Chapter 44 — Rhiannon
My attention shifts back to Ethan again. I cross the room to his bedside, where Olcan leans over him.
He straightens as I approach, his expression shifting from clinical curiosity to professional authority. “Commander, I need to perform a cleansing ritual. The residual contamination from Shaman magic needs to be purged before it settles into his system.”
“Okay,” I consent, but I don’t move. My feet stay rooted to the stone floor, my wolf pressing against my ribs with renewed urgency.
“No hovering, Commander.” Olcan’s tone brooks no argument. “Come back in fifteen minutes. I’ll send for you if anything unexpected happens.”
Every instinct screams against leaving. But Olcan’s gaze is steady, patient and immovable as the mountains themselves.
“Fine.” The word scrapes out. “I’ll be back in exactly fifteen minutes.”
I force myself to turn away.
“Commander.” Xander falls into step beside me. “We need to talk. Now, if you have two minutes.”
It’s not a request.
We step through the infirmary doors together. The hallway stretches before us, empty and quiet.
I stop just outside the entrance, staying close enough to see anyone approaching those doors, and to hear if Olcan calls. My wolf refuses to allow any greater distance.
The cool night air filters through the open windows, crisp and clean against my skin. I breathe deep, letting it wash away the copper-tinged air of the infirmary.
The heaviness in my chest eases as I remind myself that everyone will be okay. Conan is stable. Ethan is conscious. Holden is gone.
Xander leans against the wall beside me, arms crossed. His silver-blue eyes study my face with an intensity that makes my skin prickle.
“If you think you’re being subtle, Commander, I can assure you that you’re not.”
I straighten. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, My Lord.”
“Ethan.” The name lands like a verdict. “You haven’t stepped more than three feet away from him since we left the temple. Hell, you almost took my head off when I said I’d be the one to carry him down the mountain.”
I open my mouth to deflect, but nothing comes out.
“When Holden moved toward Ethan during the fight—” Xander pauses, choosing his words with care. “I’ve fought beside you for years, Commander. I know what your wolf looks like when she’s protecting a packmate. What I saw was more than that.”
My throat tightens.
“That wasn’t just you being protective.” His gaze holds mine. “That was possessive. The kind of fury that only comes out when a mate is threatened.”
Mate.
“And then there’s our pack-bond.” Xander pushes off the wall, turning to face me fully. Suspicion clouds his features. “How is it possible that Ethan joined? He’s human. Humans can’t mind-link with Lycans. Yet, somehow, he was in my head like he’s been part of our pack for years.”
“Well, he can’t join the pack-bond directly.” I try to keep my voice objective, trying to find the right words. “He can’t communicate with any of you. Only with me. I— I patched him through.”
Xander’s eyes widen a fraction. “That explains it, then. The way you two kept looking at each other during the fight. No words, just these long stares like you were having entire conversations the rest of us couldn’t hear.”
The silence between us confirms what he’s piecing together.
“Ethan knew exactly when to act.” Xander shakes his head slowly. “Exactly what to do. When to remove the charm, when to call out the timing for you to strike. That’s not guesswork. That’s not even his perception skills, impressive as they are.”
He steps closer, lowering his voice.
“So, I’ll ask again, Commander. How is it that a human — someone without wolf blood, without pack ties, without any connection to our kind — can mind-link with you?”
I don’t answer. Can’t answer.
The question lands like a stone in still water. I feel the ripples spreading outward, disturbing everything I’ve tried to keep contained.
Neither of us speaks. My wolf paces, anxious and defensive. Alpha is not pleased. He will take away what’s mine.
Reading the shift in my posture, Xander’s expression softens as does his voice. “Rhiannon, I’m not asking as your Alpha. I’m asking as your friend. The one who used to steal honey cakes from the kitchens with you and Conan when we were whelps.”
The memory catches me off guard. Those were simpler times. Before everything changed.
A crack forms in my armor. The walls I’ve built, the control I’ve maintained — it all starts to crumble.
“Mahal told me that Ethan is my fated mate.”
