Chapter 37 — Rhiannon #2
He’s right. I nearly compromised the investigation meant to save Jayme’s life, nearly let my feelings for Ethan override my duty.
My rage toward the enemy has always been my way of protecting my pack, but in this case, it could’ve have jeopardized them.
The thought terrifies me more than any battle I’ve faced, but I can’t let Ethan see that.
“I did what was necessary.” The lie burns my throat. “You don’t get to stand there and lecture me about my duty to my pack, human.” I draw each word out like poison from a wound. “You’re not one of us. You don’t belong here.”
The moment the words leave my mouth, Ethan flinches like I’ve struck him. His shoulders drop, and for a heartbeat, raw hurt flashes across his face before he masks it.
But then, as if a thought has suddenly occurred to him, he tilts his head, studying me with those damn jade eyes. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do.”
“No.” He steps closer, closing the distance between us with a certainty that challenges me to retreat. “You’re upset about something else. What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing.” I turn away, but he moves with me.
“Bullshit. You’re practically vibrating with...I don’t know what.” His voice softens. “Talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Rhiannon.” It’s just my name, but the way he says it — gentle, knowing — vaporizes my will like ice under the summer sun.
“Fine. You want the truth?” My words come out unsteady, stripped of bravado and careful composure. “When that bitch called you defenseless, when she admitted that she and Holden were willing to sacrifice you for their scheme because you were expendable to them. . .”
The admission tears from my chest, raw and jagged.
“When I realized you could’ve died that night, my wolf saw red.
All I could think about was that you could’ve died that night, and I wanted to kill her.
I didn’t care about the long-term consequences in that moment.
I wanted to make sure she would never get another chance to hurt you. ”
Ethan’s eyes widen, but I can’t stop now. The words pour out — years of military discipline crumbling with them.
“You’re right. You would be valuable against Holden.
Your instincts, your ability to read people, the way you see things we miss — we need that now more than ever.
” I press my fingertips against my temples, trying to contain the chaos in my head.
“But every time I imagine you out there, facing him, all I can see is you bleeding out on the side of the mountain. And I—” I grip the front of my tunic, my fingers twisting the fabric in anguish.
“I don’t know how I’d keep living if that happened. ”
“Rhiannon—”
“No, let me finish.” Tears burn my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall.
“You drive me crazy when you challenge my authority, ignore my orders, and throw yourself into danger without thinking. You’re physically weaker than everyone around you, and you act like that doesn’t matter.
Like the laws forbidding you to even be here don’t matter. ”
He moves closer, but I hold up a hand.
“And the worst part? I love you for it. All of it.” The confession feels like it’s been exorcised from me, leaving me exposed and gutted.
“I love your stubbornness, your bravery, the way you see through everyone’s walls, especially mine.
I love that you jumped between Jayme and me without hesitation.
I love that you followed me here even after I pushed you away... I’ve pushed you away so many times.”
A raw, broken laugh escapes me. “I love you, and it’s ruining my life.”
The tears spill out now, hot little rivers running down my cheeks.
“But loving you terrifies me. Because you’re human.
Because every day you stay here puts you in danger, and I realize how selfish I am for wanting you to stay.
Even if we weren’t on the brink of war, I’m sure the Council would rather see you dead than with me.
I’m supposed to be this perfect Commander, this shining example of Lycan valor, but instead I’m falling apart over a human who won’t let me protect him. ”
“Are you done?” Ethan is calm, leveling me with his steady gaze.
I nod, unable to speak past the tightness in my throat.
“Good. Because I love you too.” He cups my face, his careful thumbs brushing away my tears.
“I love your strength and your vulnerability. I love that you’re a force to be reckoned with in battle, but so tender when you think no one’s watching.
I love that you tried to protect me even if it meant pushing me away. ”
His forehead presses against mine. “I know the laws. I know what us being together could cost you: your reputation, maybe even your position. I know I’m asking you to risk everything.”
“Ethan—”
“But I’m done pretending I don’t want this.
Done running from how much we mean to each other.
” His breath mingles with mine. “I know what it could cost me, too. But the Alpha King, the Council, the dangers of this world — none of that changes how I feel. I’d rather face all of it with you than be safe and alone. ”
“They could banish you. Or worse.”
“I know.”
“The pack might never accept us.” I swallow hard. “The connections we’ve both formed with the others, that might all go away once they know their Commander chose a forbidden union over everything she’s supposed to stand for.”
Ethan is silent for a long moment, his hand still cupping my chin. “Then we give them every reason to accept us.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“No, but walking away from you isn’t simple either.” His fingers brush my cheek. “Turns out it’s actually impossible.”
“We might not have a future—”
“But we have right now.” His lips brush mine, light as a feather. “And tomorrow.” His gaze grounds me. “And whatever comes after that, there can be no more pushing each other away. We fight for this, for however long we can, until there’s nothing left to fight for.”
I nod. My wolf settles, finally at peace.
He pulls me against him, and I let myself melt into his warmth. “Even if that means following you into battle against a psychotic Shaman.”
Despite everything, I laugh. It comes out wet and broken from my tears, but it’s real. “You’re still an idiot for that.”
“I’m your idiot.” His lips press against my hair. “Always.”