Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Matthias
I stand in bear form in the woods on the edge of town, staring at the Daisy Day Cafe.
Maisy Maisy Maisy—
I haven’t slept in five days. Haven’t been in human form in as long, either. I stay up all night watching Maisy through her window. I followed her to the cafe, keeping to the forest, so she couldn’t see me. I shouldn’t let myself be seen in bear form, even if half the town knows what I am.
The trouble is, I can’t stay away from Maisy.
Even now, I’m waiting for her to come to the front door to unlock it for the day. Maybe I’ll get a glimpse of her sweet smile as she greets her regulars.
Maisy Maisy Maisy—
I catch the scent of my brothers in the wind. Everest is nearby. He smells like bees wax and honey because of the hives he keeps. He’s been watching over me as I watch over Maisy. But I also scent the peppery smell of the twins–in human form.
I veer to the left and race up the mountainside. I don’t want to talk to them. I don’t want to talk to anyone.
“Catch him, Everest,” Darius yells.
Oh, fuck no. I turn again and run faster, but Everest catches me in a flying tackle. The two of us roll together in the snow. His bear is bigger than mine, but mine is ragey from being deprived of his mate, so he can’t keep me down.
Except then, Teddy and Darius join the fray, pinning me down in the snow.
I bare my teeth and roar. Everest cuffs my ear with a swipe of his giant paw. I roar again. My three idiot brothers ignore my rage, and drag me up the mountain by my arms and legs.
When we get to my cabin, they throw me on the floor inside and slam the door behind them. They leave Everest outside because of the rule we made that he has to be in human form if he wants to be indoors.
Teddy uses an alpha command on me. “Shift.”
I refuse. I’m more dominant than him.
“Shift, fucker,” Darius also uses alpha command.
When I remain in bear form, they exchange a look. It takes me longer to decode the look because I’m in bear form, and my thinking is different, but then I catch the acrid scent of fear, and I understand. They’re afraid for me.
They think I’ve turned feral.
Maisy. Maisy. Maisy.
Maybe I have. I haven’t taken the Moon Cure since Maisy caught me with it in Vegas. Knowing how much it bothered her, I couldn’t take it again.
Which, I guess, leaves me…
Fuck.
I attempt to shift.
The twins try again at the same time, infusing the word, “shift” with alpha command.
It works. I find myself naked on my ass on the cold wooden floor. I ignore the relief on their faces and glare up at them.
“You need a shower.” Darius points toward the bathroom. “Now.”
I try to speak, but only bear growls come out.
The twins exchange another worried look with each other.
Not wanting to deal with their concern or have a conversation with them, I get to my feet and stomp to the shower. Darius is probably right. I haven’t showered in days. I’m sure I smell.
Walking is difficult. I’m not used to walking on two legs, and my feet feel like they’re made of lead. My chest feels like an anvil cracked my ribs and remained there, weighing me down.
This is what it’s like to live without claiming my mate.
Maisy
“I have a grande mocha latte with extra whip for Sara,” I call, and a tall blonde woman approaches the counter. I recognize her from the front desk at the clinic.
“Thanks, Maisy. I also was going to pick up the to-go order for Nancy?”
“Oh it’s right here.” I grab it and hand it over. “Nancy the nurse, right? At the clinic?”
“That’s right. It’s good to see you back.”
“Thanks.” Most of the townspeople know I was gone. They know the Bad Bear Bros were involved too but don’t know the extent of it. Just that there was some bad business I got tangled in because of my dad, and Matthias and his brothers pulled me out.
Matthias. It still hurts to think of his name, but not as bad as it was a few days ago. Like pressing on a bruise or running a finger over a raised scar. The pain is proof I survived.
In the past few days, I’ve made a lot of progress.
Daisy and I finalized the paperwork for me to take half ownership of the cafe.
I sent thank yous to the Bad Bear Brothers for rescuing me.
Hutch actually got me in touch with the hacker named Kylie, who helped hunt me down after the kidnapping.
She also dug into Allen’s family, and connected me with the law office that set up the Dankworth trust. I’ve ordered a marriage certificate sent to them, and once they receive it, I’ll come into full ownership of my trust. Most of it is invested, and I intend to keep it that way.
I have a meeting scheduled with Paloma to talk about how to make the money grow, and another with Lana, so she can help me with business advice. Everyone’s been fully supportive.
I still haven’t seen Matthias. My guess is he’s gone back to work, but he hasn’t been into the cafe.
Sara’s his colleague. She would know. And she’s still lingering at the counter.
Before I decide whether my heart can take asking about him, she leans in. “Actually, I was hoping to talk to you…”
The cafe is full, but there's no line. Most everyone has settled in with their drinks. I have no idea what Sara would want to talk to me about, but I nod for her to go ahead.
“Have you seen or talked to Dr. Matthias in the past few days?”
I suck in a breath. “No…” I don’t have to explain why, do I? No one but Daisy and Missy know about our fake wedding. And no one else needs to know. “I haven’t seen him.”
“Oh, I thought…someone said they saw you on the Ferris wheel together. They thought you were a couple. Silly small town gossip.” She waves it away, and I swallow, trying not to let tears prick my eyes.
“It’s just that he hasn’t shown up to the clinic.
He’s not answering our calls. Nancy asked a few townspeople, but I don’t think anyone’s seen him since he got back… ”
My skin prickles with warning. That isn’t like Matthias. He’s rock solid. Dependable as a clock. He never lets anyone down. That’s why he was the guy who took the sole responsibility of caring for his mom.
So if he hasn’t shown up to work…something’s wrong.
I hate the pink princess heart inside me that wants to believe it’s because of me. That he cares. That he’s as hurt as I am over our ending.
