35
SELENA
FLASHBACK
I waited four days. Four days of torture. Four days of not eating. Of crying so much my head felt like it would explode. Four days of imagining the worst. Four days of Jade and Kai's phones being off. Four days of me going crazy wondering if they died in that storm. Four days of checking with everyone if they'd heard from them and seeing people look at me like I was crazy.
Mum and Sabrina came to see me. Asked to take me home. I refused. What if he came back and I missed him? What if something happened to him? Mum and Sabrina exchanged looks. I know they think I'm naive. Maybe stupid. I know they know that Kai cheated on me with my own cousin. I know I shouldn't be praying for God to save them. But I do. I hope they survived that storm.
But deep down, I think I know they survived. Because I wouldn't be searching for articles on the internet titled How to Overcome Your Partner Cheating.
A part of me hoped he would come home. Tell me it meant nothing. Tell me he realizes how much he loves me and wants to be with me. And I would take some time to think if I really could forgive either of them. I needed to hear the why. Why her? Why do this when you proposed to me? Did I do something wrong?
Everything was so good between us the night before he left. We talked. We had fun. I don't think anyone ever understood Kai more than I did. I don't think anyone will ever be there for him the way I was. Who would accept his flaws and still stay by him?
All these thoughts drove me crazy. I didn't deserve this. But I also let this happen. I should have fought more. I should have been more fun. More wild. More wanted. More something for him. I shouldn't have let Jade stay with us.
But he's just as much to blame as she is. She could have any guy she wanted. Why Kai? Why the one person I chose?
I switched my phone off and on, in case any message came. I'd been doing it over and over every few minutes. Mum and Sabrina left at some point, promising to check on me every day and phone every few hours. Until I asked them not to. In case Kai phoned and I missed it.
So here I was. Dark circles under my eyes. Hair a mess. Nails bitten until they almost bled. Tears falling.
And I asked myself: is this the worst? Is this darkness behind me?
Then, like the universe answered, the door opened.
Kai walked in. I could almost cry that he was alive. But then my heart sank. My eyes widened. Behind him, holding his hand, was Jade.
They looked… normal. Alive. While I looked like a living corpse. Hair messy. Clothes wrinkled. But a glow on her face. Like they'd just come back from a holiday while I was in hell. Like nothing happened.
I stared at them. Couldn't move. Couldn't speak.
Jade looked at me. No guilt. No shame. Just… nothing. And Kai. God, Kai. I'd never seen him look at me like I was a stranger. We were best friends. Engaged. And then he lowered my ranking to nothing. All in a weekend. All because of a storm.
"Hey," he said.
That was it. No sorry. No nothing. Just… hey.
"I'm here to get my stuff."
He walked past me. Into our bedroom. Started packing.
Jade waited by the door. Leaning against the frame. Bored. Inspecting her nails.
I followed him.
"Kai," I said softly, unable to process.
He didn't stop.
"Kai!" I said louder.
"What?" he asked.
"What are you doing?"
"Moving out."
"You're moving out? Just like that?"
He finally looked at me. "Selena, don't make this harder than it has to be."
"Harder?" My voice cracked. "I've been here for four days. I haven't eaten. I haven't slept. I've been going crazy wondering if you were okay. I've been praying for you to be alive. And you come back with her?"
"I'm fine. Obviously."
"You're fine." I laughed, hollow. "You're fine and you're with my cousin. We were engaged, Kai. You were supposed to marry me. I've been dying here. DYING. And you were… what? Having the time of your life?"
"It wasn't like that."
"Then what was it like? Tell me. Explain it to me. Because I've been sitting here for four days trying to understand how the man I love could do this to me."
He didn't answer.
"Say something. Please. I need you to say something."
He grabbed another shirt. Kept packing.
"Kai. Look at me."
He didn't.
I grabbed his arm. Made him face me. "Look at me."
He did. Those eyes I'd loved for years. Empty.
"Did you ever love me? Even a little?"
He was quiet for a long moment. "I don't know."
I let go. Stepped back. "You don't know."
"Selena—"
"You don't know if you ever loved me."
"I can't—"
"You can't what? You can't give me an answer? You can't give me closure? You can't even pretend to care that you just destroyed me?"
He said nothing.
I looked at Jade. Still leaning against the doorframe. Still bored. "And you." My voice shook. "You're my cousin. We grew up together. You were at my birthday parties. You held my hand at funerals. And you did this to me?"
She looked at me, cold. "It just happened, Selena."
"It just happened? You fucked my fiancé in a cabin and it just happened?"
"I didn't plan it."
"You didn't plan to destroy me? To ruin my life? To take the one person I loved?"
She said nothing.
I turned back to Kai. "I need you to tell me why. I need to understand. Was it something I did? Was I not enough? Was I too much? What?"
"It wasn't about you."
"Then what was it about?"
He was quiet.
"I don't know how to explain it."
"Try."
He sighed. Ran a hand through his hair. "She's just… different. Easy. Fun. She doesn't expect anything from me. She doesn't look at me like I'm supposed to be her whole world."
"So I was too much."
"That's not what I said."
"That's exactly what you said."
He didn't deny it.
I walked to the closet. Pulled out my own bag. Started packing.
"What are you doing?"
"Moving out."
"This is my apartment."
"I know." I kept packing. "That's why I'm leaving."
"Selena—"
"Don't." My voice was quiet now. Dead. "Just… don't."
I packed in silence. Him on one side of the room. Me on the other. Two strangers who used to be everything.
When I was done, I dragged my bags to the door.
I stopped. Turned back. He was still in the bedroom. Still packing. Still not looking at me.
"Kai."
He didn't turn.
"I loved you."
Nothing.
"I really, really loved you."
Silence.
"I would have done anything for you. I would have died for you. I would have—"
My voice broke.
He didn't move.
"Goodbye, Kai."
I walked out. He didn't stop me. He never did.
Jade watched me leave. Said nothing. Felt nothing.
I dragged my bags to the elevator. Pressed the button. Stared at my reflection in the metal doors. I looked like a ghost. I felt like one too.
Mum opened the door without me even knocking. Took one look at my face and pulled me inside. I collapsed into her arms. Sobbing. Shaking. Broken.
She held me. Rocked me. Stroked my hair.
"I've got you, baby." Her voice was soft. Steady. "I've got you."
I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. She held me the whole time.
In that moment I realized. I didn't lose a monster. I lost my best friend.
The monster came later.