Chapter 31 #2
As I lay there alone, I tried not to relive those hours I’d spent running and fighting and nearly dying.
How would I function normally, with those nightmares so clear in my mind?
I looked around my room to find something to distract myself.
There, on my bedside table, was a book I hadn’t noticed before. The Mysteries of Udolpho.
I picked it up and flipped to the part I had read to Tallow.
I recalled the way he had fallen asleep so soundly to my voice, and tears pricked my eyes.
I had been through enough heartache for a lifetime.
To distract myself, I read for a long while, and as I checked the clock on the mantle, the door opened.
I expected Mr. Ashby, but Graham entered instead.
His face was ragged, under eyes dark, mouth tight and frowning.
He closed the distance between us in four large steps and took my hand so swiftly, I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming.
He knelt at my bedside. Then I noticed the way he was looking at me.
His brown eyes were full of tears…and familiarity. My heart swelled. Could it be?
“Yer all right. I’m so grateful. I’m sorry I wasnae here when you awoke. I was trying tae keep myself from going crazy.” He looked down, then a shaky breath tore through him.
At that moment, I knew. I touched his hair softly. “You remember, don’t you?” I whispered.
His chin quivered and he nodded. When his eyes met mine, I couldn’t believe it. There was my Graham, looking at me with the same kind of tenderness he always had before. My throat tightened at the sight. “Aye, I remember ye. I remember my mother, Cam, yer father, Edleroy. Everything.”
I laughed through my sudden tears. “How?” I marveled.
He shook his head as if he were still trying to understand it himself. He wiped his tears and sniffed before answering. “When that pirate was pointing his gun at ye, suddenly everything came into focus and I recalled how important ye were tae me, and everything else followed.”
“I am now completely fine with almost dying. If I could help you remember, I would do it again a hundred times!” I stroked his face, then leaned forward and took hold of his neck, hugging him tightly.
He sat on my bed to hold me, and we cried together until Graham pulled back and held my hand in his. “I cannae believe ye came all the way here. Though, it is something ye’d do. Yer right aff yer heid sometimes, Elsie.”
I laughed, pushing his shoulder. “Of course I came! Not only was I furious you ended our engagement, but Mr. Ashby said you were in danger! I couldn’t possibly have waited any longer, not when I thought you might die. I had to scold you at least once more.” I smiled at him and he chuckled a little.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I should have just come home.”
“You finally admit it.” I wiped my eyes and face clear of tears. “It’s all in the past. Thank you for coming back to me.”
He nodded, looking at our hands. “I am back, but it’s all so muddled. There’s before I lost my memories, and after. I feel as if…as if I’m two different men.”
I couldn’t understand how he must be feeling, and had no words to comfort him. So I stayed silent and let him continue.
“I can recall the choices I made when I didnae remember anything, and how that was still me…” He stopped, looking at me strangely. “I can see ye as ye once were and how I saw ye when I didnae ken. The woman I loved, and the woman who was a stranger to me.”
“How strange.” How would he reconcile the two parts of him…or the two memories of me? I didn’t know how to help. Perhaps I couldn’t. “Does everyone know…?”
“Arthur does. And Miss Patrice. I havenae told Eliza. She’s dealing with too much right now.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I dinnae ken how to help her, Elsie.”
With those few words, I began to wonder which side of himself would win out.
Eliza held this man’s heart just as surely as I ever had.
I placed a hand on his in a show of support, because no matter how complicated our relationship was, I still wished for his happiness.
“Just show her you care. That’s all you can do right now,” I offered my meager advice.
His nod was slow, thoughtful. “Ye might be right.” His eyes softened. “I’m so glad yer better. I was worried sick for ye.” His hand brushed my cheek. “I’ve missed ye.”
“Me too.” How else could I phrase that to show how deeply I meant it?
He searched my eyes for a few moments, looking for something, then he looked down at our clasped hands. “I finished reading yer letters.”
“Did you? I’m so pleased.”
He looked into my eyes again intently. “Did ye know ye always sign everything with Always, Elsie?”
I tilted my head. “Why do you mention that?”
He shook his head. “Just that…that’s who ye are. Yer always Elsie, in every situation and in every moment. Ye never diverge from who ye are. I could tell ye were steadfast even when ye were a stranger.”
That warmed my heart, to be acknowledged for being consistent. I decided to joke with him about it. “I have to be, if I’m to stay with you. No woman’s patience has ever been tried so much. If I were inconstant, I never would have come.”
Graham lifted a corner of his mouth. “And I’d never have gotten my memories back.”
“Precisely.” I grinned at him. “Now, are you ready to talk about going home?”
As soon as I said it, my heart gave a jolt. My smile disappeared. Was I ready to go home? I also noticed Graham’s hesitancy; were we both unsure if going home was the right choice?
He shifted his weight, then looked directly into my face. “This is a serious decision for us both, Elsie. After everything that has happened to us, between us, I don’t know if I can go back to the way things were. The letter I sent…”
“Don’t—Graham. You can’t say that you meant what you said in that cursed letter!
” My eyes flashed at him, just as they had the day that I read it.
This time, he was there in front of me and I had someone to be angry at.
As I watched him, however, looking into my eyes with complete sincerity, I found my resolve shaking.
Only slightly, and yet…noticeably. “You are the reason I came here. To bring you home.” I sat up straighter and winced, holding my side.
“Dinnae hurt yerself, Elsie.” He placed a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to push me down.
“No!” I yelled at him. “Don’t push me away!”
“I’m not…I just want ye to lie back. Elsie, please.”
I shoved his shoulder. “Don’t. Push. Me…away.” I said the last word in a whisper, begging him with tear-filled eyes. “Please.”