40
LUCIEN
I found it in her diary. Tucked between pages, folded and refolded so many times the paper was soft, almost tearing at the creases. A note. Handwritten. Never sent.
"Kai. I'm pregnant. It's yours, obviously. Please don't marry her. Please, let's raise our baby together as a family. Choose us. Love you always, your North Star."
I stared at it. I didn't understand at first. Then I saw the date at the top. The day before his wedding.
My hands started shaking. Before I knew it, I was packing. Throwing my clothes into a bag without folding. It was all too much. I love Selena with all my heart, but sometimes it feels like I'm playing a part in her and Kai's love story.
I know I'm dying. I know I should want her to be happy. But I don't want Kai for her anymore. He's a piece of shit, and I don't know why she even loves him.
What hurts me the most is that I'm her husband. Her love. And she still didn't share this secret with me. It felt like it only belonged to her and Kai. Something only the two of them could feel. Something only the two of them could grieve.
There are so many questions I want to ask. What happened? Did she lose the baby? Of course she did. And she went through all of that alone.
I knew when I met her she was gutted. Broken. But I didn't know it was this deep. And why didn't she tell me? I could have been there for her. But no. She chose to tell Kai. And something about that devastates me.
A voice in the back of my head keeps asking, if he had come back, if he had chosen her when we were dating, would she have picked me? Was I second choice? Was her love for Kai too strong? I mean, they share a baby. A secret.
I shoved my t-shirts into the suitcase, zipping it with more force than necessary.
She walked out of the bathroom. A smile on her face, but sadness in her eyes. Like she had something to tell me. But then she saw me packing. Her smile faded.
"What are you doing?" she asked softly.
I picked up the note and held it up. I couldn't contain the hurt, mixed with anger. "You were pregnant. With his baby."
She looked down. Said nothing.
"You went to tell him on his wedding day?"
Silence.
"How could you keep that from me for years?"
"Lucien, what are you doing?" she asked again, her eyes flicking to the suitcase.
"Answer me."
"It's too dark to talk about. I can't. I can't—"
"I'm your husband. I could have helped you through it. You didn't have to suffer alone. But you chose to shut me out."
I zipped the suitcase. Grabbed it. Walked to the door. Stopped.
"I'm leaving for a while. I need to clear my head."
She didn't move. Didn't come closer. Didn't say anything.
I waited. One second. Two. Three. Nothing.
Tears burned in my eyes.
"You begged him," my voice cracked. "For years. You begged him to stay. You fought for him. You gave him everything."
I turned and looked at her. "And me? You won't even ask me not to go."
Nothing.
"Say something. Please. Tell me to stay. Fight for me. Do something."
She looked at me. Those eyes I love. Empty.
"If you want to go, then go."
The words hit like a knife.
"I was never really him, was I?"
She didn't answer.
I waited. Still nothing.
"I hope you get him. I hope he finally chooses you. Since that's all you ever wanted."
I walked out. The door closed behind me.
I leaned against the wall in the hallway. Tears streaming. Chest heaving.
She didn't stop me. She didn't fight.
She begged him for years. For me? Nothing.