25
‘The library looks fabulous,’ Gemma says as we take our tour of the building on Monday morning.
Gemma looks fabulous too. She always does, with her striking copper bob, oversized retro specs, and tailored teal suit.
I’m glad I pulled out my favourite dress this morning.
Still ditsy, still floaty, but clean and freshly ironed, and with my fitted green cardi, I hope it says smart, practical librarian. Definitely worth promoting, please.
She scans the space and her eyes widen as she takes in the scene. ‘It’s an autumn wonderland in here.’
‘Thanks.’ I beam proudly. ‘I had a lot of help from the knit and crochet group.’
I lead her through the children’s area and point to the smiling black cat I knitted in my lunch breaks. She’s propped in the middle of our picture book display, wearing Tim’s cast-off specs, and holding up Old MacPumpkin had a Farm.
‘And the children are making Samhain crafts next week. It’ll look more like Halloween town when they’re finished but as long as they have fun.’
‘I’ll have to come back and see that.’ Gemma smiles.
As county librarian, she drops in to each branch every few months to check on progress and chat to the staff.
But this morning she scheduled separate meetings with Gertrude and me, to fill us in on her plans.
I wondered why she didn’t chat to us together as Ella was happy to cover the desk.
But then she grilled me for half an hour on library policy, and I think I had an impromptu mock interview without realising it.
‘You’re doing an excellent job here, Gracie. And you’re ready for Thursday. If you answer the interview questions the way you did mine, you’ll be first on the panel.’
‘Thanks, Gemma, I’ll be glad to get on the panel at all.’ I hold up crossed fingers.
‘Okay, I’m going to stop you right there.
’ She comes to a halt next to Gertrude’s cosy crime display.
‘You deserve this promotion. You were a huge help to me when I was drawing up our five-year plan. You managed some very impressive projects while you were working in that community centre in London. And just look at this place.’ She waves a hand around the room.
‘Oh, well, Gertrude—’
‘Gertrude is wonderful.’ Gemma nods. ‘But this is mostly down to you. She told me so herself. And she told me what a great job you’ve done with the festival programme.
Encouraging everyone to work together, supporting them to manage their own projects.
That’s leadership.’ She fixes me with a look of steel.
‘Now, you go into that interview on Thursday morning and tell them how great you are. You need to believe in yourself, Gracie, and make sure you fight for what you deserve.’
Sarah’s waiting for me in the Corner Bar Wednesday lunchtime, and I go over my latest plan with her. It’s basically work, interview, promotion (hopefully), and move in with Mam when she gets home this weekend.
‘I understand the work part.’ She takes a sip of her coffee. ‘But I thought you loved staying at Hazel Cottage. It’s so cute, so you.’ She gives me a leery grin. ‘And there’s the added bonus of multiple orgasms. You won’t get those back at your mam’s.’
I almost choke on my soup, and I’m still dabbing potato and leek from my chin when Olivia strides past our table.
I breathe a sigh of relief when she keeps walking, head high, and seemingly oblivious to my spattered state.
But then she turns and beams straight at Sarah, and completely ignores me, of course.
‘Sarah, darling.’
What the hell? When did my Sarah become Olivia’s darling?
‘I was hoping to run into you,’ she goes on, fake smile still plastered across her face.
‘Jamie and I found the perfect apartment in Sydney, only ten minutes from the beach. And it has two bedrooms.’ She tilts her head, pointedly ignoring me.
‘So, of course, you and Scott will be more than welcome once we’re settled. We can’t wait to have you stay.’
Then she turns and makes for a table in the far corner, where I see Jamie waiting. I curse myself for looking, but he ignores me too as he pulls out a chair for Olivia and plants an affectionate kiss on her cheek. As if she was the one he wanted all along.
Sarah buries her head in her hands and growls into her palms.
‘So, Jamie got his visa then.’ I arch my brows. ‘And Olivia’s going too. Wow, she moved fast.’
