28
It’s eleven on Monday morning when I get the call.
I’m in the children’s area watching Ella demonstrate how to make fun, spooky spiders from pinecones and pipe cleaners, laughing with the little ones, when my ringtone trills across the room.
I dash forward with a picture book clutched to my chest, but Gertrude beats me to it and leaps from behind the desk, holding out my phone with a mix of excitement and terror etched across her face.
I know how she feels. Gemma told me to expect a call mid-morning, and that looks like a council number flashing on my screen.
‘Thanks,’ I say, hitting accept and tearing up the stairs.
I think my interview went well, but I know there’s stiff competition.
I’d rather take this in private in case the news isn’t good.
‘Gracie?’ The tone is friendly but brisk. ‘It’s Nora, from HR.’
‘Yes. Hi.’ I push open the staffroom door, heart pounding in my chest.
‘Congratulations,’ she breezes. ‘I’m delighted to tell you that you placed first on the panel for the librarian position.’
‘Oh my God, are you sure?’ I say, and immediately realise how ridiculous I sound. As if our human resources department gets their kicks from pranking unsuccessful candidates for fun. ‘Sorry, I mean thank you. That’s wonderful news.’ I breathe out my relief and drop down on the nearest chair.
‘That’s okay,’ she tells me. ‘It’s a lot to take in. It was extremely competitive with so many external candidates, but you did really well, and Gemma will be in touch later to talk about the details. Congratulations again.’
‘Thanks,’ I say, and Nora hangs up. My cheeks ache from smiling as I sit and process the news, muttering thank you, thank you, thank you to no one in particular. I’m so grateful, I’m fit to burst. This is exactly what I need to kick-start my latest plan: get over Flynn.
Maybe I should call him, share my good news. Just a quick call, what harm could that do? But I feel like an addict craving one last fix, when I know cold turkey makes more sense. I’m still debating in my mind when I hear a loud knock.
‘Gracie?’ Gertrude inches her head around the door, and I smile and give her a thumbs up.
She bounces forward and pats me on the shoulder.
‘Well done, my dear. I’m so pleased for you.
’ She sounds like she really means it as she adds, ‘I’m sure you’ll do a wonderful job, and you’ll do our village proud. ’
I nod and say, ‘Thanks, I’ll do my best.’
I can’t tell her yet that I might request a move to Abbeyville. She’d rope in Moll and Barty to throw me in the stocks, then pelt me with pumpkins and paperback romance.
The week flies by in a flurry of workshops and story times, and by Thursday morning the library is covered in fake spiders, stingy jacks, and smiley ghosts.
There are spooky lanterns and seasonal garlands hanging everywhere, and the entire village looks like a glorious pumpkin patch.
All the windows along the main street have crochet pumpkins on display.
The knit and crochet group have been distributing those for weeks, and I crocheted a batch for the Corner Bar.
Audrey has them on her window ledges, and a row along the shelf behind the bar.
And everybody I meet fills me in on their costume choice, and whether they’ll be opting for cosy or creepy or some hybrid of the two, as if I’m personally responsible for balancing the scales.
The knit and crochet group are going with a Derry Girls theme, and they’ve stockpiled the craft closet with school uniforms and tracksuits, and enough scrunchies and recycled plastic bracelets to bring Ireland in the nineties vividly back to life.
I’m about to go for break when I see Aisha walking towards the desk with a silver satin bomber jacket on one arm and a bottle-green school blazer dangling from the other.
Her curly black hair is bunched in a high ponytail and she’s wearing enormous hoop earrings exactly like Michelle’s.
She settles her laden arms on the counter and says, in what I think is supposed to be a Derry Girls accent, ‘Which is more Michelle?’
‘They both are.’ I grin. ‘But the bomber jacket is more you.’
‘That’s what I think too.’ She raises her fist. ‘Slàinte, Mother—’
I cough loudly before she can finish that quote. Aisha has taken acting classes in Abbeyville and she’s keen on setting up an amateur drama group in Oakwood. But I don’t think Gertrude will appreciate her method acting Michelle Mallon at the library front desk.
She gives me a wink, pulls on the satin bomber, and sashays out the door, almost crashing into our county librarian on the way.
‘This is Maria, the architect.’ Gemma turns to her companion as Gertrude shoos me out to greet them.
Gemma phoned ahead to say she’d be bringing the architect working on our extension plans to meet with us. She still assumes I want to take over from Gertrude.
And I do. But with everything that’s happened, I’ve started to wonder if I should want something else. Something more. Everyone seems to be leaving, moving away, moving on. Should I be moving on too?
But even if I should, I still care about this library, and I want to see what the plans are.
‘Hi, Maria.’ I shake her hand, then I point to the folder tucked under her other arm. ‘I’m looking forward to seeing what you have in mind.’
‘I’ve reserved a table in the Corner Bar,’ Gemma tells me. ‘We can take a look there, if you’re free?’
‘That’s perfect, I’m about to take my break. I can get coffee while we look.’
‘Ella’s almost finished her workshop,’ Gertrude calls breezily. ‘We can manage here. Take all the time you need.’
