10. Adam
TEN
Adam
Adam
I don’t know what I was thinking. As soon as Marshall asked if they could stay longer, I said yes, knowing this was the worst idea ever.
Was that yes for his benefit, or for mine?
As much as I loved my son, I couldn’t ignore the knot in my gut.
I was being selfish. I was keeping Casey close for my own motives: stealing him from my son.
Seriously, Adam? Is this what you’ve stooped to?
I barely noticed I’d run my third stop sign when a car almost rammed into me at the intersection.
Old Mrs. Bandle in her ancient cream Plymouth.
I think it was older than both of my sons.
Something had to be broken in the engine because she never went over 15 mph, but it somehow still ran enough for her to get to the grocery store and back.
She drove past me at a glacial speed, and I wondered if her car was even running or if this was just inertia.
I gave her a friendly finger wave from the steering wheel, along with a smile that felt as fake as plastic fruit.
She didn’t return it, she just kept petering by slower than a snail.
Once I was free, I drove as fast as the speed limit would allow until I was at my latest work site.
Burnie’s Pharmacy wanted new landscaping on their small lot.
Some trees, bushes, and flowers. Business wasn’t always booming in a town this small, but being the only landscaper in Oakridge had its perks.
Lane and the rest of my team were still finishing up Ms. Caitlyn’s yard, so I had this job all to myself.
I needed the distraction. The mind numbing repetition.
The ache in my muscles after a long day's work. And that’s exactly what I got.
I unloaded my truck bed and started the most backbreaking part of any job: digging up grass and weeds before plotting out where everything would go.
An hour later, my hands were sore. My legs and back ached.
But the burn felt so good. It dulled my senses, and made my raging libido a faint whisper inside my mind.
It’s how I’d survived for twenty years without someone in my bed, and that’s exactly how I would survive my attraction to Casey. I would work until I felt nothing.
Wiping the sweat from my forehead, I rubbed my filthy hands across my pant legs and went to the truck for a drink.
I kept a cooler inside the cabin, loaded with cold water and something to eat.
The water cooled my heated body almost instantly, making me forget how hot the sun was.
I poured some of it on my hair, shaking my head like a dog, the droplets trickling down my face.
I enjoyed being alone like this, with just the burning sun and long work ahead of me. But for the first time in I don’t know how long, all of my focus was back home, with Casey. I downed more of the cold water and patted my neck dry with an old cloth. Not enough work, it seemed. Back to digging.
“Adam!” A car pulled up to the pharmacy, and a familiar face poked out from the window.
Father Oscar, the church’s priest, and one of my oldest friends.
He parked and got out, walking over to the tree I stood under.
He’d traded his church robes for a pair of jeans and a black button-up shirt with a white priest collar.
His long white hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and the short tendrils around his face waving in the breeze.
Even this close to him, I could barely smell his pheromones.
While the papacy didn’t require chastity from its priests, they were expected to keep their scent under control.
“It’s nice to see you. I heard Marshall is back in town.
” Of course, he knew. Everyone knew. It was hardly a surprise when everyone knew everyone’s business in Oakridge.
Ignoring the unasked question, I tossed my empty water bottle into the truck cabin and slammed the door shut. That was more an answer to his inquiry than actually talking.
“I see. You and Marshall left things on bad terms when he moved away. Did you have another falling out with him?”
I picked at the dirt under my fingernails, enough that my skin stung. Anything to keep myself distracted. When I closed my eyes, Casey consumed me. “We didn’t… fight,” I admitted.
“Yet,” he added with a smirk. “Your sons are exactly like you, Marshall especially. It was only a matter of time before you butted heads with him again.”
I wished this was only about a fight with my son. That would be easier to deal with. “I wasn’t angry with him for leaving.”
“I know that.” Oscar paused, leaning against the shade tree while I grabbed a shovel. “You should’ve come to see me. I’m always here for you to talk to.”
“Do I have to have problems to see my friend?”
The way he stared down at me, like a schoolmarm about to scold someone, almost made me laugh. “Adam. Seriously. How long have we known each other? You don’t even come to church on Easter like everyone else.”
He had me there.
His head tilted to watch the leaves wave in the breeze.
The way the sunlight fell over his face, highlighting his features with a soft glow, might’ve entranced me at one time.
