Chapter 28
Sam
I blink my eyes open, and for a few precious seconds, I forget.
I live in a place where my brother isn’t gone.
Where last night didn’t happen.
Where a piece of my world isn’t missing.
But then, all at once, I remember.
I suck in a breath, tensing, and the arm that’s draped over my middle draws me in closer.
Jameson rouses behind me, his voice coming out low against my ear. “I’m here,” he tells me. “You’re okay.”
I shift, and he loosens his hold on me enough that I can turn to face him. I don’t say anything, just stare back at him, until I eventually bury my face in his chest. He brings his hand to the back of my head, lightly running his fingers through my hair.
The room is bright enough that it must be nearly midday by now. I don’t think we got to sleep until it was already early morning. “I should really call my sister,” I say quietly.
Jameson’s hand slows, and I pull back, moving to sit. I reach over him and grab my purse as he pushes up to lean against the headboard. The old wood creaks loudly beneath him, the noise making Billy stir.
“What’s happening?” he asks, jerking upright and dragging his hands down his face, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Everything all right?”
“Everything’s fine,” I answer. “Sorry we woke you up. I was just about to call my sister.”
He looks between me and Jameson. “Can I …? Uh … can I do anything?”
“Maybe call and check in at home,” Jameson says.
“Okay, yeah, sure,” Billy responds. “I can do that.” He stands, stretching his arms overhead, before moving into the hall.
I pull my phone from my purse and hold it, making no move to dial my sister’s number.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to call for you?” Jameson asks.
I nod. “I can do it. I’m just …” My shoulders drop. “I don’t know … preparing.”
His hand comes down on my leg, silently reassuring me that he’s here.
Like ripping off a Band-Aid, I dial the number and bring the phone up to my ear. It rings so many times that I think it might go to voicemail. I cling to the relief that I won’t have to tell her now, but then she picks up.
“Hello,” my sister’s voice comes through the line, and the familiarity of it has me starting to crumble.
“Cath,” I push out.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, that one word already giving me away.
“Where are you?”
“Home. Why?”
“I have to, um …”
Jameson squeezes my leg.
“I have to tell you something. Johnny he’s … um … he’s …” I can’t get the word out. I haven’t actually said it out loud yet.
I feel tears streaming down my face when she says, “Sam,” the word drenched in fear. “Johnny’s what?”
“Dead,” I say on a sob. “Johnny’s dead.”
She sucks in a breath, and I hear the phone drop. Seconds pass before she picks it up again.
“Cath,” I say quietly. “Are you—”
“How?” She chokes out. “How did he …?” Her question fades away as tears take its place.
“A car accident.”
“Oh my God.” She swallows. “What …? What happened?”
“He was being chased by the cops and hit a tree,” I answer, trying my best to separate myself from the words coming out of my mouth.
“The cops? Why was he being chased by the cops?”
“He was trying to steal a car.”
“What’re you …? A car?” Her words come out in a rush. “I don’t understand. Why would he be stealing a car?”
I clear my throat, forcing my own tears back. “He was on a job.”
“A job?”
She doesn’t know. Of course he didn’t tell her.
“Sam,” my sister pushes, “what job?”
I dart my eyes to Jameson. “He was working for Levi Baxston.”
“What? Are you fucking kidding me?”
I go silent.
“Why would he do that? Why didn’t he ask me for help?” she whispers. “I could have—”
“You know how he is,” I say, my mind catching on the last word.
Is.
I guess it’s was now.
“When did …?”
“Last night,” I tell her. “Around one in the morning.”
“And nobody called me until now?”
“I was …” I look over at Jameson. “I was really messed up, and I just … I’m sorry … I couldn’t …”
“I didn’t mean …” She blows out a breath. “Fuck … I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I know the two of you were … well, you were always his favorite.”
Jameson wipes the tears from my face.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you,” she says, choking back her own tears. “I should have checked in with him more. I should have known—”
“It’s okay,” I try to reassure her. “I’m okay, Cath. This isn’t your fault. It’s—”
“You’re alone in that house now,” she cuts me off in a whisper, like she’s not supposed to confess the way Carson and our father act. How even with them both still here, I might as well be all alone.
