34 #2
‘I’m so sorry.’ I tug his hand and lead him to our table.
Then I realise everyone’s still holding their signs, and they’re all still watching and waiting, so I flick my eyes to Sarah and mouth give us five minutes and she gestures for everyone to sit back down.
I hear lots of disgruntled murmuring, but I squeeze in beside Flynn and ignore them for now.
I’ve waited ten years. They can wait a few more minutes.
‘Your letter was beautiful,’ I say softly. ‘It was everything I hoped you’d write back then.’
‘But then why?’ His voice sounds hoarse and aching, and it kills me to think how much I hurt him.
‘When I said you didn’t write me a proper goodbye, I didn’t mean the letter you wrote before you left.
Because I never got that letter, Flynn.’ His face pinches in confusion and I hold his gaze as I go on.
‘Jamie stole it from my locker and kept it from me all this time. I only got to read it for the first time this morning.’
Flynn goes as pale as Edward Cullen, then groans like he’s been stabbed. ‘I’ll kill him.’ He squeezes his eyes shut. ‘I mean, I won’t, but fuck, I really want to.’
‘You’ll have to get in line.’ I take both his hands in mine and hold on tight. ‘And for what it’s worth, I loved you too, and I would have asked. I should have asked you anyway.’
He sniffs hard. I think he’s even closer to tears than I am. I loosen my grip, but Flynn threads his fingers through mine. ‘No, Gracie.’ His voice cracks. ‘I was the one who left. I should have written every day until you answered.’
‘But you thought I was with Jamie,’ I blurt out, my breath coming hard and fast now. ‘And you thought I loved him.’
He shakes his head. ‘I don’t think I ever believed that. Not really.’
‘Then why didn’t you come back?’ I hear the hurt in my tone, and I hesitate, but I need to know. ‘I get that you couldn’t while Elaine was sick, but later, when she was well again . . .’
‘I did come back once,’ he says quietly. ‘But you were gone.’ I hear the agony in his voice as he adds, ‘And I called you after that. But you never called me back.’
I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach as I realise how many awful choices I made. But I can’t change the past. All I can do is make better choices from now on.
I straighten my shoulders and take a deep breath. ‘I know you and Natalie broke up because of me. Because of your promise.’
Flynn scrapes his hand along his jaw. ‘Why do you keep bringing up Natalie? We’ve been over for two years.’
‘Yes, but you still care for her. And I’m guessing she still cares for you.’
He frowns, but I keep going.
‘I didn’t mean those things I said, about us being an unresolved issue, just a shag, but I felt so guilty about your break-up, and I thought I should let you have a chance to be happy. With Natalie.’
Flynn’s eyes widen and he opens his mouth to speak, but I shake my head. I need him to hear this.
‘But Jamie took my choice away from me, and I don’t want to do the same to you. I don’t need you to stay, Flynn. But I want you to. I really want you to. And I want you to know how I feel before you make up your mind.’
‘Gracie, I don’t—’
‘Just let me finish, please.’ I press my fingers to his lips. ‘You’ve been honest with me. Let me be honest with you.’ My voice wobbles. ‘I have a whole party piece prepared.’
I try a shaky smile and his face softens. I reach up and touch his cheek with my fingertips. ‘Let me ask what I want to ask, in my own crazy way. And then I promise, it’s up to you.’
I lift my hand to signal Sarah, and she nods and leans over the jukebox. Then Audrey rings her bell again and roars, ‘Time!’ And everyone stands and holds up their signs again.
I hop onto the table and sit sideways, so I’m facing Flynn, but the crowd can see me too. I promised them a party piece, and I think they’ll have my back, even if I lose it and start crying halfway through.
The opening chords of my song start. Then it hits me that I haven’t told Flynn there’s a theme with this song.
I doubt he’s seen those movies in ten years, and I’m not sure he realises I’m Bella.
He’s still sitting on the couch, gazing up at me, and I lean down and take his face in my hands.
‘By the way, before I start, this would make much more sense if you were dressed as a vampire.’
He looks up at me, lost, then the corners of his mouth twitch a smile.
‘Twilight,’ he whispers.
And my breath catches because he’s so beautiful to me, even as a fluorescent orange pumpkin. I drop my hands from his face, prod his middle, and smile back. ‘Yeah. But this is way cuter. And more you.’
‘Sing the damn song, honey!’ Sarah yells at the top of her voice, and the crowd cheers.
Christina Perri is already through the first verse, so I summon all my courage and gaze down at Flynn as I belt out the chorus. And I absolutely kill it, though not in a good way.
Then Sarah joins in, and soon everybody’s singing ‘A Thousand Years’ at the top of their lungs. And Flynn wraps his arms around my hips and drops his head into my lap, and I feel him shaking, and I know he’s crying, but I hope it’s because he’s happy, and then I remember.
‘Shit, shit, shit,’ I blurt wildly. Then, ‘Keep singing everyone!’
I lean down to Flynn, head still buried in my lap, and I curl my fingers in his hair. ‘I forgot my signs.’ I kiss the smooth skin at the side of his jaw and my skin sizzles at the warmth of him, the sweet heady scent. ‘They’re the most important part. You have to look.’
He sniffs and wipes his eyes with the heel of his hand. And I grab my bundle from behind him and do a quick check that they’re in order.
And as the crowd belts out the last chorus, I hold them to my chest, and show them to Flynn, one by one.
Just like Love Actually, and a million cheesy copies that I’ve seen.
Because sometimes you want to be as cheesy and embarrassing as it gets, to prove you don’t give a damn about anything, except the person right in front of you, the person you love most in the world.
I watch his face as he reads.
Stay
Flynn
Please
Stay
With
Me
Always.
Flynn’s body trembles but his eyes are warm and bright as he wraps himself around me and pulls me close. So close I know he’ll never let me go. And I see the promise in his gaze as he holds my face in his hands and whispers the only word I need to hear.
‘Always.’