The words hang in the air. Speaking them aloud feels like stepping off a cliff. There’s no way back. No way to unsay what’s been said.
Xander’s expression doesn’t change. He simply waits.
“I haven’t told Ethan. Haven’t told anyone.” My voice drops. “You’re the first.”
“How long have you known?”
“Since before we left for the temple.” I lean back against the cool stone wall, suddenly exhausted. “But part of me knew before that. There have been signs. From the moment I caught his scent in Thea’s apartment, my wolf recognized him instantly. I’ve been fighting it ever since.”
“Fighting it?”
“Yes.” The admission burns. “I tried to dismiss him. Tried to push him away. Tried to focus on the investigation. I’ve reminded myself over and over that he can’t stay here.”
I laugh, but there’s no humor in it.
“None of it worked. The bond strengthened anyway.” I stare at a point on the far wall, unable to look at Xander.
“At first, it was just my wolf that obsessed over him, growling whenever anyone got too close, whining at the slightest hint of his pain. But then I started sensing his heartbeat, beating in perfect rhythm with my own. And when his voice appeared in my head, when we discovered we could mind-link without the pack-bond...” I exhale.
“I couldn’t deny it anymore. Mahal confirmed what I already knew.
And I’ve been trying to figure out what to do ever since. ”
A long beat passes before Xander asks, “Do you love him?”
The question feels more intrusive than it should, coming from my Alpha.
He’s the man I once envisioned spending eternity beside.
The one who chose someone else. But those old wounds pale against the truth that matters more: He’s been my friend and packmate since before any of us understood what that truly meant.
I meet his eyes and answer, “Yes.” No hesitation.
No hedging. “But that doesn’t matter.” My anxieties spill out before I can stop them.
“The ancient laws forbid human-Lycan pairings. The Alpha King already dislikes Ethan’s presence here.
If this comes to light, the punishment could be death for both of us. ”
I push off the wall and begin pacing the narrow hallway.
“And even if we could somehow avoid the Alpha King’s disapproval, what about the pack?
Some already see me as weak for allowing him to participate in training, for making the others adjust to his fragilities.
They will question my judgment, my loyalty.
Taking a human as my mate would shatter my credibility.
Others might rebel against allowing a human to remain in Kortan at all.
It would destabilize everything we’ve worked to build. ”
“And Ethan—” I pause, swallowing hard. “He is human, Xander. He’ll always be vulnerable.
Holden could’ve killed any of us. Imagine what he, or anyone like him, could have done to Ethan.
This world is no place for him. Every day he stays, he’s in danger, and every moment I spend with him, I’m painting a target on his back. ”
I turn to face him, my hands gripping my elbows.
“That’s why I haven’t told anyone. I’m searching for a solution that doesn’t exist. Trying to prevent the disaster that would inevitably follow.
Trying not to force you into an impossible political position where you’d have to choose between your Commander and your King.
” I release a deep exhale. “Once the truth is revealed, there’s no taking it back. No pretending it isn’t real.”
Xander allows me to unravel, regarding me with patience. When I finally fall silent, he speaks, each word chosen with care.
“You used to have this spark in you.” Xander grips the back of his neck, his eyes dropping to the floor. “I saw it fade after. . .everything that happened. But I knew it wasn’t my place to help you find it again. Not when I was the one who snuffed it out.”
His gaze returns to me.
“But you’ve changed since Ethan arrived.
First, it was just your wolf, like you said —becoming protective, then possessive.
” A faint smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.
“Now, it’s not just your spark you’ve regained.
It’s like Ethan struck a match to dry kindling and started a whole damn forest fire. I’ve never seen you more alive.”
I press my nails into my palms, trying to keep my expression neutral.
“The thing is, I do know what it’s like to discover your fated mate and have no idea what the future holds.
To love someone that isn’t from this world.
” A shadow crosses Xander’s face. “I live with those consequences every day. The whispers. The doubts. The constant need to prove that she belongs. It dulls over time, but it never fully disappears.” His brows furrow as his voice drops lower.
