Chapter Twelve
Lawliss
I glance outside, the rain drizzling softly against the window, each drop blurring the world beyond into a restless haze. My thoughts drift, unbidden, to the tangled mess of my life.
What’s the most important thing in life? The question echoes like a ghost in my mind, its weight heavier than the storm outside. I’m afraid my best years are already gone, squandered in mistakes and half-measures.
What would have happened if Eddie had never left? If I’d never met Derrick? If I’d become a potter instead of a lawyer, or if I hadn’t run into Eddie in Florida?
The what-ifs and what-could-have-beens have an annoying habit of showing up uninvited, whispering promises of alternate lives I’ll never live. Everyone I like seems to leave bittersweet memories. Eddie did when he left without a word. I searched for him all over and pleaded with my parents to help me find him. And there’s Derrick, a man who promised me the world but what did he do? He cheated on me, knowing very well I despise and hate cheating.
In both of them, there were moments of real happiness. Eddie was the first guy I liked. Sure, I had crushed on people here and there but Eddie felt special. He wasn’t a crush from afar. He was someone I thought I would marry someday. I could swear, I saw him look at me with so much love but that could have been my own imagination or projections.
Derrick, on the other hand, came into my life when I thought no one liked me. He used to pick me up from work; his smile was warm and disarming. But what did I get in the end?
I shake my head, scoffing quietly. Maybe it’s time to face the truth about myself. I’m not deserving of any sort of love. After all, what’s there to love about me? My career? HA! Anyone can be an acclaimed lawyer. Come to think of it, apart from that, there seems to be nothing else people may like or find interesting about me.
A tear slips down my cheek, unnoticed until Eddie’s voice cuts through the haze.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly, extending a handkerchief toward me like it’s a peace treaty.
I chuckle faintly and wipe my tears with the back of my hand, ignoring his offering. “It seems to be the phrase of the week,” I mutter, turning my gaze back to the rain. My mom had said that to me earlier. Derrick has been sending that nonstop, but I’ve ignored him.
“I shouldn’t have made that comment earlier,” Eddie says, his tone quieter now. I smirk, keeping my eyes fixed outside.
“Ah, that. Isn’t it true? After all, I did sleep with you as a way of moving on.”
“Shit.” His frustration spills out in a single word. “I didn’t mean it that way.” I wave my hand dismissively, but he continues.
“No… no. I need to get this off my chest.” He inhales deeply, and his next words tumble out like they’ve been bottled too long. “I really didn’t mean that. I was just jealous.”
The sudden confession jolts me, and my head snaps in his direction. His blue eyes hold mine, steady and unflinching, daring me to see the truth there.
“I see,” I reply carefully, turning back to the side window. My hands grip my lap as I process the unexpected honesty. Eddie? Jealous? But why?
“I just felt threatened,” he adds, his voice low and resigned, now answering my internal question as if he could hear me.
“You laughed in a way I know you did around people who you’re closer to. It used to be reserved for only me and your family so when I realized he seemed to know you more and was so close to you. I reacted without thinking.”
“Jeez, Edmund! Dash is a friend. Even if he wasn’t, you and I are nothing for you to be jealous of.”
“You don’t know that,” he counters
“But I do.” I say. “Eddie, what we had was just one night, which was supposed to stay in the past. But you somehow decided to show up in my present. I didn’t know you would be coming back. If I did…” I shake my head, more at myself than at him, the words spilling out before I can catch them. “....why didn’t you tell me you’d be coming back?”
He exhales sharply like he’s been holding his breath. “We didn’t talk much that night. You were gone the next day before we had a chance to talk.”
So, it’s my fault? The thought burns as I whip my head toward him, but his gaze melts my indignation before it can spill out.
“It’s not your fault,” he says softly, as if reading my mind. “Not at all.”
A brief silence stretches between us, thick with unresolved tension, before he asks, “Am I forgiven?”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” I reply curtly, turning my attention to the driver. My eyes narrow as I take him in. Eddie follows my gaze and nods toward him.
“That’s Josh. My assistant.” The man glances back briefly, acknowledging me with a nod. “Nice to meet you officially, ma’am,” he says politely, quite different from how he was earlier at the bar.
“Lawliss, Call me Lawliss,” I respond, watching as he returns his focus to the road.
Eddie leans back slightly, taking my hands into his. “He’s also a very good friend of mine,” he adds.
“I can see that,” I mutter.
A loud ringtone interrupts us, the sound echoing through the car’s speakers. Josh picks up, and an older man’s voice booms through.
“I knew you’d be up by this time,” the man says gruffly.
“Hello, sir,” Josh greets, his tone respectful.
“Are you boys out at this hour?”
“No, sir,” Josh replies quickly, but his voice overlaps with Eddie’s sharp retort.
“What do you want, Gramps?”
The older man sighs, exasperation laced through his words. “When will you stop this self-destruction? This isn’t going to bring your parents back.”
Eddie stiffens beside me, his entire body going rigid as if bracing for a blow. His hands clench and unclench repeatedly, his knuckles white as he struggles to contain his anger.
Josh pulls the car to a stop, but I barely register our surroundings. My eyes are locked on Eddie, whose breaths come heavier now.
“WHAT. DO. YOU. WANT?” Eddie’s voice is low, measured, and trembling with barely restrained fury.
