Chapter Twenty
CHAPTER TWENTY
NATALIE
I’ve always loved Lovers. It’s the perfect small town that does all the small-town things. The first time Tobias brought me here was the summer after we met. Grandma Betty had just moved here, and there was a festival happening that took up their entire main street. Mind you, it isn't very big. The population is a few hundred at the most. This town is known for Lovers Lodge. It brings in all the business. The food and the people throughout the rest of the town are what bring people back summer after summer.
Still, the first festival we attended was called the Fourth of July Recovery Festival. Of course, the town had just thrown a huge party for the Fourth, filled with tourists who were staying at the lodge, but the recovery festival was just for the town. Most of the tourists were gone after the holiday.
It’s no wonder people love this town.
This week, however, is the fall festival. It happens every September, and tonight is the first of the five nights, and they’re kicking the week off with a new event. About a year ago, a dance studio opened up. The woman who opened it used to be a backup dancer for multiple musicians and pop stars. She knows all genres of dancing. From what Grandma Betty has told me, not only do adults love it when they come here for a wedding at the lodge, but families love it because she offers day programs for kids. Parents can drop their kids off for a couple of hours at a time.
If I ever decide to leave Wind Valley, Lovers will be next on my list. It’s the kind of place I could see myself raising kids.
Tobias stopped into the local bakery to grab his grandma's favorite cookies, and I opted to wait outside. Now that my mind has drifted to kids, my eyes drift toward Lovers Lodge. It’s not right in town, but from the main street, you can see where it sits at the base of the mountain, with the lake behind it.
The first time I came here with Tobias, aside from the festival, we rented jet skis to take on Lovers Lake. I wasn’t convinced that a lake at the bottom of a mountain could be warm enough, but boy, was I wrong. Lovers is the little town that has exactly what you need even when you think it won't.
A little girl runs past me, giggling as a little boy chases her.
Kids were just around the corner for me and my life. Maybe only a year or two away, and now … I don’t know when that’s going to happen for me or if it ever will.
I scroll online more than I should admit these days, and the number of single adults out there who are my age is high. They don’t want to deal with the bullshit of dating, so they prefer to stay single. Is that what’s going to happen to me? Did I miss my window, and all the single ones who are left don't want a committed relationship?
“Got them,” Tobias says, stepping out into the sunshine and holding up the bag of cookies. “Now maybe I can get back on Grandma Betty's good side.”
We fall into step together.
“What made you decide that you don't want to commit to anyone?” I ask out of the blue—well, it was out of the blue for him.
He glances at me but keeps walking.
“I thought we talked about this that day in my office at home. I didn’t see the point in committing if it wasn’t the right girl.”
“But how did you know? How do you know you didn’t miss her?”
Our steps slow as we near the festival. It looks like the dance instructor is teaching a choreographed dance, and people are loving it.
I spot Quinn and some guy I don't know. Grandma Betty is right next to them with Mike, and they all seem to be having a good time.
“I know I didn’t,” Tobias says, pulling me back into our conversation.
“But how do you know?” I repeat.
“I just do. It’s a feeling I get.”
“A feeling?”
He nods.
“Care to elaborate?”
“Sure. But can I ask why you want to know?”
“I’m trying to figure out at what point in my life I’ll know that I’m going to be a bachelorette forever.”
“What?” He stops abruptly. “Why would you think that?”
I shrug. “I just feel like that’s the direction my life is going, you know. I haven’t had a lot of boyfriends, and Griffin especially sucked. I’m just worried that I met the one and missed my chance because I wasn’t ready or … I don't know. I mean, Griffin cheated on me. Maybe I’m not good enough to settle down with?”
I take a few steps forward, but Tobias stops me, his hand coming to my cheek as he forces me to look at him.
“I’m only going to say this once, Dove, so please do not argue with me. You being you is more than enough. It’s everything. If someone doesn’t see that, they don’t deserve you.”
My heart pounds, and my eyes drift to his. He’s staring back as if I’m the only one he sees. As if there weren’t a whole town behind us dancing to Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” It’s the same look he gave me that night in his living room—the one I can’t get out of my head.
Hell, he’s staring at me as if he’s about to devour me.
I swallow. I’m pretty sure that I’m staring back, telling him that I’d let him.
“Tobias! Natalie!” Quinn yells, breaking the trance.
He turns first, but I keep looking at him.
I know I’ve made a lot of excuses to myself in the last couple of weeks. I've been chalking up this whole thing I’m feeling toward him as my mind being crazy after a breakup, but just now, I know I wasn’t imagining it.
Tobias wanted me to kiss him. I wanted him to kiss me. It would have happened if his sister hadn’t interrupted.
A part of me is relieved because, holy smokes, it would change our friendship, but I think more of me is disappointed.
Kissing Tobias would change everything in my life, and that’s the kind of excitement I need right now.
“You remember Hudson Asher, right?” Quinn says as she and the mystery man she was dancing with earlier join us.
“Yes, of course,” Tobias says and shakes his hand. “Only the best hockey player to ever come out of Lovers.”
Hudson laughs deeply as he returns the hand gesture.
“I’m the only hockey player to come out of Lovers.”
“Still the best,” Quinn chimes in. “This is Natalie.”
Hudson’s eyes glide to me, and his smile widens.
“Tobias Banks, I had no idea you were seeing someone. Then again, if my girl looked half as stunning as you, I'd keep her hidden too.”
“Oh, we aren't dating,” I say a lot quicker than I expected. It’s like it came out on autopilot.
Hudson glances at Tobias, who hasn't said a word.
