Chapter 17 — Rhiannon
Just outside the gates, a hundred or so paces away, is a little pond with a canopy of trees around it. The branches there have grown so wide that they nearly blot out the sky.
Except for in one spot, that is. As we make our way through the woods, I expect Ethan to start complaining about how far we’re going from the fortress, but he doesn’t. He just follows me without question, trusting that I know where I’m going.
The way his faith in me works is so strange to me, especially when I think about how long it took Thea to fully accept her life here with us. Maybe it’s because his uncanny perception shows him our true intentions.
As we get deeper into the woods, he takes my hand. His night vision isn’t as good as mine, so I need to guide him to make sure he doesn’t lose his way. I keep my nose to the wind, picking up the distinct smell of the pond almost immediately.
“Almost there,” I say to him. “Watch your step.”
I pull back a large swatch of bushes, clearing a path to the pond partially lit by moonlight. As we stand on the shore, I notice him smile with wonder. His eyes study the branches stretching out and partially obscuring the sky, giving only glimpses at the sea of stars above us.
“Wow,” he says.
“You like it here?”
“It’s amazing.”
I lead him along the waterline to a single spot on the grass that glows with moonlight. Tall trees stand guard around us with little white flowers blooming at their roots. I enter the clearing and sit, looking up at the moon and stars above me. Ethan follows suit, sitting by my side.
Moonlight illuminates his profile. I’ve studied his features so many times — the line of his jaw, the way the light glints off the brown in his hair, and how his green eyes sparkle like emeralds.
My wolf practically purrs inside me. She savors every angle of him, every line and shadow. Even the parts that infuriate me.
The grass is cool against my back as I lie down and absorb the stars above. A million spinning galaxies shine down on us.
“It’s beautiful here,” Ethan says beside me. “It reminds me of when I used to camp out in the woods as a kid, though Creek Falls was never this warm at night. Not even in summer.”
I turn my head to study him. “You sound like you miss it, your home.”
“Parts of it. Definitely not all of it.” He’s quiet for a long moment, just staring at the stars.
“How do you read people?” I ask.
“I don’t know.” A slight smile crosses his face. “I just do. If I knew, I’d be a millionaire by now.”
“A millionaire?”
“I mean, if I could harness it better, maybe even teach others how, I would have made lots of...um...coin.”
“Oh, that makes sense. I bet your skill is very valuable in the Outer Lands.”
“Maybe.” Ethan shifts beside me in the darkness. “For me, it’s purely survival instinct. Every overlooked signal could have cost me blood. I had to pay attention to the details others miss.”
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t have the easiest childhood. My dad was a real ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’ kind of guy. Thought that the best way to keep your kids in line was to beat the shit out of them.”
His casual tone doesn’t match his words, and I prop up on my elbow to see his face better. “Your father beat you?”
“Yeah, and he beat my mother too. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s how he solved all his problems.” He laughs, but there’s no joy behind it.
Ethan stares at the water, lost in thought, wrestling with memory.
“I spent years learning every micro-expression, every slight change in his patterns. When his voice dropped a particular half-octave, it meant we had maybe twenty minutes before he exploded. I’d try to warn my mom, but she never listened.”
The words seem to stick in his throat. Before I realize it, I’m sitting up and reaching out to touch his arm, encouraging him to continue.
“Whenever he hurt her, I just stood there, frozen. Couldn’t even help her up. Sometimes I still feel like I’m back there again — completely useless when it matters most. Like I’m still that scared kid who can’t protect anyone.”
“You were just a whelp. You couldn’t be expected to protect your mother from your own father.” When he doesn’t respond, I ask, “What happened to them? Are they still in Creek Falls?”
He shakes his head. “My mother died of cancer when I was thirteen. Can you believe that I was relieved? Even happy for her? She was finally safe from my father. After she passed, he threw himself into work, and drinking. I focused on football. That was going to be my ticket out of Creek Falls.”
He glances at me, realizing that I probably don’t know what football is.
“It’s a sport we play in the Outer Lands.
If you’re good enough, you can make it your career and earn lots of coin.
Anyway, I actually got into college on a football scholarship.
Then, during a game my first year, I got tackled.
Badly. I tore my ACL and all the tendons around my kneecap.
” His hand goes to his right knee. “The doctors fixed me up, but my football career was over. And just like that, my ticket out of Creek Falls was gone.”
His voice dies off and he goes quiet with old disappointment mixed with resignation. “My father died around then too. Heart attack.” He shrugs. “So, I went back to Creek Falls. I ended up living in my childhood home again, but alone that time, like some cosmic joke.”
