Track 33
‘IN MY LIFE’ (THE BEATLES)
Adam reluctantly respected Lily’s wishes and left her alone.
It was the least he could do after how horrid he had been.
He knew she was capable of falling in love.
He remembered the conversation they’d had and the mistake he’d made in assuming she’d fallen for Eve.
Every time he thought about what he’d said to Lily at his staff party his stomach lurched.
Staying away from her had been one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do.
He was so used to being able to share his good news with her that when he got the promotion to Head of English, he was gutted not to be able to celebrate with her.
He carried a dull ache in his chest the whole time and couldn’t get excited about his new position without Lily to share the news with.
His Sunday walks with Monty weren’t the same without Lily.
He missed calling into the pub for Sunday lunch while Monty sat beside Lily; knowing she was the softest of the two of them so the more likely to feed him scraps.
He missed showing her the tricks he’d taught his canine companion; she would’ve been so impressed with the fact that the dog now knew each of his toys by name when you mentioned them.
He missed her like crazy and he’d lost count of how many times he had dialled her number only to hang up, or how many times he’d half-typed a text message only to hit cancel.
He found himself listening to songs they both loved and had to stop because on more than one occasion he found his eyes welling with tears.
He thought about her laugh and how much he missed it.
He even missed being called Pee Pants.
As a last-ditch attempt to check she was okay, he had reluctantly spoken to Jaz, albeit briefly. They were in the staff room during lunchtime one day, and Adam finally plucked up the courage to ask the question.
He stood by Jaz and waited for him to finish his conversation with Elodie, the French teacher. Once the pretty brunette walked away, Adam cleared his throat. ‘All right, Malone?’
Jaz narrowed his eyes. ‘Yeah, fine, thanks… s’up?’
He rubbed the back of his neck as heat rose from his chest to his face. ‘I was just… erm… wondering if you’d seen Lily at all?’
Jaz narrowed his eyes. ‘Oh, okay… yeah, a little… but not for a couple weeks, why?’
Adam fidgeted with his empty coffee mug. ‘Oh, nothing. Just wondered how she was.’
‘You guys still not speaking, huh?’ Jaz looked a little amused and it really pissed Adam off.
He flared his nostrils. ‘No, thanks to you.’
Jaz shook his head. ‘You two make me laugh.’
Adam scrunched his brow. ‘Why’s that?’
Jaz drained his mug. ‘She kept on asking about you the whole time we were together.’
Adam brightened at the news. ‘Yeah? What’s she been up to? Are you two… you know…’
Jaz dropped his gaze to the floor for a moment. ‘She’s been out of the country a lot lately. We went on a few dates, but she decided that we weren’t working out so…’ Jaz looked quite solemn about the fact.
‘Oh, right. You okay about that?’ Adam was surprised at his own question. Why should he care?
‘Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. I really liked her though. She’s fun and sexy and…’ He shook his head. ‘Man, I can’t believe you didn’t get together with her. You clearly have the hots for her, dude.’
Adam felt that rush of heat to his face again and he snorted. ‘Jaz, I’ve known her since we were in primary school. We used to make mud pies together and play cops and robbers. She’s like my sister.’
Jaz smirked. ‘Yeah? Maybe once, but it sure as hell seems to me like there’s something more there now.’
Adam scrunched his brow. ‘Why? Did… did Lily say something?’
Jaz laughed. ‘Nope… not a single thing. But looking at the way you are right now? That speaks volumes, Armstrong.’ Jaz patted his shoulder and walked out of the staff room. Adam watched him leave, his mouth open in shock.
What the f—?
Adam decided he would take Jaz’s comments with a pinch of salt.
Okay, so he did feel a little lost without Lily.
But why wouldn’t he? She was his best friend.
They had gone periods of time without talking before, but not for this long.
And this hurt. It hurt because his words had caused it.
She was right, of course. Enjoying sex didn’t make her a slut.
It made her human. She didn’t deserve his judgement.
His comments about her being unable to fall in love were just plain cruel.
And yes, he knew she’d been in love once and that it had affected her so badly she couldn’t even tell him about it and she usually told him everything.
Sex was important to Lily. He knew this.
Hell, he enjoyed sex himself. He just couldn’t seem to get any.
Correction, he didn’t just want to have sex.
If he was completely honest with himself, he wanted love again.
He wanted to feel that connection you feel when you make love to someone and they give themselves to you in the most intimate way, wholeheartedly.
He wanted to get to know someone’s body again.
It was a cold Saturday afternoon, and Adam was reading a book, sprawled out on his couch.
Monty was lying beside him on the floor, on his back with his tongue lolling out, fast asleep.
There was a knock on the door, which made Monty jump up and begin barking and bouncing around.
Slowly, Adam dragged himself to his feet and placed his book on the coffee table.
He made his way to the front of the house, trying to avoid a collision with his giddy dog. Bleary-eyed, he opened the door.
‘Get the kettle on, Adders, I’m gasping for a cup of tea.’
Adam stood open-mouthed. ‘Lily?’
‘Erm… last time I checked, yes. Can I come in or what?’
He stepped aside, feeling bemused at the way she had just waltzed back into his life as if nothing had happened. He followed her into the lounge, and she flopped down onto the sofa.
He stood over her in his jeans and T-shirt with bare feet. ‘Is everything okay?’
She inhaled a long deep breath. ‘Look, Adders, you hurt me, okay? Don’t do it again. I didn’t like you very much for a while, but you are my best friend, and I didn’t like that I didn’t like you. I’m sure you get my drift, so can we just get back to being us again?’
He leaned down and grabbed her hand, pulling her to a standing position. Wrapping his arms around her, he mumbled, ‘I’ve missed you, Cheesy.’
She hugged him back. ‘Well, yes. I’m sure you have. After all, you can’t function without me in your life. How have you managed to get dressed and stuff?’
‘With great difficulty,’ he mumbled into her shoulder as he grinned.
‘I can imagine.’
He pulled away and fixed his gaze on her. ‘Look, Lil… I’m so sorry for the things I said. I was a complete shit.’
She nodded. ‘Yes… you were.’
‘I didn’t mean to hurt you, you know?’
Her cheeks flushed pink. ‘Well, you did. But I’ve forgiven you now. So, let’s just drop it, okay?’
Adam made a pot of tea and brought it through to where she waited in the living room.
It was good to see her sitting on the sofa in his house again.
He laughed at the sight before him. Monty had clearly missed her, too.
He had climbed up and spread himself across her lap.
He had filled out quite a lot and was far too big to be a lap dog.
But Lily was happily scratching him behind the ears and he was loving it.
His tongue was hanging out again and every so often he licked her from chin to brow.
He gestured towards the contented canine. ‘Ah, I see I’ve been replaced, eh?’
Lily giggled. ‘I think you have. This one doesn’t give me half as much grief. And I’m sure he can manage to dress himself when he goes out on a date.’
Adam grinned. ‘Funny. I’ve missed being insulted constantly.’
She giggled. ‘Ah, well, don’t you worry. I’ve been saving it all up and I have a couple of months to catch up on, so brace yourself!’