Track 37
‘FIX YOU’ (COLDPLAY)
Lily arrived back in the UK four days after the devastating hurricane had wreaked its havoc and left her with mental scars rather than physical ones. She had called her mum as soon as she had landed and her mum had sobbed down the phone.
‘Creí haberte perdido, mi dulce nina.’
‘You haven’t lost me, Mamá. I’m fine. Just tired. I’m going to go home tonight and sleep and I’ll come and visit you tomorrow.’
‘Of course, my precious. Of course.’
Adam picked her up from the airport and clung to her in the arrivals lounge while she sobbed into his chest. She felt his body vibrating as he cried too. Relief flooded her like a tidal wave and weakened her legs.
Adam held her up. ‘I’ve got you, Lily. I’ve got you.’ His voice broke as he mumbled into her hair. He grabbed her suitcase and helped her outside to his car and once they were both seated, she glanced over to him. His head was back and his eyes were closed.
He gulped and opened his red-rimmed eyes, wiping them both in turn. ‘I thought I’d lost you, Lil,’ he croaked as he reached over and squeezed her hand. ‘I don’t know what I would’ve done.’
She forced a smile as she squeezed his hand in return. ‘Shh, it’s okay. I’m here. You can’t get rid of me that easily.’
‘You’re so important to me, Lil. You do know that, don’t you? I can’t lose you, too. I can’t.’
She sniffed. ‘Stop it or you’ll make me cry again.’
His eyes were intense as they pleaded with her. ‘No, I mean it. I hope you know how much you mean to me.’
She desperately searched for something hidden in his expression. A tiny shred of hope that maybe something good would come of all this. That he had realised he loved her as more than just a friend.
He inhaled deeply. ‘You’re my family, Lil… you’re my family. Me and you against the world.’ Her heart sank. Family. ‘I’m so glad you’re back and that you’re okay.’ Squeezing her hand one last time, he smiled and then turned to start the engine.
Was she okay? She wasn’t so sure. She’d had nightmares and had woken crying out every night since the storm and her emotions were precariously balanced on what felt like a knife edge. ‘Do you think… do you think you might need counselling after what happened?’ Adam asked as if reading her mind.
She shook her head. ‘No… no, I’ll be fine. I have to be.’
He reached and took her hand. ‘Well, if you need to talk about any of it… I’m not promising I can fix you, but I can certainly try, like you did for me.
’ Her chin trembled at his words and the sincerity in his eyes.
She had to turn to look out of the window for a moment to try and compose herself, otherwise she was likely to blurt out how much she loved him and that thinking of him had kept her focused on getting back home.
‘Shall I take you to your mum’s? Or you can come to mine? I know Monty would be so happy to see you. I didn’t bring him as he’s not allowed in the airport and it’s quite warm out so… I can cook. Or I can get us a take-away. Whatever you want. Just say it and it’s yours.’
Lily smiled. He was still in panic mode. ‘I’ve spoken to my mum and told her I’ll see her tomorrow. I’d really like to go home. I’m exhausted and just need to sleep. I hope you don’t mind.’
Once she was deposited back in her own home, Adam rushed around making tea and took her case upstairs. He seemed unwilling to leave until he eventually worked off his nervous energy and sat at the opposite end of the sofa, holding his steaming mug.
She cleared her throat. ‘So… what have you been up to while I’ve been away?’
He scratched his chin. ‘Erm… well, I went on a date the second night you were away, but I don’t think it went too well.’
She frowned. ‘A date? Really?’ Her heart plummeted. ‘Who with? You never said anything before I left. I thought you were giving up on the dating sites.’
‘Yeah, yeah, I have. I met her through Diane at work. She’s a friend of a friend.’
‘Oh? What’s she like?’ She feigned interest.
He huffed. ‘She’s really pretty. Blonde hair, hazel eyes, slim. She’s called Emily. She’s… really nice. I’m supposed to be seeing her again.’
She snorted. ‘Can’t have been that bad if she’s agreed to see you again.’
He pursed his lips and his forehead creased. ‘I suppose not.’
She leaned forward. ‘What made you feel it wasn’t a success last time?’
‘I was… a little distracted.’ He dropped his gaze.
‘How come?’
‘Well, you’d gone to Florida and then the hurricane hit.
I couldn’t rest. I was out of my mind with worry so I explained, and she said we should call the night off early so I could get home and wait for news.
She offered to come with me, but I didn’t think it was fair, so we agreed to see each other another time.
We’ve arranged to meet tomorrow instead. ’
‘Oh, tomorrow? Well, that’s promising then. You’ll be fine.’ She did her best to encourage him.
‘Yeah, yeah, probably. I just wasn’t that sure.’
‘Look, I’m here and I’m fine. Normal services can now resume. Your wardrobe assistant is back.’ She held up her hands and smiled breezily, but inside her stomach was knotted.
A stunning grin appeared on his face. ‘Lily, you’re the best.’
‘And don’t you forget it.’
Lily had yet another restless, nightmare-filled night following her arrival back in Scotland. Adam texted regularly, but she had assured him she was completely fine and that he shouldn’t worry.
It was the morning after his second date with Emily.
Lily showered and decided to make the most of the compassionate leave that had been thrust upon her by her superiors.
She visited her mum who clung to her as if she might evaporate at any second.
