22
‘Should we talk now? About this? About us?’ Flynn threads a hand through my hair, rubs the nape of my neck with his thumb.
We finished the pizza he went downstairs to heat up, and he told me while we were eating that he’s booked a flight home to talk to his parents about Pat’s plans.
But we haven’t talked about anything else yet. We haven’t talked about us.
His voice is tender, expression hopeful, as he waits for my answer.
And I should say yes, let’s rip off that plaster and get all the stuff I’d rather not think about out of the way before we do this again.
But he’s leaving early Sunday morning, and I know he’s coming back, but I also know that the next time he leaves it might be forever.
And I’d like to hold on to the feeling that this could be real, for one more night.
‘Talk about what?’ I say teasingly. I wrap my leg around his and shuffle over so I’m lying on top, my arms bracketing either side of his head, my hair loose and messy and tickling his bare shoulders and chest. ‘You shagging me? How many times now?’
‘I did ask nicely first.’ He laughs. ‘Anyway, you’re the one who put it out there that you planned to shag me, like some guy you picked up in a bar.’ He drops a light smack to the top of my thigh, but he doesn’t look the least bit offended to me.
‘I couldn’t think about anything else all day.
’ He rolls me over so he’s the one on top, and by the look he gives me I don’t think we’ll be talking for much longer.
‘You’re lucky I didn’t climb in beside you earlier before I went for that pizza.
But I’m glad I didn’t.’ He closes his eyes for a beat, and I know exactly what he’s thinking, but he tells me anyway.
‘Fuck, Gracie, the sight of you stretched across that bed, like you were waiting for me, like you were every single fantasy I’d been picturing since I picked up that note.
’ His eyes go dark. ‘Everything I’ve wanted for . . .’
He stops talking and his mouth finds mine, and part of me wonders where that sentence was going.
Has Flynn been crushing on me for as long as I’ve been crushing on him?
But the rest of me is lost to this feeling that right now I have everything I can ask for.
I’ve got my best friend here with me. I’m having the best sex of my life.
I’m making all the perfect memories I told myself would be enough to get me through the lonely times when Flynn goes back to Cricket Falls.
I’ve spent my whole life trying to be the good girl, the one who keeps people happy in the hope that they’ll stay.
And just for one night I want to let myself feel what I feel and not worry about the consequences, not care about tomorrow.
Just for one night I want to feel like I could be enough.
I pull back from his kiss and drink in his face in the warm golden light.
I want to hold this moment so the imprint will linger long after he’s gone.
‘Maybe we can talk tomorrow, or when you get back from Cricket Falls.’ I trace my finger across the curve of his lips, soft and swollen from all our kissing. ‘Let’s just enjoy this for now. We only have one more day before you leave again, let’s make the most of our time.’
‘If you’re sure that’s what you want, Gracie. Whatever you want.’ He kisses me again, slow and tender, then tracks a path down my throat to the hollow between my breasts, dropping kisses soft as velvet, like ripples across the lake on a light autumn breeze.
And this time it’s easy, sleepy morning sex.
We’re barely moving, just holding, my core clenching around him, like I can keep him like this, like I’ll never let him go.
And Flynn’s heart thrumming in time with my own, and the swell of him inside me, filling me completely, and I’m floating, waves building, crashing over me and through me, every molecule of my body shuddering and breaking, and I don’t even know I’m crying until he wipes away a tear and kisses me softly and asks if I’m okay, and I whisper yes, I’m perfect, you’re perfect, because this is all I’ll ever want, all I’ll ever need.
I make cheese and mushroom omelettes the next morning as we’re both starving.
I stretch as I watch the pan sizzle, and Flynn laughs because he knows every muscle in my body aches in the most delicious way.
He might be used to working out, but I haven’t had a workout like that in a very long time.
His phone rings while we’re finishing our breakfast and when he moves over to the couch to take the call, I point to let him know I’m going upstairs.
‘Okay, Mom, sure,’ he says as he drops down on the couch with his back to me.
‘I’m looking forward to seeing you too.’ Then after a short pause, ‘Don’t worry about it, it’s not your fault.
And it’s okay, I called her again, I sorted it out.
’ I’m wondering who he’s talking about when he adds, ‘Meghan’s a lovely girl. She’s just not the girl for me.’
