Chapter Eighteen
Eddie
I’m sitting in the back seat of my dad’s car with my mom, and she’s butchering Brad Paisley and Alison’s Whiskey Lullaby. I sigh for the tenth time when she removes my earphones so I can hear her sing.
“Mom, really.”
“Come on, it’s your birthday. You wanted us to go.. where was it again?” She asks my dad, who smiles and responds to her. “Camping outside of Louisville,” I shake my head at them.
“I wanted a change of scenery with everyone,” I say.
“By everyone, he means one of the twins whose name we are not mentioning,” my mom says with a laugh.
"Oh, please, you both think you can hide something from me. I know he likes the Dua girl,” my dad teases, his tone playful but pointed.
My mom fake gasps when I know she definitely told Dad about my crush on Lawliss after I told her. Those two have no secret between them so I was sure telling Mum meant telling Dad.
“Jeez… Can’t we.. you know, have some..” My mum raises a brow in the challenge and I sigh. “forget it,” I say and plug my earphone back into my ear. ” The next thing I notice is my mum visibly shaken with her hand tight on me. My eyes snap open and I plug the earphones immediately.
“What is it?” I ask my mom, who just shakes her head and looks at my dad, who does the same. My heartbeat picks up and I naturally realize something is wrong.
“What's wrong, Dad?”
“The brakes….. I can’t feel the brakes." My heart sinks as I hold onto my mom. Trying to comfort her and myself, knowing very well I’m a wreck.
“It’ll be fine." My mom is trying to comfort me but the fog ahead says it will be anything but fine.
The car swerves violently to the left, and my mother’s grip tightens around me. I hear the screech of tires—metal scraping asphalt—and my father’s frantic voice shouting, “Hold on!” before the car tilts, almost weightless for a split second. My heart slams into my ribs.
Then we roll.
The world flips upside down in slow motion as the car somersaults. Glass shatters around us, shards spinning like jagged stars. My body jerks against the seatbelt, my mother’s arms instinctively shielding me as the cabin fills with the sound of screaming metal. I catch glimpses of the blur of trees outside the window as the car tumbles off the road and my father….. My father’s hands grip the steering wheel, his knuckles bone-white, flecked with shards of glass, blood trailing in thin lines down his forearms. His eyes are wild and desperate, locked on the rearview mirror, searching for me through the chaos, as though willing this nightmare to stop.
Thud.
Crash.
Thud.
Finally, we land and for a brief second, there’s only silence.
I feel my mother’s hand against my cheek, trembling. “Edmund… Eddie… Son….baby—are you okay?” Her voice is so hoarse and barely audible over the ringing in my ears.
“Mom…” My voice is shaky as I try to orient myself. I can smell something sharp—oil, maybe gas—mixing with the bitter scent of burnt rubber. Panic grips me like a fist when I hear a faint crackling sound. It’s the engine. Flames lick their way toward the windshield.
My dad twists in his seat, coughing. His voice is frantic. “You need to get him out! Get Eddie out now!”
“Mom, what about you?” I cry, reaching for her as she unbuckles my seatbelt with shaking hands.
“I’m right behind you,” she lies. “You have to trust me.”
She pushes me—hard—through the jagged space where the windshield used to be. I land on the wet grass outside, scraping my knees and hands, but there’s no time to feel the pain. The moment I turn back, I see her reaching for my dad, who’s still trapped in his seat. The flames spread faster than I can comprehend, crackling angrily as they ate away at the car.
“NOOO! MOM! DAD!” I scream, trying to run towards the wreckage, my body moving and acting on pure instinct.
The sound comes first. The screech of tires on wet pavement. The kind that makes your stomach lurch and your skin crawl before your brain even processes what’s happening.
“Eddie… Eddie” I hear my name from afar. Someone is calling me and shaking me to wake up and my eyes suddenly open as I gasp for air. I see Lawlis's brows twitching with worry but I close my eyes, trying to inhale.
It’s a dream. It’s a dream. It’s okay. They wanted me to survive.
I repeat that over and over in my head until my heartbeat accelerates normally.
My skin is damp with sweat, and my T-shirt clings to me like a second layer of skin. My chest feels tight, every breath a fight to fill my lungs. I don’t know if it’s the heat from the dream or the panic clawing at me, but I feel like I’m burning up.
It’s been a long time since I relived that. I can still hear it every time I try to sleep but reliving the day like it was yesterday hasn’t happened in a while. Most nights, I see it—the tires screeching, then—the crash. Glass exploding in every direction, the car somersaults and the silence afterward the loud thud.
The kind of silence that only exists when something’s been taken from you. I sit forward, gasping like I’m drowning, like there’s no air in the room. My hands are shaking. It’s been years, but it doesn’t matter. The accident might as well have happened yesterday.
“Eddie!” Lawlis's voice breaks through the haze. She’s kneeling in front of me, her hands hovering like she’s scared to touch me. “Eddie, what’s happening? Please…talk to me.” But I can’t. Words feel as impossible as breathing.
I stand abruptly, needing to move, needing to do anything other than sit here with the memory. I move past Lawliss and walk into the bedroom. Ignoring her questions and pleas to know if I’m okay. I open my drawer when I enter the room and the pills stare at me, daring me to try again. I almost reach for them. Almost.
Instead, I sit on the floor, sigh, and close my eyes.
“Are you okay, Eddie? I’m really worried about you,” Lawliss says softly.
