34. Willa
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
WILLA
“ H as the flow slowed down?” Maya asks as I step into the exam room from the bathroom.
I only have the energy to nod and climb on the exam table.
“Okay, let’s see what’s going on.” She smooths the cool gel over my stomach, and I tense, grimacing at the sensation.
She wrinkles her nose. “Sorry. You were at the door before I could flip the warmer on.”
My eyes sweep over the colorful pregnancy and anatomy posters on the wall, each one increasing my anxiety for what we’re about to see.
Why me ? Why now ? The room is painted a buttery yellow, which somehow makes this all so much worse.
Closing my eyes, I focus on the scratchy pad in my underwear that’s been rubbing against me in all the wrong places since I put it on.
The initial gushing slowed before we left the house, so it’s chafing everywhere.
I haven’t used one of these since I was a teenager.
Now I remember every sweaty reason why I changed to a menstrual cup as soon as I could.
“Any cramping?” Maya asks, waving the wand around.
“Not really.” I glance over my shoulder at Trevor, who watches from the corner with a hand over his mouth. The way he’s staring at the monitor, it’s like I’m not even here.
“And you’re sixteen weeks? ”
“A little over.”
“How was your sixteen-week appointment?”
“We had to push it back a week because of the holiday.
“Did you have a scan at twelve weeks?”
“No. My doctor picked up the heartbeat through the Doppler and said we didn’t need an ultrasound.”
Maya smiles and shrugs. “Different strokes. That’s perfectly normal, by the way.
Some refuse to do anything more than the anatomy scan at twenty weeks.
” She points at the screen, and I hear a couple of steps shuffle behind me.
When I look, Trevor’s close enough I can see the worry in his eyes, but too far to give me the reassuring touches I’m used to.
“The heartbeat looks nice and strong.” Pointing again, she circles around a dark area on the screen.
“This is likely what the problem is.” She clicks some measurements with the mouse and slides her chair back to grab a flip chart from the desk behind her, turning pages as she scoots back.
“So the chorionic membrane is the outermost part of the amniotic sac. It lines the uterus.” Holding up an illustration of a fetus in utero, her finger traces over the parts she labels.
She points back to the screen, connecting the illustration to what’s going on inside me.
“We’re not really sure why it happens, but sometimes, blood forms between the chorion and the uterine wall, creating a blood clot.
It’s called a subchorionic hematoma, and this one is in the midrange of what I’ve seen.
Your doctor would have likely seen it if you’d had a twelve-week scan, but it’s just something that can happen during pregnancy.
” Her eyes shift behind me, and she exchanges a look with her brother. “No one’s fault.”
“So what do we do?” I jump at Trevor’s voice. He’s barely said two words since throwing me in the shower, and despite my worry, I can’t even begin to imagine how he’s handling any of this.
“Well, nothing. The fact that the bleeding has slowed is good. Get in to your OBGYN as soon as you get back for her guidance of care. But generally, we suggest at least a partial bedrest and complete pelvic rest. I’m okay with you flying back home today, but minimize walking.
Don’t insert anything: pads only. And breathe.
” She smiles and winks at me. “Breathing is good for the baby.”
“Bed rest? I can’t go on bed rest. I run a business. I have to be able to work.”
“Again, check with your doctor. But I imagine that’s what she’ll recommend with one this size, at least until the bleeding stops completely.”
“And how long could that take?” My voice rises as it slips through the tightening of my throat. I’ve had my independence stripped from me before, and it was hell making my way back from it. I can’t go through that again .
“Willa…” Trevor says, but I don’t look at him. Screw him and his disapproval right now. He’s not the one who has to stop working.
“It could be a couple days or a few weeks. Each one I’ve seen acts differently. I know the thought of bed rest isn’t an easy one, but it may be the best thing for you and baby.” Maya turns to Trevor. “What time do you leave for your flight?”
He clears his throat. “We need to leave by five.”
Maya glances at the clock on the wall. “Six hours. Let’s get you two home so you can get a little sleep before then, yeah?
” She clicks a few more things into her computer, and the ultrasound machine spits out some black-and-white photos, which she hands to me.
“I know you’ll have a scan in a few days, but I always loved getting pictures. ”
I take them, unable to return her smile, and she wipes the gel from my stomach.
Trevor offers his hand as I swing my legs off the table.
But as soon as my feet hit the floor, he drops it.
Sure, he reaches for my coat instead, but the standoffish energy radiating from him puts a cold spin on the gesture.
As we drive back to the ranch, the same playlist I cued up before plays through the speakers.
I shift worried glances at Trevor every few minutes as I slide my camera charm back and forth across the chain.
His eyes never leave the road. Streaks of light filter in and out of the car from streetlamps, giving just enough visibility for me to see his grip tighten on the steering wheel.
The sepia skin on his knuckles is pulled taught, spine ramrod straight.
I place a hand on his forearm, and he goes rigid, making all the newfound hopes I let myself imagine hours ago turn to stone and crumble.