Sarah lifts her head, jaw clenched. ‘She applied ages ago, as soon as Jamie mentioned he was thinking about it.’
‘She never gave up, did she?’ I almost glance at their table but pull myself back just in time.
‘No.’ Sarah grimaces. ‘And she got what she wanted in the end.’
I shrug. ‘If she wants him that badly, she’s welcome to him.’
It’s not a choice I would make though. No matter how much I wanted someone. Not if I thought they loved someone else more. I give myself a mental shake. I need to stop thinking about Flynn. Thinking about Flynn is not part of my plan from now on.
‘So, you’re going to stay with them, in Sydney,’ I say cheerfully.
Sarah swallows her mouthful of sandwich. ‘We’re considering it, just for a holiday. I was going to tell you.’ She sniffs. ‘Only Miss Prissy-face got there first.’
‘Well, I think it’s a great idea, especially if you’ll have free accommodation.’ I stir my tea and take a gulp. ‘And it’ll give you a chance to get a feel for the place, before you make a decision about anything more permanent.’
‘It’s just a holiday, I promise.’ Sarah sets her mug down so fast she spills coffee across the table, and I dab at it with my napkin.
‘You don’t need to promise me anything. If you and Scott decide you want to give Australia a go, then you absolutely should.’
She winces. ‘We haven’t agreed to stay with them if we do go. I know plenty of people from college who’ve moved to Sydney. We have other options.’
‘Of course you’ll stay with them.’ I keep my tone light and carefree. ‘Your own room, ten minutes from the beach. Jamie’s happy to crash at your place for as long as he needs. Why shouldn’t you crash at theirs?’
‘You don’t mind that it’ll be theirs?’
‘Not at all. If anything, I’m glad,’ I tell her honestly. ‘If Jamie’s with Olivia now, then he’ll leave me alone. At least it means he gets it. That we’re done.’
Sarah’s shoulders loosen on a sigh. ‘I don’t think there was ever anybody else,’ she says gently. ‘I know it’s not great, Jamie did still cheat on you. But I honestly think it was only ever with Olivia. And I don’t think anything happened between them before London.’
She watches me carefully as she goes on, like she’s gauging how much to say in case she hurts me.
‘I used to think Jamie was good for you, and he was always so into you. But the way he’s acted this past year, and the things he’s been saying about Flynn since he moved back.
Even Scott’s told him to cop on once or twice. ’
She tilts her head from side to side, like she’s questioning herself, questioning her judgement. And Sarah never does that. ‘I didn’t realise how jealous he was, how obsessed. I’m sorry, I wish I’d seen that before.’
I shake my head to reassure her. ‘I didn’t even see it myself. And it really only got bad after that phone call from Flynn. The one Jamie made me hang up on.’ I don’t mention the Christmas card he found me in tears reading. Sarah already knows how much I missed home.
‘I’m not sure it was really me Jamie was obsessed with.’ I glance over at his table. ‘He never did like to come second best. At anything.’
Sarah’s eyebrows arch, but she doesn’t ask me who I think Jamie was, and still is, obsessed with. She knows.
‘So, he’ll be moving out of your place. That’s good,’ I say. ‘I’ll be able to call over for a cuppa, or a glass of wine, give Mam some privacy.’ I told Sarah earlier about Cal, and how he’s coming to stay for Halloween.
‘He’s moving tomorrow. And I told him to leave your boxes. They’re stacked in the back corner by the dresser, so you can pick them up whenever it suits.’
‘I forgot he even had them. Between the festival and the interview and—’
‘And all the sex.’ She grins, and I smile back, because it’s better than my other option, dissolving into tears. And I have no intention of doing that with Jamie and Olivia nearby.
‘I might leave them at yours until the weekend, if that’s okay. I have my interview tomorrow, and Mam’s home Friday night. I’ll move back in with her first, and I can bring them straight there.’
‘No problem, we’ll take everything in my car on Saturday morning.’ Sarah pops the last of her sandwich into her mouth.
