14. Willa
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
WILLA
D espite me telling him not to, Trevor changed his Friday flight to Sunday and stayed in LA last weekend.
Bursting into tears after my appointment sent him into overprotective hyperdrive.
With another bad wave of morning sickness that had him fussing at me to lie down every five minutes, I’m surprised he actually left.
He made me swear, pledge, and promise to call if I needed him to come back. I think we both know that won’t happen.
Sunday night is when the nightmares started.
I’ve had them every day since. They always start out as bright, sunny dreams with a precious bundle of joy in my arms. But just when I get comfortable, a crack of lightning cues the skies to darken.
I look down at a faceless baby girl before she’s ripped from my hands in a windstorm, floating just high enough that I can’t reach.
It doesn’t matter what the dream is about.
For the past five days, they’ve all ended the same, with me waking up soaked in sweat and tangled in my sheets.
I’m too scared to fall back asleep at that point and have gotten into the habit of bundling up in front of the TV until daybreak. I’m fucking exhausted.
So tell me why, instead of curling up on my sofa, I’m at the vanity concealing the dark circles under my eyes, all just to suffer at Ashlie’s Halloween party.
She and Hunter recently bought a house and thought the holiday was perfect for a housewarming party.
This long-ass week is never-ending. It’s Friday, it’s chilly outside, and all I want to do is curl up in my sweatpants and fall asleep.
Except I can’t because I’ll just wake up screaming again.
My phone buzzes on the marble vanity underneath me, causing me to smear my winged eyeliner for my goddess costume.
Trevor
Just got in. You sure you don’t want me to pick you up?
Me
I’m good. I don’t think I’ll stay too long.
Trevor
Everything ok?
Me
Yeah. I don’t usually last long at parties. I’ll see you there.
In true Willa fashion, I haven’t told him a thing about the nightmares or the exhaustion.
Admitting I’m terrified of going to sleep like I’m three years old makes me cringe inside.
He can’t do anything about it, anyway. Vivid pregnancy dreams are normal; I looked it up.
Hopefully, it’ll pass soon, just like the morning sickness.
For fuck ’ s sake. My phone rattles like I’m getting a call right as I pick up the eyeliner.
Unknown
Hey beautiful…
I know you’re getting these.
You ever going to answer me?
Now I’m exhausted and livid. It’s an unknown number, but my ex has been playing this game for years.
The only reason I haven’t fucking blocked him is because he’ll take satisfaction from any reaction I give him.
He always has. My past attempts to block his ass resulted in three new unknown numbers torturing my phone day and night.
The police claimed the numbers were untraceable, that they couldn’t do anything unless it escalated.
He’s too smart to do that. At least this way, he knows the messages are going through, and I feel in control.
After fixing my eye makeup, I wrap a black rope belt around the waist of my shimmery gold dress and reach for the gilded headpiece hanging on the bathroom doorknob.
I have to say, for how unenthusiastic I feel right now, I love every aspect of this costume I threw together.
It hugs my curves just enough to make me feel sexy while leaving an air of mystery.
Scanning myself in the full-length mirror on my bedroom wall, I take a deep breath.
Why do I do this to myself ? I grab my keys and head for the door.
The sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can come back home and enjoy the rest of my night.
“Girl, finally !” Ashlie rushes me at the front door, sounds of laughter floating into the entryway.
Her skeleton bodysuit looks hand painted, the bones drawn on her face already smudging.
I don’t even have time to admire the updates she’s made to the huge open concept living room before she pulls me through the pods of people socializing.
She doesn’t stop until we reach the U -shaped kitchen, packed with more guests.
Glass cabinets line the white walls, drinks are scattered around the butcher block island, and finger foods crowd the marble countertops.
The perks of marrying the son of a multimillionaire .
With wide eyes, she tips on her toes to grab my shoulders. “I have a problem.”
“What’s up, Ash?” I grit my teeth, wincing at the music blaring from somewhere in the house. I won’t make it an hour in here .
“Well, we may have gone overboard with how many people we invited tonight. None of the games I’ve planned will work.”
She would be panicking about how to entertain guests who are perfectly capable of entertaining themselves. I point to the oversized sectional covered with people in the living room. “It seems like everyone’s happily preoccupied. Crisis averted.”
She rolls her eyes. “For now, maybe. But I need ideas on how to keep the night alive. I don’t want people talking about me in the break room for throwing a trash-ass party.”
“How old are you again?” I try to ignore the urge to twitch at the music. It’s so loud, I feel it shaking my insides.
“Girl, do you have any ideas or not? I’m freaking out here.”
Dramatic ass . This isn’t even close to a problem. She’s a lot better than she used to be, but her people-pleasing tendencies die hard. “Pull out your karaoke machine and let everyone entertain themselves.”
She gasps, cheesing so hard you’d think I just solved world hunger. “You’re a genius, Wills!” Her shoulders shimmy as she pulls out her phone. After a minute, Hunter, in a matching skeleton costume, comes downstairs holding tablecloths, followed by Trevor, who’s wearing a suit and tie.