My wolf aches to comfort him. I reach for his hand, twining my fingers through his as my thumb brushes across his palm. The connection sends an unexpected jolt up my arm.
His gaze stays fixed on the water. “The worst part is, I could have sold the house for what little money it was worth and left. But, after a while, I convinced myself that maybe Creek Falls was all I deserved. Once I started working at Cid’s with Thea, things got a little better,” Ethan continues, his voice dropping.
“I just got caught up in the routine. Stopped hoping for anything more.” His eyes finally meet mine.
My fingers tighten around his. “I see why Thea is so important to you. Why you were so adamant about knowing she was safe when we first met.”
He nods, a small smile reaching his lips before it falls away. “What about you?” He changes the subject out of nowhere. “What about Xander? Do you still love him?”
The last question catches me off guard, and my hand goes rigid against his skin. My first instinct is to deflect, to build my walls higher. But he’s given me his truth, raw and unfiltered. I owe him the same.
“I— Part of me will always care for him, I’m sure.
We grew up together, trained together. He’s my Alpha, and I’ve devoted my life to serving him.
For years, I believed it was our destiny to lead together.
” I look away and gaze up at the stars. “But, loving someone who can never fully love you back, it hollows you out over time.”
“And he’ll never love you back because of Thea?” Ethan’s voice is careful, like he’s not sure he should ask.
“Because of fate,” I correct him. “True matehood doesn’t happen through choice alone.
I understood that, intellectually, even when it first happened.
But understanding doesn’t stop the hurt.
I meant what I said the other night. I accept his bond with Thea.
Looking back now, I realize Xander and I fought constantly.
We’re two headstrong, natural-born leaders, each refusing to yield even when it came to our relationship.
He and Thea complement each other in ways we never did.
It feels more fitting to be his Commander than to be his mate, despite our rocky journey to get here. ”
I take a shaky breath. “But, the hardest part of being in command is the loneliness. Everyone looks to you for strength, for answers. There’s no room for doubt, for weakness... for grief. There’s no one to talk to about that.”
“I’ve never broken down like I did with you, the other night,” I admit. “Not in front of anyone. Not even Xander has ever seen me at my weakest. Especially now, when everyone looks at me as the bitter almost Luna, I feel like I have to be in control all the time.”
“That sounds exhausting.”
A small laugh escapes me, and it surprises me. “It is. Being around you, though...it’s like my walls don’t want to stay up anymore. That terrifies me.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know who I am without them.”
Ethan puts his arm around me with a gentle hesitancy that stills every thought in my head, as if he’s still unsure whether I’ll pull away.
I don’t. Instead, I lean my head on his shoulder, enjoying the solid warmth of him beneath my cheek.
His scent envelops me, allowing my wolf to settle contentedly within.
Touching him spreads a sense of comfort through my body that I haven’t felt in longer than I can remember.
It’s like finding shelter from a storm I didn’t realize I was still weathering.
The memory of Haron flirting with him surfaces. It made me so angry when he was just being kind to her.
“Ethan?”
His head dips as he looks down at me.
“I’m sorry for getting upset with you about Haron. It wasn’t your fault.”
He smirks and looks away, back up at the sky. “I know.”
Of course he knows. My face flushes even more than it did when we were leaving the infirmary.
“But since we’re apologizing,” he says, “I should also apologize for— for what happened between us the other night. I feel like I might’ve taken advantage of you.”
I look up at him, stunned. “Taken advantage? Of me?”
“You were upset, and I should have stepped back. Maybe then you wouldn’t be so confused about how you feel about me.”
“You’re not the reason I’m confused,” I scoff. “I was confused long before you came along.”
Ethan shifts to face me directly, and I can see every ounce of earnestness in his eyes. “Look, whatever this is between us,” he gestures to himself and me, “I’ll follow your lead. If you say we’re just friends and it was a one-time thing, that’s what it’ll be.”
His words hang in the air between us, honest and undemanding. No one has ever given me this kind of choice before without hidden expectations or pressure. Just acceptance of whatever I decide.
“And if I want more?” The question slips out before I can stop it. “Would you be content with just friendship?”
His fingers brush my cheek, and every nerve in my body lights up. “Being with you is the only thing I’ve felt certain about in my life.”
A knot in my chest breaks loose inside me at his words. This human who owes me nothing, who I once threatened to kill, is offering what I’ve never truly had. Acceptance without condition.