Chapter Twelve
CHAPTER TWELVE
NATALIE
Once, during our last year of college, I saw Tobias in a pair of boxer briefs, but I was so excited about his new book deal that it didn’t really faze me when I’d let myself into his house and busted through his bedroom door. Today, though, I’m fazed.
I’m so fazed that each time I look at him, I think of him standing in his bedroom holding nothing but a towel to cover himself.
And that is not how I should see my best friend, not ever, and especially not the day after I called off my engagement.
Grandma Betty and Tobias are both intensely listening to her discharge orders while I pack up a few of the things she had with her when she arrived. We’d brought clean clothes, her favorite green rose earrings, her purse, and a few other things Tobias thought she might want. It didn’t matter if she planned to sit at home all day, she always got ready head to toe for the day.
Once everything is in a bag, I grab my purse. I check it for my phone out of habit, but I intentionally left it on the kitchen table at Grandma Betty’s house.
I’m sure word has spread by now, and the last thing I want is texts and calls about something I don’t want to discuss. I’ve texted my parents, sister, and the girls about it. That’s everyone who needs to know. It’s over. End of story.
“Okay, we’re all set,” Tobias announces just as a nurse helps his grandma into a wheelchair.
“Let’s go,” she says, twirling her hand in the air.
She might be crazy at times, but she’s one of the best souls I’ve ever met.
I’m not saying that there is a right or wrong question to ask someone when they call off their engagement, but as soon as Tobias left the room earlier, she asked me if I was happy.
It was weird the way I didn’t even hesitate to say yes.
I was ready to marry Griffin, but the moment I picked Tobias over him, even before Griffin called me another woman's name, I knew it was over.
Grandma Betty had nodded as if that were the end of the conversation and then tried to get me to spill the beans on Tobias’s dating life.
No surprise there. He doesn't have one.
She then went on to say that she can feel like The One is close, but I shook my head. Tobias has never been a big relationship kind of guy, and I don't imagine he’s going to start now. He’s not old, but if he wanted to settle down, I think he would have by now. Still, I'd never say never. If he falls in love, I hope she likes me.
I stay pretty quiet on the walk to my car.
Griffin never fully believed the two of us were capable of being just friends. He never said anything negative—he never would—but I could hear it in his voice or see it in his eyes: he always worried about my relationship with Tobias. Now I’m starting to think it was all a facade he put up to distract me from whatever it was he was up to.
God, I feel so stupid.
Four years.
Four years that I will never get back.
Tobias looks back over his shoulder as we reach the parking lot. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I say and speed up to fall into step with him. “I’m just over here thinking about how excited I am to have you back in my life full-time.”
“Hmm,” he says, and his grandma makes a clicking noise with her tongue.
“Is this how it’s going to be with you two?”
“How what’s going to be?” Tobias asks.
“It’s like you’re new friends all over again and don’t know how to act.”
“Um, I don’t agree,” Tobias replies quickly.
“Neither do I.”
“Oh really? I remember a time when I couldn't get the two of you to stop talking.”
“Yeah, me too, but we’re older now. More mature.”
I swat Tobias’s bicep at his baloney answer and laugh.
“Yeah, older, which means you don't have much time left to make stupid decisions. If you ask me, this is the perfect time for you two to finally?—”
“And here’s the car!” Tobias cuts her off.
I open the back seat to put the bags away.
Tobias is kneeling in front of Grandma Betty, whispering as I close the door.
“Hey, no secrets,” I tease.
“Exactly.” Grandma Betty huffs.
“Let’s get home,” Tobias says with a shake of his head, then he helps her into the car.
The car ride isn’t much different: Tobias and his grandma bicker, lots of laughter, and I love every moment of it.
* * *
I sip my latte and sigh into the couch.
This is heaven.
I know it’s stupid, but when Tobias asked me about stopping for a coffee, I gave him my auto-response. But I only drank coffee from home because Griffin did. He made great points about how much money it could save, so I changed my ways.
It had made me a bit sad because I love stopping for coffee. It shouldn't matter what anyone else believes. I love it. So that means there is nothing wrong with it.