As soon as Trevor sees me, he breaks out in a smile and comes to my side, placing a hand on my shoulder with a squeeze. “Hey. You alright?”
Nodding, I painstakingly mold my scowl into a tight-lipped smile. He squints at me until I relent. “It’s just busy in here. I’m fine.” I wave my hand up and down his suit to change the subject. “What are you supposed to be?”
“Oh!” Plucking sunglasses out of his pocket, he slides them on his face. Then he opens the lapel of his jacket, flashing a badge. “I’m a federal agent. At your service, Ms. Aphrodite.” He finishes the look with a self-satisfied grin. I roll my eyes, despite the smile trying to make an appearance .
Ashlie turns to Hunter, batting her lashes. “Love, can you set up the karaoke machine? Please?” She flits off to the living room, expecting him to handle it.
The way Hunter clenches his jaw and purses his lips, I just know Ashlie has been driving him crazy all day, setting up for this party. “Come help me, bruh,” he says, whacking Trevor on the arm. Trevor gives my shoulder another squeeze and follows him to the garage.
The song changes, and my head pounds as the bass rattles the windows. This is not sustainable, especially now that off-key singing is about to fill the air. It hasn’t even been twenty minutes, but I need to step out for a breather.
I slip out the back door and drink in the cool night air.
Once my heart rate slows, I walk farther into the backyard, taking a seat on the stone bench in the garden.
Why did I come ? I’m in no mood to be good company, and even though the walls of the house mute the music, I’m annoyed I can still hear it.
Those fascinating sound waves, invisible but powerful, just irking my entire soul.
I’m thinking about hopping the fence and heading straight for my car when the back door opens.
Trevor walks toward me with a bottle of water in one hand and a plate of food in the other.
“An outside party for one shouldn’t surprise me.
” He smiles. “You looked a little miserable in there. I thought food might help.” Returning his smile, I make room for him on the bench.
Food would probably be a good idea right about now.
Snagging a taquito from the plate, I take a bite and tip my head up to the stars in the sky, savoring the taste with a moan.
The doom and gloom gets a little less dire with every bite. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong?”
I hate how well Trevor can read me sometimes. He found me outside—knew I was hungry before I did. We’ve seen each other all of five minutes today and he already knows something’s up. “Nothing’s wrong. It’s just easier to think out here.”
“Okay. What are you thinking about?”
I grab another taquito. “It’s dumb. ”
“Try me.”
“Sound waves,” I say. Trevor chokes on his laugh, and I shoot him a glare. “See. I told you it was dumb.”
“Nope. Just surprising. Who comes to a Halloween party to philosophize about sound waves except you, Jim?” He nudges me with his elbow, and a smile slides across my face.
“In my defense, I didn’t want to come to this party.”
“So why did you?”
Because I ’ ll fall asleep if I stay home , and I ’ m scared of having nightmares . “It seemed important to Ash.” I shrug. A partial truth that makes me feel a little better about keeping the dreams from him.
Trevor nods, and we sit quietly for several seconds before he cracks open the water and hands it to me. “So, tell me about the sound waves, Professor Willis.”
Rolling my eyes, I take a drink while deciding whether to go full existential crisis on him.
The eagerness in his stare hits me in a way it never has before.
Or maybe it’s the sleep deprivation . Whatever the hell it is, I angle toward him.
“Sound has always fascinated me. It flows through air, ripples across water, vibrates the ground, snuffs out fire. How it’s invisible to the naked eye but can penetrate almost anything—demanding to be acknowledged.
You can be basking in peace and quiet, and the softest thrum will shatter the silence.
Even locked away in isolation, feeling the most alone you’ve ever felt, the tiniest wave can find you—light you up with hope.
Sound will travel to the ends of the earth and back just to claim you.
It’s amazing…” My gaze drifts to the stone pavers on the ground as my mind carries on with the thought, but I stop talking, mainly because I hear how unhinged I sound.
“That’s not dumb at all,” Trevor whispers.
I glance at the faint shadow clouding his eyes.
“I think it’s a profound way to look at life.
We spend so much time convincing ourselves that we’re in control here, without stopping to consider the unseen forces acted upon us every minute of every day.
We’re drops in a bucket, no matter how much we pretend to be more. ”
He gets it . Not only does unserious, sparkle-eyed Trevor follow my inane path of thinking, he agrees with it.
He verbalized it in a much cleaner way than I’ve ever been able to.
Maybe there’s a little more depth to him than I’ve allowed myself to see.
Sighing, I look back at the night sky. “I think I’m going to head home.
” As soon as the words leave my mouth, my body floods with relief.
I had no business trying to tough out a Halloween party tonight.
I pat his leg and stand, but as I take a step forward, he grabs my hand.
“Want some company?”
Maybe it’s the exhaustion, or the way he completely understood my rambling, but I think about it for less time than I ever have before with him. “Yeah. I think I do.”