Track 34 #2
He puffed his cheeks out. ‘Thank you, that’s sweet and everything, but you can’t just go turning up at my place of work. It’s not the done thing. It’s not exactly healthy, Petra.’ He glanced around again to see if anyone was bearing witness to the conversation, desperate not to be alone with her.
She jerked her head up. ‘Are you saying I’m crazy or something?’
Oh, so she’s a mind reader too. He couldn’t help but laugh. ‘I never said that. I just think that taking a day off just so you can follow me to work is… well… just not healthy, that’s all.’
‘Okay, I won’t do it again. So, when are you coming around?’
He widened his eyes. ‘Sorry? Coming around?’ Did I say I was going around? He racked his brains but came up blank.
‘Yes, when are you going to come around to mine… When are we seeing each other again?’ She continued to fiddle with her hair rather like a toddler.
He pulled his features into a confused frown. ‘Erm… I… erm.’ He shook his head as he struggled to process everything. ‘I’m sorry, Petra, but we didn’t actually arrange to meet up again. That was why you took my number, remember?’
‘I know but I’m asking you now instead, seeing as I’m here and everything. I think we were meant to meet. Yesterday, I mean. I think it’s the universe telling us something, don’t you?’ She lurched towards him and he stepped back.
Oh, great… someone forgot to take their crazy pills this morning.
He smiled and spoke as calmly as he could manage.
‘Petra, I think the universe is saying it’s time for me to go home.
I’ve had a rough day, and I’m just not in the mood for this…
this… whatever this is. I think once you’ve had time to think this all through, you’ll realise that I’m not for you.
’ He stepped back again. ‘I’m not really ready for a relationship, and I think you’re maybe looking for something that just isn’t here.
I met you in a supermarket. We had coffee. That’s all.’
‘You led me on!’ she cried out.
‘No, what I did was give you my number, which was maybe an error of judgement on my part. If that was misleading then I apologise, but really, I’m not looking for a relationship.
Friendship maybe, but to be honest, you’ve freaked me out a little bit, and so maybe we should just rethink the whole thing. ’
‘I’ve told my mother about you!’ she said accusingly, hands on hips.
Exasperation set in. ‘We’ve met once, Petra, once. You know nothing about me. Nothing at all!’
She frowned and looked at him from under her lashes. ‘Yes, and we both felt a connection, Adam. I know you felt it, too.’
‘What I felt was agonising pain when you rammed me with your bloody trolley!’ He raised his voice without meaning to.
Suddenly, she burst into tears. ‘This always happens! Men always treat me like this.’
The whole situation was too disturbing for words. ‘Petra, don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe you’re just a little bit too intense. Maybe following someone to work is not the best way to try to start any relationship, eh? Just slow up a little. You’ll scare people off.’
She slowly lifted her head. ‘Do you think so?’
He nodded. ‘I do, yes. I’m sorry to say that, but just think about how you’ve behaved after only meeting me once.’
‘I know… I know… but… you seem so… normal. I want normal, Adam. I want a man like you. But men like you think I’m stupid.’
‘No, that’s not true. Intense, maybe. Stupid, no.’ A complete and utter fruitbat, absolutely. He cringed at his errant thought.
‘Okay.’ She nodded as she sniffed. ‘Okay, I won’t come here again. I apologise. But can I still call you? Could we still go out on a date?’
Shitty-shit, what do I say now? ‘I don’t think I’m what you need. You seem like a nice girl who needs a man who can offer a relationship. I can’t do that. I don’t mean to be cruel. But perhaps you and I should just… you know… be friends maybe… leave it there?’
Friends who never speak and never, ever acknowledge each other preferably, you crazy stalker person. Think it’s time to change my number.
She nodded resignedly. ‘Yes… yes, I think I spoiled it. I always do.’ She turned and walked away with her head hung.
Adam breathed a huge sigh of relief at her absence. He almost ran back to his car, praying she didn’t follow him home. Visions of the movie Fatal Attraction flashed through his bewildered mind.
Later that night, Adam sat opposite Lily in the restaurant and filled her in on the creepy parrot-owning stalker-type he had met at the supermarket the day before and how she had turned up acting all bizarre at school.
Lily, of course, thought it was hilarious.
She listened, wide-eyed but with a huge grin on her face.
When he had finished telling her the story, she leaned forward. ‘Oh no, Adders, I bet you were Petra-fied of her! Get it? Petra-fied!’ She burst into fits of hysterical laughter and guffawed as tears streamed down her face.
He scrunched his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.
He was not amused. ‘Very funny, Lil. I’m telling you, she was scary. I’m talking major bunny boiler material. I feared for my life for a wee while there.’
Lily held up her hands. ‘I’m sorry, Adders, I’m sorry, seriously… Did you… did you have to repeat things to her parrot-fashion for her to listen?’ She slapped her thigh as her voice reached a kind of strangled, high-pitched squeak, and she was unable to contain her mirth.
Other diners were beginning to look at them.
He leaned across the table and spoke in a low voice. ‘Lily Macrae, will you bloody calm yourself down and get a grip?’
She pursed her lips and it was clear that she was trying to hold back her laughter.
‘Sorry… sorry… you’re right, though… she did sound seedy!
Ha ha! Seedy! I’m so good at this.’ She dabbed at her eyes.
‘And when you think about it, she does work at Nutty As, so you should have known she was a few oats short of a granola bar.’
His face finally broke into a wide grin. Shaking his head, he raised his glass at his watery-eyed best friend. ‘Okay… I give up. I’m glad I made your day. Happy birthday, Cheesy.’