Chapter 26 — Ethan
Icome across Thea in the Luna’s garden, sitting on a stone bench with her hands resting on her growing belly. Finding her here wasn’t part of my plan, but her familiar face brings me unexpected relief.
The afternoon sun filters through the leaves overhead, bathing her face in dappled light. She looks peaceful here, insulated from the chaos that seems to follow me everywhere I go.
“May I join you, Luna?” I ask her, emphasizing her formal title playfully, though I’m already settling in beside her before she can answer.
“Of course.” She smiles and shifts to make room, studying my face with her perceptive blue eyes. “You look terrible, Ethan. When’s the last time you slept?”
I rub the back of my neck, realizing that I haven’t, really. The past few days have blurred together in a haze of panic, passion, and pain. “Well, you Lycan sure know how to keep things exciting around here. How can you blame a guy for not wanting to miss out on all the action?”
She chuckles, but there’s a hint of worry in it.
“You’re right to be concerned, though,” I say. “I’ve been thinking about Creek Falls a lot lately.”
“Oh?” Interest is inflected in her tone. “What about it?”
“Well, about going back. About the fact that it’s my home.”
Her forehead creases as disappointment mixed with slight surprise crosses her eyes, but she remains silent.
“This place is dangerous,” I say. “People keep getting hurt. First Haron, then Holden, then Rhiannon. . .” Her name feels stuck in my mouth for a second. “She got stabbed because of me.”
Thea shoots me a sideways look, suspicion emanating from her lips as she presses them together in a slight frown. “Is that really why you want to leave?”
I stare at the cobblestone path beneath my feet, watching an ant-like insect carry a flower three times its size.
Even the insects in Kortan are stronger than I am.
“Some of the guards made it pretty clear what they think of me earlier. Dead weight who can’t protect anyone will only make things worse. ”
“They don’t speak for everyone.”
“Maybe not, but.” I let out a harsh sound that barely resembles laughter. “Rhiannon doesn’t want anything to do with me either, even after everything that happened between us.”
Thea tilts her head, and I remember that she doesn’t know. Of course I never told her, but I’m too beaten down right now to not confide in my best friend.
“I slept with Rhiannon. Twice. And I think— I think I might be in love with her.” The words are out before I can give it a second thought.
Thea blinks hard, her hands pressing protectively against her belly like she’s trying to cover the baby’s ears. “Ethan, what the fuck?”
“I know what you’re thinking—”
She turns to face me fully, and her expression blends concern with gentle exasperation. “I specifically warned you not to get involved with any wolves, especially Rhiannon.”
“I remember.”
“And yet you did it anyway.”
“I know.”
“This world has rules. Strict ones, with harsh ramifications. And humans...” She trails off, but I don’t need to hear what she’s left unspoken. I’ve heard it plenty of times already.
“Humans don’t belong here.”
“That’s not what I said.” Thea’s expression softens a fraction, but concern remains etched in every line of her face.
“It’s what you meant.” I press my fingers against my eyes.
“You know, for a second, I actually let myself believe that maybe I could have a future here with her. That what we had—” I stop, shaking my head.
“Anyway, she’s made it apparent that we have no future.
At least, not together. And for me, personally, maybe there’s no future at all. ”
“Ethan—”
“No, I’m an idiot to think someone like her could ever truly want someone like me,” I continue.
The words keep tumbling out before I can stop them.
“I mean, look at her. She’s a gorgeous warrior who leads a fucking army of werewolves.
And I’m...what? A guy who can pour coffee and remember people’s names? ”
“Stop. You’re much more than that.” Thea reaches over and places her hand on my arm. “You know, Rhiannon doesn’t take intimacy lightly. If she let something happen between you two, you must mean something to her.”
“I want to believe that, but—”
“She’s under a ton of pressure right now,” she continues. “With the summit, the investigation into Jayme, the attacks happening within our walls, on her watch — she’s drowning in responsibility. Maybe the timing just isn’t right.”
“Or, she finally realized that I really am just a useless human despite all this ‘Truth Seer’ bullshit everyone keeps throwing around.”