“I’m fine,” I reply, the lie heavy in my chest. I turn to stare out at the skyline, at the inky stretch of night beyond the window, while Lawliss busies herself in the house, doing God knows what. The faint shuffle of her movements feels distant—just noise.
She returns a few moments later, placing a steaming mug into my hands. “It’s green tea,” she says gently, her voice a thread of calm. I nod, taking a careful sip as silence thickens between us. The bitterness grounds me.
After a moment, I speak, barely above a whisper. “The blinds are open. Why? Couldn’t you sleep?”
“I heard you scream…” she trails off, her voice catching.
“Ahh… sorry about that,” I say, turning to stare into the mug, the faint spirals of steam blurring my vision. My emotions claw at the surface, threatening to spill, but I tamp them down. How could I forget nights like this? Nights when the memories come alive. Nights when I wake to choking on smoke that isn’t there. And here she is—this woman who deserves so much better—looking at me like I’m something she wants to fix. Why would she want to spend the rest of her life with me?
I feel her arms wrap around my waist, her warmth pressing into me like a balm. I close my eyes for a moment, reveling in the feel of her and the weight of her hands against my bare skin. My free hand, the one not holding the cup, covers hers.
“Stop doing that,” she says, breaking the silence.
“Doing what?” I sigh, turning to look at her.
“Shutting me out.”
Her eyes search mine, and for once, I don’t look away. I take her hand and pull her to the bed, where I sit. I hesitate for a moment, then lace my fingers through hers.
Clearing my throat, I finally speak. “It’s just one of my night terrors.”
“About your parents?” she asks softly.
I nod, my breath shuddering. “It was about the crash. I was dreaming about that night.”
“But… it’s been so long. I thought…” She shakes her head. “Can you tell me about it?” she says instead. “You’ve never really told me, and I didn’t want to push because I was afraid you’d leave.”
“Lynx… I didn’t leave because I didn’t care about you. I left because I cared too much to put your life in danger.”
“I know,” she whispers.
I look down at our joined hands, her soft fingers tangled with mine, steadying me. “I didn’t know how to tell you because… there are days I relive the accident like it just happened. Not like it was eleven years ago. And I’m selfish because, as painful as it is, those moments are the only times I get to see my parents again. I can’t let go. I won’t.”
Her lips part slightly as she draws in a shaky breath, and her voice trembles. “Is there anything—anything at all—I can do to help you forget?”
“You’d be surprised. Your presence alone calms me faster than any medication I’ve taken over the years.”
Her brows knit together. “You’re on medication for this?”
“There are days when it’s too much to bear. That’s why I’m an insomniac,” I confess.
“Your grandfather’s call the other day… ”
I nod, my gaze drifting to the calendar hanging on the wall. The date hits me like a punch to the chest—two days from now, the twelfth anniversary. Maybe that’s why tonight felt so raw. Or maybe it was because I fell asleep thinking about them in the guest room.
Lawliss runs her hand over my bare shoulder, her touch soft and soothing. “What if I have the perfect drug to help you forget?”
I turn to her, my lips twitching faintly. “Are you offering yourself up, Lynx?”
“What if I am?”
I place my hand gently beneath her chin, tilting her face up to look at me. Her eyes, deep and steady, hold mine.
“Then I’d take you up on the offer,” I murmur.
She scoffs, the faintest blush rising to her cheeks. “Stop getting ahead of yourself. We’re not a couple.”
“Oh, but we are,” I reply truthfully.
“Are you in a relationship with everyone you sleep with?”
“It’s you I’m tied to,” I say softly. “I haven’t been with anyone else since you.” Her cheeks flush deeper, and I can’t help the quiet laugh that escapes me.
“Come here,” I say, my voice low. She hesitates for just a second, then moves to sit on my lap as directed. Her warmth sinks into me, her presence easing the tension I didn’t realize had settled in my shoulders.
“How were you planning to make me forget?” I ask, my voice rougher now, edged with curiosity and something deeper.
She doesn’t answer right away. Instead, her fingers trace slow patterns along my skin, sending a gentle shiver up my spine. The faint scent of her lavender lotion mingles with the steam from the forgotten tea. I close my eyes, focusing on the way her touch feels—soft, deliberate, real. For the first time tonight, the chaos in my mind fades to the background.
She leans closer, her breath featherlight against my ear as she whispers, “Like this.”
“I told you if I take you again, that would be it and I was serious. Are you sure?” I know we are already married but I need her to know that and I have to tell her too.
“I haven’t been more sure about anything in my life that—” She doesn’t finish the sentence when I crush my mouth to hers, swallowing the rest of her words. She opens up and I’m gone. I deepen the kiss and our tongue and teeth swirl. She takes over the kiss at one point and does at another, both of us fighting for dominance until we break the kiss apart with a smile tugging on her lips.
“I want you naked…” she says, her voice hoarse and thick with desire. “And here I was thinking this was all about me,” I say and she chuckles.
“It is about you; that’s why I want you naked." She smirks and I laugh for the first time after such a dream and feel lighter.
“Why don’t we both drop our panties at the same time?” she crutches her nose, pointing to my shorts.
“Of course, you drop your panties and I drop my shorts. Jeez Lynx” This time she burst out laughing and her laughter does nothing but lead to an erection so I pull her to the middle of the bed and then crush my mouth on hers again with my left hand supporting her neck. She responds by wrapping both arms around my neck.
We both do quick work, with me freeing my cock in between kisses and she removing her pants. We break the kiss and I stare. She smirks. “You like what you see?”
“Very much,” She says, then grabs my length and I’m gone.