Chapter 41
Hannah
I had the hardest time learning how to ride a bike. I wasn’t coordinated, couldn’t balance and when I fell and scraped my knee, my mother wasn’t exactly the most encouraging person. I could clearly remember her saying to get up and keep going, that I wouldn’t learn without falling.
She was right...to some extent.
But oh, how I wished someone would comfort me.
How I wished someone could tell me it would all be alright.
How I wished I could believe it.
I sat alone in a waiting room...waiting for something.
Maybe I waited for a doctor to tell me it would all be okay. I wasn’t sure anymore.
I looked down at my clothes, all stained in red before my gaze focused on the clock on the wall. Each second ticked by so fucking slowly.
Letting out a shuddering breath, I placed my hand over my heart, trying my best to still its crazy beat.
There were so many unknowns.
Derek was in surgery and Blake...oh, Blake.
I wiped away the angry tears that rolled down my cheeks as the events replayed in my head over and over and over.
I couldn’t help it.
Opening up your heart only opens the door to pain.
I must have seemed crazy, but I let out a small laugh, shaking my head at the irony of it all. My mother hadn’t been completely wrong about that, but I couldn’t imagine a life in which I hadn’t felt Derek’s love, in which I hadn’t experienced a friendship like Blake’s. I wouldn’t change it for the world, even if the world seemed to be collapsing around me.
“Hannah Carson?”
A police officer followed by a man in a suit entered the small room. My heart caught in my throat and I stood up, hoping they had news for me.
Good news.
“We need your statement, ma’am.” My trembling hands ran through my hair as I stared at the men in disbelief. Despite being exhausted from crying, my eyes met the young officers. They were beautiful, an emerald green I’d seen before, but they weren’t as breathtaking as Derek’s.
Not even close.
“What’s your name again?”
“Officer Pearson and this is det--”
I cut him off with a glare. “Officer Pearson. My husband was shot by my stalker. He is currently undergoing emergency surgery and my best friend...” My voice broke as I spoke, but I cleared my throat, forcing myself to continue. “My best friend lost so much blood the paramedics couldn’t even find a pulse when they arrived. My two daughters are with my brother-in-laws parents because I am too unstable to care for them at this moment. Do you really think, Officer Pearson and Detective whoever-the-hell you are, that I am in any condition to give a statement without an attorney? Hm? Because I think the answer is no...so now, please get the fuck out.”
The two men looked at each other, then back at me with so much fucking pity it made my insides twist...until I saw the people standing behind them.
“Evie! Nathan!” I nearly shoved the officers out of the way, pushing past them as I ran toward my sister. Evie hugged me, wrapping her arms around me and holding me up as I collapsed into her embrace. The sobs I had desperately tried to hold back broke through and I cried...mourning our lives that wouldn’t ever be the same.
Mourning the family we yearned to have but always seemed to slip through our fingers.
I heard Nathan as he spoke to officers and thought I heard our private investigator talking to them as well, but couldn’t focus on anything as my sister held me, walking me back into the lonely room.
“It’s going to be okay, Hannah,” she whispered through her tears. “I promise. It has to be okay.”
My heart wanted to believe her, it did...but it was too broken to do so. I wasn’t sure how much time passed with Evie holding me there until I felt a hand on my back, gentle and soothing. Glancing up, I found Nathan holding out a water bottle for me.
He knelt in front of me, opening it up before wordlessly giving it to me. His stormy gray eyes looked at me with so much heartache I could barely handle it.
“The doctors are asking if you’re ready,” he murmured. My eyes widened and I nodded frantically as two men appeared at the door. Nathan took my hand in his, holding it tightly while Evie stood up and held onto the chair next to me.
I couldn’t stand their eyes full of pity.
And as the two men looked at me, my throat dried and my chest tightened.
Don’t say it.
Please don’t say it.
“Blake lost a lot of blood and Mr. Hensley’s surgery was touch and go for a moment. His injury was near an artery but we were able to repair the damage. They are both resting now and are stable.”
He’s alive.
They are alive.
Had I not been sitting, I would have collapsed to the floor. I let out a breath I had been holding and Nathan sat next to me, placing an arm over my shoulders and pulling me close to him. I didn’t want to cry anymore, but tears blurred my vision as I took the doctor’s words in.
“When can I see them?”
The men looked at each other before the doctor who performed Derek’s surgery spoke again. “You can follow us if you’d like.”
It took a few seconds for me to react. Evie cleared her throat, holding up a bag that I hadn’t even noticed she’d brought in.
“Can she change first?”
Both doctors offered a gentle smile. “Of course. Follow us.”
Nathan gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze and finally I stood up, taking the bag from Evie’s hands and walking away.
I changed quickly in one of the bathrooms. I wiped what was left of the blood of my hands, watching how the water quickly turned a light pink color and nearly threw up at the sight.
Their blood is on my hands.
Pushing the thought away, I splashed my face with cold water and took a deep breath to ready myself for what I would see.
The bright hospital lights bothered me as we walked down the quiet hallway and stopped in front of a door. Blake slept with a tube down his throat, peaceful and pale. I couldn’t move, frozen in place as I took in the sight of him.
If you hadn’t entered his life...
“It’ll be a while until he wakes up, but we will let you know as soon as he does.” I nodded at the doctor’s words and with a sigh, continued walking a few doors down.
My breath caught when I saw the man I loved laying on the bed, the soft beeping sound filling the air as the nurse spoke softly to him. I wasn’t sure what she said, but Derek opened his eyes and offered her a small smile and I nearly stumbled back in relief.
He’s awake.
Alive.
