Chapter 20
Selene forgot how to blink. “You’re serious?”
Fen nodded.
“You want me . . . to become a werewolf?”
“Yes.”
She continued to stare at him because her frozen brain wouldn’t permit anything else.
He offered a thin smile, as if sympathetic to her reaction. “I’d originally thought I would wait. Take more time for you to get to know my world. To know me.”
Leaning forward, he placed his hand over hers. “But last night changed everything. I want you to join my pack, Selene.”
Her throat was so dry, she didn’t think she could speak. The touch of his hand sent her heart spinning like a top. This is real. I’m having a conversation with my maybe-boyfriend about becoming a werewolf.
“You belong with us. With me,” he continued and stroked her fingers with his thumb. “I’m not interested in waiting.”
“What if I’m not ready?” she croaked and grabbed her glass of water, taking several gulps. How could he be so calm about this when she was freaking out? And also, she was absolutely not ready. She was miles away from ready.
“I think you are ready,” he said. “Your ideas are simply clouded by the past, by what you thought the world was. Let that fall away.”
Selene tried to drum up a reply but found nothing. The problem was that everyone in Avondale used reasoning that relied on magic and things like past lives as if she could simply snap her fingers and let go of everything she believed about the world and its rules.
“Then you’ll know that you’re one of us,” he continued. “The change is simply the final piece of a puzzle to be put in its proper place.”
“I don’t know,” she said.
“You do know.” He grasped her hand firmly. “You’ve already admitted as much.”
“I said I’m falling for you.” She pulled free and straightened. “I said I want you. I didn’t say I wanted to be a werewolf.”
“One leads to the other,” he said quietly, his voice taut.
“Does it have to?”
This time Fen didn’t have a response.
“Fenris.” Selene watched him closely. “Does it have to?”
“No,” he said carefully. “But I would prefer it did.”
“Is it a problem that I’m human?” Selene didn’t like this new development at all. “And if so, for you, your pack, or both?”
His Adam’s apple rose and fell when he swallowed. Silence stretched like a gulf between them, until at last he answered, “The problem is that you’ll die.”
“Oh.” She went still.
“I . . .” Fen cleared his throat. “I can’t bear the thought of going through that again. Not when I could have you forever. Not when I know it would be even worse because of who you are to me.”
When he lifted his gaze to meet hers, his eyes held a vast sorrow . . . as well as fear. “A human lifespan is terribly brief for one such as myself.”
Tears suddenly burned in the corners of Selene’s eyes.
She was still busy catching up in this new world that had swept her and Allie up with all the gentleness of a hurricane.
Knowing she cared for Fenris, a werewolf, was overwhelming on its own.
She hadn’t begun to consider what a relationship with him would look like, or how long it would last.
But of course Fen had. He exuded so much power and confidence that it resembled pure dominance, but for the first time, Selene understood that wanting her might be as frightening for him as it was for her. Perhaps more so.
“Fenris, I didn’t . . . It didn’t even occur to me that living forever was a possibility. Or what mortality means to you. I should have—”
“No.” Fen dragged a hand through his hair. “I’m pushing because I want you so much. Our perspectives of what life is, how we move through the world, are very different. It’s unfair of me to ask you to radically shift your beliefs without giving you time.”
“Thank you.” Finally, someone is willing to accept why this is so hard for me.
They sat quietly. The way Fen held himself, tense and impossibly still, told Selene he was struggling.
Was it the pain of his past? Her reluctance to dive into his world before she could handle how deep the water was? Her fear of her feelings for him?
He’d bared his weakness for her, and she longed to take away the hurt radiating from him. His gaze swept the diner, surveying the other guests, the employees, focusing on anything but her. The sudden distance between them clawed at her. It was awful.
But he was right. She needed time and . . .
“Time.” The word slipped out before she knew what exactly she wanted to say.
“What about time?” Fen asked without looking at her, his voice thick with feeling.
“When we talked about Allie and Josh,” Selene said. “You told me there are rules. They had to wait ten years before she could become his mate and join the pack.”
He slowly turned his head and met her curious gaze, but his face was a blank slate. “You remember.”
“Yes, I remember,” she replied. “It affects Allie’s future. That rule put my mind at ease about her relationship with Josh.”
He nodded.
“Why doesn’t that rule apply to us?” Selene bit her tongue. Ten years seemed like a good idea for her sixteen-year-old niece, but Selene was thirty-eight. In a decade she’d be staring down fifty. Yikes.