“Don’t take that tone with me, boy,” the older man snaps.
“Good evening, sir,” I speak up, my voice cutting cleanly into the tension. Eddie’s head whips toward me, surprised, but I press on. “I don’t know who you are, but calling without a clear purpose and choosing to needle someone you know is already hurting is very wrong.” The line goes silent for a moment before the man speaks again.
“Who are you?”
“Who I am doesn’t matter,” I reply coolly. “What matters is that you seem to know he would be awake by this time and decided to call for whatever reason. However, your tone is very upsetting. If you didn’t have any clear purpose for the call, then why did you bother calling knowing this late?”
The silence on the other end stretches uncomfortably, but then the man chuckles, a cold, unsettling sound that catches me off guard.
“What did I say to hurt him?” he asks, his voice mocking.
“With all due respect, sir,” I say evenly, “if you don’t know that bringing up his parents would hurt him, I question your intentions.”
There’s another pause, and then the man bursts into laughter, startling me. I suddenly feel a pang of guilt; wasn’t I just as careless earlier when I brought up his past? I was so focused on my pain I didn’t realize he hadn’t fully healed.
Eddie ends the call abruptly, breathing in and out, trying to contain his fury. I place my hands on his in an attempt to calm him. The silence that follows is heavy until Josh clears his throat.
“We’re here.”
I finally glance at my surroundings, confusion blooming. “How do you know where I stay?”
“You stay here?” Josh asks, glancing back. “I was dropping him off, so I figured I’d drop you off after.”
“What?” I whip my head toward Eddie, the pieces clicking into place. “Are you the other person living here?”
He leans back with a smirk that makes my blood boil. “Looks like it. I guess we live together.” For a moment, I stare at him, utterly baffled. Wait, was this some kind of cosmic joke? But… he seemed okay now, at least.
“We don’t,” I snap, rushing out of the car and slamming the door behind me. My feet carry me to my door in record time, and I shut it hard, leaning back against it as my heart pounds.
Get a grip, Lawliss. This doesn’t change anything. So what if Eddie is this close? So what if I can practically smell his cologne from here? Calm down. Be professional.
I press my palms to my face, willing my heart to slow, but the realization won’t stop circling in my head.
OH. MY GOD. OH. MY GOD. Eddie is this close to me. Jeez. What do I do?
Firm. I need to stay firm. Calm down.
I walk into the living area and breathe in and out to calm my racing heart. Tossing my purse onto the center table, I freeze at the sharp cling of glass, the sound louder than I expect in the silence. My nerves jolt.
With a sigh, I pick up the purse, grab my phone, and scroll through my contacts. My thumb hovers over my sisters’ names, but… no. Talking to them about this now doesn’t feel right. They all know Eddie both before and after. But Dzifa only knows the version I’ve told her about. She’ll be on my side.
At least for tonight.
I press her name, and she picks up on the second ring, her voice groggy and dripping with sleep.
“Hello?” she mumbles.
“Shit, sorry. I was in such a hurry to talk to someone, I didn’t realize how late it was.”
She yawns, and I can almost picture her stretching. “It’s fine. I needed to be awake anyway. Work’s been piling up, and I have to prep some news items. Go on.”
“Okay…” I trail off, taking a deep breath before diving in. I narrate the entire night, leaving out only the conversation in the car about Eddie’s grandfather. Some things feel too private, even for Dzifa.
When I’m done, there’s silence on the other end, followed by her sharp intake of breath.
“Wait a minute,” she says, her tone suddenly awake. “Let me get this straight. You mean to tell me that the guy you slept with was someone you knew? Not only that, but you signed a document without knowing what the hell it was?”
I chuckle despite myself. “Was that what you got from the whole thing? Did I stutter?”
“No, you didn’t stutter,” she snaps, still incredulous. “Lawliss Dua! I thought you were calculative, but you sound absolutely dumb when it comes to him.”
I roll my eyes, walk into my bedroom, and kick off my shoes. “How was I supposed to know he’d be coming back to a place he hadn’t set foot in for over a decade? Besides, Eddie never did anything to hurt me in the past. He always defended me and spoke up for me.”
Dzifa doesn’t respond immediately, but I can feel her hesitation. Finally, she asks, “But didn’t you say he gives off… dark vibes now?”
“Of course there are changes in him,” I admit, pulling off my earrings and setting them on the vanity. “He’s not smiling as much as he used to. A smile used to be his trademark. Now it’s… gone. But I understand. Losing your parents does that to you.”
“Losing your parents does take your smile away,” she mumbles, almost to herself. Her quiet tone catches me off guard. My chest tightens with the realization that she knows this pain all too well. Dzifa lost her father too. For a moment, neither of us says anything, the silence stretching between us like a bridge built on shared grief.
“Lawliss,” she says finally, her voice firmer now, “what are you going to do?”
I don’t answer right away. My gaze shifts to the rain outside, the faint sound of droplets against the window a backdrop to my thoughts. A reminder of the rain in Florida. What am I going to do?
For the first time in a long time, I don’t know.
A knock at the door jolts me out of my reverie. My pulse quickens. I know who it is before I even stand. I hang up the call without another word to Dzifa, crossing the room to open the door. Eddie stands there, his blue eyes locked on mine with an intensity that sends a shiver down my spine.