‘Excellent.’ Gemma nods. ‘We’ll show you the plans, and then we can walk over to the house. Pat’s going to meet us there.’ She looks thoughtful as she adds, ‘It was his home, after all, and his heritage. I’d like to make sure he’s happy with what we have in mind.’
‘That sounds great,’ I say. ‘He’ll appreciate that.’
I fetch my bag from under my desk and follow Gemma and Maria out. They chat about the weather and the village and the fabulous crochet garlands lining our main street. I smile and nod along, but I barely register what they’re saying.
All these years I’ve hoped for this to happen.
The opportunity to manage a library that could help Oakwood grow.
And now it’s here, I’m considering asking for a transfer.
The last few days I’ve been telling myself that it will be good for me to move on, and I should use that as a stepping stone to chase new promotions, new dreams. To leave the sad memories behind.
But inside I feel hollow. Can I really hand over my beloved library to someone else?
Am I really going to give up and walk away because it feels too hard to stay?
Twenty minutes later, I watch Audrey clear our empty cups and wipe clean the table so Maria can lay out her drawings.
And my heart pulses with excitement as I take in her plans.
She’s stayed true to the Georgian heritage, but she’s opened up the space and added rooflights and skylights to fill the place with light.
Pat’s house is all high ceilings and tall windows, and it will be relatively easy to connect to the existing library.
I notice that Maria’s plans incorporate all the features that Gertrude and I told Gemma we were missing, and this fills me with pride.
Gemma really listened and took our ideas on board.
She also tells me she’s keen to conserve as many original features as possible and use reclaimed materials for the upgrade, and I know Pat will love that.
‘It’s going to be beautiful,’ I say, and my chest aches at the thought of not being part of it all.
‘Why don’t we take the plans over to the house now,’ Maria suggests. ‘It will all make more sense when we’re in the actual space.’
Gemma picks up her phone. ‘I’ll text Pat and let him know we’re on our way.’
‘I hear congratulations are in order, Gracie,’ Pat says as we watch Gemma unlock the emerald panelled door that leads into his former home.
‘I knew you’d do it, girl. Never doubted it.
’ He sighs happily. ‘I thought long and hard about whether I should sell this place, but knowing you’ll be the one to take care of it makes all the difference. You’ll do a great job.’
My stomach drops. His smile is full of hope, his voice filled with pride.
Because, of course, he has no clue that I’ve been thinking about letting down the people who believe in me, who’ve helped me believe in myself.
My mouth goes dry as my brain scrambles for words, but I can’t think what to say because I’m still not sure what my decision is.
Pat’s eyes narrow as he watches me. ‘Come inside, Gracie,’ he says softly.
He holds open the door. ‘I’m sure it must be daunting.
I know you’ll want to do this right and keep everybody happy.
’ He places his hand lightly at my back and guides me into the wide, open hallway.
‘But I’ve every faith in you. And if you follow your heart, you won’t go wrong. ’
I swallow and nod and let him lead me inside, and my eyes widen as I move through the space.
I haven’t been in this house since I was a teenager, when Flynn’s gran lived here and he’d bring me along to visit.
It was darker then and filled with heavy furniture and floral drapes.
Now, the walls are fresh and white, and two large skylights fill the double-height hallway with a soft autumn glow.
The windows and doors need replacing but Maria has ideas for how to do that tastefully and bring in even more light.
She pulls out her drawings as we reach the top of the stairs, and I listen as she explains about our proposed gallery and activity space, the cosy reading nooks and sensory-friendly spaces, and the dedicated teen corner we hope to include.
My heart lightens as I picture it all. And I know I can’t leave these plans to someone else to make real. This is my world and I have a chance to make it better. To make a difference to the place and the people I care about. There’s no way I can run away from this.
And there’s no way I will. Even though it will be hard, even though some memories will hurt for a while.
I think about my evening with Mam. I don’t have to give up my dream just because it’s not perfect, just because some parts feel hard.
If I want it badly enough, it’s worth fighting for. And I know for sure. I want this.
I catch Gemma on her own while Maria’s showing Pat where they’ll open the wall to connect to the existing library space.
‘I can’t believe this is finally happening,’ I say. Then I breathe deep and tell her what I want. ‘I hope you know how much this means to me, Gemma. To manage Oakwood, to be part of all this. I know there are two positions available, but I want to stay right here. It’s always been Oakwood for me.’
‘Gracie.’ Gemma beams at me. ‘I wouldn’t dream of placing you anywhere else. I agree with Pat completely. I can’t think of anyone who’ll take better care of our new upgraded library.’
‘Thank you.’ My face erupts in a smile. ‘I can’t wait to get started, and I promise I won’t let you down.’
‘I know you won’t. And my door is always open if you need support.’
‘There is one favour I’d like to ask now, if you have time.’
She chuckles. ‘Ah, and so it starts. Go on.’
‘Would you mind if I popped back to cover the library? I’d like to send Gertrude and Ella to take a look at the plans and see our new space. It’s their library too and I want them to feel part of this.’
‘That’s an excellent idea.’ She smiles. ‘I’ll make time.’