“I know the disruption it caused to our pack. The wound it caused to you. I won’t insult you by apologizing again — we’ve moved past that.
Still, I see what you’re going through, Rhiannon. ”
I brace myself for the “but”. The lecture. The reminder of duty. The order to end things before I destroy everything we’ve built. Or else.
My wolf hunches, preparing for whatever blow our Alpha is about to deliver.
“But you’re denying yourself the happiness that circumstance once denied you. You have a right to happiness.”
I stare at him, his words knocking the air from my lungs.
“You mind-linked with a human. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t witnessed it myself.” His silver-blue eyes hold mine. “What exists between you two transcends everything we know. Don’t you think that’s worth fighting for?”
The question hangs in the air, simple and devastating. It cuts straight to the heart of everything I’ve been avoiding letting myself feel.
I think of Ethan’s easy humor. His genius. His stubborn voice, at home in my mind. If anyone’s going to fight for him, it’s me. He’s—
Mine. My wolf stirs, pressing against my ribs with an answer that needs no words.
I look at Xander and nod.
“Then fight for him.” Xander’s voice blends command with compassion.
I shake my head. “I just don’t understand how. The laws—”
“If Ethan wants to stay in Clarion,” Xander cuts in, “I’ll petition the Alpha King myself. I’ll request safe harbor, with permanent residence at Kortan under my protection.”
“You’d do that?”
“It’ll cost me political capital, likely. I’ll be trading some of my favor and leverage for increased scrutiny from the Royal Council. But that doesn’t endanger the pack. It only means that I’m choosing to stand beside my Commander, which is well within my rights as Alpha.”
Hope starts to flare hot in my chest before my persistent fear smothers it. “Do you think the Alpha King will allow it?”
Xander’s expression sobers. “I can advocate, but I can’t guarantee his decision. Few alternatives exist, should he refuse.”
My wolf keens, the sound reverberating through my every bone. The threat of Ethan’s exile — or worse, execution — rips a hole through my chest.
“However,” Xander leans in and whispers as if telling me a secret.
“If two people were to disappear into the Outer Lands some dark night, of their own accord and at their own risk...” He pauses.
“And if their Alpha couldn’t locate them, despite his very best efforts, there would be nothing anyone could do. ”
My blood chills. I understand exactly what he’s suggesting.
“That path means losing everything.” I can hardly speak the words. “My pack. My family. My home. Everything.”
“Yes.”
“I’d have to hide what I am. Pretend to be human. Forever.”
“Yes.”
“And if the Alpha King discovered—”
“It would mean incarceration. Possibly execution, for both of you. And I may not be informed to try and stop it. You do need to understand what’s at stake.” Xander’s gaze holds mine, unflinching. “The worst-case scenario isn’t inevitable, but this is where the road could lead if you choose him.”
The reality of his words sinks into my bones. The picture he paints is not meant to be a threat. It’s simply the truth.
“Rhiannon, know that I’m with you, whatever path you choose.”
Warmth spreads through my chest, loosening the knot that’s lived there since I realized what Ethan means to me.
Xander isn’t granting permission. He’s not swooping in to fix this mess. He can’t. But he’s encouraging me to take back my power to decide my own fate.
“Thank you.” Moisture prickles my eyes. I will it to stop, refusing to let the tears fall. “For trusting me. For risking so much for this.”
He nods with understanding, the kind that only comes from years of shared history, even when that history is marked with its own scars.
“Go be with our Luna. I can handle things here.” I manage a small smile. “She’ll want to know everyone’s safe.”
He squeezes my shoulder once before turning away and heading down the corridor, his silhouette disappearing around the corner.
I lean against the cold stone and let the silence calm me.
I need to tell Ethan this secret I’ve been holding on to.
But not tonight. Not while Shaman magic still lingers in his veins and exhaustion clouds his eyes.
Soon, I promise myself. When he’s steady enough to hear the full truth — about our bond and its possible consequences, the fraught paths stretching before us. These paths demand sacrifice, but might lead somewhere we can find happiness.
My wolf settles, finally content. Willing to be patient.
We’ll decide together what comes next.