4
LUCIEN
Fuck. What did I do?
The thought barely finishes forming before I'm already moving. Selena is crying because I'm a dumbass, because I hurt her. I don't waste another second.
I take the stairs two at a time. Halfway up, my heart betrays me. A sharp ache blooms in my chest, my breathing turns shallow, and my legs slow against my will. I stop, gripping the railing as pain spreads and air refuses to fill my lungs. I calm myself, wipe my eyes, force my breathing to steady.
Then I keep going. I have to get to my girl.
I walk into our room and see her small face covered in tears, her hands shielding it like she doesn't want me to see the damage. The sight of her like this twists something deep in my gut. I move toward her slowly and sit beside her, suddenly unsure of what to do next.
"I'm… I'm—" she tries, her voice breaking.
"I'm sorry."
The words land wrong. Heavy. Sharp. I did this. I made her cry. Why is she apologizing to me?
That's all it takes. I pull her onto my lap and hold her as her body shakes against mine. I feel every tremor, every sob, like it's echoing inside my own chest. I swear I can feel her emotions bleeding into me, sinking under my skin.
"Shh, little love. I've got you." I kiss her hair softly, again and again. "I'm sorry, my heart. I'm so sorry."
I mean it with everything in me. I know better than to push. Whatever this pain is, it didn't start tonight. She'll tell me when she's ready.
Eventually, she wipes her tears and looks at me. Her eyes are red, swollen, wrecked, and still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
"Jade is my cousin." Her voice trembles. "The life of the party, the one everyone loves. Her fire burns so bright that I'm a candle compared to her. She's the dream woman, the one men would set themselves on fire for just to keep her warm. I'm the one they save for later. The just-in-case if they can never get her. I'm the one who writes songs for them; she's the one they make mixtapes for. I'm the one who builds a house with them brick by brick, and she's the one who gets to live in it after."
Her voice breaks again, and she sobs harder. I pull her closer, helpless, wishing I could take this pain from her and carry it myself.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
She keeps apologizing, like she's afraid of taking up space with her hurt.
"Even in our family, she's the one who has everyone's heart. Even when she does wrong, they side with her. I'm never enough when it comes to her. And I want to hate her, I should, but I can't. Because she's my cousin. She's Jade. The girl who played Barbie dolls with me. The girl who taught me style, straightened my hair, shoved a girl on the playground for messing with me. I can't hate her."
Her hand trembles in mine.
"I can't hate her. The family won't let me. Because it's always me. It's my fault for being jealous. My fault for not living up to her. It's all my fault in their eyes. I'm the clingy, desperate one."
She inhales sharply, the next words clearly hurting to say.
"It doesn't matter to them that Jade married my ex-fiancé."
My stomach drops. The air leaves my lungs.
"She married your ex?"
She nods.
Everything inside me goes cold. Kai. The man who broke her. The man I've heard about in fragments, in flinches, in the way she still can't say his name without her voice catching. He married her cousin. How did I miss this? How deep does this wound go?
"They're not together anymore," she whispers. "They split after two years of marriage."
Silence stretches between us before she speaks again, quieter now.
"And I'm sorry I'm talking about my ex. Seeing her photo brought everything back. And when you complimented her, my mind went back to thinking you would've picked her too."
Something ugly and furious rises in my chest, not at her, but at everyone who ever made her feel like she was second best. At a family who chose wrong. At a man who had her and threw her away. At a cousin who took what wasn't hers.
I cup her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me.
"Listen to me, my beautiful girl." My voice comes out stronger than I intend, edged with anger and devotion. "If I had met both of you, I would still pick you. Over and over again. In every lifetime. In every universe."
She laughs softly, like she doesn't believe me, like she thinks I'm only saying it because I don't know the other girl.
I keep going. I need her to hear this. I need it to sink into her bones.
"I picked you because, in a room full of people, your beauty is the only one I see. You say you're a candle?" I shake my head, pressing my forehead to hers. "No fucking way. To me, you're the damn sun. And not everyone can handle the sun. They burn. They look away. But me? I want to live in your light forever."
Her breath catches.
"When I met you, you taught me that love was safe. That it was okay to fall if you had steady hands to catch you. I wanted to be your steady hands. I am your steady hands."
I stroke her cheek, wiping away fresh tears.
"The way you love might be too much for some people, but never for me. Never. Do you even know how much you mean to me?" My voice cracks. "You're the woman who taught me how to laugh, how to dance at two in the morning. You taught me that no matter how cold the world gets, kindness is the greatest strength. You're the woman who has been broken and still stitched everyone else's hearts back together."
She's crying again, but different now. These tears are lighter. Healing.
"I don't just love you for your beauty or your body. I love your soul. I love the way you bite your lip when you're thinking. I love the sound you make when you taste something good. I love that you still cry at movies even though you've seen them a hundred times. I love all of you. Every broken piece. Every scar. Every part of you that you think makes you less."
I pause, letting it land.
"And the men who didn't choose you?" I shake my head. "Fuck them. They fumbled. You weren't made for them. You were made for me. And I thank God they did, because otherwise I wouldn't get to have you. I choose you. You are mine. Not second. Not backup. First. Always first."
She looks at me with tears still clinging to her lashes, but a smile spreads across her face, slow, real, radiant.
"That was beautiful."
I exhale, brushing my thumb across her cheek, tracing the curve of her smile.
"And for what it's worth, I take it back. Your cousin has the ugliest smile I've ever seen."
She laughs. A real laugh. The kind that lights up her whole face and makes my heart stutter.
"You're an idiot." She wraps her arms around my neck. "My idiot."
"Mmm." I nuzzle into her hair. "Your idiot. Forever."
I kiss her slowly, holding her like a promise, showing her without needing to say another word why she will always be my choice.
When we finally pull apart, she's still smiling. Still in my lap. Still mine.
"Lucien?"
"Yeah, little love?"
"I love you. I don't say it enough. But I love you so much it scares me."
I press my lips to her forehead and hold them there.
"Good. I want to be the scariest thing in your life. Everything else can stay the hell away."
She laughs again, softer now, and curls into my chest.
We stay like that for a long time. The fire crackles downstairs. The house settles around us. And I hold my wife, my sun, my heart, my everything, until she falls asleep in my arms.