyes turning to the golden color of my wolf’s. My paws sunk into the wet, damp soil as I ran. I ran far into the forest and towards our pack’s edge.
My wolf came to a stop at a cliffside, and overlooked the world from its ledge.
After a few moments of staring into the abyss ahead and tiring out my wolf, I decided I needed to shift back into my human form.
The shift was painful this time, my wolf fought against me, trying to wrestle for control, to keep myself in this form.
But I forced him back, reseizing control and shifting back into my human form.
My knees and palms were pressed into the long grasses and dirt as I breathed unsteadily, each breath was ragged, as I forced my wolf back deep inside of me.
And when I did, I nearly fell to the ground, glancing up at the clear blue sky.
I stayed like that for a while, laying there, thinking, and contemplating everything.
Would I lose control? How would I go on like this— for days—let alone months?
I forced my eyes closed and heaved in another deep, clean breath.
Because soon, I’d be back in that house, and everything around me would smell like…her. And I couldn’t breathe there, not without my wolf pacing, howling, and begging to mark his mate.
Fuck, I muttered under my breath as I got to my feet and shifted back into my wolf form and ran back towards the house.
As I neared, I saw Kiera staring out the window, washing dishes. Her gaze immediately went to my wolf.
My wolf began to fight for control, excited at the sight of his mate.
I forced him back, running in circles, trying to tire him out and seize back control. It took at least 10 minutes before I was able to calm him and force him to give me back control, and allow my shift.
And when I did, Kiera was standing in the doorway, with a look on her face that was a mixture of confusion and fear.
“Are you okay?” She asked quietly.
“Fine,” I mumbled, getting to my feet, keeping my gaze forward as I walked past her.
As I passed by, I knew Kiera was watching—waiting, confused, concerned, but unable to move. She lingered in the doorway, and I could feel her hurt like a weight in the air. It cut deep, but I knew—I knew this was for the best.
“I’m going to go shower,” I said, turning down a hallway and out of her sight.
“Okay,” she said, her tone was barely above a whisper.
And as I showered, I could feel the distance between us—mentally and physically.
And it stung. It fucking stung like a bite would.
It was so fucking ironic that that’s how I thought about it, but it was the truth.
I pressed my palm into the shower tile and hung my head low, letting the water cascade down my backside and rinse my body of earth. But it couldn’t rinse my thoughts of her—of my yearning to claim.
I knew that once I stepped out of the shower, once I kissed her and sat beside her then I’d be right back on the edge of losing control.
And that thought absolutely terrified me.
Losing control. Losing my mate. Losing our baby.
When I exited the shower, I took my time doing so. I moved as slowly as I possibly could, because right now…being near her…my own mate…terrified me.