“If you want to be turned, I would ask the pack to grant a dispensation.”
“I thought only popes could do that,” she teased.
His bright laugh was a balm, soothing the sting of their argument.
“Would they make an exception for us?” Selene considered the question her attempt at an olive branch.
The tightness of Fen’s muscles eased very slightly. “I believe so.”
Selene nodded. “What about Allie? If I join the pack, does she?”
“No,” he replied. “The rule still applies to her and Josh.”
With a roll of her eyes, she groaned. “Allie’s gonna love hearing that.”
“Josh won’t like it either.” He smiled, and Selene’s heart bloomed.
God. I’m beyond falling for him. I’m over the cliff and plummeting.
“How long do I have before you need my final decision?” she asked.
He jolted so hard he almost toppled out of the booth. It was shocking given Fen’s usual grace.
Steadying himself, he said, “Selene, there’s no deadline when it comes to your peace of mind. I’m sorry if I gave you any other impression.”
“Okay.” She wanted to touch him so badly, to nestle in his arms and reassure him of her feelings. “Fen . . . what you’re offering is incredible. It means a lot.”
When humans fell in love, when they promised each other forever, that promise came with an asterisk.
Forever had an expiration date because no one lived forever.
Fenris wanted to give Selene his life, his heart, for eternity.
As much as that thought frightened her, it also wrapped her in warmth and assurance.
That made the offer, and the man, very tempting.
“Come here.” Fenris’s words stretched toward her, carried on a soft growl. “Please.”
As Selene left her side of the booth, Fen stood, gesturing for her to slide in. She scooted into the booth, making room for him. When he joined her, she had the distinct impression that he needed to be on the outer side of the booth, able to shield her from any unexpected threat.
Fen slipped his arm around her shoulders, and she burrowed against him the way she’d longed to. She inhaled slowly, reveling in his scent. His lips brushed the crown of her head.
“I want you at my side, as my mate,” he murmured. “But I am yours whether you become a wolf or not. And I will be with you as long as you will have me.”
Selene shuddered, and he tightened his hold.
“I do want you, Fenris. I’ve never felt the way I feel when I’m with you.”
“Selene.” He tipped her chin up, lowering his mouth to hers.
Their lips had barely touched when he suddenly straightened and looked toward the door. Two men hovered just inside the entrance, their eyes searching the room until they found Fen. They strode purposefully to the booth.
Selene found herself shrinking back from the approach of the two imposing figures.
They were both tall and clearly muscled beneath their long leather dusters.
The first man had striking gold irises and burnished brown hair with a slight wave, cut in precise layers, that brushed his jawline.
He stopped alongside the table and waited with his legs slightly apart, arms clasped at his low back, as though he were standing at attention.
The second man had playful sky blue eyes and a mess of dark-blond hair streaked by the sun.
He leaned casually against the booth, looking very much like a surfer who’d wandered too far inland.
Selene peered at the strangers. Their faces were oddly familiar, but she couldn’t place them.
“Sorry to interrupt, Fen.” The beach bum grinned at her. “Looks like you’ve got a hot date.”
Fen didn’t look amused.
“Kipp and Gabriel.” He gestured first to the blond man and then to the stiffer of the pair. “This is Selene Jones. You weren’t properly introduced at the Beltane celebration.”
Selene blinked at them when recognition finally hit her. The pair looked different in, well, clothes. The last time she’d seen them, they’d been wearing leather armor. Very little leather armor.
“Hey.” Kipp kept his wide smile on her. “Heard great things about you. It’s a pleasure.”
Gabriel acknowledged her with a nod.
Selene eyed him with open curiosity. So this was Natalie’s Gabriel?
She was dying to know the story there. On first impression, the easygoing blond hottie seemed a better match for Natalie’s unconventional lifestyle, where the rigid soldier appeared to be Nat’s polar opposite, with the exception of the haircut, which lent him a bit of a roguish air.
Maybe that cut was courtesy of Natalie and offered a clue that Gabriel’s stiff-spined exterior belied his behavior when it came to sexy rituals.
Or maybe it was a one-time thing? Natalie owed her a story. And this promised to be a juicy one.
Even as she watched him, Gabriel glanced irritably at his companion before turning his attention to Fen. “We need to speak to you about the violation. We can settle it tonight.”