I hear Tobias grumble something from the kitchen as the oven drawer pops to a close.
“Do you want help?” I call out.
“No.”
Another clatter of dishes as he shouts fuck for the tenth time.
I decide to take pity on him, despite the fact he doesn’t want my help, and head into the kitchen.
I take a seat at the table and cross my legs, propping my chin into my hands like I always do.
“You never were a good cook.”
He spins quickly and points the spatula at me. “I made you breakfast, and I’m pretty sure you moaned at how delicious it was.”
I snap my fingers and then move toward him, taking the spatula.
“Okay, correction, you were never good at baking.”
I stir the brownie mix as he leans his hip on the counter next to me.
“You’re not wrong about that.”
“And yet here you are.”
He nods.
“Brownies make things better—or well, that’s been her motto since I was a kid.”
He nods toward the downstairs guest room where Grandma Betty is napping.
As soon as we got back from the hospital, her neighbor was here to greet her with flowers, and they shooed us away for about a half hour before he left, and she stated that she needed a nap.
We may have been home only about an hour, but Tobias hasn’t stopped moving. He’s cleaned, moved pictures, moved dishes, and anything else you can think of. He wants everything within reach for his grandmother, to the point that she won’t need to stand on the tips of her toes for anything. And now he’s making her brownies.
“When I’m old, I hope my grandson or granddaughter takes care of me as much as you do her.”
“They will,” he says with a wink.
I smile for a moment and then add, “If I ever actually get married.”
“You will,” he says with another wink. Only this time, his eyes lock on mine for another moment.
I inhale a breath under his gaze but step back. “Did you spray the dish with cooking spray yet?”
He nods once and points to where the can is sitting behind me.
I grab the glass, and together we pour the mix in.
“Soooo,” Tobias starts, and I groan. He’s about to start a conversation that makes him uncomfortable.
“Why do I get the feeling I won’t like where your mind is going?”
“Because I’m about to ask you about Griffin.”
I blow out a breath.
“It was bound to happen.”
“I just want to make sure you’re really okay.”
“I am. Or I will be. My head isn’t in the best place.” I set the timer on the oven, and then I turn to him. He’s leaning over the sink, washing his hands. “I keep thinking about how I missed the signs.”
“Nat, you can’t think like that.”
“I know. I know. It’s just hard not to. I mean, did I do something wrong? Was I too boring? Was I not enough? It sucks that I’ll never know why he needed someone else. Even if I did know, I’m not sure the answer would help.”
“I don’t imagine it would.”
“And it’s not like I can ask him. If I have it my way, I’ll never see him again, but I also want to get these thoughts out of my head and move on sooner rather than later.”
Tobias is just watching me.
“What? Say something.”
He shrugs. “I don't have much to say. He’s an idiot, and you're perfect. I wish I could tell you that you shouldn't think any part of this was your fault, but it’s easier said than done.”
“It is.”
“But I might have a way to help you with it.”
“Really.” I smirk and cross my arms. “How?”
“By taking you up on your offer to write a book together. I use words as my escape, and although right now they’re also the thing causing all my problems, I think doing this with you could help. Hell, it’s writing and Natalie Miller. My two favorite things.”
I try not to react, but his words cause a frog in my throat. And my eyes are stinging.
Yesterday I was with a boy who would clearly pick anyone but me, and today I’m with a man who wants nothing more than to help me be happy again.
“Do you really mean that?”
He nods.
“You want to write a book with me?”
He nods again.
“Like a good romance with sex and stuff. You’ll have to teach me all the naughty words and everything.”
He lets out a boisterous laugh. “Are you trying to change my mind before we even get started?”
“No. I’m just making sure you know what you’re in for.”
“Oh, I know.”
“We’re close friends, Tobias, but this … this could bring us even closer.”
“I’m well aware.”
“Like on an intimate level.”
The look he casts my way darkens, and my heart starts to race under his gaze.
“It’s a risk I’m willing to take,” he says, and even though my chest is pounding at the idea of writing with him, of him discovering the way I imagine intimacy, and of finally getting to make this dream come true, I know it’s one I’m willing to take too.