I look down at mine, untouched on my plate, and force myself to take a small bite.
‘Have you told Flynn you’re moving out?’ she asks as she watches me.
‘Not yet.’ I swallow. ‘I’ll tell him in in my letter. I want to give him space to sort things out with his parents. And Natalie.’ My voice is tight as I say her name.
I don’t mention that he texted last night to say he went to see her, and it went really well, whatever that means. I think I already know, but I need to hear it from Flynn, face to face, and definitely not over a text.
‘I started my letter but I haven’t finished. I’m going to try again later.’
‘When’s he due back?’
‘End of next week. Friday, I think.’
‘He’ll be back for the Samhain session here in the Corner Bar then.’
‘I hope so.’ I picture us sitting in our favourite spot, laughing and singing like we used to, pretending for one last night that we can still be best friends for always, just like we promised all those years ago by the lake. Or maybe not. Not if Natalie has given the same ultimatum, again.
‘I’d better go. I’ll be late to open up.’
I throw my jacket over my arm and wave to Audrey for the bill. It’s only a quarter to two but Sarah doesn’t question me, and she doesn’t comment that I’ve barely touched my food. She knows how upset I was that Flynn missed our first Halloween Ball.
I thought he and I would go together, as friends, that I’d work up the courage to tell him how I felt on the night.
But then Sarah intervened, Flynn laughed and left, and Jamie stepped in.
I never told Sarah I planned to tell Flynn that I might be in love with him.
But I see by her face that I don’t need to tell her now I still am.
‘I’m going to finish the letter tonight,’ I say before I leave, and I make up my mind that I will, no matter how hard it is to find the right words.
Dear Flynn,
I’ve started this letter so many times, I have a bin full of scrunched-up pages.
And it’s helped me understand what it must have been like for you at sixteen, leaving your friends, your home, and your beloved Uncle Pat.
I was so hurt at the time, I thought you didn’t care enough to write me a proper goodbye, but now I know it was because you did care, a lot, and it’s not your fault you couldn’t say the words I wanted to hear.
I wish I’d been braver and told you how I felt and how much I’d miss you, instead of just handing you a pen.
But we’re both older now, and wiser, I hope, and it’s time to do the right thing, no matter how hard it is.
That’s what I’m trying to do here, and I hope you’ll understand.
I’m writing to tell you I’m moving out of Hazel Cottage.
Mam’s home on Friday and I’m moving back in with her. Until I find a place of my own.
I’m looking forward to this new chapter, living on my own, building my career.
I’m even hoping to travel more. Maybe I’ll go visit Sarah and Scott if they move to Australia, which I think they might, and I’m good with that.
I’m learning to let people go and not see it as a rejection, not see it as a reflection on me.
People have their own lives to live and that’s why I’m writing to you now.
You made a life in Cricket Falls, Flynn.
A good one. And you found someone you loved.
But Pat told me what happened. I know you lost Natalie because you didn’t want to break your promise to me.
And now you have a chance to fix that, to make things right again.
And if that’s what you want, then I want you to.
It’s been wonderful seeing you, and it’s been so much fun. But if you do talk to Natalie about us, I want you to make it clear that that’s all it was. Two friends having fun, getting a few unresolved issues out of their system. And it’s over now. It’s done.
I want you to be happy, and I don’t need you to keep your promise any more. Always was always too much to ask. I don’t need you to stay with me, or for me. I need to let you go.
I know you have to come back to wrap things up with the shop and the land, and to say goodbye to Pat.
I’m going to hang out at the Twilight movie night on Samhain’s Eve, and you can enjoy your time in the Corner Bar with Pat.
If you want to drop over and say goodbye before you go, that’s up to you.
But I’ll understand if you don’t. You don’t need to message.
You don’t need to write any more. I’ll say it now for both of us, just in case.
Goodbye, Flynn.
Love, always,
Gracie, xxx