My heart lifts as I turn towards the stairs. But I can’t let myself get carried away with silly notions like maybe I could be that girl. Flynn’s leaving, and this was never meant to last. My plan’s working and I need to keep on track, and if I don’t get a move on, I’ll be late for opening up.
At least it’s only for the morning and then we can spend our afternoon by the lake.
He did suggest borrowing Pat’s truck and heading off for a drive up the mountains.
But I want one perfect day with my favourite person, in my favourite place in the world, before I have to pull myself back to reality, before I have to deal with letting him go.
Flynn laughs. ‘You need to stop worrying about my love life, Mom. I’m doing fine.’ Then something shifts in the way he holds himself, the way he’s listening, and his body stills. ‘Natalie,’ he says, and his voice lifts, like this is a person he wants to hear more about. ‘You met Natalie?’
I should leave. I should climb these stairs and let him have this conversation in private, especially as he seems to have forgotten I’m even here. But I feel like I’m in some sort of trance as I turn back around, my hand on the newel post, my eyes glued to the back of Flynn’s head.
‘Yeah, Mom,’ he goes on. ‘I know you’ve always been fond of her, I know you two were close.
Yeah, I heard Kev asked her to move in with him .
. . No, I didn’t know she moved back to Cricket Falls .
. . You think maybe they broke up?’ Then a longer pause while he listens to his mother.
‘Natalie wants to see me? To talk to me?’ Another pause.
‘Of course I still care about her, you know I do.’
I watch the back of his head, his hand tugging through his hair the way he does when he’s working things out, trying to make the right decision.
Thinking of everyone else before himself.
I worried that was why he told Pat to sell the shop instead of signing it over to him.
Because he knows how much I want that extension, because he knows how much it means to me to stay in Oakwood.
‘Of course I’ll talk to her, Mom, if you’re sure that’s what she wants. I’ll go and see her as soon as I get home.’ He sighs. ‘I thought I was making things easier by telling her I wasn’t ready, but I should have been honest. I should have told her how I felt.’
He shakes his head and seems to be talking more to himself now as he leans back from his phone. ‘I’ve wasted too much time holding back and I don’t intend to make that mistake any more. I won’t risk losing the woman I love a second time.’
He drags his hand down his jaw, and I want to walk over and wrap my arms around his shoulders, pull him close, and let him know I’m here if he needs a friend to talk to.
But I feel like I’m trapped behind a sheer glass wall.
Flynn’s on one side with his thoughts about Natalie and going home to her and Cricket Falls.
And I’m all the way over here on the other side, back on my own again.
And that’s okay, I can do that. I already knew that was how it would have to be.
The last words I hear as I climb the stairs to grab a cardi are, ‘I need to tell Natalie the truth.’
Flynn’s still on the phone when I get back downstairs. I wiggle my fingers and mouth see you later as I walk past the couch towards the door.
‘Hold on a sec, Mom.’ He drops his phone on the armrest. ‘Sorry, I didn’t think I’d be so long. It’s just Mom, checking in.’ He reaches out and tugs my hand to pull me closer, but I hold myself back.
‘Hey, don’t I get a kiss before you go?’ He smiles as though nothing he’s said, nothing I’ve overheard, has anything to do with what happened last night.
And that cuts. How can he think it’s okay to kiss me if he plans to go back and fight for Natalie?
If he’s already made up his mind that she’s still the one he wants.
I get that he’s letting me down gently, like he did with Meghan.
But I don’t want his pity kiss, and I won’t be another mistake to regret.
The whole point of my plan was to get sex out of the way so we could go back to being friends.
I didn’t bank on it being so damn incredible, but I don’t care how much it hurts, I’ll make it clear he has no need to worry.
This was only ever meant to be a fling. But I don’t have time now, and I need to do this right.
‘Sorry, I’m running late. I’ll see you at lunch.’ I drop a quick peck on top of his head, grab my rain jacket from its hook, and dash out the door before I lose all composure and break down in tears.
‘What the hell?’
I’m powerwalking against the wind as it’s five minutes to opening, and it’s Gertrude’s morning off so I’m the only one with a key. I’m almost grateful for the gale as at it gives me an excuse for my red, bleary eyes.