I wanted to scream and cry all at once but all I could do was stare. I could barely move, could barely even breathe at the sight of him.
Like he could sense me there, he turned to face me and he exhaled, like he’d been holding his breath without me.
It took one word for me to react.
One word for me to finally move.
“Hannah...”
My name falling from his lips propelled my feet forward. He shifted and winced as he forced himself to sit up but within seconds I was sitting next to him, falling into his embrace despite his injuries. And though I knew it hurt, though I knew it caused him pain, he didn’t hesitate, holding me against his chest with everything he had.
“It’s over, baby,” he whispered. Oh, the break in his voice tore my heart open.
Nodding against his chest, I let the words sink in.
It’s over.
No more threats.
No more fear.
After days and weeks full of fear and doubt and insecurity, a rush of air filled my lungs, like I’d come back to life.
A fresh start.
I pulled away, my hands on either side of Derek’s pale and cold face as I made my one and only request.
“I don’t ever want to go back to that house,” I whispered with my voice faltering.
Derek’s throat moved as he swallowed, his eyes full of understanding and acceptance. His eyes full of unshed tears that he tried to keep at bay, but when one rolled down his cheek, I cried with him. He didn’t need further explanation, didn’t try to fight me on it...he simply nodded and pulled my face close to his, pressing a kiss on my lips.
“I love you.” The words left my lips in a murmur as my nose brushed his, his emerald eyes unwavering as they held my gaze. “I love you so much and I don’t ever want to live without you.”
“I love you too, Hannah. More than life itself.”
***
I slept curled up in the uncomfortable chair next to Derek’s bed. It didn’t matter how sore I was or how much my body ached, all that mattered was that I was near him. When I woke up again it was due to the voices in the room.
Derek spoke with the nurse in hushed whispers, and for a few moments I didn’t move. I kept my eyes closed, savoring the sound of his soft chuckle and that of the nurse. The sound of his life.
I cherished it now more than ever.
Nothing could compare to that.
I allowed my eyes to open, only to find Derek already looking at me. The color had returned to his face and there was a trace of a smile on his lips, reserved only for me as the nurse shifted around the many cords attached to his body and then pushed a wheelchair near his bed.
“Morning, beautiful.” I could feel my cheeks heat when the nurse turned to look at me as well, her eyebrows raising.
“You were right. She slept through your visitors, me rearranging all this stuff. It’s great to know a husband that actually knows his wife.”
Derek chuckled, his gaze shining...like a rebirth. Like everything was new.
“How is he?” I asked the nurse, sitting up.
“Stable as can be. We’re just keeping him in for observation for the next forty-eight hours but you should be ready to go soon.”
I nodded, standing up and walking up to Derek. He reached up, pulling me in for a gentle kiss...making my heart soar at the feel of his lips on mine. Clearly, he didn’t give a damn who saw.
I didn’t either.
“Blake is awake now,” he murmured against my lips. I kept my eyes closed, letting out a shaky exhale. “He wants to talk to you, baby.” Derek didn’t care though, brushing his cold fingers against my cheek. “He’s awake now, baby...if you want to see him.”
Only then did I allow myself to look into his eyes. I wasn’t sure if I could see Blake...if I could talk to him, hear his voice after everything that had happened.
“I’ll go with you, hm? How does that sound?”
I nodded, pressing one last kiss on his lips before standing up. Though he seemed weak, Derek was able to move to the wheelchair by himself.
The nurse chatted with us, trying to ease my nerves through the busy hallways of the hospital. All of it looked the same, until we reached a door that was slightly ajar. She knocked out of courtesy and then pushed Derek inside while I followed behind them. My heart raced and my hands trembled, but when I heard Derek greeting Blake, I had to place my hand over my chest to keep the thing from bursting out.
I lingered behind for a few seconds before stepping in and taking in the sight of a very pale Blake. He was sitting up, but all color was drained from his face and he looked exhausted. Those blue eyes that I knew so well were dim with regret and I couldn’t help but want to take it all away. He followed my every movement as I approached him, down to the way I held Derek’s hand when I sat next to him on the bed. Down to the way I reached out for his hand as well. His skin was cold and it trembled, his grip weak against my tight hold. The silence between us was broken when the nurse quietly exited the room and gave us more privacy.
Swallowing thickly, Blake squeezed my hand and forced me to look at his tired face.
“Remember that night, toward the end of your pregnancy, when we sat out at night, eating popcorn?” I hummed, remembering that night like it was yesterday. “You kept thanking me that night...and I could barely handle it because I knew what I was doing to you. What I had done to you and Derek. Stolen from the restaurant. Helping Eugene steal from the gallery.” He closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the bed...but not letting go of my hand. “I don’t deserve your friendship, Hannah. And I will forever regret what I did to you and your family.”
I glanced back at Derek who kept his distance but offered an encouraging nod.
“It’s going to take time,” I whispered, “but I still want you in my life, Blake.” His brows furrowed but he didn’t look at me. “I want you to know that I’m here. I’m your friend. And it’s going to be a work in progress for us to build trust again, but everyone deserves a second chance, you included.”
Blake’s lips tilted up but he didn’t speak. Not for a while. Finally, after giving him time to process, I leaned in for a hug, closing my eyes and letting my silent tears fall.
I’d nearly lost him.
Nearly lost the friend that had kept me afloat when it felt like I was drowning.
Finally, Blake’s arms wrapped around my body and he held me there, quietly sniffling as the emotion of the moment took over.
I spent the next hour in Blake’s room with them, listening to them talk, listening to everything I had nearly lost and when we went back to Derek’s room and he pulled me in for another kiss, I decided, I was done living in fear.
My new life started then.