“I left you and now … and now …” A guttural sob tears from her, and I squeeze the phone. “He’s gone. How is he …?” She sucks in a breath. “This doesn’t seem real.”
“I know,” I whisper. Not sure what else to say. How to make her feel better.
Because there is no feeling better with something like this.
“Is Adam home?” I ask, not wanting her to be all alone.
“Yeah,” she answers, her voice dazed. “He’s, um … he’s in the shower.”
“Okay, good,” I say, relieved that she has someone there with her.
“I think I just … Do you mind if I go now? Would that be all right?”
“Yeah,” I tell her. “Yeah, of course.”
“I love you,” she says before the call ends.
Jameson rubs small circles against my back until I’ve stopped crying. I wipe away the lingering tears with the palm of my hand, turning to look over at him.
“Baby, I’m—”
Billy walks back into the room, his expression cutting off Jameson’s words. I watch as he tries to mask the worry on his face, but it’s too late.
The bed dips as Jameson pushes off of it, moving to stand. “What is it?”
Billy shakes his head. “Nothing.”
“Don’t bullshit me.” Jameson takes a step forward. “Not now.”
“She’s, ah …” Billy rubs the back of his neck. “She’s being difficult.”
Jameson’s jaw works before he nods, like he knows exactly what Billy means when he says difficult.
“But my dad’s got it handled,” Billy pushes. “You don’t need to—”
“Yeah,” Jameson sighs, “I do.”
He shifts to me. “Are you gonna be all right if I go home for a bit?”
“I’ll be fine,” I tell him. “I should probably go check in downstairs, anyway.”
He lowers himself in front of the bed so he’s eye level with me. “Are you sure?”
I nod. “I’m sure. Go do what you need to do.”
“I’ll have my phone on me, so if you need me, call. All right?”
“I can stay with you,” Billy says. “So you have someone here.”
I turn to him. “I’m okay, really. You should go with Jameson.”
A look of understanding flickers across his face as Billy acknowledges what I’m really saying—Look out for him.
“Okay,” Billy agrees. “But same thing, you need us, you call.”
“I will,” I assure them.
They both seem satisfied with my answer and start moving around the room, pulling on their shoes and collecting their things. Jameson drags the blue duffle bag out from underneath the bed.
“Can I get another one of those pills?” I ask, twisting my ring nervously. “Just in case I need it today.”
He watches me for a minute, like he’s unsure, before he unzips the duffle and sorts through it, pulling out a small baggie. Taking a step forward, he drops a little blue pill into my open palm.
I pocket it, and he swings the duffle over his shoulder then asks, “Door or window?”
“They already know you’re here,” I answer. “Unless you don’t want to deal with running into them.”
“It’s up to you, baby. I have no problem going down there.”
I don’t tell him that I’m scared to go downstairs alone. I have no idea what I’m going to be met with, but the idea that Billy and Jameson will be with me when I find out calms my nerves.
“Okay,” I say. “Then the door.”
We move out into the hall, Jameson right at my back and Billy following behind him. I strain to listen for any noise, but all I hear is the sound of the TV drifting up the stairs.
I peer over the railing and see Carson sitting on the couch. I then look over to our father’s favorite recliner and find it empty.
I thought he would be home by now. He usually turns up by morning.
We descend the stairs, and Carson moves his gaze over us. I wait for him to start questioning me, but he just drags his attention back to the TV.
As I walk farther into the room, I notice how exhausted he appears. His eyes look heavy, hollow even, and I wonder if he slept at all last night.
I think about asking if he’s all right, but I don’t want to possibly start something with him, especially when he seems to be leaving me alone. Instead, I quietly lead us through the living room and out to Jameson’s car.
Billy comes up in front of me and pulls me into a hug. “Hang in there,” he mutters before rounding the car and dropping into the passenger seat.
Jameson starts for his door, but before getting in, he turns to face me. We don’t say anything, just watch each other for a moment. I step forward until I’m just inches from him, and he leans down, taking my face in his hands and brings his lips to mine.
The kiss is short, but the meaning in it’s clear. It tastes like the three words we haven’t said to each other yet.
He moves back, and I move forward. Stepping up onto my toes, I take his face in my hands and silently tell him those three words back as I press my lips against his.