I try to keep my expression neutral. “Have you tried his family? His brothers? Or his mom?”
“No. He didn’t have anyone listed for his emergency contact. Nancy had the number for one of his brothers…the one who keeps a garage. Ansel?”
“Axel.”
“She called him, and he told her ‘Matthias needs to pull his head out of his…rear’.” She winces, and I bite back a little smile. Axel doesn’t filter for anyone. “That he’s unwell, and he’d be ‘useless to both man and bear. Whatever that means.”
He’s unwell.
My worry for Matthias ratchets higher. Something’s definitely wrong.
I reach into my pocket and finger my wedding ring. I kept it, even though I gave the diamond necklace back.
If Matthias is in trouble, would he want to see me?
“I…I’ll make some calls,” I tell her.
But that doesn’t feel right.
“No, I’ll go by his place.”
“Thank you. Nancy’s working doubles, and I’m calling in every favor to get some part time help, but we really need him.”
I’ve never been to Matthias’ cabin. Before our date, before Vegas, we barely interacted. Still, something gives the authority to feel I have the right to go to his place uninvited.
More than the fact that I’m his legal wife. It’s that I suspect–no, I’m certain–that Matthias’ absence is about me. He’s unwell because of me. I try to remember what he explained when he was giving me his doctorly summary on the mating of his species.
If a male shifter finds his mate but doesn’t claim her, he can go moon mad.
Is Matthias going moon mad without me? But no, he has his Moon Cure. Except…he told me he wouldn’t take it if it bothered me.
Oh God.
He said when a shifter went feral, they’d have to be put down.
Put down.
My fear spikes higher.
Matthias is the sort of man who is ethical to a fault. If he’s honoring my wishes and not taking Moon Cure and also not making contact with me, then I need to be the one to go to him.
Because Matthias belongs to me.
That thought startles me, but it feels true.
Maybe he’s right, maybe this thing between us is just biology, but to me, it feels like love.
Like he’s the most important person in the world to me, and if he’s hurt, I’m hurt.
That it’s my responsibility, right, and privilege to go and check on him and make sure he’s okay.
I slip the wedding ring back on my finger and take off my smock.
Biology or love, Matthias is mine. He’s always been mine, whether he claimed me or not. And I won’t let him die.
Matthias
I take a shower, leaving the water cold, hoping to shock myself into feeling better. Or at least different. Anything but this. The pain of knowing I hurt my mate kills me.
When I get out and put some clothes on, I find the twins haven’t left. Teddy’s built a fire in my fireplace, and Darius is frying a slab of salmon on the stove.
The scent of freshly cooked fish re-wakens my bear, though, and I trip, half shifting to bear form and falling to my knees before gaining control again.
“Matthias, what the fuck?” Darius demands twisting from the stove. “You’ve nearly lost it, man.”
“Give him some food,” Teddy directs, holding a plate out.
Darius slides half the salmon steak onto a plate, and Teddy puts it on the table, helping me sit.
My hands transform to claws as I snatch up the food, my fangs lengthening to chew. The fish tastes amazing. I must have forgotten to eat anything these past few days. I scarf down my plate, and hunch my back to lower my head and lick it clean.
When I look up, Teddy and Darius are exchanging glances.
“What?” It comes out more of a grunt.
“I’ve never seen you like this,” Teddy says.
“You look bad, man.”
I growl and keep licking my plate clean. Then I drop it and wipe a hand across my mouth. It feels weird being in man form. But it’s nice having opposable thumbs. My belly is full, even though my upper chest cavity feels empty. I try to grunt, “Thank you” but it comes out as a bear growl.
Still, Darius gets the meaning. “Anytime. You’d do the same for us.”
“Hell, you have.” Teddy leans back in his chair, propping it on two back legs. “I never thought I’d see you acting like…”
“Like us,” Darius says. I know they’re in sync when they stop fighting and start finishing each other’s sentences.
But it’s annoying. I want them to fight. I want to fight them, use up this useless energy crawling beneath my skin.
Maisy Maisy Maisy—
“Matthias!”
My ears ring like Teddy’s been calling my name for some time.
“You need to get it together,” he says. “You’re going feral.”
Darius says, “You’re better than this.”
I shrug. What does it matter? I lost Maisy.
“Mom’s worried about you.” Darius plays the guilt card. “She told us about the shifter cancer.”
I pause at that. They know?
“You shouldn’t have taken all of that on yourself, Matthias,” Darius says.
“Yeah,” Teddy agrees. “But she still needs you. What if she comes out of remission?”
“If you don’t care about us, or Mom, think of Maisy. You don’t want her to see you like this.”
“She’s not going to. See me.”
“Why not? She’s your mate.”
“Don’t deserve her.” What Axel told me rings true.
“You think I deserve Paloma?” Darius asks. “Do you think he deserves Lana?” He points to Teddy, who’s shaking his head.
“We mated up. There’s nothing we could do to deserve our mates. They just love us, and we let their love make us better.”
“It’s not that we earn it…it’s more that we recognize the version of us that they love, and we choose to be that version every day.”
“Can’t.” If I get close to Maisy, I’ll hurt her. And I won’t allow that.
So I have to stay away.
Darius closes his eyes. Teddy growls, “Were we this stupid?”
“You were,” Darius says.
“Shut up.”
Both of them peer at me. Outside, I see Everest’s bulk just out the window, his rounded bear ears perked up. Even in bear form, he looks worried.
If I don’t get a hold of myself, I’m going to lose my humanity. That’s why my brothers are so afraid.
But Maisy’s gone. And all I can think is, Maybe it’s easier to let the bear take me.