She stayed for a couple of hours, but exhaustion took over her again and she had to go home and sleep.
When she awoke, she spent a little time pottering in the garden and then went to the local newsagents to buy the Sunday papers.
After brewing a fresh pot of coffee, she spread the newspapers across the kitchen table and was reading all about the further devastation caused by the hurricane in the south of the United States. It had continued to move on, wreaking havoc whenever and wherever it hit land.
She paused when she heard ‘Fix You’ by Coldplay on the radio.
The song stirred emotions inside her and sent shivers down her spine as Adam’s words from the day before echoed in her mind and she absorbed the lyrics.
An ache of intense longing took over her chest, and she placed a hand over her heart as tears came.
She longed for him to feel the same way she did, but he never would and she knew she would have to let him go once and for all.
When tear stains appeared on the linen fabric of her skirt, she reached over and turned off the radio.
The doorbell rang, snapping her back to reality. She could see the tall shape through the glass panel and in daylight it was obvious who it was. She wiped her eyes, inhaled a deep breath, plastered on a smile and went to answer the door.
‘Adders, to what do I owe this unexpected displeasure?’
He huffed. ‘Sod you, then. Last time I bring you a bloody cream cake.’ He turned to walk away.
Panic set in and she shouted after him, ‘Adders, I was kidding!’
He turned back to her with a wide grin on his face and pointed a finger at her. ‘Hahaaa! Got you!’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Shit head.’
He flicked her head as he walked past her into the house. ‘Oh, shut up and get the kettle on.’
‘So mature, Adders, so mature.’ She made her way through to the kitchen and washed out the cafetière.
‘So… do you want to hear about my date?’ he asked, gushing enthusiasm.
Nope… not in the slightest. Can’t think of anything worse at the moment. ‘Sure… how’d it go?’
‘Weeeell, I’m seeing her again.’
She turned towards him and plastered a smile on her face. ‘Great… see… oh ye of little faith.’
He nodded emphatically. ‘Yeah, yeah, it’s great. We had a lot to talk about, you know? No awkward silences. She flirted with me a lot and kept touching my leg… I think… I think she really wants me, Lil.’
Placing two mugs of freshly brewed coffee on the table, she said, ‘Why do you sound so surprised?’
He pursed his lips. ‘Oh, I don’t know. I think it’s been so long since I’ve fancied a woman it’s all a bit bizarre.’
She nervously fiddled with her cup. ‘So… you fancy her, eh?’
He laughed. ‘Lil, there’s nothing to not fancy. She’s sexy, she’s intelligent, and she laughs at my jokes.’
She snorted. ‘Well, then, I’d ditch her immediately. Finding your jokes funny is a good reason to avoid her, I’d say.’
‘Thanks.’ He threw a dishtowel at her, and it landed on her head, so he burst out laughing, almost falling backward off his chair.
She pursed her lips. ‘Funny man.’ She tried her best not to laugh.
‘Yeah, well, she loved the shirt you picked out. I’ve never liked stripes. That’s why it still had the tags on, but she commented on it straight away. Said I looked very handsome.’
Lily threw up her hands. ‘Ha! The woman is clearly delusional. She thinks you’re handsome and laughs at your jokes. Poor, poor woman.’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘Yeah, well, just you wait until I get my own back.’
Her heart skipped a beat and her mouth dropped open. ‘Meaning what?’ she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.
‘Funnily enough I have access to the Internet and photos of you, too. I could always return the favour and set you up on a dating site, so be very, very careful, Lil.’
She threw the dishtowel back at him. ‘Don’t you bloody dare. It’s different for me.’ Heat rose in her cheeks and she suddenly felt flustered.
He chuckled for a few moments. ‘Seriously though, Lil, you should date. In fact, remember Doug Jenkins from our Science Department?’
She frowned as she remembered the man in question. ‘Yesss?’
‘Weeeell, he always asks after you. He’s asked me for your number before, but I never gave him it because you were always overseas when he asked. Now you’re back for a while, you should go out. He’s a really nice guy. And I’m told he’s considered quite attractive.’
She curled her lip. ‘He’s not my type, Adders.’
He shook his head and huffed in frustration. ‘Why won’t you allow yourself to be happy, Lily? And who the hell is your type? Does the thing even exist? Or is he some kind of mythical creature? ’Cause I’ll be damned if I can tell!’
Offended by his comment, she folded her arms over her chest as heat flared in her cheeks again. ‘That’s a lot of questions, Adders. Not really necessary. And of course he exists… somewhere… but I’m not going to dive into a relationship with someone I don’t fancy just because I’m lonely.’
Anger flashed across his features and his cheeks coloured. ‘And what? You think that’s what I’m doing?’
She sighed. ‘Of course not, you prat. I didn’t say any such thing, did I? I just want to find my own man. When I’m ready.’
His jaw ticked beneath his skin. ‘Oh? But you couldn’t leave me to do that?’
She stifled a giggle. ‘What? Find your own man?’
He pulled a face at her. ‘Funny. Come on, Lil. Why were you so hell-bent on setting me up when you won’t accept the same help? You’ve pretty much just admitted that you’re lonely. So what’s the problem?’
‘For pity’s sake, it’s like the Spanish Inquisition. Can we just change the subject?’ she snapped.
After an uncomfortable silence, he asked, ‘So do I tell Doug no then?’
‘You do.’