Before Laura, and before he became a priest, we used to know each other on…
different terms. It was never serious, and neither of us felt truly fulfilled with the other, but he was a faithful companion.
Our lasting friendship after we ended things only proved that.
“So? What’s on your mind?”
I trusted Oscar with my secrets, more than I did anyone else, and not just because he was a priest and therefore obligated to keep our conversations private.
But… could I really admit to him what was truly plaguing me?
How could I tell my best friend I was lusting after my son’s mate?
No, I couldn’t say that, not even to him. I had to make something up.
“It’s nothing. Just some… unresolved… it’s nothing.” Oscar’s eyebrows rose so high they almost disappeared into his hairline, but he waited for me to continue before saying anything. “There’s someone I… never mind.”
Oscar’s surprise turned into glee, a wide grin stretching across his features. “Adam.”
I slammed the shovel into the ground, gripping it until my hands hurt. “Calm down. I didn’t mean that.”
“You haven’t been interested in a single soul since you lost Laura, beta, omega, or Alpha.
” I raised an eyebrow at him, and he held his hand up to stop me.
“I don’t judge. We both know David prefers other Alphas.
Some people don’t really approve of that, but scripture tells us to be accepting of everyone, no matter who they love.
Plus… he’s happy with Dina. I saw him last week at the courthouse. He’s never smiled like that before.”
Oscar was right, of course. David had a bounce in his step since he started staying at work late. Dina was kind and always had his back. I only wanted the best for my sons. But I couldn’t remember the last time I wanted the same for myself.
“It has been a while,” I admitted.
“Twenty years,” Oscar reminded me. “The boys were so little when she passed.”
I stared down at my dirty hands, scarred and scuffed from years of yard work. Laura used to harp on me for not wearing gloves. I still didn’t wear them. “She stayed fresh in my memory all this time. I thought I would never move on. I didn’t even want to.”
“You haven’t taken a lover since she died.” It wasn’t a question. He knew me better than anyone.
“Aside from heat bars for my ruts, no.”
“Twenty years is a long time, Adam. Meaningless ruts are a paltry substitute for the real thing. So someone has finally caught your eye?”
Looking away, I tried not to picture Casey, but his dark eyes crept up on me, and I was breathless remembering the way he looked this morning.
That timid expression on his face as he ate, as if he was afraid I would swallow him whole while Marshall watched.
I wanted to make him scream with pleasure and punish him every time he tried to resist me.
“No,” I responded, biting my tongue until it hurt.
“I just…” Scrubbing a hand down my face, Casey consumed my thoughts.
Was Marshall touching him right now? I didn’t want anyone else to touch my omega.
“I think my hormones are playing tricks on me. It’s been too many years since I had someone.
” It felt like a reasonable explanation for these forbidden desires, but it didn’t erase them. It only made them worse.
“Laura centered you. You were calm with her. Happy. That’s all we’ve ever wanted for you to find again.”
“Centered,” I muttered under my breath. That wasn’t at all how I felt. Was there truly a word to describe this feeling? Unhinged. Desperate. Hungry. They weren’t enough. “I feel feral.”
It was only when Oscar’s smile grew that I realized my grumbles were loud enough for him to hear. “So you did find someone.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, growling under my breath. Stupid. He can’t find out. No one could ever know. “No. Don’t be stupid.” Swallowing, I opened my eyes again, staring at my tool caddy on the sidewalk. “There’s no one.”
“If you say so.” His knowing smirk said he wanted to keep pressing me, but he knew it wouldn’t go far. “Come by the church if you need me. Tell Marshall I said hello.”
He waved goodbye and went into the pharmacy, leaving a few minutes later with a white paper bag. I swore under my breath as he drove away. That was way too close. I almost blew everything.
If he knew how I felt, if he knew how maddening this tug of desire was, would Oscar set me straight before I ruined everything, or would he understand it was something I couldn’t ignore? I didn’t know what I feared more: hurting my son, or losing my omega to him.
Was I looking for a reason to stay away from Casey, or permission to take exactly what I wanted from him?
I threw myself back into the job, doing two days worth of work before I was too exhausted to keep going. If that didn’t calm me down enough to control myself, then I didn’t know what would.