“Oh, my bad, I thought I'd seen … well, anyway, it’s good to see you.”
“Maybe you can take Natalie out on the dance floor,” Quinn says quickly to Hudson. “Or dance road would probably be more accurate.”
“I’ll take her,” Tobias says before Hudson has a chance to reply.
Tobias grabs my hand and pulls me toward the dancing. The song changes to something slow, but I don't recognize it.
Tobias spins me, letting his hand land on my hip as he pulls my body flush against his.
We sway to the beat, Tobias’s head leaning in close to me.
“Sorry about that,” he whispers.
“It’s fine, but I’ll admit, I’ve never seen you so … caveman. Is Hudson someone you need to protect me from?”
I’ve never seen him act that way. I kind of like it.
“He's the furthest from it. He’s one of the best people I know here.”
“Okay,” I say. My lips part for me to say more, but Grandma Betty approaches us.
“I’m staying at Mike’s tonight,” she says. “Don’t burn my house down.”
Tobias's grip on my hand tightens, so I squeeze it back.
“We won’t, Grandma Betty,” I say, patting his chest with my other hand.
“Have fun,” he grits out, and I have to force a closed mouth smile so I don’t laugh.
“Will do, sweetheart.” She pats his cheek and walks off.
He watches her meet up with Mike, giving him a wave as they walk toward his house.
A squeak escapes me.
“Don’t start,” Tobias warns, grinning as he looks down at me.
“I wasn’t.”
“Liar.” He pinches my side. I squeal again as my body inches closer to his, the arm he has around me locking me in.
Well, if teasing him gets me this, maybe I need to rethink a few things.
* * *
It’s after nine by the time Tobias and I get back to the house. It’s not late by any means, but the rest of the town seemed like they were about to pull an all-nighter. Quinn included, because she said not to wait up for her.
Since neither of us is tired, we settle on the couch together with reruns of Friends .
Ross has just slapped himself in the face with shaving cream when Tobias’s leg brushes against mine.
My heart starts to pound against my ribs.
What is this?
What’s happening to me?
Focus on the TV.
A couple of close moments and an almost kiss later, and this is where my mind is.
We’ve watched hundreds of movies together. We have shared a blanket dozens of times. We’ve been like this more times than I can count.
My heart shouldn't be beating faster, and I shouldn’t be swallowing lumps in my throat, dwelling over what every touch from him means.
But I am.
Oh, I so, so am.
“Are you cold?” Tobias asks, pulling the blanket that we’re sharing up higher. “You have goose bumps on your arms.”
“Fine. Good. Thanks.”
His eyes narrow a little as he looks at me. There’s a clear question in them that I refuse to acknowledge.
I press a thin smile to my lips and look back at the TV.
“Oh, I almost forgot. I have a surprise for you.”
He pulls the blanket off his body and then disappears into the kitchen.
“What kind of surprise?” I ask with a shaky voice.
His head pokes out from around the wall. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, fine. Good.”
His whole body comes into view, and he crosses his arms.
“Natalie Miller.”
“I’m good. I swear. It’s just … I’ve missed hanging out like this,” I say. “The past few weeks have ... I’ve been really happy.” It’s not a lie per se, but it’s very clearly not what I was thinking at this moment or even what’s close to being on my mind.
“Yeah, me too.” He smirks and disappears again.
Which is good because I clearly need the time to get my shit together.
He’s. Your. Best. Friend.
I hear the freezer door open and then a cupboard slam shut, followed by the rattle of the silverware drawer. Then, Tobias walks toward me with a rare smile, one that I usually see only when he’s talking to Grandma Betty, and it’s one of my favorites from him.
He returns with two mugs with handles and two spoons. A pint of ice cream sits perfectly in each one.
“What is that?” I perk up on the couch and try to peek.
“Ice cream in a mug,” he says as if it’s the simplest thing in the world.
“Oh my god. I’ve seen this online but never thought to try it.”
“Me too, but I knew you’d love it, so I packed them just in case before we left, and here we are.”
“Just in case we needed ice cream?”
He laughs.
“Or in case we had time to just ourselves. We have both been busy with our jobs and writing, so I was hoping we would get a downtime moment like this. Just us.”
“Just us,” I repeat. “I like that.”
There is no one like Tobias. This much is true. What if I just give in and the tension I feel between us goes away? Everything goes back to how it was but better because I get to kiss him and touch him all I want.
What if it could be good?
“But what if you ruin it?”
“What?” Tobias asks.
“Huh?”
“What if you ruin what?”
Oh, shit. Did I say that part out loud?
“Nothing. What?”
He lets out the biggest groan and sets his ice cream down. I do the same.
I feel like I’m going to be sick waiting for him to speak. Luckily, he doesn't make me wait long.
“This is stupid,” he says and puts one hand on my knee. His other hand goes to my cheek.
His touch escalates my heart rate and my breathing at the same time.
“Dove, I want to kiss you. I want to do more than kiss you.”
His confession ignites something inside me. My body itches to climb into his lap and do exactly what he wants.
But the dread of how this could end badly pierces my heart and wins.
“I want that too,” I say softly, swallowing the lump in my throat and closing my eyes. “But I don’t want to lose you more.”
When I open them, the chocolate eyes that have seen me and been there for me for the last decade are gazing back.
“What do we do now?” I ask.
He kisses my forehead and then leans back, his arm resting over my shoulders as he holds me close.
“We do nothing,” he says. “We just keep being us.”
Just keep being us?
He makes it sound so easy, but why do I feel like it isn’t?