“Ethan.” Thea’s voice carries that no-nonsense tone I remember from our diner days. “Now you’re just spiraling.”
“Am I?” I meet her gaze, letting her see the raw hurt I’ve been carrying.
“I couldn’t stop my father from beating the shit out of my mother.
I couldn’t save you from getting kidnapped, or find you when you disappeared.
And now, Rhiannon got hurt trying to protect my worthless ass because I can’t defend myself. ”
“Come on. . .”
All of it slams into me like a freight train.
“Everyone here can fend for themselves, whether it’s through super strength, heightened smell, or rapid healing.
The lightbulb twins are fucking stick figures, but Haron was still able to use her connection to magic to protect herself.
They were made to be here. You belong here, too, even if you grew up in the Outer Lands like me.
I just take up space and expect people to risk their lives for me. ”
Thea is quiet for a long moment, her idle fingers tapping in succession over her belly.
When she finally speaks, her voice is soft.
“Lady Gemma once told me that doing something with bravery doesn’t mean you know you’ll succeed.
Bravery is choosing to take action because it is too important to do nothing. ”
She places her hand over mine and squeezes it.
“You chose to keep maintaining my apartment after I disappeared. You chose to break out of the dungeons to find me. You chose to train with the guards in order to earn your place at Kortan. You chose to help Jayme when everyone else was ready to sacrifice him.”
“And look how that’s turning out.”
“It’s not over yet,” Thea says simply. “Jayme still has a chance. You’re still here, fighting for people you care about, even when you feel lost. Hell, Ethan, my plants are still alive!” She gestures at the two potted plants that I had been watering in her apartment.
Part of me wants to accept her pep talk, but reality has sunk its claws in too deep. “I just want to go home, Thea. It might be fucking boring there, but at least I won’t get anyone killed.”
Thea’s expression shifts, and I can see the wheels turning behind those bright blue eyes. That knowing tilt of her head is back.
“You know what I think?” she says, her voice gentle, but direct. “I think you want to go home because Rhiannon broke your heart, not because of all this other stuff you’re telling me.”
My chest tightens. “That’s not—”
“I think it is.” The interruption comes with surprising firmness.
“All this talk about being useless and getting people hurt? That’s just you trying to rationalize why you’re running away, because leaving is easier than facing the fact that you’re in love with someone who probably feels just as helpless as you do right now. ”
My protest dies on my tongue before it forms. Because she’s right, and we both know it.
When I don’t respond, she finally sighs. “Fine, you want to go home. But do me a favor? Stay until the summit is over.”
“Why?”
“Because I want you here.” Her honesty catches me off guard.
“Not because you’re a lie detector or my assistant or whatever role someone else wants to assign you.
Because you’re my friend, and the closest thing I’ll ever have to a brother.
Having you in Kortan makes me feel less alone in all this craziness.
Besides, you never gave up on me, even when I vanished without a trace.
The least I owe you is a little quality time. ”
I can only imagine how scared she must be in this crisis, as a new ruler carrying a new life. The guilt of abandoning her twists in my stomach. “Thea...”
“Please? Treaty or no treaty, it’s just a few more days. And if you still want to leave after the summit ends, I’ll help you.” Our eyes lock, and I can see that she means it. “I’ll make sure Akila gets you home safely. I promise.”
A slow nod is all I can manage. How could I possibly refuse a pregnant woman who just called me family? “Fine. I’ll stay until the summit ends.”
“Thank you, Ethan.” Her warm arms wrap around me, her rounded belly between us, making a proper hug impossible. It’s a little awkward, which somehow makes it even more endearing. “This means the world to me.”
Pulling back from Thea’s embrace, I force a smile that doesn’t reach my eyes. “Of course.”
Even as I’ve made that promise, I feel the walls going back up around my heart. Whatever I thought I had with Rhiannon, it’s over, and there’s no way I can start fresh at Kortan. It’s time to accept reality and move on.
I’ll push through a few more days of this madness for Thea.
Then, I can go back to Creek Falls and pretend none of this ever happened.